by Alexis Davie
9
Almost three weeks had passed since that first night in the cave, and Cleo and Zane had barely spent a night apart since it had happened. Of course, they hadn’t spent full nights together as often as Cleo would have liked, because they had to wait for one set of their parents to go out of town overnight. Neither of them had told their parents they were together yet, but Cleo had told Annie, which made the overnight stays at her place a little easier. Annie usually stayed over at her boyfriend’s place, or she would make herself scarce some other way.
Annie had been the first person to comment on Cleo’s appearance. She had told Cleo she looked radiant, that her skin was glowing. Cleo had at first put it down to that flush of excitement everyone got with a new relationship. But it hadn’t stopped there.
Somehow, Cleo had become popular. Everyone wanted to be around her. She hated it. She wanted to remain in her little bubble with Rose and now Zane, just like she always had, and eventually the stream of cheerleaders calling her inviting her to parties, lunches, and on shopping trips had started to dry up, but Cleo knew in her heart she would only have to say the word and it would all start up again.
Strangers as well as people she had gone to high school with, people who had never spoken to her in the years she had been in school with them, now stopped her on the street to compliment her hair, her nails, her skin.
She knew in herself she was changing. She saw the changes when she looked in the mirror. Her hair really was thicker and shinier. Her skin really was clearer. But that wasn’t all that had changed. She had changed on the inside too. Although she still preferred the company of her close friends and Zane, she no longer shied away from social interaction because she was scared of being rejected.
She was confident now, bubbly and always laughing and joking around. She felt empowered, like she had finally emerged from her caterpillar phase and become the butterfly she had always been meant to be.
She had spent the last two and a half weeks crediting all of this to Zane, like he was making her strong and confident. It had taken her up until this moment to realize it wasn’t true. Zane was amazing and Cleo knew she was falling for him in a way she had never thought possible. But these changes, they were coming from her. She was the one who was embracing her femininity, embracing who she was, and who she had always been beneath the surface. Being with Zane had just given her the confidence to let this side of herself show.
Cleo checked her calendar for the third time that day, already knowing what it would show but needing to see it there in black and white anyway. Tonight was a full moon, and for the first time, Cleo was going to change into a wolf.
Now that she had become this confident, strong woman, she knew she could control the beast within her. She knew she could be who she had always been meant to be without turning into another clone, without the pack mentality getting to her and forcing her to blindly follow orders. She would be a part of the pack, truly a part of it for the first time, and yet, in some ways, she would be a lone wolf, choosing the path that was meant for her, even if that meant going against the wishes of the pack alpha. That was a promise she had made to herself when she had first started to consider doing this. She was ready to embrace the wolf inside of her, but she wasn’t ready to give up herself fully in the process.
If that made her stand out as different to everyone else, she could live with that. She had been living with it her whole life, and now that she was stronger, it wouldn’t bother her at all. Maybe she could even become a rebel leader of sorts, talking to younger teenagers and letting them know it was okay to be afraid, that it was okay to want more than to be another follower.
She smiled to herself as she thought about how far she had really come. She reached out and ran her fingers over the calendar, smiling to herself. I’m really doing this, she thought to herself.
She picked up her cell phone, ready to call Zane and ask him to come out to the beach with her tonight and be with her when she first turned. She put the cell phone back down, her call not made. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to involve Zane in this, she thought to herself.
He had been drawn to her because she was different, because she stood her ground and refused to turn. He had called her noble. What if she turned and he thought she was just like everybody else? What if he thought it made her a hypocrite and he stopped wanting her?
She knew in her heart it would take a lot more than that to break the connection she and Zane shared, but she also knew she needed to do this alone. She would tell Zane about it tomorrow, or the day after, or whenever she felt ready, but she needed this to be something she did just for herself for now.
She knew it was partly fear that stopped her from calling Zane. Not fear that he would abandon her if she turned; that was just her mind’s defense mechanism giving her a fear she could argue away. Her real fear was deeper than that. She was afraid that she would go down to the beach and change her mind. If Zane was with her, she wasn’t sure she would be strong enough to not turn if she changed her mind. It would be too humiliating to make a big deal out of this and then not do it. She needed to know she was doing this for the right reasons, for herself, not just to save face.
She nodded to herself, the decision made. Now all she had to do was wait for night to fall and sneak out of the house.
Cleo stood on the sand, shrouded by darkness, the only light coming from the full moon above her. She looked up at the moon, marveling at the beauty of it. She had seen the full moon before and recognized its beauty, but she had never seen it with the intense awareness that she had tonight. She had never noticed how the silvery light danced across the tips of the waves, how the sand reflected the light, twinkling like the stars were beneath her feet as well as above her. And until now, she had never looked up at the full moon and craved the power it could bring to her.
She had always thought of being a shifter as a curse. Now she knew it didn’t have to be that way. She was ready to embrace the power within herself, ready to embrace who she had always been destined to become.
She looked up at the moon and cleared her mind, letting her wolf come forward. She had felt her wolf stirring before, but she had never let it come out this far. She had never had this moment where she felt the animal side of herself emerging, where she felt the power and the beauty that filled her now.
She opened her mouth, a loud howl pouring from her and shattering the silence of the night. She couldn’t help but smile as she howled again, the sound so utterly her that it sent a shiver down her spine.
Cleo closed her eyes and let her wolf come all of the way out. Instantly, her eyes flew open again as she fell to her knees. Pain engulfed her full body, every joint, every bone screaming. Even her skin hurt as fur began to erupt all over her. She felt as though her wolf was eating its way out of her as her body was consumed by white-hot agony. She felt her bones breaking and the pain became all consuming, the only thing she knew.
She howled again, a sound filled with torment, and then she blacked out and felt no more pain.
10
Zane was in bed when his mom burst into his room, waking him with a start. He glanced groggily at the clock on the cabinet beside his bed.
“Mom, it’s like six a.m. What are you doing in here?” he asked, his voice thick with sleep.
“Zane, honey, I have some bad news,” his mom said.
She sat down on the side of Zane’s bed, and for the first time, he noticed that she had been crying. Instantly, he was fully awake, the daze of being half asleep leaving him.
“What is it, Mom?” he demanded.
“It’s your father. Zane, I’m so sorry. He… he’s gone.”
“Gone? What do you mean gone? Gone where?” Zane demanded.
He already knew the answer to that, but somehow, he thought if he asked the question, the answer might be different, that his mom would laugh and say, “Well, he’s gone on a trip for business, silly.” It didn’t happen. Of course it didn’t happen.
“He’s dead, honey,” his mom said gently.
Zane felt as though the bottom had been pulled out of his world, like someone had set his very existence spinning. His head spun, his heart hammered, and he felt sick. His throat was dry, so dry, he couldn’t swallow.
“What happened?” he heard himself ask in a croaky voice that didn’t sound like his own.
It wasn’t like his father could have had a heart attack or something. He was a wolf. Wolves didn’t have heart attacks. They didn’t get high blood pressure, or high cholesterol. They couldn’t get cancer or get killed in a car accident.
“I don’t have any details yet. Ronnie just called and let me know he found your father. He’s bringing him here now. I thought you might want to be there for…”
Zane jumped out of bed.
“Of course I want to be there,” he said.
His mom nodded and stood up.
“I’ll let you get dressed,” she said.
She started toward the door, and suddenly, Zane knew he didn’t want her to leave. He practically sprang at her and as he reached her, he fell into her open arms. Zane and his mom clung to each other, their tears mingling into one salty trail. Zane tried to let himself imagine life without his father for a fleeting second, but he just couldn’t do it. He let the grief pour out of himself for a few minutes, and then he told himself to get a grip.
With Zane’s father gone, the pack would be looking to him now, he knew. He would be their new alpha. And the first thing he had to do as the new pack alpha was find out what the hell had happened to his father and plot out a course of action dependent on what he found out.
He slowly disentangled himself from his mom’s embrace. He sniffed loudly and wiped his eyes roughly, angry at himself for losing control like that.
“Zane…” his mom started gently.
“It’s okay,” he said, cutting her off. If she tried to offer him words of comfort now, Zane knew the floodgates would open again, and he was scared that if he allowed that to happen, he wouldn’t be able to get them to close again. “I’m going to get dressed and then we’ll just take it one step at a time. We’ll get through this, Mom.”
“I know, son,” she said.
She reached out and caressed Zane’s cheek, and then she turned and left the room. He was tempted to smash the room up, to throw things, to punch them, but instead, Zane turned to his wardrobe and pulled out a black suit, one he kept at the back of his wardrobe for such an occasion, but one he never imagined himself having to wear. At least not so soon.
Zane made sure he looked respectable before he left his bedroom. On some level, it felt wrong fussing with his hair and getting his tie perfectly straight, but the whole time, he could hear his father’s voice in his head, telling him that as pack alpha, he had certain responsibilities and one of those responsibilities was to present himself to the world as calm, groomed, and in control, no matter what the situation was.
By the time Zane left his room, the moments he had taken to get dressed appropriately had calmed him, and he couldn’t help but wonder if that was why his father had instilled this rule in him. That really, the presentation of the alpha was secondary to having some mundane but seemingly important task to complete to give them a moment to calm themselves.
He went downstairs and heard his mother in the living room. He went in and saw that Ronnie was there. Ronnie saw Zane and began to get down on one knee, but Zane waved his hand impatiently.
“We’ll worry about that at the official ceremony. For now, I just want to know what happened to my father,” he said.
His eyes went to the oak coffin behind Ronnie as he spoke. The lid was closed and Zane was glad. He thought he would need a minute before he saw his father’s body.
“I received a call around four from one of the pack. They found him. We went down there and brought him back to my place where I prepared his body, and now, here we are.”
“But what happened to him?” Zane pressed Ronnie.
“I think you need to see it for yourself, Zane,” Ronnie said quietly.
Zane’s head was spinning again as Ronnie led him to the coffin. He pulled the lid back and Zane swallowed hard. Ronnie had cleaned away the blood and made his father look presentable, but nothing could have prepared Zane for the gouge marks across his father’s chest, made by wolf claws. He had to close his eyes for a second as he swayed dizzily when he saw the way teeth had ripped his father’s throat out.
“He was attacked by a wolf,” Ronnie said, stating the obvious.
“Who did this, Ronnie?” Zane demanded. “One of our own?”
“We don’t know. There was no sign of anyone, man or beast, when I got there. I hate to say this, Zane, but as the new alpha, finding out who did this is your first official pack task,” Ronnie said.
“Ronnie, no,” Zane’s mom said.
Zane hadn’t even realized she was standing by his side, or that her hand was on his arm, until she spoke up.
“It’s okay, Mom. I have to do this. I want to do this. Whatever else I do as the pack alpha, this will be the most important thing. I will find my father’s killer and I swear before you both that I will bring him or her to justice,” Zane said fiercely.
Zane backed away as Ronnie closed the coffin’s lid.
“I’ll put out the official announcement later on today,” Ronnie said. “You’ll be sworn in as alpha as soon as we get this all ironed out. Take the day to try and get your head around it all. I’ll stay with your mom.”
Zane looked at his mom, who nodded her head.
“Ronnie’s right,” she said.
Zane nodded. He felt bad leaving his mom, but right now, he knew what he needed. Or rather, who he needed. He needed Cleo, more than he had ever needed her before. He slowly walked out of the room without looking back. He went back upstairs to his bedroom and changed into something more fitting for being seen out and about in public, especially before the official announcement of his father’s death was even made.
He checked the time. It was still early, barely after seven, but he figured Cleo would likely be up. He called her, relieved when he heard her voice.
“Cleo, something… something happened. Can we talk?” he said.
“Of course,” she said. “What’s wrong?”
“I’ll explain when I see you. Can you be at the fountain in the park in half an hour?”
“I’ll be there,” Cleo said.
Zane started to feel slightly better the moment he saw Cleo walking toward him. She was wearing jeans and a band T-shirt for some band he had never even heard of, but she couldn’t have looked more stunning even if she were wearing Versace.
He stood up as she approached and they embraced. Zane held Cleo for a long time, not wanting to ever leave the warmth of her arms. She let him hold her, her hands moving over his back. Finally, she pulled away slightly.
“Zane, what’s wrong? What happened?” she asked, her face creased with concern.
“It’s my father. He… he died. Someone killed him,” Zane said.
Cleo’s mouth dropped open and she pulled Zane to her again.
“Oh my God, Zane, I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
He broke away from her embrace before the tears could start again. He took her hand in his and led her to a bench beside the fountain. They sat side by side, neither of them speaking for a moment. Zane stared into the water, watching the way it changed color slightly as the sun came up.
“I have to find his killer and bring them to justice,” Zane said. “I’m the pack alpha now.”
“Zane, that’s a lot of responsibility. Isn’t there someone else who can lead the investigation?” Cleo asked. “I mean, under the circumstances and all that.”
“There is. I could assign a task force to do the job, but I want to do this, Cleo. I have to.”
“I get it,” Cleo said. “So, do you have any idea what might have happened?”
“Yes and no,” Zane said. “I know he was killed by a wolf. I
don’t know who or why yet. But I guess I’ll start looking where he was found.”
“Where was that?” Cleo asked.
“On the beach,” Zane said.
He opened his mouth to say more, but he stopped when he saw how white Cleo had gone.
“Cleo? Are you okay?” he said.
Cleo got to her feet, shaking her head.
“I’m sorry. I have to go,” she said.
She turned and ran before Zane had a chance to stop her. In that moment, Zane had never felt more utterly alone in the world.
11
Cleo ran all of the way home and burst into the house. Her parents had left that morning for a weekend away and her sister was out, which she was glad of. It saved her having to try to explain what had gotten her into such a state. She was annoyed at herself for not being able to hold herself together in front of Zane, but it wasn’t like he wasn’t going to find out the truth about her soon enough anyway.
What the hell am I going to do? Cleo thought to herself.
It didn’t matter how she looked at it, she could only see one way out of this. She had to leave town. Right now. Before Zane put it all together and came looking for her. Before she was hauled in front of the pack and executed. Zane would never understand this one. She couldn’t understand it herself.
All she knew for certain was that she had been right all along. Turning into a wolf had been a bad idea. She had only done it once, and look at the utter clusterfuck she had caused. She had turned into a wolf only once, and that was all it had taken for her rebellious side to really come out in force, because sometime over the course of last night, she had murdered the pack alpha. She had been the one who had killed Zane’s father.
Cleo ran for the stairs, ready to grab her things and get out of there. She was halfway up when her cell phone rang. Her heart almost broke when she saw Zane’s name on the screen. She so badly wanted to talk to him, to tell him she was sorry. But nothing she could say could undo the damage she had done, and she knew she couldn’t take his call.