‘Trust me; I feel even bigger! And the little buggers won’t stop wriggling tonight!’ She rubbed her belly as if to calm them down. She’d worn nothing but loose dresses since September and tonight was no exception. The maxi was long-sleeved and bright red.
‘I take it I’m going to be the only one drinking this tonight?’ Roanna said as she held up a bottle of champagne.
‘I’m afraid I’m still on the Shloer,’ I said, nodding to the three bottles that sat on the kitchen counter. I hadn’t had a drink since the pregnancy as I’d found it wasn’t good for my grief, so I wanted to wait a bit longer before I had anything again. ‘But sit yourselves on the sofa! Sex and the City is cued up, and I have a tin of Roses for us to guzzle!’
‘I thought you were making your famous shortbread cookies!’ Roanna exclaimed as she sat down, a little disappointed.
My cheeks heated. ‘I was, but something happened to the mixture,’ I said, unable to wipe the smirk off my face as I balanced three glasses on the tin of Roses and carried it over to the living area.
Kit frowned. ‘Well, what happened to it?’
‘Michael and I may have had done something naughty in the kitchen while I was making it, and it became inedible,’ I said, stifling a giggle as I headed back to the kitchen to get the Shloer.
‘Nice!’ Roanna approved with a wink as I joined them on the sofa.
‘Oh my god!’ Kit exclaimed. ‘You have sex where you prepare food?’
Roanna burst out laughing. ‘Not everyone keeps it in the bedroom, Kitty Cat. In fact, Eric and I did it in the sauna at the gym this morning.’
‘You devil!’ I laughed. ‘We haven’t gone that far. We did it on the balcony once, though, in the middle of the night
beneath the moon and the stars.’ I smiled at the romantic memory.
‘Have things been better then?’ Roanna asked.
I’d shared with my friends that I’d lost my sexual appetite for a few months after the pregnancy. I just hadn’t been interested whatsoever. But over the past month or so it had come back, and it felt fabulous to enjoy my husband in that way again. ‘It’s been good. It’s been a tough few months, but I think we’re finally at the end of it. It’s like we’re discovering each other for the first time. It’s like we’re teenagers again!’
‘Oh, I’m so pleased for you both,’ Kit beamed.
‘Where’s the most adventurous place you’ve had sex, Kit?’ Roanna asked as she pulled the lid of the tin of Roses and dove in for a truffle.
‘I don’t know,’ Kit said shyly. ‘We did it in the shower once.’
Roanna opened her mouth, no doubt to make a sarcastic comment, so I jumped in first. ‘Each to their own, eh? Why the champagne anyway, Roanna?’ I quickly changed the subject.
She sat up straight and threw her truffle wrapper back in the tin. ‘Well, I have something exciting to tell you both! The reason we were so horny in the sauna is that Eric asked me to marry him this morning!’
My eyes widened. ‘Oh my god!’
‘I can’t believe what I’m hearing! You do know this means you can’t sleep with anyone else, don’t you?’ Kit quipped.
Roanna laughed. ‘Yeah, unless we decide to do a group thing!’ She winked. ‘In all seriousness, he makes me really, really happy and I can’t wait to marry him! Are you pleased for me?’
‘Roanna, of course, we are!’ I exclaimed. ‘I’d also love to get to meet this man!’ We still hadn’t met the man who’d taken our best friend to Venice on their first date!
‘Well, you won’t have to wait too long! We’re getting married in two weeks!’
My jaw dropped.
‘Two weeks?’ Kit spat a mouthful of Shloer. ‘Why so soon? I have to be a pregnant bridesmaid?’
‘Well, his parents live in America, and they’re only here for the next month, so we decided to do it now rather than wait for them to come back again. It’s the first time they’ve been back in three years,’ she explained. ‘And, yes, of course, you have to be a pregnant bridesmaid.’
‘How on earth are you going to get everything planned in time?’ I asked.
It had taken at least a year for Michael and me to plan our wedding.
‘You’d be surprised how much quicker you can get things done when large amounts of money are involved,’ Roanna replied with a smirk.
‘Just how rich is this guy?’ Kit asked cheekily. We knew he could afford to take Roanna to Venice on their first date, and that he had a penthouse apartment both in London and Manchester but that was it.
Roanna pursed her lips. ‘Let’s just say we’ve already discussed a prenup, and if we ever get divorced I’ll get two million!’
Kit and I shared a stunned glance.
‘He’s told me I could stop working if I wanted,’ Roanna added.
‘But you’re so good at what you do. You love writing about European history!’ Kit gasped.
Roanna scoffed. ‘Guys, I’m not gonna do it. I love what I do too! I’d never give it up. Not for anything. I might be marrying a guy with money, but he could be worth two pounds forty-three and owe thousands to Wonga, and I’d still love him.’
I smiled. ‘Good. I’m glad you’re not compromising yourself for him. What sort of stuff is he into, anyway? You haven’t told us much about him aside from the fact that his penis is the prettiest one you’ve ever seen.’ I drank a sip of my Shloer.
Roanna laughed. ‘What else is there to tell?’ She stuck her hand back in the tin of Roses and pulled out a coffee one. Those were Michael’s favourites.
‘Come on, Ro. What does he like? Do you have a lot in common?’ Kit pushed lightly, although I got the feeling she was digging to make sure our friend wasn’t making a huge mistake. I’ll admit I was a bit worried about that too.
Roanna nodded, and her expression became more sincere. ‘We do. We both love travelling and history. He likes golf which I abhor. He hates metal so we won’t be going to any gigs together. But we like the same films and books.’ She finished with a smile.
‘Don’t worry, Max and I will continue to come to all your gigs with you,’ I said warmly. Max and I had been to a couple of gigs with her since she didn’t have any friends who liked metal. I wasn’t a huge fan either, but Max was. I’d initially gone with them to introduce them to one another as I’d thought they’d make a good couple. The spark wasn’t there, but the three of us had had a great time, so we’d done it twice more, and it was nice to hear something different for a change. It wasn’t just heavy metal, but symphonic, with choirs and orchestras, and I’d found myself getting into the shows.
Her eyes perked up. ‘That reminds me, we should do Download Festival next year!’
I winced. ‘Camping?’ I wasn’t a camper. Michael had tried to get me into it a couple of times, but sleeping in a tent was probably one of my least favourite things.
‘You’re looking at the future wife of a millionaire. I’ll pay for us to stay in one of those luxury thingies,’ she beamed.
I laughed. ‘Okay. I might consider staying in a luxury thingy with you.’
‘How is Max doing, anyway?’ Kit asked.
I nodded. ‘He’s fine. He’s still teaching Science which he loves, and he’s met someone.’
‘I take it you don’t like her?’ Kit asked.
‘What do you mean?’ I said, aghast. I’d tried to hide the sourness in my tone, but apparently, I hadn’t done it well enough.
‘No, nothing, it’s just you said the word ‘someone’ like that ‘someone’ has come into your house and pissed all over your settee,’ Roanna said dryly.
I sighed. ‘Okay, fine. I just don’t think she’s good enough for him.’
Michael and I had invited Max and his new girlfriend, Poppy, over for a games night last weekend. She’d made an average first impression, but after a couple of hours, she had turned that average into abysmal by drinking almost a full bottle of vodka and making little digs at Max for not getting some of the questions right while playing P
ictionary.
‘You don’t think anyone is good enough for him,’ Kit pointed out.
‘Max is one of my oldest friends, and he deserves someone amazing. It may have just been the alcohol, but I didn’t like the way she spoke to him. We’re seeing them again next week, but we’ve arranged to go for a walk somewhere so we can see what she’s like sober,’ I explained.
‘Good plan,’ Roanna approved.
‘Anyway, shall we toast Roanna now?’ I smiled, filling mine and Kit’s glasses with Shloer.
Roanna grinned, getting to her feet to pop the cork of the champagne bottle that sat in her lap. ‘Absolutely.’
It popped, and froth spilled over the bottle and Roanna’s wrist.
I stood and helped Kit to her feet. She was so big it would have taken her about ten minutes to get up by herself.
‘To Roanna,’ I toasted.
Kit beamed, and added, ‘To my most promiscuous friend, Roanna, I’m so pleased you’ve found the man of your dreams. May your happiness be everlasting.’
Chapter Twenty-Eight
11th August 2019
Time without Michael: 1Year, 7 Months, 22 Days
England welcomed us home in the most British way possible; with torrential rain and dark, gloomy skies. A heavy shower had battered the plane as we’d landed and had pounded the windows of my Uber on the way to my apartment.
In fact, the dark skies echoed my mood; my eyes were scratchy, and my muscles sore from lack of sleep and movement on the plane. I was starving too; I hadn’t eaten much of my breakfast on the flight as it was served just after two in the morning Florida time, so I wasn’t ready for anything. After a few nibbles of a slightly stale croissant, I’d given up and pulled my eye-mask down for a further hour of uncomfortable plane sleep. I regretted that massively now; it had made my bones ache, and I was practically shaking with hunger.
But when I returned home, my prayers had been answered.
Fleetwood Mac played throughout the apartment, and the smell of bacon, eggs, and coffee tantalised my nostrils.
‘Welcome home!’ Max called out from the kitchen once I’d closed the door behind me.
I smiled, and my heart warmed. ‘Wow. A full English? Just for me?’
‘Oh no. That’s for me. This is for you.’ Max joked, tossing an easy peeler satsuma at me.
I laughed and caught it in my hand. ‘Very funny!’ I left my suitcase by the door and headed toward the kitchen, humming along to Isn’t it Midnight, just as Indie emerged from the bedroom and launched herself at me.
I crouched down to pet her, scratching behind her ears. ‘Mama’s missed you, girl. Have you been good for Max?’ I said cheerily, in my only-for-dogs voice.
‘She’s been brilliant! She’s missed you, though!’ Max laughed. ‘Sit down. Coffee is on the table. Breakfast will be ready in a sec.’
‘Oh, god, you’re a lifesaver!’ I said, getting to my feet and dragging my aching body to the dining table by the window. Indie eagerly followed and sat herself down on the floor next to my chair.
Manchester looked miserable.
Grey clouds hovered above the tall buildings and rain tapped on the windows. I pulled the sleeves of my jumper over my hands. Just looking at it made me feel cold, even though it really was quite warm out.
‘What have you been up to while I’ve been gone?’ I asked as I took a sip of coffee. It was delicious; Max had added a tiny splash of honey, just how I liked it. It felt nice to be back. At home.
‘All sorts,’ he said. ‘I’ve been going to job interviews all week, and I have one later this morning.’
‘That’s excellent. What sort of jobs?’
Max shrugged. ‘Nothing too exciting. A couple of bartender positions, a sales assistant at an outdoor equipment shop in town, and the one I have this morning is just at a bloody call centre.’
‘How very varied. Which call centre?’
‘It’s the sales department of a music equipment website,’ he said, but he didn’t seem very enthused.
‘What’s up?’ I asked, noticing his damp mood.
‘It’s just… I thought I’d be doing more with my life. I’m thirty soon!’
‘Max, you lived in Thailand! You’ve done a lot. You’re starting over, that’s all,’ I assured him.
Max gave a small smile as he brought the breakfasts over and set them on the table. He took his seat opposite me. ‘I suppose. I feel like I’ve just left uni again. I have no money, no job, I’m not paying rent.’
‘Don’t worry about it. And I’m glad you have no money.’
‘Oh, brilliant. Thanks, Lina.’
I laughed as I cut into my bacon. ‘If you had, you might have found your own place. And I really, really like having you here, Max. You’ve given me something to come home to.’
Max smiled and reached across the table to take my hand gently in his. ‘I love you, Lina. You’re such a good friend.’
‘I love you too, Max. I don’t know what I’d have done without you if you hadn’t come back.’
The next day, after thirteen hours of sleep, when I was feeling a bit more like a human and slightly less like a zombie, I went to visit my parents to tell them all about my trip.
‘Lina!’ my mum beamed when she answered the door. ‘Quick, come in out of the rain.’ The rain hadn’t let up and pelted me all the way up the path.
I went inside and slipped my feet out of my ankle boots as Mum shut the door behind me. ‘Oh, it’s so nice to see you, love,’ she said, wrapping her arms around me. The smell of apple air freshener clung to her clothes and hung in the air. I smiled and hugged her back. ‘You look well. You’ve caught the sun,’ she observed once she’d pulled away.
‘Thanks, it rained a lot in Florida, though,’ I told her. The only day it hadn’t rained was the day we’d gone on the shark diving trip.
‘I suppose it is the season for it,’ she said as I followed her into the kitchen.
‘Sweetheart,’ Dad said with a grin as I walked in. He was stood over the kitchen worktop, pouring hot water from the kettle into three mugs.
‘Dad,’ I said happily and went to hug him. He kissed me on the cheek.
‘Did you have a nice trip, sweetheart?’ Dad asked once we were all sat in the living room with cups of tea and a packet of chocolate digestives.
I smiled. ‘It was brilliant. I have so many pictures to show you!’ I dug my phone out of my pocket and loaded up the camera roll. I passed it to my parents to look at. They each put on their glasses so they could see them properly.
‘Oh, wow. That looks amazing. Look at those views!’ Dad said in awe.
‘Oh, that looks a bit high for me!’ Mum winced. ‘I can’t believe you managed it!’
‘It was terrifying at first,’ I admitted, recalling the waves of fear that had tumbled over me as we’d ascended higher and higher up Stratosphere Tower. ‘But once I was on the ride, I loved it! It felt so freeing. Michael would have absolutely loved it!’
‘I don’t doubt that sweetheart,’ Dad said, looking up at
me with a heartfelt smile.
‘My, he’d be so proud of you, love,’ Mum added.
‘I’d like to think he would be too,’ I said.
‘Lydia hasn’t stopped talking about how fabulous the opera was,’ Mum told me. ‘She’s so grateful to you, Elina.’
‘It’s what Michael would have wanted,’ I said, pleased she was still so taken by our trip.
‘What’s next on the list then?’ Dad asked, handing me back my phone.
‘Well, Michael wanted to climb Mont Blanc with his dad,’ I said with a sigh. ‘But I’m not exactly ready for that. I want to do it, but I just don’t know when.’
My mum looked worried. ‘Elina, darling, that would take a lot of training.’
Dad looked apprehensive too. The lines around his eyes creased as he winced at the thought of me doing something so dangerous.
I looked at my parents’ nervous faces.
In many
ways, they looked just as they did when I was a child. They still had the same kind and proud eyes, and the same warmth to their smiles when they saw me. But lines and wrinkles had formed on their faces, grey hair now covered my dad’s head and sprouted out of his jaw, reminding me of the vast passing of time.
When I was younger, the days seemed to last so much longer, but they passed now in the blink of an eye. When Michael died, I was painfully reminded of the delicacy of life, the curse of death. It had given me so much more appreciation for those I still had and those I loved. And completing his list had given me a lust to seize opportunities, a lust to live as Michael had wanted to.
‘I know. And I will train,’ I said, adamant, ‘I couldn’t live with myself if I left Michael’s list unfinished. I want to do it for him.’
‘I know you do, sweetheart,’ my dad smiled. ‘And we’ll be waiting for you at the top when you do it. Well, whatever’s left of you.’
‘You want to do what?’ Dave asked, aghast.
After I’d seen my parents, I’d nipped across the road to ask Dave to climb a mountain with me. I laughed. ‘I know it’s mad. But it’s what Michael always wanted to do. It was on his bucket list. He loved his climbing trips with you. And Mont Blanc was the one you always talked about, right?’ Michael and his dad climbed once every couple of months.
Dave laughed. ‘Yes, but Lina, I’m a lot older now. I haven’t been climbing since Michael…’ he trailed off to avoid using the word. He still didn’t like to say it.
‘I know. I’m a total novice. I’d have to train for a long time first. It might even be years away,’ I told him.
‘Years away? I’m not getting any younger, Lina. I’ll be sixty in a few years!’
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