by Jen Davis
What was she doing with him? Was she trying to get back what they’d lost? Sure, those stolen moments in his arms had moved the earth beneath her feet, but did they have any chance of something more? He was in a biker gang, for God’s sake.
His hair was longer than hers, tattoos covered his arms and who knows what else, but it was way more than the physical. Kane was different and in ways she still probably knew nothing about. He’d sworn he would never be part of club life. The drugs, the free sex, the misogyny and complete disregard for the rules of law or society.
She was no prude, but she could never share her man with another woman, certainly not several other women. She couldn’t live with constant fear for his safety or his freedom. With a man she really loved, she wanted everything he could give: every birthday, every Christmas, every kiss, every dream, every fucking fantasy.
For all she knew, Kane could have a dozen kids out there with as many different women. He could be getting a blowjob from some random stranger right now without even thinking twice because the club considered it normal. She’d seen it firsthand when they’d been dating. Kane hadn’t lived that way, but his father did…his brother too.
Scott was such a douchebag. He used to call her Your Highness or Princess Bitch, though she’d never done anything but try to be nice to him. She hoped he got a nasty STD from one of his club girls. Thinking of a dozen ways Scott’s dick could fall off kept her mind from circling around the hard questions about her and Kane.
Then a knock sounded at her door. She’d told Mickey, her doorman, Kane had a permanent pass to come up to her floor. God knew what he thought going from Nathan’s high-class appearance to Kane’s scruffy biker look. He’d have no idea Nathan’s three-piece suit actually hid a monster underneath, while Kane’s fuck-you exterior housed a heart of gold.
She smoothed her hands over her hair before turning the knob to open the door. Her greeting died in her throat when she saw him.
Trimming his beard shouldn’t have made so much of a difference, but he took her breath away. Yes, his hair was still long, but it was pulled back into a tame, low ponytail. The long sleeves of his black T-shirt covered his tattoos. He looked more like the Kane she remembered than she would have thought possible. Different, but the same.
“Wow,” she breathed, and his brown eyes twinkled.
“I’ll take wow over hello any day.” He tilted his head. “Are you going to invite me in?”
Her cheeks flamed as she stepped aside. “Cocky doesn’t suit you,” she said primly.
“I’d say it suits fine.” He winked.
He fucking winked at her.
She closed the door, unable to stifle her smile. When she turned back to him, though, she was paralyzed by how awkward this all was. What she really wanted to do was throw herself in his arms, breathe in his scent, feel him all around her…inside of her. Sex wasn’t the answer, though, at least not yet. “Would you like a drink?”
He walked over to the bookshelf where she had a framed picture of her and Mike from around the time she and Kane had been together. He picked it up for a closer look. “Yeah. A drink sounds good.”
“I, uh, I’m not sure what you like anymore.” Why did it hurt so much to admit?
Kane looked up from the picture. “I’m still me, Mandy.”
For some reason, his quiet words punched her in the gut. Everything had changed, but he claimed he was still the same. It was what she’d wanted, but it only seemed to drive home all the years she missed. Time she could have had with him but bargained away to her dad.
Tears clouded her vision. She turned away, but they spilled down her cheeks before she could hide them. What the hell was wrong with her? She couldn’t even remember the last time she cried.
He stepped behind her and rested his hands on her shoulders. “You don’t have to hide.”
“I don’t even know why I’m crying.” A lie. She cried because everything in her needed what he said to be true at the same time she feared it couldn’t be.
He tsked as he turned her into his chest. His body was bigger than it used to be, but she would have recognized the feel of his embrace anywhere. “I think we have a lot to figure out about each other.” He kissed the top of her head. “I’ll take a beer. Bud if you have it.”
She took in one more deep inhale of his clean scent before she let go to get the drinks. When she returned from the kitchen, Kane stood at the bookshelf again, looking at the same photo.
“This is how I remember you.” He accepted the beer and used the front of his shirt to protect his hand as he twisted off the cap. It gave her a brief glimpse of rock-hard abs sprinkled with dark hair; he had more of it now than before. If he realized how he affected her, he didn’t show it. His gaze drifted back to the photo, and his face softened. “This was the best time in my life.”
She sipped her zinfandel, despite the temptation to guzzle it down. “It was the best time in mine too.” Another sip. Ah, fuck it. She finished the glass and drifted back to the kitchen to grab the bottle.
Now he relaxed on the love seat, and she sat beside him, her heart racing as if she’d just run a marathon. “Are you seeing anyone right now?”
He shook his head slowly, sending a thrill through her heart. “You?”
“I was.” Shame kept her from sharing the whole story. “I broke it off.”
“Because of me?” He searched her eyes.
“Partly, but mostly because of me. I didn’t love him. It wasn’t a relationship built on feelings. I was his arm candy. He was…a means to an end. It had already gone on too long.” Nathan was the last thing she wanted to think about.
He took a pull from his beer as he considered her words. “There was someone for me, not too long ago, but she—it wasn’t anything real. None of them have been anything real, but I have to tell you, I haven’t exactly been a saint since we were together.”
Oh look, something she wanted to think about even less than Nathan. “It’s been thirteen years.” She refilled her glass. “I never expected you to live like a monk.”
“Mandy—”
She held up her hand. “Stop. I know you’re trying to be honest, and I appreciate it, but I don’t want to hear what you’re about to say.” The vague idea of all the women who’d shared his bed over the years hurt bad enough. She wasn’t sure if she could stand listening to the particulars. “We’ve both been with other people. But here’s the bottom line for me, no bullshit. I have never loved any man in my life except for you. There was no one before and no one since who has come anywhere close. No one I wanted a future with. No one I wanted a family with. It was only you. Only ever you.” The confession left her stripped bare. She reached for the wine bottle, but he stopped her hand with his.
“And for me, it was only ever you, Mandy.” The truth swirled in the chocolate depths of his eyes.
She swallowed. “You keep calling me Mandy. I’m not her anymore. I’m not even sure I remember how to be that girl. The kind of girl who believes in wishes and fairy-tale endings. I can’t go back and unlearn the lessons these years have taught me. I’m not sure I would if I could. I do miss her, though. Your Mandy. I was happier when I was her.”
Kane scooted closer, his thigh brushing against hers, and framed her face with his rough hands. “You could be happy again.”
Her eyes closed as she leaned into his touch. It would be so easy to block out the world, to simply be here in this moment…with him. But all the questions and doubts would still be here afterward. If this was going to happen, they had to learn each other all over again, not just the ghosts living in their memories, but the real-deal people they were now.
She forced her lids open and focused on his soft gaze. She could drown in those eyes.
What was she going to say?
Her resolve vanished as he leaned forward and brushed his lips over hers. The beer lingered on his breath, and her tongue quested into his mouth for deeper contact. The crisp flavor tingled over her taste buds, but
as he deepened the kiss, she only tasted desire.
She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t think. She needed to get closer.
Kane didn’t make her wait. Sliding his arm around her waist, he tugged her toward him, and she went willingly to his lap, her legs straddling either side of his.
Now the kiss was a full body experience. The beard still scratched some, but in her hunger, it barely registered. Her hands clutched his broad shoulders as she molded herself against him. Everything about him was bigger than before. His chest, his powerful thighs, even—
He groaned as she ground against the hardness between her legs. The arms he had around her waist dropped abruptly, and his hands gripped her hips. Now, he urged her on. Setting the rhythm.
It had been years since she’d been with him this way, but her body had forgotten nothing, and apparently neither had his, because they writhed and arched against each other in a breathless harmony.
Kane broke the kiss and trailed his lips down the column of her neck, and she tilted back her head to give him better access. His grip on her hips eased as he slid his hand beneath her shirt, climbing her ribcage on a path to her aching breasts.
With a curse, she tugged the simple V-neck over her head and tossed it on the floor.
His eyes widened, but he didn’t miss a beat, unfastening the bra and pulling it away from her body. “Offer them to me,” he growled, and she was all too happy to comply. No sooner had she cupped her breasts, he had one nipple in his mouth.
The sharp pull shot straight to her pussy. She groaned and swiveled her hips harder. Faster. The need for him climbed, the summit just out of reach.
As his teeth played over her sensitive flesh, his fingers tugged gently on her other nipple. He pinched and pulled, sucked, and licked. A moan climbed from the back of her throat as the whole world centered on his mouth, his hands, and the cock straining against his jeans.
“Come for me,” he demanded, his breath hot against her wet skin.
She ground harder against him, the pressure just right on her aching clit, as he pinched both nipples hard enough for a prickle of pain to ratchet up the pleasure. Then she was flying, his name a cry on her lips.
The orgasm shook her to her foundations. Her movement stopped as the waves rushed through her. But it wasn’t only her body reaching its plateau; it was like every emotion she’d ever had, built into one big peak exploding inside her. She wanted to laugh and cry and scream. But more than anything she wanted—she needed—to get even closer.
Pressing her chest to his, she buried her face in his neck, fighting the fresh wave of tears threatening to embarrass her again. Crying once tonight had already been one time too many. His arms held her with exactly the right amount of strength, and though his erection was still nestled between her legs, he did nothing to push for more.
She allowed herself the luxury of peace in his arms until she could pull herself together. Then she pulled back and kissed him gently. “Let me take care of you,” she whispered. It was a testament to the fire between them Kane could make her come without even taking off her pants.
He ran his hand over her hair, the way he always used to. “You’re so beautiful like this. Your eyes are like fucking emeralds right now.” His thumb brushed over her bottom lip. “Your mouth looks thoroughly kissed.” His soft gaze turned proprietary. “I did that. I want to keep doing it.”
Her mouth curled into a smile. “Kissing me?”
“Making you mine.” The way he said it rang with truth. “I don’t know how we’re going to make this work. I don’t know what we’ve got to change or how we’re going to have to bend, but I am not letting you go this time. Do you understand?” A fierce look came over his face. “We’re going to figure this out, Mandy, and you’re going to be mine forever.”
Her brain issued a hundred denials. What if they were too different now? What if he couldn’t love the woman she’d become? What if he’d turned into his brother…or his father?
The doubt must have shown because he shook her gently. “Don’t. Don’t talk yourself out of it before we even try.”
She’d forgotten what it was like to be with a man who knew how to read her. Was she talking herself out of it? “I’m not.”
“But?” he prompted.
“But where do we start? We already know this,” she gestured in the small space between them, “isn’t a problem. You can just look at me and get me wet.”
His eyes darkened, and she shoved against his shoulder.
“Stop. This is my point. We still want each other, but so many other things have changed. Like how much I hurt you.” She hesitated. “Like the fact you joined the MC.”
The heat left his eyes. “I know.”
“So where do we start?”
He was quiet for a moment. Then a smile broke out across his face, transforming him from handsome to knock-down, drag-out gorgeous. “The same place anyone starts. At the beginning.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Kane
The excitement from the college football fans translated as a dull roar in Kane’s ears. Turner Field was almost unrecognizable in some ways since Georgia State converted it into their stadium, but the vibe from the charged sports fans was universal.
Mandy stood spellbound as they overlooked the field, which was now Panthers football territory through and through. “I haven’t been here in years,” she breathed.
She looked so young in her jeans and sweater; she wore no make-up, and her cheeks had turned red from the cold. Her breaths came out in cloudy puffs of smoke.
He gripped her icy fingers. “You want a hot chocolate?” Without waiting for an answer, he tugged her to the line for concessions.
She didn’t pull away, but her eyes narrowed. “You never used to like college football.” The woman had a memory like an elephant.
“It’s not like I hated it,” he hedged. “I never had time to get into it.”
“A newly acquired taste, is it?” Her voice sounded all innocent, but her smile was sly.
He tucked her hair behind her ear. “I think I could learn to love it.”
Now he’d bet the red in her cheeks had nothing to do with the cold. He smiled at her discomfiture as they moved to the front of the line, and he bought their drinks.
She blew into her cup before taking a tentative sip. “Where are our seats?”
Checking the tickets, he led her to their spot in the twenty-fifth row. Not exactly close to the field, but not in the nosebleed section either.
“They’re still blue,” she mused with a small smile as they found their seats.
They didn’t have much time for talk as the teams took the field. Georgia State faced Tennessee, and the din from the crowd made conversation impossible. The energy spread like electricity through a live wire.
Mandy had told him more than once she loved football. She’d even come close to coaxing him to a Falcons game right before they broke up. Seeing the pleasure light her eyes made him wish he’d given in sooner.
Minutes into the game, she was on her feet. The quarterback had thrown a successful long pass, and the wide receiver was on the run at the thirty-yard line. “Go, go, go!” she yelled.
A Tennessee player tackled him at the twenty-five.
She swore as she plopped back into her seat, and he smirked until she delivered a sharp elbow to his arm. “Get your head out of your ass, Hale. Participation is not optional.”
The next time when she jumped to her feet, he followed suit, and by halftime, he’d screamed his voice almost raw. By the end of the game, he felt so charged up, he no longer even noticed the sting.
She looped her arm through his as they wove through the crowd to get to her car. She’d let him drive to their surprise destination, but now she slid into the driver’s seat. “I’m starving. Want to grab a bite?”
He nodded. He didn’t want the day to end, but he had less than two hours before his meeting at the clubhouse. Despite his father’s dismissal, he refused to let
Sergei’s warning go unheard by the rest of his brothers.
But now wasn’t the time to think about his problems. He was going to enjoy every second with Mandy he could. The night before had been a fucking revelation. Watching her come apart in his arms had been even better than he remembered. Maybe because he appreciated it more this time around.
She’d looked like a fucking goddess with all her pale, perfect skin and peach nipples. They’d practically begged for his mouth. And fuck if he wasn’t getting hard again even thinking about it.
He had no doubt she wanted him every bit as much as he wanted her, but she wasn’t ready to trust him yet. Hell, he couldn’t blame her. She’d seen club life back in the day, and her impressions were spot on. By his brothers’ way of thinking, he could fuck anything that moved, and she’d have no right to complain. Not one of them believed in monogamy, and he hadn’t tried it once in the past thirteen years.
It didn’t mean he couldn’t go back. He’d cut off his left nut to go back. The only way to prove it, though, was to show her, so he would. He would show her she was his sun, and his world would revolve around her once again.
“Burgers okay?” Her question interrupted his thoughts.
He looked around, surprised she’d pulled into the parking lot at Applebee’s while his brain went on sabbatical.
A small group already stood waiting for a table near the hostess area, so they grabbed the last two seats at the bar.
“Let me guess.” He held his fingers to his temples. “You want a Cowboy Burger with the barbeque sauce on the side.” It was the only thing she’d ever ordered when they came here together.
She stuck out her tongue. “Show off.”
The bartender brought them their sodas, then sent back their order.
Mandy tore the paper off her straw. “Today was amazing.” She had a guarded smile, but it looked sincere. She rested her right hand next to his on the bar, the side of her pinkie brushing against his. “It was like before, but different.”