All I Have Left of You

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All I Have Left of You Page 11

by Laura Daniels

‘Yeah, sure, a couple of drinks would be nice, and then maybe after you and me could go out for lunch? I’ll be starving!’ Before I’d started uni, a couple of drinks during the day sounded like hell, but that was the beauty of uni, it desensitised you to a number of things; drinking during the day, students throwing up on the pavements, ridiculous outfits, sleeping in until three in the afternoon.

  I didn’t partake in all of these activities. I hadn’t lost myself completely, and there were still plenty of evenings where I’d retreat to my room early to read or call my parents. I was also proud to say that I’d never thrown up on the pavement. Not even once.

  ‘Yeah, of course, I know a place that makes amazing pizzas. In fact, we could have drinks there, too. It’s a Moroccan bar Sam introduced me to, really chilled out. What do you think?’

  ‘Yeah,’ I said with a smile. ‘That sounds lovely. I better go. I can’t zip up my bag with one hand, and I still have one more thing to pack.’ I eyed the Ann Summers bag that sat on my bed and blushed a little. Why on earth had I let Roanna talk me into this?

  ‘Okay, sweetheart. I’ll see you soon. Love you.’

  ‘I love you too, babe.’

  I ended the call and stared at the pink Ann Summers bag. Was I really going to take that with me?

  Screw it, I thought, you only live once.

  The eighteen-minute train journey from Leeds to Huddersfield seemed to last a lifetime, and when the train finally arrived at the platform, I was as giddy as a child on Christmas morning. I couldn’t get out of my seat fast enough, and as I stood with my heavy bags in hand, waiting to get off, I was practically bouncing on the balls of my feet.

  When the doors finally opened, I pushed my way through as many people as I could, and my excited smile was uncontrollable. When I saw my Michael stood there with a bouquet of colourful flowers in his hands, I was instantly at home. He looked as handsome as ever, his dark hair was shaggy, and recently he’d been sporting a light, stubbly beard. It made him look ever so manly, and I loved it. He wore a pair of black jeans with a navy blue coat and a black scarf.

  When he caught sight of me, a grin spread across his face, and his chocolate brown eyes lit the whole train station. It suddenly felt like we’d never been apart. He opened his arms wide, and I ran into them so fast he grunted when I finally made contact with him. I wrapped my arms around his middle and squeezed tight as though to be sure it was definitely him. I closed my eyes and inhaled, taking in his familiar scent, the familiar feel of his body against mine.

  ‘I’ve missed you, Lina. I’ve missed you so much,’ he whispered against my hair.

  ‘I’ve missed you too, babe,’ I said, lifting my head from

  his shoulder so that I could kiss him. His lips tasted like chewing gum.

  ‘I can’t wait to get you back to mine. Alone,’ he said with a smirk.

  My tummy flipped, and I thought about what I had in my hold-all. ‘Me neither. One quick drink and a pizza, yeah?’

  Michael laughed. The sound was rich and full-bodied. ‘Yes.’

  We walked for about ten minutes through the town centre. Above us, the brazen winter sun shone down from a clear blue sky, but the icy temperature made my nose and ears hurt, and my toes felt like they might fall off. But with Michael’s gloved holding mine, I was happy. I could be walking through the arctic naked with Michael and still be happy. I was, however, relieved to escape the cold when we came to the little Moroccan bar that Michael had told me about, despite my initial reservations about the place.

  ‘This is it?’ I asked dubiously, as I studied the exterior.

  For starters, it wasn’t exactly in the nicest part of town, and we’d passed by groups of teenagers bunking off school, drinking and smoking in the street.

  Michael laughed. ‘That was exactly my reaction at first. But trust me, you’ll love it.’

  I followed him through the blue-painted doors and up a

  rickety staircase. The floor was wooden and chipped in places, and I was careful not to hold on to the railings too tight in case they fell beneath my weight. It smelled funny too. Cold and damp.

  Michael laughed as he watched my expression. ‘Honestly, it’s fine, Lina.’

  ‘Where on earth have you brought me?’ I laughed.

  At the top of the stairs, we turned a corner and came to some double wooden doors. I hesitantly followed Michael through them, and when we emerged on the other side, I was gobsmacked.

  The walls were painted in warm oranges, reds, and yellows, and several exotic plants were plotted in corners and between the wooden tables and mismatched chairs. Sheer red curtains lined the windows and upon the windowsills were rows of old, dog-eared books and board games, their boxes tatty and worn. Much unlike the damp smell on the staircase, the bar smelled like exotic spices, jasmine, and spiced pear. The music was relaxing, a bit like a spa with pipes and acoustic guitars.

  ‘Well?’ Michael asked.

  ‘It’s not bad, I’ll give you that.’ I grinned.

  Michael laughed. ‘Wait until you try the food!’

  We headed to the bar and ordered drinks and a pizza. They didn’t have anything wasn’t made in Morocco, so I ordered a glass of Rioja Reserva, a Moroccan red, and Michael ordered a Moroccan beer. You could choose your own toppings for your pizza, but there was no meat on the menu, so we ordered one with peppers, olives, onions, garlic butter, and extra cheese. Good thing we were both having it or he’d never kiss me later.

  With our drinks in hand and the pizza ordered, we headed up another flight of stairs where Paul and Sam were meeting us. We soon came into another room of the same colour scheme, but this one was a bit smaller, with only five low wooden circular tables. Maroon velvet beanbags sat around them. There was only one couple sat in there, so I assumed that Sam and Paul weren’t here yet.

  But then the girl’s eyes widened. ‘Mikey! There you are!’ she said happily and got to her feet. She went straight for Michael, giving him a hug and a kiss on both cheeks.

  ‘There you are, mate!’ Paul said in a Geordie accent. He stayed sat down, supping on his beer. ‘This must be Lina!’

  ‘Yeah. Er, hi. Nice to meet you both,’ I said, a little taken aback. Was this Sam? I hadn’t expected Sam to be a girl. Michael had never said, and whenever I’d said ‘he’ during our conversations, he’d never corrected me.

  ‘It’s so good to meet you, Lina. I’m Sam! Mikey has told me so much about you!’ Sam said. I suddenly found her annoyingly perky. She was very pretty with waist-length blonde hair and a nose ring. She wore a maroon maxi dress with a pair of black Dr Martens and a mid-length black fur coat. She made me feel a bit average in my blue jeans, cream jumper and brown New Look boots.

  ‘Yeah, I’ve heard a lot about you guys too,’ I said, trying to stay cool.

  ‘Sit down, guys. You’re making me tired just looking at you,’ Paul laughed, running his hands over his shaved head.

  We all sat down, and I shrugged out of my coat. Michael grabbed my hand and held it in his, squeezing a little harder than usual.

  ‘Paul had a bit of a heavy one last night, he only got in about three hours ago,’ Sam explained brightly, obviously unaware of how annoying she was.

  I nodded and took a sip of my wine. I felt it go to my head straight away. I’d only eaten a bowl of Shreddies today. My stomach growled, and I vowed not to drink any more wine until I’d eaten my share of the pizza.

  ‘So, what has Mike been telling you about us?’ Paul asked. ‘All good I hope!’ he added with a wink.

  Sam laughed out loud at that. ‘Like anyone could ever say anything good about you!’

  Paul put his hands over his chest and feigned a heartbroken look, and then, he said, ‘That’s not what you

  said last Friday night.’

  Sam rolled her eyes.

  ‘Michael’s just told me that he spends a lot of time with you guys,’ I answered with a forced smile. ‘That he stays up into the early hours playing video games with you.’
r />   Paul laughed. ‘Not me, love. I leave that to these two nerds.’

  Oh. Great. My boyfriend was staying up late with a pretty girl in his bedroom. Just lovely.

  ‘So, did you all meet at climbing?’ I asked, going against my vow and taking another sip of wine. I already knew the answer to my question, but I suddenly felt incredibly awkward and wanted to keep the conversation going; whether I ended up talking about the weather or how comfortable the beanbags were, I didn’t care.

  ‘Yeah,’ Sam answered with enthusiasm. ‘Our climbing trip was brilliant last weekend! I fell and hurt my ankle, and your Mikey was my knight in shining armour. He really looked after me.’ She looked at Michael in a way I didn’t like. It was the way I looked at him.

  My tummy flipped, and not in a good way. In a horrible something-is-eating-away-at-you way. ‘He’s a good one, that’s for sure,’ I said, knowing all too well that my smile didn’t reach my eyes. I tried to pull my hand out of Michael’s grasp, but he held on tighter.

  ‘Don’t give me too much credit, Sam, all I did was carry you to the paramedics,’ Michael said light-heartedly, taking a swig of his beer. I noticed then he’d almost finished it.

  ‘Yeah, but still. My hero.’ She held up her hands to make a heart shape.

  Michael looked away from her and at the table. He looked a bit confused.

  ‘So, what do you study, Sam?’ I asked her, directing her attention to me and away from my boyfriend. Michael looked relieved, and his hand loosened around mine.

  ‘Performing Arts,’ Sam said smugly. ‘I like to get in touch with every part of myself through acting, dancing, and singing. I feel like you can’t fully know yourself until you’ve explored yourself in that way.’

  ‘Blah, blah, blah,’ Paul mocked.

  Sam rolled her eyes. ‘What do you study, Lina?’

  I didn’t like that she called me ‘Lina’; that was reserved for friends. ‘I study journalism,’ I replied. ‘I have an internship already lined up for after graduation at a newspaper back in Manchester.’

  ‘Ah, so you’re a career type. Just like Mikey and his architecture.’ Her tone came off a little patronising.

  ‘I like writing. I like telling stories, and I like to get to the truth. That’s why I’m studying to be a journalist. What are

  you hoping to do when you graduate?’

  Sam smiled. ‘I’ll probably move back down to London with some friends and work in cafes while I perfect my craft.’

  I nodded and forced a smile. ‘Maybe one day I’ll be writing about you in the papers.’

  ‘That’s the spirit!’ Sam yelped. ‘I approve Mikey, I like her,’ she said, reaching out and squeezing his thigh. Michael flinched a little.

  I bit my tongue and got to my feet. ‘I’m gonna go to the loo before the pizza comes.’

  Michael jumped up as well. ‘I’ll come with you.’

  ‘Don’t be shagging in the toilets, you two lovebirds,’ Sam laughed after us.

  I picked up my pace, wanting to get away from Michael. I needed a moment or two alone. To call Roanna or Kit perhaps. My mind was racing. Why was Sam grabbing my boyfriend’s leg, why did she call him ‘Mikey’, and why had Michael kept her gender a secret from me?

  Just as I was about to reach the toilets, Michael grabbed my arm. I turned to face him.

  ‘Are you okay, Lina?’ Michael asked, but his expression told me he knew full well that I wasn’t.

  ‘What do you think, Mikey?’ I snapped and folded my arms across my chest. ‘That girl out there just squeezed your thigh, you’re her knight in shining armour and you spend all your nights cooped up in your room with her. Why didn’t you tell me Sam was a girl? Why didn’t you correct me when I kept saying ‘he’ and ‘him’ whenever we spoke about her? God, I feel like such an idiot.’

  ‘You don’t have to feel like an idiot, Lina,’ Michael said softly.

  ‘Well, I do. I’ve been telling you for weeks to ‘have a good night with Sam’ not knowing she was some attractive girl with massive boobs who grabs your leg and makes heart shapes with her hands at you. Why didn’t you tell me?’

  Michael looked speechless. ‘I don’t know,’ he finally said. ‘I should have done. I’m sorry. I really am, Lina. I didn’t mean to upset you.’

  ‘Well, it’s too late for that!’ I said through gritted teeth. ‘Why does she think she can grab your leg and look at you…well, the way I look at you?’

  ‘I don’t know. She’s never done that before, I swear. She’s acting weird,’ he said.

  ‘She obviously fancies you, Michael,’ I retorted.

  ‘No.’ He shook his head. ‘She’s been sleeping with Paul on and off for the last few weeks. She fancies him.’

  ‘Well, she hasn’t grabbed his leg, and she hasn’t called him her knight in shining armour. And how dare she say she ‘approves’ of me? Like she has the authority to approve me!’ I was furious. I wanted to be alone. ‘Look, I’m just gonna go straight back to Leeds. I’m not in the mood for a romantic weekend with you anymore.’

  Michael looked hurt. ‘No. Please, Elina. Nothing has happened, nothing ever will happen. I love you! Please stay!’

  ‘I’m not staying here with her!’ I said a little too loudly. Luckily, I didn’t think the table was within earshot, although to be honest, I wouldn’t have been all that bothered if she had heard me.

  ‘Okay, we’ll go back to mine then,’ Michael said. He lived with a guy from his course called Simon in a house not too far away. Simon was in Spain with his girlfriend at the moment which was why this weekend had been set to be so romantic. ‘I’ll tell them I have a headache and that I want to get back?’

  Reluctantly, I nodded. ‘Fine.’

  ‘I’ll go and get your stuff, and we’ll ask for the pizza to go,’ Michael said softly, braving a smile.

  I wasn’t quite ready to smile back yet. ‘Okay.’

  ‘Lina, I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you. I guess I didn’t want you to worry or get jealous,’ Michael said for the hundredth time.

  We sat on his bed apart. I sat with a plush lamb in my lap. I’d bought it for Michael before we’d left for uni. He’d called it Lina Lamb. Its shiny black eyes were buried beneath the white fur, and I dug my finger around them to bring them out a bit. And then I thought of all the times Michael had Sam here in his room with him. Had she held Lina Lamb in her lap too? I put her to one side.

  ‘I wouldn’t be worried if you hadn’t lied to me,’ I said.

  ‘I didn’t lie,’ Michael replied.

  I huffed. ‘Fine, you didn’t technically lie, but you didn’t correct me. How is that any better?’ There was no way he was winning this argument.

  ‘I’m so sorry, Lina. But you have to believe me when I say nothing has happened between us. Do you believe me, sweetheart? You know I’d never hurt you.’ He spoke so quietly that there might have been a lump in his throat.

  ‘I know you wouldn’t. But I don’t like that you kept this from me.’ I never thought Michael would keep anything from me.

  ‘I know. And I promise I’ll never keep anything from you again. Please, will you forgive me? I fucked up, Lina. I know that. But please can we get past this?’ His brown eyes started to shine with tears.

  I took a deep breath and reached for his hand. He grabbed onto mine for dear life. ‘I don’t want to lose you, Michael.

  Just don’t hurt me again, okay?’

  ‘I promise, Lina. I love you so much. I’ve loved you for years, and each day I wake up I swear I love you more.’ He spoke so passionately.

  I finally managed a small smile. ‘I think I love you more every day too.’

  His eyes lit up. ‘That smile is what I live for, Lina. I’m so sorry I made it fade for a bit.’

  I nodded. ‘Thank you. But maybe you should talk to Sam? She was inappropriate with you at the bar.’

  Michael’s brow furrowed. ‘Yeah, she was. She hasn’t been like that before. And when I carried her when she hurt he
r ankle it was for less than a minute.’

  ‘I think she was trying to make me jealous,’ I said. ‘And I hate that she calls you Mikey.’

  ‘That’s new as well. It seemed to me like she was almost trying to piss you off.’

  ‘Yeah,’ I agreed. ‘It did.’

  Michael let out a long sigh and moved closer to me at long last. ‘Do you think we can move on with our weekend now? I really have missed you.’ His voice was a whisper against my neck, and I shivered. Tingles ran over my skin.

  I smiled, licking my lips. ‘I’ve missed you, too. It feels like it’s been ages since I last kissed you properly.’

  He covered my mouth with his and shifted so that he was on top of me. His tongue delved into my mouth, wet and hot, and I kissed him back hungrily, reaching to grab his hair in my hands, pulling it gently. I loved doing that when we kissed. His hands trailed beneath my jumper, and he reached beneath my bra to cup my breasts. I moaned as the tips of his fingers ran over my nipples, and I felt him harden against me.

  ‘Wait,’ I said, reluctantly pulling my mouth from his. He moved his kiss to my neck where he sucked on my flesh.

  ‘I’ve waited long enough, Lina. I need you now,’ he breathed against my neck. His breath was hot, and I almost succumbed.

  ‘I’ve brought something. I promise it’ll be worth the wait,’ I said huskily.

  ‘You’re killing me, Miss Lawrence,’ Michael groaned.

  I suddenly felt incredibly sexy. ‘You’ve seen nothing yet.’

  I stared into Michael’s bathroom mirror and couldn’t help but giggle.

  Roanna had convinced me to buy a lacy black bodysuit with holes both in the crotch and where my nipples were. It was the raciest thing I’d ever bought, and I was glad I had. I looked good. I felt good. I felt sexy. I felt like a woman. I tipped my head upside down to rustle my hair and give it some volume, and after a splash of cherry lip balm, I was ready.

  Taking a deep breath, I opened the door and emerged back into Michael’s bedroom.

  He was lying on the bed in just a pair of black boxers, and while I’d been getting ready, he’d closed the curtains to shut out the daylight, and jasmine-scented candles were dotted about the room. The candlelight followed the toned lines of his torso, and my mouth watered at the sight of his smooth, soft skin.

 

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