by Alexis Davie
He had told himself to just go in and take it as it came. And now he found himself perched nervously on the couch beside Lila. He had wanted so badly to kiss her hello, but something stopped him. It wasn’t just his own fear of rejection. He could tell by Lila’s body language, the way she fiddled with her fingernails and didn’t quite look him in the eye, that she was nervous about this.
“I know,” she said after a long, rather awkward pause that had filled the room for entirely too long.
“You know what?” Jasper asked, completely flummoxed now.
“I know you’re a shifter,” Lila said quietly, not quite meeting his eye.
Fuck, he thought. He remembered the shudder of revulsion that had gone through her when she had talked about Clay and Brady. But he wasn’t them. And she had invited him over knowing what he was, so maybe all wasn’t lost. He just wished he had been able to tell her himself.
“How do you know?” he asked.
“That’s not the point, Jasper. The point is, you didn’t tell me yourself,” she said.
She was right, he knew, and he took a deep breath. Now he had a chance to be honest with Lila and he wasn’t going to throw that chance away again.
“I wanted to,” he said. “I really did and I’m sorry that I didn’t. I planned on telling you this morning, but then I saw the disgust on your face when you talked about Brady and Clay and how they were monsters, and I just couldn’t. I couldn’t stand the thought of you thinking of me like that. I was going to tell you, though; I just wanted you to get to know me a bit better first. I wanted you to have long enough to see that I’m not like them.”
“I did think you were a monster when I first found out,” Lila said.
Jasper felt as though she had stabbed him in the heart, but she was still talking, and her next words softened the blow a little bit.
“But then I gave myself time to get over the initial shock and I know you’re not like them. I know you’re different, Jasper.”
“Technically, it’s Brady and Clay who are different. Most shifters are just regular guys who also happen to be bears,” Jasper said.
Lila gave him a tentative smile, the first one since he’d sat down beside her.
“Way to talk yourself out of being the hero,” she said quietly.
“I lied to you once, Lila, and I’m sorry. But I swear I won’t do it again,” he said solemnly and then he smiled too. “Even if that means showing you that I’m just a regular guy, not a hero.”
“A regular guy is just fine by me,” Lila said.
She fell quiet for a moment and Jasper took the chance to collect his thoughts. At least now he knew why she had stood him up. He was still curious as to how she knew his true identity, but he wasn’t going to risk upsetting her by pushing for a name at this point. Instead, he had to ask the question he was most afraid of the answer to. He had to know if there was a chance for them.
“I understand why you were a bit freaked out by this, especially when you didn’t hear it directly from me,” he said. “But Lila, I really like you. In fact, the way I feel about you—I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. And if you’re willing to give us a chance, we can take this as slowly as you want to.”
“I’d like to give this a try,” Lila said. Jasper felt his heart soar and he reached out toward Lila. She took his hand in hers before he could reach her face, before he could lean in and kiss her. He felt some of the joy leave him, but he reminded himself she hadn’t pushed him away. “But you have to promise me you’ll never lie to me again. And that includes lies by omission.”
Jasper nodded slowly.
“I promise,” he said. “I swear on my life.”
“Good,” Lila said. “Because I have questions.”
“I’ll tell you anything you want to know, but first, I have one question,” Jasper said. He smiled. “Can I kiss you now?”
“Yes,” Lila said without hesitation.
Jasper got to his feet, so happy he felt like he might float away. He reached down a hand to Lila, who took it. He pulled her gently to her feet and hauled her against him. He wrapped his arms around her and leaned down, his lips meeting hers. He had planned on a gentle kiss, a kiss that would show Lila the truth of his words—that he had never felt this way about anyone before and that he would take things as slowly as she needed to.
The kiss started that way, but within seconds, it was a kiss filled with passion. The kiss had an almost desperate quality to it as they clung to each other and Jasper felt like maybe the kiss was saying everything they wanted to say to each other without them having to find the right words.
Jasper felt heat flooding his body and his cock started to harden. He began to pull away from Lila, not wanting to scare her off, but she caught his face in her hands and pulled it back down to meet hers. Her hands moved down his body and she unbuttoned his jeans and pushed her hand inside. Her fist circled his cock and he moaned as she brought him to life once more. He kissed down her neck, his hands roaming over her back. She worked his cock and then her hand was gone and she pulled back from him.
“Shit, Lila, I’m sorry. I…” he started.
She reached up and put her finger on his lips.
“We’ll talk later,” she said. “Make love to me, Jasper.”
She took a step back as she said it and she pulled her t-shirt over her head, exposing her braless breasts. Jasper swallowed hard, her words echoing in his mind.
“Are you sure this is what you want?” he asked.
“Yes. I want you. Now,” Lila said.
She was already pushing her jeans down as she said it. She stepped out of them and pushed her panties down, and Jasper watched her, his chest heaving. She kicked her panties aside and moved closer to him again. He enfolded her in his arms and lifted her. She wrapped her legs around his waist, her arms around his shoulders. He kissed her again, a kiss that drove him wild with the need for her.
He walked her toward the nearest wall and slammed her against it. She moaned as he kissed down her neck and over her breasts. He moved his tongue slowly back up her body, feeling her skin turning to goosebumps beneath his tongue, and then he found her mouth with his own again, and as he kissed her, he used one hand to push his jeans and boxer shorts down.
Jasper pushed his erection into Lila’s center, moaning loudly as he felt her grip him, a warm, tight grip that made him catch his breath. He began to move, filling Lila, making her moan and writhe in his arms, her body sliding against his. He could feel his bear stirring, but he pushed it back down and kissed Lila’s neck again as he pumped into her. She matched his thrusts, her hands roaming all over him, like she needed to touch every part of him.
As he moved inside of Lila, it was like they had both been unleashed, like the worst had happened and they’d gotten past it. Their hands and mouths were all over each other. Jasper felt Lila shudder, her climax throwing her through waves of pleasure. She screamed Jasper’s name, her nails digging into his back.
Jasper was almost there himself and he pumped faster, needing the release his climax would bring him. He felt a shiver go through his body as he exploded inside of Lila. He pressed his face into her neck, licking her, tasting the saltiness of her skin as his cock went wild, spreading pleasure through his body.
When his orgasm faded, he slipped out of Lila, but he held her a moment longer, his face still buried in her neck. She panted for breath, her arms around him, her head resting against him. Finally, Jasper pulled back from her and smiled. She smiled back at him, and he knew then they would be okay. It didn’t matter how slowly they had to take it, he was never going to let Lila go again.
He carried her over to the couch and sat her down. He picked her t-shirt up off the floor and gave it to her. She smiled her thanks and put the shirt on. Jasper pulled his boxers and his jeans back up and fastened his jeans, before sitting down beside Lila. She shuffled closer to him and he wrapped his arm around her. She put her head on his shoulder and they sat that way for a mo
ment.
“Does it hurt?” Lila asked, breaking the comfortable silence that had fallen over them.
“Does what hurt?” Jasper said.
“Turning into a bear,” she clarified.
“It does the first time,” Jasper said. “And then it hurts a little bit less each time until it just kind of stops hurting.”
“What does it feel like being in bear form?”
“It feels like freedom,” Jasper said without hesitation. He was smiling as he said it, and he realized then how much he liked being a bear. He wanted Lila to understand that being a bear was a gift, not a curse. “It’s like suddenly, you’re more powerful, faster, more graceful. All of your senses are heightened and everything is more intense. You become one with the world around you, aware of things you don’t even know exist as a human.”
Lila lifted her head from Jasper’s shoulder and peered up into his face. Her cheeks were still flushed from their lovemaking.
“You make it sound like you like being a bear,” she said.
“I do,” Jasper said.
“But don’t you worry you’ll hurt someone?” Lila asked.
Jasper shook his head.
“No, because I’m still me. How can I explain this?” He paused for a moment and then he nodded to himself. “Okay, so when I’m like I am now, I can feel my bear inside of me. It gives me heightened instincts, and sometimes, it can influence my mood, but I can choose whether or not I listen to what it wants me to do. And in my bear form, it works the other way. I am still in there, still exerting my will over the beast. My morals remain in place and I can control what my bear does. The only time I ever fully let go and let my bear take over me completely is when I’m out in the middle of nowhere, running with my pack. Does that make sense?”
“I think so,” Lila smiled.
Her puzzled smile told Jasper it didn’t really make sense to her and he tried again.
“I guess it’s like having a gun. It makes you more powerful and you know you can hurt people. But you can choose not to,” Jasper said.
“That makes more sense,” Lila said.
She put her head back on Jasper’s shoulder and he realized he had missed the feeling of her curled into him.
“And you’re immortal, right?” she said.
“Mostly,” Jasper agreed.
“Mostly?” Lila said.
“I can be killed with pure silver. A bullet, a blade, something like that. Any wound inflicted with silver won’t heal, and if it’s not a fatal wound, it will poison my blood and I will die slowly. I can also be killed by decapitation.”
He felt Lila shudder against him and he laughed softly.
“It’s not so bad, Lila. It’s pretty hard to accidentally decapitate yourself.”
“Yeah, I’m sure it is. But maybe it’s not so hard to cut yourself on something silver.”
“There’s an antidote to the silver poisoning, though. Dandelions.”
“Dandelions?” Lila repeated.
“Yeah. So really, as long as I can find a couple of dandelions, the silver can only kill me if it’s a fatal wound, or if I’m locked away somewhere where I can’t get out. I keep a fairly big supply of dandelions at home so if I ever accidentally contract silver poisoning, I can cure it, and once I eat the dandelions, the symptoms aren’t that much worse than the flu. And on the plus side, I can’t catch the real flu.”
“You can’t catch any diseases?”
“No. And any other wounds inflicted on me heal.”
“So, assuming you avoid silver, and you don’t get decapitated, you’ll never die?”
“No. And we stop aging at thirty.”
“That bit sounds pretty damned good,” Lila grinned.
“It has its perks,” Jasper grinned back.
“So, how old are you?” Lila asked.
“It’s my birthday next month and I’ll be four hundred and eighty-six,” Jasper said.
“Four hundred and… shit,” Lila gasped. “That’s crazy.”
She shook her head and fell quiet for a moment. Jasper let her process the information.
“This takes a sugar daddy to a whole new level,” Lila laughed softly after a while.
“How do you think I feel? People call guys out for going for girls twenty years younger than them. I’m chasing a girl four and a half centuries younger than me,” Jasper said.
“Wow. You really are a dirty old pervert, aren’t you,” Lila giggled.
“I know. But women my own age are so… bony,” Jasper winked.
Lila laughed and shook her head. Her laughter faded and she looked up at Jasper again, her expression serious.
“We have a time limit, then, don’t we? If we make a go of this, we know it has to end.”
“What do you mean?” Jasper asked.
“Well, I’m twenty-six now. Reasonably, we could have maybe twenty years. We could perhaps push it to thirty. But that’s about it. Look at you. You’re young and hot, and you always will be. You won’t want to be with an old woman.”
“Lila, I want to be with you. It doesn’t matter to me how old you are, that won’t change,” Jasper said.
“It will,” Lila said. “I know you think it won’t, but it will. And even if you’re willing to suck it up, I’m not. I don’t want to be a burden to you.”
“You would never be a burden to me, Lila. Ever. But there is another way…” Jasper said.
He trailed off, realizing this was moving anything but slowly.
“What?” Lila demanded.
Jasper shook his head.
“Let’s not get too deep into it right now.”
“I want to know,” Lila said. “If this is going to work, I need to know everything.”
“Okay, but remember what I said. There’s no pressure and we can take this as slowly as you want to. But there’s a way to stop you getting old. A way we can be together forever. I can turn you into a bear shifter like me. And we could be together for all of eternity.”
Lila went quiet, and suddenly, she wouldn’t meet Jasper’s eye.
“Hey,” he said gently. “What are you thinking, Lila?”
“I’m thinking that I like you. A lot. And I do see a future with you. But eternity... it’s just too… too big to think about right now. I’m sorry.”
Jasper felt as though she had stabbed him in the heart again, but he took solace in her words. She did see a future with him. He had always known he would live forever barring decapitation or a wound from a silver weapon, and he thought maybe that made it easier to deal with than just having the opportunity for immortality dumped into your lap.
“I get it, Lila. It’s okay. That’s why I didn’t want to mention it yet. I’m not asking you to commit to forever with me right now. It’s just… well, it’s an option for the future.”
Lila nodded slowly.
“I appreciate that, Jasper. And I would rather you tell me stuff, even stuff that kind of blows my mind. I mean, we have time, right?”
“Right,” Jasper agreed. “Once you turn, if you turn, you would either stop aging at thirty, or at the point you get turned if you were to be older than thirty when that happened.”
“That’s good. Because I think I would need at least a few months. You know, to practice not accidentally decapitating myself,” Lila said with a soft laugh.
Jasper laughed with her, and just like that, the awkwardness between them vanished. Lila snuggled closer to Jasper.
“Thank you for not pushing this,” she said. “I’m just not sure I’m ready for eternal life, and in the interest of being totally honest with you, I really don’t know if I ever will be ready for that. Knowing that, are you still willing to give us a chance?”
Jasper kissed the top of her head.
“Yes,” he said.
12
Lila walked toward the exit of the store, her carton of almond milk in her hand. She felt happy. Happier than she’d been in a long time. Happier even than the day she got the keys to the bar.
She was so glad she had decided to give Jasper a chance. She couldn’t believe that she had let herself think he was a monster, even for a short time. It had only been two weeks since they’d talked and decided to give their relationship a go, but already Lila knew Jasper was far from a monster. He was everything she had ever wanted in a partner.
She left the store and stepped out into the sunshine. She looked up into the blue sky, wondering how much bluer it would look if she were a bear. How much nicer would the breeze feel on her skin? How much more giddy would she feel when she saw Jasper?
The thoughts had been going through her head pretty much nonstop since Jasper had told her she could become a bear shifter. On the one hand, the thought of being with Jasper forever was amazing and he made being a bear sound appealing. But on the other hand, she kept reminding herself that eternity was a damned long time, and she had to be sure before she made such a monumental change in her life. She couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if she did become a bear and then she and Jasper split up. An eternity alone sounded pretty depressing.
As she walked along the street heading toward home, she made a decision. She wouldn’t think about the possibility of immortality at all for the next three months. And then she would revisit the idea with a fresh perspective and see how she felt about it then.
With her mind a little clearer, Lila looked around as she walked. A white van was parked just down the street from her and a man was standing at the open back doors, his back to her. He looked vaguely familiar to her, but she couldn’t place him. She figured if it was someone she knew, she could be forgiven for not realizing it just from a view of his back. It was probably a customer from the bar, she thought to herself, someone she would recognize, but not necessarily someone she knew well.
She was almost level with the back of the van when she saw the partition between the back part of the van and the front seats was covered with a mirror. The man had been watching her moving closer to him. He spun to face her before she had time to see his reflection and cold dread seized her. The man was Brady.