by Jen Davis
Matt crowded closer to Robby, his nearness an unexpected comfort.
“We got a problem out here?” Kane’s long strides covered the yard in the blink of an eye.
John thrashed in Brick’s grip. “No,” he gasped. “Wasn’t. Hurting. Him.”
“The fuck you weren’t.” Brick let go, and John crumpled to the ground in a heap. “I heard every bit of your bullshit no-means-yes game.” He growled.
Brick actually freaking growled.
Gingerly, John sat upright. “We have a history,” he rasped. It looked painful when he swallowed, and he rubbed his throat. “I’m not some random guy. I took care of him.”
Robby stepped forward. Having his friends surrounding him gave him an extra shot of confidence. “I don’t know how I can make it any clearer. I have moved on with my life.” He squatted in front of the man who was the center of his world for more than a year and looked him dead in the eye. “I want you to leave, John, and don’t come back. There’s nothing for you here.”
The seconds passed as John held his gaze. It was a message, one of dominance no doubt. That kind of thing had always been important to him. Eventually, he huffed and staggered to his feet. “You talk a pretty big game in front of your thug friends,” he hissed.
Brick started forward, but Matt grabbed his arm and murmured something too quietly for Robby to make out.
Either John didn’t notice or he was too worked up to care. “I remember what you looked like on your knees. I will see you there again.” With as much dignity as he could muster, he brushed the construction dust from his slacks.
Then, Matt moved like lightning, knocking him to the ground again. “If you see him again, you’d better turn and run in the other direction.”
Brick delivered a powerful kick. “You should probably get the fuck right out of town. It’s been a while since I broke any bones, but not so long I forgot how.”
John whimpered—a sound Robby had never heard from him in all the time they’d been together—and stumbled to his car. The site remained silent until his flashy red Camaro disappeared down the street. Only then did chaos erupt.
***
Matt
Brick ripped off his yellow hardhat and threw it in the dirt. His chest heaved with unspent aggression as he stomped over to Robby. “If that rancid cunt steps foot on this work site again, I will take his head off his motherfucking body.”
Kane crossed his tattooed arms over his chest. “And I know how to make a body disappear. He’s fucking with the wrong family.”
As awful as the whole display had been, Matt’s chest filled with pride over the loyalty Robby had in these two men. He’d had the same kind of bond for a while with Patty, but for more than a year, life had become an uphill climb he’d been traversing alone.
But he wasn’t alone now, was he? He had Robby, unless he managed to screw it up.
He kept quiet as the big guys continued to rant and rave about Robby’s ex and the various ways they could dispose of a body. From anyone else, he probably would have blown it off as posturing, but with these two, he couldn’t be sure. They argued for a while over the merits of sulfuric acid versus wild hogs before agreeing Robby didn’t need to know the details.
It was like Matt wasn’t even there, which was fine, because he didn’t know what to do with the leftover adrenaline from the whole confrontation. He’d knocked a man on the ground. He’d never wanted to hurt anyone so much—ever—in his entire life.
Robby didn’t say much, but he did nod at Brick’s order to come find him if he needed anything.
Brick and Kane still debated, albeit in hushed tones, as they went back into the house.
“I wish you hadn’t seen that,” Robby muttered. He eased himself down to sit on one of the steps leading to the trailer.
“Only you would worry about my feelings after going through such a thing.” Matt rubbed at the legs of his pants, willing his racing heart to slow down.
Robby smiled. “If I’m worrying about you, I don’t have to worry about me, now do I?”
Matt settled on the step beside him. It was a tight fit, but not an uncomfortable one. “You used to go out with that guy?”
“John,” Robby acknowledged. “Yeah. We lived together for about a year and a half, not long after I first came to Atlanta.”
“How long ago?”
Robby rested his head against the railing. “Seven years or so.”
Seven years? “I thought you were my age.” Seven years ago, he was still a junior in high school.
“I’m twenty-three. You’re doing the math, aren’t you?”
He’d been sixteen. God. “How old is he?”
Robby shrugged. “Forty-one? Forty-two? He kept his age kind of close to the vest. I think he was in his mid-thirties when we were together…and seemed kind of prickly about it.” He furrowed his eyebrows. “Well, I guess, on one hand, he didn’t like to be reminded of his age, but in some ways, he played up the whole Daddy dynamic.”
“Daddy dynamic?” Matt echoed.
“He likes ‘em young. What can I say? I had nowhere to go. My parents kicked me out with nothing but the clothes on my back. I slept on the street. In the shelters.” A shudder wracked his frame. “I may have been a kid when I left home, but in the few months it took me to find John, there was nothing left innocent about me.”
The longer Robby spoke, the deader his voice sounded. It made Matt’s chest tighten. He had so many questions. Why would Robby choose a man like John? What had happened in his early months in Atlanta? The look on Robby’s face stopped him from asking.
Obviously, the answers were nothing good. Still, this was Robby. “You don’t act like—I mean, you’re you. You’re sweet, and maybe you’re not innocent, but you definitely don’t seem jaded.”
“I don’t? Good.” Robby huffed out a breath through his nose. “I’ve been through some stuff. I’ve done whatever I had to do to get by. Some of it I haven’t thought about since. You want to know how I stay me? That’s how. I dig a hole and I bury things there when I can’t bear to face them. They’re not entirely gone, but they’re far enough away I can focus on having a different kind of life. I can believe I deserve friends and family, someone to love me.”
Could Robby not face his past—or was he just not ready to share it?
“I was the person I needed to be back then.” Robby gestured to himself. “This is the person I need to be now. Both of them are real. They just live in different places. I adapt. It’s survival.”
Something about those words made Matt uneasy, but if he were being honest with himself, the last half hour had pushed him entirely outside of his comfort zone. “Well, whoever you are, I’m here for you. I might not be able to get rid of a body, but I’m great at providing a distraction, and I’m an even better listener.”
“Thanks. It means a lot to have people who can accept me for who I am. Whoever that is.” He gripped the railing and pulled himself to his feet. “You deserve the same thing.”
Matt turned over those words as Robby returned to the trailer. He appreciated the sentiment. The only problem? Maybe like Robby, he wasn’t sure who he was.
And there was no one he could talk about it with. Not Patty, for obvious reasons. Not his mom. Gross.
So how did he figure it out? If he knew who he was for sure, maybe he could safely explore whatever he felt toward Robby.
There was a definite attraction there. Patty was so sure he was gay, but it felt more complicated. Why did he only feel this way about one man? He’d never really spent enough time around any other gay guys to see if there could be a spark there. Maybe the first step was in changing what he was exposed to.
He looked over his shoulder, then pulled out his phone. A quick Google search provided the names of about two dozen places listed as gay bars. And one was right down the street from Closing Time.
Briefly, he wondered if the club was where Robby had been drinking before he asked for a ride home Saturday night. He brushed it off. Even
if it was, it seemed unlikely Robby would be going out again tonight.
Resolved, he stuck his phone into his shirt pocket. He’d keep his PlayStation plans with Robby, but afterward, he’d try the bar. No one would have to know. And maybe it would give him the answers he’d asked about himself for as long as he could remember.
Chapter FOURTEEN
Matt
Matt glanced uneasily at the sea of men packed tightly into the bar. He couldn’t really get a good look at any one of them, with the lights dim and pulsing.
Running a hand over his khakis, a painful awareness reared its head, reminding him he had no idea what he was supposed to be wearing to a place like this. Though from what he could see, the attire ran the gamut from dressy to casual to shorts so short they should be illegal to wear in public.
Ignoring his nerves, he stepped up to the bar and motioned for the bartender’s attention. The bearded man didn’t even ask for his order; he just pushed two shots in his direction and walked away.
Jell-O shots. How bad could they be?
He squeezed the contents of one paper wrapper into his mouth and followed with the other.
Pretty good, actually. He could barely taste the alcohol at all. Just cherry flavoring. He raised his hand and ordered more, this time placing a twenty-dollar bill on the bar.
After he swallowed two more, a handsome blond man sidled up next to him. “Willing to share one of those with a new friend?”
“Help yourself.” He handed one over, hoping his bravado didn’t come off as forced as it was.
The blond took his time, sweeping his tongue over the shot and curling the Jell-O into his mouth. “First time here, darlin’?”
He nodded, watching with fascination as the man’s tongue slid another shot into his mouth.
The guy chuckled. “Take the last one and come dance.” He slid his hand over Matt’s arm. “Don’t look so scared. I won’t bite. Not on the first date.”
He came for this, right?
He downed the last shot and followed his new friend to the dance floor. It only took a few seconds to remember he didn’t know how to dance.
But, it seemed, he didn’t have to.
The blond took hold of him by the hip and the opposite shoulder and moved his body to the pulsing beat of the music. Soon, Matt could pick up the rhythm on his own, and his partner moved even closer.
Having a stranger’s body crushed against him was awkward, but it got a little easier when he closed his eyes. He tried to parcel out the sensations and couldn’t deny the physical pleasure of moving with the music and the closeness of another person.
He let himself imagine for a moment he was dancing with Robby, which worked almost too well. Because when he opened his eyes and saw a stranger, it was worse than feeling nothing. It was kind of gross.
No more pretending. From that moment on, he concentrated wholly on his partner, who, by the way, looked a bit like an actor on one of his mom’s soap operas. The fit man filled out his skinny jeans in all the right places. He had high and well-defined cheekbones. The man probably could have done a little modeling.
So, when the guy leaned toward him, seeking a kiss, he let it happen.
And it left him positively cold.
The stranger’s lips mashed all against him, his tongue making an insistent play to get inside Matt’s mouth. It was awful. Nothing like what he’d shared with Robby.
He stepped back and shook his head in an unspoken apology, but he couldn’t think of any explanation where he wouldn’t insult the guy.
“It’s okay.” The man blew a kiss into the air. “Plenty of fish in the sea.”
Grateful for an easy exit, he scurried back to the bar. More Jell-O shots followed. And more men approached. Tall men. Short men. Black. White. Asian. Skinny. Muscular. Fat.
He danced once or twice more, but he couldn’t bring himself to try anything else.
His experiment ended as an abysmal failure.
At least he learned he liked Jell-O shots.
It was almost midnight when his Lyft driver dropped him back home. He fell into bed and dreamed of being back on the dance floor. Only this time, Robby snuggled in his arms, and the kiss was one that rocked his world.
***
Robby
Robby had just settled in for his standard frozen dinner in front of the TV Tuesday night when a knock on the door forced his attention away from an old rerun of Big Bang Theory. He scowled as he set the plastic tray on the coffee table. Probably someone trying to sell him something. As it was, he already had more Girl Scout cookies than he’d ever know what to do with.
Still, he couldn’t ignore whoever it was, no matter how gross his pot pie would be when it got cold. Maybe he could politely send the kid packing by pretending to be sick.
He coughed as he swung open the door. “I’m sorry. I—Parker?”
His old friend shot him a Cheshire grin and breezed past him into the apartment as if he’d been invited. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you after you left the club. I just had to track you down and see your amazing new life for myself.”
Closing the door, Robby felt acutely aware of the small, spartan space where he lived. Compared to the apartment he’d shared with John, it looked more like a hovel than something his old friend would consider amazing. “How did you find me?”
Parker wrinkled his nose for a split second before settling in on the sofa. With his perfectly styled hair and designer royal blue silky shirt, he would have been far better suited someplace higher end. He waved off the question. “A friend of a friend has a LexisNexis account and helped me track you down. We made a drinking game out of it.”
Robby perched on the edge of the sofa cushion beside him. He couldn’t think of a thing to say.
Parker didn’t suffer from the same problem. “Hanging out together again felt a little like old times.”
“It wasn’t.”
“You mean because you’re not with John anymore? The two of you always seemed meant for each other. The way he always fawned over you and bought you things. Like your PlayStation and all those nice clothes.” Parker leaned forward like he was sharing some juicy gossip. “I saw you smiling with him the other night. And I saw the two of you slip off to a dark corner.”
Robby gritted his teeth. “Are you kidding me? When have you ever not seen me smiling? It’s what I do. It’s what we all do.”
Parker’s salacious grin dissolved.
“It was one of the first lessons I learned. Well, the first lesson was to look for a guy in a button-down shirt and slacks, right?”
“And a blazer,” Parker murmured.
“Yeah. It took me one night on the streets and three in the shelter before the guy on the bunk next to me clued me in on the way things work.”
Smile. No matter what happens. No matter what they ask you to do. Do it and smile.
The advice had served him well.
“He told me, ‘Just flash those puppy dog eyes and roll over when they tell you to.’ He was right.” Going home that night with the guy who called himself Tex may have meant a few unpleasant minutes in the bedroom, but it had given Robby a safe place to sleep for the first time since his dad had thrown him out.
“Of course he was right.” Parker settled back in his seat. “Mother Nature made babies look so innocent and cute for a reason.”
Robby nodded. “People want to take care of them. It’s a biological imperative. Even ugly animals are cute when they’re babies.”
“Yeah, well, your buddy should’ve warned you to watch out for the predators.” Parker smirked. “In the wild, they eat the babies first.”
Robby rubbed at the tension building in his neck. The lesson had come a little too late. “Why are you really here, Parker? Did John tell you he tracked me down at work?”
“He did?” Parker’s eyes narrowed. “What happened?”
“I told him to get lost.” Which part of him wanted to do with Parker now. “Now I’ll ask you again. Why ar
e you here?”
His old friend shrugged. “Guess I wanted to see how the other half lives. What my life might’ve been like if I’d left the way you did.” Parker looked around, barely trying to hide his disdain. “I’ve got to be honest. I don’t see the appeal.”
No. He wouldn’t. But Parker didn’t know the small part of Robby’s soul he’d sacrificed to get here. Holding the dark memories at bay, Robby stood and walked back to the front door. “It was nice of you to drop by.”
He smiled and they both knew the familiar expression for the lie it was. “Maybe we’ll catch up some more later.”
Parker swept a kiss over his cheek on the way out.
Robby spent the next hour trying to shove old memories back into the box where he kept them locked tight, but for some reason, they wouldn’t fit. John had found him at work. Parker had come to his apartment. The old life he’d worked so hard to escape was too close for comfort.
He paced the floor. Twice, he almost poured himself a drink.
Then he picked up the phone. Stared at it. And made the call.
Matt answered on the first ring.
Robby gathered his courage. “Can you come over?” He hated how small his voice sounded.
“I just got out of class. I’m on my way.” No questions. No delays.
He was there in ten minutes. “Tell me what you need.”
Robby growled. His own weakness made him want to put a fist through the wall. Instead, he sank into the sofa and dropped his head into his hands. “I need to be someone else. Anyone else.”
The cushion beside him sagged under Matt’s weight. “No. No way. I like who you are.”
It was only true because Matt didn’t really know who he was. Robby looked up. “My own family didn’t like who I was.”
At least not once they learned the truth about him.
“I grew up in a very religious household. Small town. Almost a relic from the past. It was all I knew, though. My parents, my brothers and sister. We were all close, you know? But they didn’t know I was gay.”