by Jen Davis
He scrambled into his clothes and left the bastard in a pool of blood rapidly sinking into the upholstery.
“I went back to John’s, packed a bag, and never looked back.”
A lone tear trickled down Robby’s face before he swiped it away. Apparently, he was still capable of crying. “It took me a while before I could stop thinking about the coke all the time, especially when the memories got bad. But my meetings made all the difference. I haven’t gotten high since, and I haven’t cut myself either, no matter how bad it gets.”
“Cut yourself?” Matt’s voice remained even, but judging by the look in his eyes, it cost him.
Robby took a deep breath, then held out his arms. The shiny, silvery-white lines chronicled his last few months as John’s item for trade. “I never wanted you to see. Every day I look at these, I’m reminded how weak and pathetic I was back then.”
“Bullshit.” Matt’s sharp tone cut him off. “Your scars don’t prove you were weak. They prove you were strong enough to survive.”
“The cutting gave me some control at a time when I didn’t have any. Just like the coke, I knew I was hurting myself, but I didn’t care. Now I do.” Reminding himself he’d broken his shackles gave him the strength to finally throw the blade away the night Matt walked away. He refused to reenter the cycle of self-harm.
Still…
“I understand if you can’t look at me the same, knowing what I’ve done. Sometimes, I can barely look at myself.”
Matt’s intense stare softened. “God, Rob, none of this was your fault. You’ve been through hell. And I won’t judge you for what you had to do to pull yourself out. I love you.”
Something hard inside Robby yielded, but it didn’t change the reality of what had happened. “I believe you, and I love you too, but I’m not sure where we can go from here. You didn’t leave because you didn’t love me. You left so you could keep your boy—you can’t just will the problem away. And I kept things from you. Things you deserved to know if we ever had a chance at a life together.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore. I understand why you didn’t tell me.”
He chuckled softly. “Liar.”
Matt gripped his hands and scooted closer. “You were ashamed. Afraid. Even if you did have a choice, and I don’t think you did, your past is behind you. Patty has no right to judge you for it. I won’t let her keep us apart. There has to be a way to hold onto you and Jimmy both. Please.” His voice cracked. “Please let me try.”
He wanted to. Oh, how he wanted to. But he’d unloaded a lot on Matt tonight. What if he decided one day the truth was too much? What if the next time Robby’s past popped up, it tipped Patty right over the edge?
“I think we both need a little time. A little space.”
“But Rob—” Matt sunk to his knees on the floor. “I’m ready to fight for us. Let me.”
Robby slid his hand over Matt’s cheek. “I need you to go. I’m not saying forever. But I am asking, for now. If you love me, respect me enough to do what I’m asking. You need to think about Jimmy. You’ll never forgive yourself if you lose your chance to be his father.”
Matt took a deep breath. He covered Robby’s hand with his own for a heartbeat, then released it and stood.
“I’ll go.” Head down, he started to leave but stopped with the door open. “I’m not giving up on you, though. As long as there’s a chance, I’ll keep coming back, until I can prove to you I’ll never walk away again. I’m going to find a way to keep you and Jimmy in my life.”
Chapter TWENTY-NINE
Robby
It felt surreal going back to the construction-site without Matt there, knowing he’d probably never return. In a way, though, it freed them both. There was no room on the job for love or the loss of it. Whether he and Matt ever worked through their issues, Robby needed to keep a clear head at work.
At least it was what he told himself.
“You’ve been ducking my calls,” Brick rumbled as he stepped into the trailer where Robby sat behind Xander’s computer.
“Mine too,” Kane groused, closing the flimsy door behind him.
The two men settled on the small sofa against the long wall, their big shoulders taking up all the space. They mirrored each other, arms folded, jaws tight.
“This isn’t just a honeymoon period for you and Matt, is it?” Brick cocked his head. “Something’s going on.”
Robby thought about lying. About smiling and saying everything was fine. But it wasn’t. And if his best friends in the world—his brothers—couldn’t handle the truth, well, they weren’t the men he thought they were.
“I’ve never really told you a lot about myself.”
Brick blinked. “You said your family tossed you out when you were young.”
“Sixteen. I went from living in a tiny backwater town to downtown Atlanta. I had no idea what to do to get a roof over my head.” Steeling himself, he continued, “I tried a shelter. Lost my virginity there in the worst way you could imagine.”
Kane nodded subtly, but Brick went stock still.
“I figured out really fast I’d rather deal with one guy—any guy—for a place to sleep, rather than four or five at a time.”
Brick shot to his feet, but Kane pulled him back down with softly spoken words. “It’s come and gone, brother. Let the man tell you his story.”
“Kane’s right.” Robby came from the behind the desk and leaned against the front of the scarred wood. “It can’t hurt me anymore.”
From there, he told them about his first trips to the bars. About finding men to take him home. John. Parker. Even Harry. And his escape. “I never thought I’d have it in me to kill somebody, but I can’t bring myself to be sorry for it. Not even now.”
“Course you’re not,” Kane growled. “Some people deserve to die.”
Robby gripped his hands together. “I’d understand if you looked at me differently.”
Brick let out a heavy exhale. “At least you’ve only killed someone who deserved it. I’ve killed plenty who didn’t. Do you look at me differently?”
Of course not. “That was the old you.”
“And all this—everything you just told us—that wasn’t the old you?” Brick pressed. But he didn’t wait for an answer. “Does Matt know?”
Kane rubbed his chin. “It’s what this is all about, am I right? Your disappearing act? The radio silence? It went bad.”
“I wasn’t honest.” Robby swallowed. “He found out about it all in the worst possible way. And so did his son’s mother.”
“Do I need to break his legs?”
“No, Brick.” He had no doubt his friend would do it in a heartbeat. “He could lose his little boy over this. This could give Patty ammunition in a custody fight, and Matt’s baby is everything to him—as he should be. We need to work this out ourselves. Just—be my friend. Can you do that?”
“No, man.” Brick stood, his six-and-a-half-foot frame towering over him. “We’re not friends.”
Kane stood beside him. “Not friends. Family.”
Brick nodded. “Forever.”
It felt like a hug-it-out moment, but a tap on the trailer door interrupted them.
“Um. Hello? I’m looking for a Rob Jordan.” A tinny voice leaked into the room, followed by another knock. “Is anyone there?”
Eyebrows drawn together, Brick pushed open the door.
A skinny, balding delivery guy held out a spring bouquet. “Mr. Jordan?”
Brick swiped the flowers out of the man’s hand and held them out to Robby before digging some cash out of his pocket for a tip.
Flowers. He didn’t have to read the card to know where they came from. Still, with shaking hands, he tugged the small, thick square from the envelope.
You deserve a lifetime of flowers.
I love you.
Not just the best part of you. Not just the idea of you.
I will love you until the end of time.
Robby held the card and the f
lowers to his chest, and before he could wrap his head around the unsigned card, his phone buzzed in his pocket.
Matt: I’m sitting outside your apartment. With a grand gesture. I’ll wait. As long as I have to.
“I need to go,” he murmured.
Kane dropped a hand on his shoulder. “Go work it out, brother.”
He fought the urge to drive a hundred miles an hour back to his apartment. He went ninety-five at the most. Surely, the police would understand.
Thankfully, he never had to explain.
His mind spun, wondering what Matt would consider a grand gesture.
He didn’t have to wonder for very long. As soon as he pulled up, he found his front porch covered in flowers. Colorful carnations, daisies, tulips. Sunflowers, lilies, begonias. Pansies, lilacs, and some blooms he didn’t even recognize.
And in the center of it all sat Matt, leaning against the front door with his eyes closed. He startled and jumped up when he heard Robby’s approach, the daisies clutched in his hand. He held them out, helplessly. “Th—these are for you.”
Robby accepted them, his gaze sweeping across the porch then locking on Matt’s face. “I figured.”
“You told me once—your favorite part of a romantic movie was when the guy—”
“I remember.” He swept as many flowers as he could into his arms. “Help me bring these inside.”
Matt grabbed the last few arrangements and followed him in.
“You didn’t have to do all this. You don’t have the money to waste on this.”
Matt dropped the flowers on the table, then spun to face him. “A waste? Is that what you think?” He advanced. “You could never be a waste.”
Matt cupped his cheeks. “You are worth anything—everything to me. I love you, Rob. With all I have and all I am. And I hope you’re willing to try again, but if you’re not ready, I’ll wait, but I won’t give up. I’m willing to do the work. For as long as it takes. Until you believe—until you know. You. Are. Worth. It.”
The still-wounded part of him fought against it, but Robby’s heart could not deny the truth right in front of him. “It’s a lot easier to forgive you than it is to forgive myself. You think maybe you could help me there?”
The answer didn’t come in words. Matt leaned in for a kiss. Tender, just a gentle sweep of his lips. But it was enough.
The emotion—the connection—threatened to overwhelm him. The kiss answered prayers he hadn’t dared to give voice to. The man he thought he’d never get back held him in his arms now shared his breath. He’d offer up his soul right now if Matt wanted it.
But he had to be sure; he had to ask one more time. Fighting his deepest instincts, he pulled back and held Matt at arms’ length. “I want this. More than anything, I want a life with you, but I need to know you’re all in. I’m not sure my heart can take having you, then losing you again. Maybe you need to take some more time to think about what you really want.”
“No. I already know. I was miserable without you. Even with the best possible future in front of me—a future you made possible, by the way—nothing felt right. Somehow, my world is only complete with you in it. I don’t need more time; I just need you. Trust me, I’m not giving up on a life with you or my son.”
***
Matt
Matt could see the second Robby accepted his words as the truth. Those gorgeous brown eyes, so full of vulnerability, softened, along with the tight lines bracketing his mouth.
And words were no longer necessary.
Robby took the lead, leaning in first for the kiss, but they met somewhere in the middle. It was a tender joining, a brush of lips. Matt’s hands glided up his lover’s bare arms, the scars imperceptible beneath his fingertips.
Gently, Robby’s kisses drifted to the column of his throat. “Be with me tonight.”
Matt could only moan his consent, but it was enough. They rose together, headed toward the bedroom, dropping their clothes like breadcrumbs in their wake. This time, the light stayed on.
Finally, he could drink in Robby’s beauty, and oh, was he beautiful. A light dusting of hair covered the center of his slim but defined pecs. It vanished over his tight stomach and reappeared in a trail below his navel leading down to the trim patch around his half-hard cock. Indeed, he did have a small birthmark.
Matt wrapped his hand around the ruddy skin, growing empowered as it hardened further in his grip. “Let me make you feel good tonight.”
No way he could work the same kind of magic Robby had for him, but damn he wanted to try. “Say yes.”
“Yes.”
His heart raced. “Lie down.”
Robby climbed across the bed, giving him a quick flash of his marked shoulder blades and firm, round ass before settling on his back.
Matt couldn’t help but stare at the beautiful, defined lines of Robby’s body. “I want to taste you.”
“Yes.”
Moving slowly, he climbed up Robby’s legs, resting with his face just inches away from the now full-on erection. He grasped it at the base, as Robby had done for him, then licked the underside with the flat of his tongue.
His lover shuddered beneath him.
Emboldened, he swirled around the tip, then swallowed as much of the length as he could. Sucking, he bobbed his head up, then down. He knew right away he wasn’t coordinated enough to use his mouth and his hand in tandem. Not yet. Instead of striving for the near perfection Robby had delivered, he took his time learning what touches, licks, and movements made his partner moan, groan, and downright beg.
Robby undulated beneath him. “Stop. Please. I want to feel all of you against me.”
Yes.
Matt slid himself up so his body pressed flush against Robby’s. Their dicks slid against one another, slick from the moisture his mouth had left behind. Every inch of him tingled where they touched, and he ached for Robby to fill him the way he had before.
“Get me ready,” he breathed against Robby’s warm, damp skin. “I want to feel you inside of me.”
Robby stilled. “Are you sure? You can top if you want.”
“Not tonight. Will you…make love to me?”
With a groan, Robby reached for his nightstand and pulled out a small bag. “Switch places with me.”
No need to tell him twice. Once he was on his back, Robby dropped his head, but instead of going for his cock, he dipped lower. Hooking his hands under Matt’s knees, Robby pulled his legs apart. His tongue swirled expertly around, then inside of Matt’s opening.
Exquisite. Matt let his knees fall outward to give better access. In and out, his lover’s deft tongue coaxed and massaged, and Matt’s tight muscles relaxed under his ministrations. Using his thumbs, Robby widened the hole to allow him to delve deeper. The tip of one thumb edged inside, played and teased.
Pulling back to sit on his heels, Robby bit his lip. “I love you. I’m going to spend this night showing you exactly how much.”
Matt already knew.
Unzipping the bag, Robby deliberately pulled out the lube and coated his fingers with the clear liquid. “The way you look at me. No one has ever looked at me that way before.” His gaze locked on Matt’s and didn’t waver as he slid the first digit inside. Robby moved as slowly and carefully as he did their first time, and he was just as thorough. One finger became two, and just as the sting made way to pleasure, he gripped Matt’s cock with his other hand. The laser-like focus of his stare made the experience even more erotic.
Without thought, Matt swiveled his hips and the sensations skyrocketed.
“Yes, baby. You are so sexy, working my hands,” Robby whispered. He thrust his fingers faster.
“Give me more,” Matt pleaded.
“I’ll give you anything.”
The absence of Robby’s hands left his body crying out for more touch. A rip of foil and a heartbeat later, the familiar pressure of Robby’s erection pressed for entry.
“Do it. Do it,” Matt pleaded. “Show me I’m yours.�
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And in one thrust, Robby gave him what he asked for. “You are mine. Only mine. Tell me you want this. You want me.”
He ran his hands over the cheeks of Robby’s ass. “Please. I want it. You. So. Much.”
Robby pulled out leisurely and slid back in. “Tell me you love me.”
Matt clenched his lover’s hips. “I love you. Please, Rob.”
The next deep plunge cut him off, and Robby took him, strong, steady, and sure. Pleasure drowned out the little wisps of pain.
Robby grabbed the lube, dousing his erection again in a moment between thrusts and spreading the wetness over Matt’s cock too.
He didn’t wait for Robby’s instruction; he gripped himself, his hand making quick work, escalating his pleasure.
“I’m not going to last, Matt. Come with me. Fly with me, baby.”
The slap of Robby’s pelvis against his ass, the driving pressure, and the slick slide of his hand, along with the gruff edge of the words drove him over the edge with a shout. As his eyes rolled back, Robby went silent and rigid…then let out a heavy breath.
The world stood still.
Then, Robby rubbed a hand along Matt’s arm. “Don’t move.”
Matt mourned the loss the fullness as Robby pulled out and stepped over to the bathroom. His body might never feel complete again without the other man beside him—or inside him. Thankfully, his lover returned quickly with a warm washcloth he ran over Matt’s stomach and below, taking care of him yet again in his tender way.
By the time Robby turned off the lights and settled in beside him, exhaustion had wrapped him in its grip. He fought it as long as he could, determined to appreciate the moment and the man snuggled up in his arms. What if something snatched this happiness away and he’d wasted a perfect part of it by drifting off?
Robby must’ve known, or maybe he felt it too. “Sleep,” he whispered. “I promise, we’ll still be together when we wake up.”
He held the vow close to his heart, allowing him to let go and drift off into a content and peaceful oblivion.