by Alexis Davie
She cocked her head curiously and studied him. “What’s up?”
He took a deep breath. She’d grown comfortable with him in the past few weeks, and he’d had the pleasure of watching her relax and show more of herself every day. With it came some vulnerabilities, and he’d picked up that she was pretty hesitant to trust people. He got that. He did the same thing. Whenever he started caring about someone, his feelings were amplified. Some random person off the street could cuss him out, and he wouldn’t think about it, but if someone he cared about even gave him a disapproving look, he’d feel bad. He assumed she was the same way, so this was going to require some tact. He’d been thinking about how to phrase it so it wouldn’t freak her out for the past while, but instead of using any one of the ways he’d prepared, he winged it.
“I’m dying.”
A half-smile, like she was hoping he was kidding, flashed across her face for a split second before it vanished. “What?”
Fuck. He’d done that very poorly. “It’s complicated. I’m dying, but not anytime soon.”
Before he could explain, she asked him, in a very quiet voice, “How long?”
“A human lifetime.”
Her response changed entirely, forming a scowl. “What are you talking about?”
Here it was—the news that he himself didn’t know how to think about, and now he had to explain it.
“You may have noticed I’ve been coughing for some time. I’m… I’m not a full dragon. I’m half dragon, half human. My dad was a dragon, so he gave me dragon abilities. Immortality, regeneration, you know the deal. But my human side didn’t mix well with it. For a few centuries, I was fine. But it’s starting to get to the point where my immortality is failing. I’m still a dragon in every other way.” He reached out to a rock near him and crushed it in his fist to demonstrate. “I can still transform. I can still regenerate, and breathe fire, and do everything else, but my immortality is gone. My human side is taking over on that front. It’s not like I’ll die today. It’ll take probably another seventy or eighty years until I pass away, but I’m aging like a human now.”
“Oh,” she said softly. “I’m so sorry.”
Now that he’d said it, he felt better. A big portion of him had assumed that this would be harder than it was. To be fair, he wasn’t breaking the news to her that he had a month to live. If he was a 30-year-old, he’d probably live to be a 100. He smiled at her and took her hand in his. She was taking this harder than he was.
“Don’t be,” he assured her. “I’ve been given a chance now that most of my kind never get—to live and experience human life. To have a meaning.” He squeezed her hand. “To have someone to care for.”
A gentle smile formed on Sophie’s lips. She still wasn’t fully on board yet, probably like he wouldn’t be if she’d randomly declared she wasn’t immortal anymore, but he could tell from her eyes that she was getting there. Now that the shock was over, she was able to process and rationalize it.
He brought her close and kissed her forehead. “It’s fine. Just think of me as dating a human man… who can turn into a dragon.”
She kissed him. Slowly but surely, he watched her relax. He had sprung a rather large topic on her out of the blue, true. But this was good news, in a twisted sort of way.
The rest of the date got back on track, and everything resumed its normal tone within a few minutes. They got to joking around about the utensils, and while Sophie made a stupid pun about the silverware, he realized that he’d grown to care for her enormously. The word “love” scared the shit out of him. People came and went in his life, even if it was due to him just outlasting generations. It wasn’t worth it to love anyone.
It would be weird for a while. He’d lost his immortality, and he supposed that was a big deal, but he was coming up on three centuries. He’d lived a long, immortal life. Maybe it was time to chase someone to love. There’d be failures. He’d fuck up. She’d fuck up. That was part of the whole experience. They were both oddballs, people who had never found their world to fit in properly. Maybe together, they would find companionship and someone to love. Who knew? Maybe they’d fail instantly and end up in a fiery ball of pain, and neither one of them was looking forward to that whatsoever.
But maybe, just maybe, it would be exactly what they both needed.
He thought while they sat in the beautiful little grove. He listened to the gurgling stream and the birds in the distance. He smelled the rich air and felt the warmth of her body next to him. He might be new to this whole “mortal life” business, and he might not know it all, and he certainly was going to make some mistakes, but he knew one thing without a shadow of a doubt when he leaned over and kissed her and saw her blush and smile: he knew she was worth that risk.
First Shift
First Shift
Text Copyright © 2019 by Alexis Davie
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictionally. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or to actual events or locales is entirely coincidental.
First printing, 2019
Publisher
Secret Woods Books
[email protected]
www.SecretWoodsBooks.com
1
Cleo Lane shuffled slightly, trying to find a more comfortable position. She tried leaning back on her hands and that seemed better. She enjoyed the feeling of the grass tickling her palms. She glanced at her sister, Annie, who was lying almost flat on the ground, only propped up slightly on her elbows.
Cleo turned her face up to the sun for a moment, enjoying the heat on her skin. Now that she had found a comfortable position to sit in, she realized she was glad she had agreed to come out to the park with Annie, although she knew what was coming and that it was going to ruin this moment they were sharing.
At twenty-one, Annie was two years older than Cleo, and she had lost any teenage awkwardness she had ever had. She was graceful and not in the least bit klutzy around people. Cleo was the opposite. She felt like she was almost always awkward, and she knew she was clumsy a lot of the time.
Cleo blamed her awkwardness on the fact that she had just turned nineteen and was technically still a teenager, but deep down, she knew what it really was that prevented her from having that quiet inner confidence she saw in her sister. She also knew that she would never have it, no matter what Annie and her parents said.
“So,” Annie said, glancing in Cleo’s direction for a moment before looking away again.
Here we go, Cleo thought, the lecture I’ve been waiting for.
“Have you given any thought to what Dad said yesterday?” Annie asked her.
Cleo nodded her head. Her dad had sat her down yesterday, the first day of the summer holidays, and explained to her that now that she had left high school, it was time to stop messing around, and that she needed to leave this childish nonsense behind her. She had thought about it; she was telling the truth about that. But Annie wasn’t going to like what came next. The part where she explained that although she had thought about it, she was sticking to her guns.
The thing was, Cleo didn’t feel like this was childish nonsense. She felt like it was perhaps the most grown-up decision she had ever made. She didn’t even expect her parents and Annie and the world at large to understand the choice she had made. She just wanted them to accept that it was ultimately her decision and let it go.
“So, you’re going to turn, then?” Annie asked. She went on without waiting for an answer. “The next full moon is only about three weeks away.”
“I don’t want to be a slave to the moon,” Cleo said, not for the first time.
Annie rolled her eyes and when she spoke again, Cleo could
hear the frustration in her voice.
“How many times have we been over this, Cleo? You won’t be a slave to anything. We only need a full moon the first time we turn. After that, we can turn whenever we want to.”
“See, this is what I don’t get,” Cleo said. “You say we can turn whenever we want to, and I know a few wolves who hardly ever turn. And no one lectures them.”
“That’s because they turned the first time on the first full moon after their sixteenth birthday like literally every wolf shifter in the world. They embraced who they are. Why won’t you do the same?” Annie asked.
Cleo sighed. They had been over this so many times since she had turned sixteen and refused to turn into a wolf for the first time.
“I just don’t want to,” she said. “And no, I’m not afraid. I want to just be me. Just Cleo. If I achieve something, I want to know it’s because of who I am, not what I am. I don’t want to be faster, stronger, more graceful, because of what I am. It doesn’t seem fair to everyone else. Like, take those guys, for example.”
Cleo nodded down the slight slope they were sitting on. At the bottom, most of the guys from their high school football team had gathered and were playing a friendly game amongst themselves.
“Our high school football team is made up exclusively of wolves. How is that fair to every other kid? It’s cheating,” Cleo pointed out.
“Firstly, most of them were already training for this long before they turned sixteen. And secondly, saying it’s cheating is like saying it’s cheating if a brainy kid does better on a test than you even though you studied for weeks and they didn’t have to. It’s not cheating, it’s using your natural talents.”
“Annie, there’s nothing natural about this. Look at them as a good example,” Cleo said, nodding to the football team again. “They’re acting like animals. Look at how they’re a little too aggressive, and then how they’re a little bit too into the team spirit. It’s the animal instinct to attack, and then the pack instinct that brings them back together.”
“Bullshit,” Annie said, making Cleo raise an eyebrow. “Show me any group of jocks that aren’t a bit aggressive during a play and then all back slaps and hugs after it.”
“Okay, so maybe that was a bad example. But what I mean is I don’t want to be ruled by an animal instinct and I don’t want an unfair advantage,” Cleo said.
“For fuck’s sake, Cleo, you sound like a naive idealist. The world will eat you up and spit you out, and you have an edge that you choose not to use. Do you have any idea how many people would kill to have what you have?”
“Yes, and I only wish there was a way I could give it to one of them,” Cleo snapped.
She was trying not to snap at Annie. Deep down, Cleo knew her sister was only trying to look out for her, but it was hard to bite her tongue at times. They had been back and forth over this exact same conversation so many times. She had hoped that after three years of this, her family at least would have finally accepted her decision.
“You’re such a brat,” Annie muttered.
Cleo bit her tongue once more, refusing to get drawn into an argument. She turned away from Annie, pushing herself back up into a sitting position. She drew her knees up and wrapped her arms around them, watching the football players below her.
Her eyes automatically went to Zane Green. Zane was the captain of the football team, the son of their pack’s alpha. He was tall and even without the football padding he was well built, his muscles bulging beneath his clothes. He had jet-black hair and his eyes were so dark they almost matched it.
Cleo knew a guy like Zane would never look at her. He was always hanging around the cheerleader types, the popular, pretty girls. Girls who were nothing like Cleo. Cleo had always been more bookish than sporty, taking her studies seriously and getting a bit of a reputation as a loner. She wasn’t really a loner, she just wasn’t one of those girls who felt the need to be surrounded by people every second of every day. She had a few close friends and she liked it that way.
Cleo felt the smile spreading across her face as Zane scored a touchdown and the team slapped him on the back. For a second, he happened to look in Cleo’s direction, and she was almost sure he smiled at her. She dismissed the idea instantly. As if Zane Green would smile at her. As if he would even notice her sitting here.
Cleo heard the rustling sound of Annie shifting position beside her. Annie sat up next to her.
“I’m sorry I called you a brat,” Annie said.
Cleo shrugged, not wanting to fight with her, but not wanting to get back into this circular conversation again either.
“It’s just… you know how the pack feel about your refusal to turn, and it reflects badly on our parents,” Annie said.
“I know, and I hate that, Annie, I really do,” Cleo said.
“Just not enough to turn?”
Cleo shook her head.
“Don’t you see it, Annie? The more the pack close in and judge, the more I am convinced I’m doing the right thing.”
“Huh?” Annie said.
Cleo realized she had never told Annie the full truth behind her reasons for not turning. What she had said so far was true. She didn’t want an unfair advantage, and she didn’t want to be ruled by an animal instinct. But it was about more than that.
“I said earlier I don’t want to be ruled by an animal instinct, and I don’t. But I’m sure I could fight that. Everyone else seems to manage it easily enough. But there’s one thing none of you can fight, and it’s the one thing that scares me the most about turning into a wolf.”
“What is it?”
“The pack mentality. I don’t want to be someone who just blindly follows orders because the pack alpha said so,” Cleo said.
“But being part of a pack is what makes us strong,” Annie said.
“Is it?” Cleo asked, looking Annie in the eye. “Or is it what makes Parker Green strong? Because as much as I hate to say this, from where I’m standing, it seems to me like Parker has himself a bunch of clones who will do whatever he says so he never has to get his hands dirty.”
2
The second Zane and the team began playing their football game, Zane became aware of Cleo’s presence. He was surprised to see her there. She wasn’t really the outdoors type, and she had never shown the slightest interest in football before. He shrugged it off when he saw her with her sister, figuring it had been Annie’s idea for them to come to the park.
Zane would have liked it to have been Cleo’s idea. He would have liked her to be there simply to watch him play, to cheer him on from the sidelines, but he knew it would never happen. Just like he knew his crush on her was pointless; nothing would ever happen between them.
She wasn’t even his type. She was studious, quiet, a bit of a loner. Zane went for loud, fun girls who knew how to have a good time, who liked being part of the in crowd. He knew that would never be Cleo’s scene.
“Hey, Zane, are we playing or what, man?” Harley shouted.
Zane realized they were all waiting for him to get into position.
“Jeez, where’s the fucking fire?” he muttered under his breath, but he knew if one of the guys was distracted, he would have been the first one telling them to pay attention, and so he moved into position without argument.
For a moment, he lost himself in the play, not even aware of who may or may not be watching him. He lived for this moment, for the adrenaline rush of the game. It wasn’t as prevalent here, doing practice plays with the team, but he knew that at the game on Friday, it would be a different story. It was the last game of the season, the last game he would ever play for the high school team, and he wanted to be fighting fit for it. They had to win that game. They just had to. The team deserved to go out on a high.
Zane made the touchdown, and instantly, he was surrounded by the others, being clapped on the back. Whoops and cheers filled the air. Zane grinned and fist-bumped a few of the guys. His eyes wandered up to where Cleo had been sitting. She was s
till there, and for a second, Zane was sure she was smiling at him. He smiled at her, and even from here, he thought he saw her blushing. He dismissed the idea. Chances were a girl like Cleo didn’t even know he existed. She was far too smart to get involved with a dumb jock.
He looked away when it seemed as though Cleo and her sister were arguing, but he still had a picture of Cleo in his mind. Zane could see her unblemished, olive skin. He imagined it felt soft and warm, and he had spent many hours alone imagining his hands running over it. He could see her long, wavy brown hair, her amber eyes that sparkled in the sunlight or whenever she smiled. He imagined her meeting his eye, her eyes sparkling, tiny golden flecks dancing in them. He saw her moving closer to him, kissing him.
Jeez, man, get a fucking grip, he told himself.
He turned his attention back to the game. They played for a while longer and then Jerome suggested they call it a day and go and grab some burgers. Zane knew he should object, tell them they needed the practice, but the truth was, they didn’t. They had all of their plays nailed. They were ready.
“Hey, did you see that weird girl watching us earlier? What’s her name? Cleo something?” Harley said.
“Cleo Lane. Yeah, I saw her,” Mark put in. “She’s a freak. What sort of a wolf just doesn’t bother turning, like, ever?”
“I’m shocked she hasn’t been kicked out of the pack, especially now that she’s over eighteen,” someone else said.
Zane ignored the gossip, but it bothered him that they were calling Cleo a freak. She wasn’t a freak, she just had principles. Zane didn’t know what they were—the two of them had barely spoken throughout high school, let alone had any deep and meaningful conversations—but he figured she must have her reasons.
“I bet I could make her turn,” Jerome said to a chorus of laughter.