‘Oh my god, are you pregnant?’ Roanna asked with a grin.
A smile spread across Kit’s face, and she nodded, her red locks bouncing. ‘Yes. I am! We are!’ she said excitedly, tears beaming in her eyes. She took her napkin to wipe them away. ‘It’s early days, only eight weeks, so I really shouldn’t even be saying anything yet, but I couldn’t help it! I’m too excited! I keep getting terrible sickness, so I had to tell the head teacher at school anyway. There’s no way I can teach like this.’
‘God, has it been that bad?’ I asked, concerned, panicking that I had this to come as well. My pulse quickened.
Kit nodded. ‘I slept for maybe thirty minutes last night. Poor Pete was holding my hair back, so he’s getting some sleep now.’
‘Jeez, that’s horrible!’ Roanna said aghast. ‘You didn’t have to come out if you needed rest, you know?’
Kit shook her head. ‘I had to get out of the house. I’ve been off sick for a week, and I’ve been going mad. But I might have to leave earlier than usual.’
‘Was it planned?’ asked Roanna eagerly.
Kit nodded again, smiling. ‘We’ve actually been trying for the last year.’
‘Wow, this is so exciting! We’re gonna be aunts, Lina!’ Roanna grabbed my arm and shook it excitedly.
‘Yeah,’ I said as enthusiastically as I could. I’d been quietly freaking out for the past few minutes. My mouth was dry, so I took a small sip of orange juice. And then a bigger one. Although, I felt like I needed something stronger.
‘Are you okay, Lina?’ Kit asked, noticing my mood.
I nodded and faked a smile. ‘Yeah, just tired. Michael and I were up late last night looking at honeymoon destinations,’ I lied. We’d actually fallen asleep on the sofa at half past ten after binge-watching Bates Motel. Call us boring, but that was how we liked our Saturday nights.
‘Oh, that’s exciting. Have you picked somewhere?’ Kit asked, changing the conversation. I felt relieved. I was happy for Kit, but until I did my tests, I couldn’t focus properly.
‘We’re thinking Dubrovnik or Venice,’ I said, forcing myself to think about blue skies, hot weather, and wine and pasta.
‘Both good choices. Pete and I were looking at Dubrovnik for this year, but I guess I’ll be stocking up on nappies instead of bikinis now!’ Kit grinned happily. Why couldn’t I be as happy as her? I wanted children, I did, but the more I tried to picture myself with a baby within the next year, the more I felt sick. Unless, of course, that was morning sickness. My head started to pound.
‘I would definitely go with Venice,’ Roanna said confidently. ‘I was there last month, and it was perfect. So romantic.’
That got my attention. Roanna didn’t use words like ‘romantic’ all too often, especially not when describing her own experiences.
‘I didn’t know you were in Venice last month,’ I said, distracting myself. ‘And who were you with that made it so romantic?’
Kit gasped and put her hands over her mouth. ‘Have you met someone?’
Roanna smiled, and there was a look in her eyes that I’d never seen before.
‘Jesus, you have!’ I gasped in shock.
And then Roanna did something even weirder. She giggled.
‘I never thought I’d see the day!’ Kit said in awe. ‘What happened to never wanting more than a week with the same man?’
‘That was before I met Eric.’ She said his name with such adoration. I’d never heard her voice so light and fluffy.
‘So, how did you meet the man that thawed your frosty, black heart?’ I asked in jest.
Roanna rolled her eyes and grinned. ‘Look, I know it’s mad, and not like me at all, but I met him at the airport. I was doing some research for my blog, and I was having a drink in one of the bars when he approached me. His flight was delayed so we were talking for, like, two hours. The flight wasn’t fully booked, so he asked if I wanted to go to Venice with him and I did.’
‘You went to another country with a complete stranger?’
Kit snapped. ‘Do you know how dangerous that could have been? He could have been a rapist or a serial killer or something!’
‘And that’s why I do Krav Maga three nights a week. But luckily, he’s just a charming, romantic guy who is a devil between the sheets, so I didn’t have to use any of my moves on him. Well, maybe not those moves,’ she added with a smirk.
‘Wow, Roanna. I can’t believe you’ve said the word romantic twice in the last ten minutes,’ I said with a laugh. ‘What does he do?’
‘He’s an investment banker. He works between here and London, so I’m not seeing him again until Wednesday. I miss him already!’
‘Okay, I’m gonna pop to the loo, and when I get back we’ll order our food, and maybe the real Roanna will come back to replace this imposter,’ I joked as I got to my feet.
I went to pick up my bag from the back of my chair, but it wouldn’t budge, so I yanked it. The long strap got caught beneath the foot of the chair and, all of a sudden, my bag fell to the ground. I hadn’t zipped it up properly, and the entire contents of my bag fell out onto the floor of the restaurant.
Including the pregnancy tests.
‘Shit!’ I said under my breath as I got to my knees and
began shoving everything back inside. There were receipts, tampons, paracetamol, my purse, earphones. I really needed a bag with a zip that worked. And maybe one with zipped compartments inside.
Once I had everything back in, I stood up and looked at my friends. They looked startled and concerned. ‘Is there any chance you didn’t see that?’ I said quietly.
They shook their heads.
I nodded. ‘I’ll be back in a minute.’
I sat waiting.
I hadn’t wanted to do the test in the toilets of a restaurant, but I suddenly felt I didn’t have a choice. Now that my friends knew it was a possibility that I was having a baby, it felt more real, and suddenly I had to know.
I took a deep breath as I counted down the seconds on my watch.
The little golden hands had never moved so slowly. They dragged themselves around the face of the watch, their little ‘ticks’ sounding far more infrequently than they usually did. One second felt like an hour. Three seconds stretched into more hours, all the while the wobbly knot in my belly grew larger and larger as I anxiously awaited my fate.
As the second hand began its third and final lap around
the face of the watch, my heart began to pound faster. I could hear it pumping in my head, feel it pulsing against my chest. My breath quickened and my skin moistened with sweat. A little whimper escaped from between my trembling lips, my whole body shaking with nerves as I waited those final seconds. In less than a minute, I would know.
When only ten seconds were remaining, I squeezed my eyes shut. All of a sudden, I was too terrified to look at the results. I counted down in a low, shaky tone, ‘five, four, three, two, one.’ I inhaled deeply, and then exhaled, my breath quivering on the air. ‘Come on, Lina, you can look now. It’s time.’
I waited a few more seconds before I opened my eyes, and when I did, tears were already streaming down my face as I anticipated either result. I smiled nervously and looked down at the white stick that was closed tightly between my fingers.
My heart leapt.
An uncontrollable laugh tumbled from between my lips, and a warmth swarmed through me, threatening to burst through my skin. Those two little blue lines told me a child was growing inside me. Michael and I were having a baby! I threw a hand over my mouth, jumping up and down on the spot as I stared and stared at those life-changing lines. My eyes stung as mascara seeped into them, but I didn’t care.
All that fear from before seemed to vanish.
That little girl or boy growing in my belly had melted away any worries, and I couldn’t stop myself from smiling as I pictured ten little fingers and ten little toes. I picked up my bag and rushed out of the cubicle and out of the toilets.
Kit and Roann
a were waiting apprehensively at the table.
‘I have to go!’ I said, grabbing my denim jacket from the back of my chair. ‘I’ll call you both later!’
I ran all the way home.
The sun was shining, and a light breeze swept through the streets of Manchester. Spring was suddenly my favourite time of year.
I was covered from head to toe in sweat by the time I got home. My fringe stuck to my forehead, and my light pink summer dress stuck to my skin. I must have looked horrendous, but I didn’t care.
Michael was stood in the kitchen when I burst through the door. ‘Hey, you’re back early!’ he called, glancing back at me for a second before returning to his pan of scrambled eggs. ‘I think I might have figured out where we should go for our honeymoon! I’ve been talking to Matt at work, and he says that-’ he stopped when he turned and took in my appearance.
I was grinning madly.
He laughed. ‘What’s happened? Have you won the lottery? Can we go to Hawaii?’
I shook my head and walked towards him. ‘I think we may have to postpone the honeymoon.’ I slinked my arms around his shoulders.
Michael frowned, intrigued. ‘Why?’
I smiled widely. ‘Because I’m pregnant.’
Chapter Twenty-Five
6th August 2019
Time without Michael: 1 Year, 7 Months, 20 Days
Whenever I’d pictured Florida, the so-called Sunshine State, I’d pictured sunny yellow beaches, bright blue skies, and sleek, silver dolphins leaping over frothy waves. I’d imagined the ultimate paradise, where the warmth of the sun kissed your skin, and a gentle breeze slipped gracefully through your hair.
I wasn’t, however, prepared for the torrential downpour of rain and moody grey skies.
We landed at Miami International Airport early afternoon, two days after our trip up the Stratosphere. We’d spent the rest of our time in Vegas relaxing by the hotel swimming pool, pampering ourselves in the spa and watching shows in the evening. I’d grown accustomed to the hot, sunny weather, and looked forward to continuing basking in it during our four-day stay in Miami. So, when I saw the thick, grey clouds that smothered the Floridian city when we approached the runway, I have to admit, my heart sank just a little.
‘I guess drinks by the pool won’t be happening,’ Kit sighed as we stood by the luggage carousel, staring outside at the violent rain that struck the large windows.
‘I guess not,’ Roanna grimaced.
‘I hope it stops before our shark dive tomorrow,’ I added. The following day, we had a trip booked to go cage diving with sharks. It wasn’t exactly my idea of fun, and a small, selfish part of me hoped that perhaps it would be rained off, but I’d conquered my fears for Michael at the top of the Stratosphere and planned on doing the same for this item on his bucket list, so I promptly shut up that small selfish me.
We got our luggage reasonably quickly and then hailed a taxi to take us to our hotel. I thought Miami looked horrible in the rain. It looked cheap and tacky against the grey sky. There were brightly coloured buildings that reminded me of tacky seaside towns back in England. Gift shops had huge, garish signs, and posters of half-naked women were pasted all over the different bars we saw. It didn’t have the same glamour Las Vegas had.
The air wasn’t cold, but just looking out of the taxi window, at the sideways rain, the huge puddles, and the palm trees that fought against the wind made me want to get into my onesie with a cup of tea and a good film. Maybe a few cookies or a bar of chocolate. Or both.
It took us about forty minutes to get to our accommodation. Palm Beach Hotel was located on the beach, and I’d never seen the ocean look so uninviting. The grey waves viciously chopped against the dark, wet sand, but to my surprise and horror, there were people out there, attempting to catch the aggressive surf with their boards.
The hotel was painted a light peach colour which I imagined would have looked lovely beneath the compliments of the warm, yellow sun, but it looked awful against the grey sky like it was trying to be something it wasn’t. Like it was trying to brighten up the place but instead just emphasised further the gloomy darkness the sky had brought with it.
We jumped out of the taxi and raced to the hotel entrance, dragging our suitcases behind us, stepping in puddles as we went, rain splashing our bare legs. I was relieved when we were undercover, but my relief was short-lived; the icy blast of air conditioning filled the hotel lobby, and I shivered. We’d only spent a few seconds outside, and we were already drenched from head to toe. I felt like I’d jumped in the sea in my clothes, and my flip-flops squelched as I walked over to the front desk. My white, flowery dress stuck to my damp, cold, goose-pimpled skin, and I was all too aware that anyone who looked would probably be able to see the stitching on my bra and knickers.
‘Hi, welcome to Palm Beach Miami’ the girl behind the
desk said with a grin. The gold badge on her breast read ‘Heidi’. She looked to be in her early twenties, and either the sun or tanning beds had darkened her skin. Probably both. Her pearly white teeth gleamed from between her bright pink lips and her bleach-blonde locks had been straightened excessively; her ends were dry and fried. She had a friendly smile that instantly made me warm to her. ‘Are you checking in?’
I returned her smile. ‘Yes. We have a reservation under the name Elina Mills.’
‘Sure,’ she said, still grinning, typing my name into her computer. Her fake pink nails tapped loudly against the keys. ‘Oh, here we are. I have you booked in for four nights?’
I nodded. ‘Yes, that’s right. You probably get sick of people asking you this, but do you know when this rain is meant to stop?’ I smiled sheepishly.
Heidi laughed as she prepared our room keys. ‘I think it’s meant to let up tomorrow, and then start again the day after.’
I smiled. It could rain all it wanted after tomorrow.
As long as I was able to complete the item on Michael’s bucket list, I didn’t care too much about what the weather did afterwards.
A few days of sun would have been lovely, but if I could
have only picked one nice day, it would have been tomorrow. ‘Thanks.’
‘Do you have any trips booked for your stay? Palm Beach Miami offers a wide range of tours and activities,’ she beamed, gesturing to a board behind her that detailed what the hotel recommended. There were dolphin tours, shark tours, boat parties, etcetera.
‘We’re going cage-diving with sharks tomorrow,’ I told her with a nervous smile.
‘Oooh, that’s brave,’ she replied with a gasp. ‘Well, we have a full spa you can take advantage of today while the weather is bad, and it might even calm your nerves for tomorrow.’ She handed us our room keys and a list of spa treatments.
‘Thanks,’ I said gratefully. ‘I think we will.’
Our room was on the eighteenth floor of the twenty-floor establishment which normally would have had my palms sweating, but being so high up didn’t seem to bother me as much anymore. I’d even looked out of the window on the plane. I’d never done that before. My fear of heights had been too crippling. But ever since our trip up Stratosphere Tower, I’d wanted to see more. It was nice to think that Michael was still helping me conquer my fears.
We decided to unpack later and headed straight to the spa.
‘Are you nervous about tomorrow?’ Kit asked me.
We were sat in the spa, dressed in fluffy white gowns with our feet dipped into bubbling footbaths. The tiny bubbles gently tickled my feet, luring me into a sense of relaxation. Roanna had gone straight for a massage and I planned on following in her footsteps promptly.
‘Yeah, a little,’ I said with a sigh. ‘To be honest, I’m trying not to think about it.’
Kit laughed lightly. ‘Me too. I can’t work out what I’m more scared of. The sharks or drowning.’ She tried to keep her tone light and humorous, but I could see the fear in her eyes.
I swallowed. I didn’t like the thought of my friend feeling so fright
ened of something I’d asked her to do. I suddenly felt incredibly guilty for asking so much of my friends. ‘You know, you can watch from the boat if you want.’
Kit shook her head defiantly. ‘Nope. I’m doing this, Lina. It’s for Michael, he was a great man and I have a lot to thank him for.’
I frowned. Michael was indeed a great man, but I couldn’t think of anything Kit had specifically to thank him for. ‘You do?’
Kit nodded. ‘I do. I wouldn’t have married Pete if it wasn’t for Michael.’
My jaw dropped. ‘What? What do you mean?’
‘Do you remember that party we had in the hotel the night before the wedding?’ Kit asked.
I nodded. It had been an elegant affair in the ballroom of one of Dublin’s most expensive hotels. The women had worn black cocktail dresses, and the men had worn bow ties and tails. Afterwards, Kit, Roanna and I had retired to the bridal suite for one last sleepover, and we’d stayed up talking until three in the morning. We were exhausted when the alarm had gone off at half-six, and it was only caffeine and adrenaline that had got us through the process of getting ready.
‘Well, I started to panic a bit that night,’ Kit admitted. ‘I started to worry that I was making all the wrong choices, that I shouldn’t be getting married at all. That I should be doing more with my life.’
‘You never said anything,’ I said. I was shocked. As far as I knew, all Kit had wanted was to marry Pete. It was all she’d spoken about since I’d met her at uni.
Kit shrugged. ‘I didn’t want you guys to know. Anyway, I went outside to get some air, and then Michael came outside. He was looking for you. He was a little bit tipsy, and he’d found a strawberry shaped like a heart. He wanted to give it to you.’
I smiled. I remembered him giving it to me that night. He’d held it against his chest and said he wanted me to have his heart. Afterward, he’d drunkenly shoved it in my mouth. ‘He was pretty drunk,’ I laughed. ‘Champagne never agreed with him.’
‘Yeah, I remember,’ Kit agreed with a smile. ‘But he wasn’t too drunk. He knew I was upset. He saw straight away that I was anxious, that something was wrong. He was so sweet. I told him all about what I thought I was giving up if I married him. I felt like I wouldn’t be able to travel, to see the world. I’d never even been too bothered about travelling before. I just suddenly felt that if I married Pete, I would just be his wife and nothing else.’
All I Have Left of You Page 19