by Karly Lane
‘“And when they seek to oppress you, and when they try to destroy you, rise and rise again and again, like the Phoenix from the ashes, until the lambs have become lions and the rule of Darkness is no more”,’ he quoted softly.
Cash looked over at him in surprise, then a slow smile spread across her full lips.
‘It’s by Maitreya, from the Holy Book of Destiny, if I’m not mistaken.’
‘Or Russell Crowe from Robin Hood,’ she added with a grin. ‘Do you know the entire quote?’
‘Not really, I vaguely remember it says something about casting stones and building churches. I thought I’d impress you with the bit I did know.’
‘Yeah, that was pretty impressive,’ she grinned.
‘What drew you to that particular quote? You said it meant something to you, earlier.’
For a moment he didn’t think she was going to answer him. He saw the smile slowly melt from her lips, replaced by a reflective sadness. ‘I came across it one day. I’d just lost my brother, and my mother the year before, and then my father … left,’ she said, and he got the feeling she’d amended what she was going to say. ‘I’d just decided I was going to make some pretty big changes in my life, and I think this felt like a mantra of sorts, you know?’ She looked up at him quickly, before dropping her gaze to stare at the writing. ‘I wasn’t going to give up and I wasn’t going to be a meek, frightened lamb anymore. I was going to be a lion.’
‘Well, it seems to have worked.’
‘I don’t know how much of a lion I became, but it helped me stay focused. Griff said you were in the military?’
‘Used to be. Now I’m in business with two mates and we run a crisis management company.’
‘I’m guessing you handle a particular kind of crisis … not like wedding plans going awry because of a double-booked venue or something?’
Linc chuckled and shifted his weight a little. ‘We handle things for companies that have employees in foreign countries who get themselves in trouble—car accidents, trouble with the law, illness … that kind of thing.’
‘And what do you do to help?’
‘We either contact people we have in that particular country or we go over there ourselves and try and untangle whatever mess the client’s got themselves into,’ he said, liking the way her head tilted slightly as she listened to him. ‘We also handle things like risk management and travel briefings. We inform clients about how to keep their staff safe in hostile environments. We provide security and medical assistance if needed. All kinds of stuff.’
‘It certainly doesn’t sound boring,’ Cash said. ‘Was it hard getting out of the army and becoming your own boss?’
He looked at her curiously, surprised by the question.
‘I assumed after so many years being told what to do, it would be strange to suddenly be making all the decisions yourself.’
He’d never been asked that before and it threw him off kilter a little. It had been a weird thing to get used to. ‘It was, but we’ve pretty much got the hang of it now,’ he said with a ghost of a smile.
‘That must be very rewarding.’
‘It’s a relief that I can put the skills I’ve learned to practical use outside the army.’ That had always been his biggest concern whenever he’d contemplated life out of the military. What would he do? He couldn’t imagine doing anything else. He’d been sick of spending so much time away from home and being at someone else’s beck and call, day and night, and the pay was lousy compared to what some guys were getting working civvy jobs, but he’d never complained about risking his life for his country—defending Australia was one of the values he held sacred. Maybe it was cliched to some people nowadays, but to him it had always struck a deep chord.
Then the decision about leaving had been pretty much made for him. A flash of memory forced its way into his mind and he heard the roar of the explosion followed by a barrage of rubble that rained down around him, biting into his skin, the dust billowing and filling his mouth and lungs with the chalky debris. He hadn’t been able to stay in any longer. So he’d got out.
‘Do you miss it out here?’ she asked, dragging him back from the past.
‘Yeah, I do. Which is funny, considering I couldn’t wait to get out of this place when I was a kid.’
‘I know what you mean,’ she agreed as she looked out into the darkness. ‘I was the same, I couldn’t wait to leave either.’
‘Where did you grow up?’
‘Mount Druitt. A lot of people get stuck there in a kind of vicious circle. I wasn’t going to let that happen to me.’
‘Do you still have family there?’
‘Not anymore,’ she said, and he could tell she was done talking about it by the steely edge to her tone.
‘Everyone’s different, I guess. Just look at me and Griff. He’s the complete opposite—he couldn’t wait to get back here after uni and he’s been here ever since.’
‘Could you ever see yourself moving back here?’ she asked.
‘I don’t know. Not really. I mean it’s always going to be my home—I guess as you get older you see things differently than when you were a kid. I can’t see myself farming for a living. That’s Griff’s thing, and in case you haven’t noticed, unless you’re a farmer there’s not a whole lot else to do out here.’
‘Unless you’re a beautician,’ she pointed out.
Linc chuckled. ‘Somehow I can’t see myself becoming a beautician either.’ She smiled at that and he felt a strange warm sensation spreading through his chest.
‘Has he bored you to death with all his war stories yet?’ Griff asked as he came out to join them, and Linc was surprised by the momentary flash of annoyance his brother’s appearance caused.
‘Nope, not yet,’ he heard Cash say as she eased back from where she’d been leaning, to face Griff. ‘We were just discussing career options out here.’
‘Must have been a long discussion,’ Griff said dryly.
‘I don’t know, I think your mum and Savannah are onto something with the B&B idea.’
‘Just think, Griff, you can deliver the breakfast trays to the rooms before you head out for the day.’
‘Oh yeah, like that’s gonna happen.’
‘Mum sounds pretty keen,’ Linc said, eyeing his brother.
‘She’s still gotta sell Dad on the idea yet.’
‘Yeah, it’s not like Mum usually gets her own way about anything …’ He smirked at his brother’s forlorn expression. Their mother always managed to talk their father around. It was just a matter of time.
‘I think I better be getting home. I’ll just go in and say goodbye to everyone,’ Cash said, and he tried to ignore the disappointment her leaving sparked in him.
After Griff and Cash walked away, he let out a long, frustrated sigh. What the hell was happening to him? Whatever it was, he needed to get it in check fast. For everyone’s sake.
Seven
The night was cooler than the day, but there was still a warmth to the air. Cash didn’t think she’d ever get tired of the country smells. It wasn’t always the clean, fresh air you always read about in books; at times the smells weren’t exactly pleasant—cows and mud and fertiliser were hardly romantic—but to Cash there was something wholesome about the smells of animals and dirt. A rustic grittiness that made her senses come alive. Tonight she could smell hay and grass and climbing jasmine that was growing on a fence nearby.
‘I hope that wasn’t too painful,’ Griff said as they reached her car.
‘I had a good time. Your family’s great.’
‘They have their moments, I guess.’
‘I’d have given anything to have grown up in the kind of family you have.’
‘You never talk much about yours.’
Cash fought the familiar dread that always followed questions about her family. It was easier not to talk about it. Over dinner she’d managed to evade the issue. She’d given vague answers to questions about where she’d grown up and where
her parents were. It was just simpler to say they’d both passed away when she was young. She hated the sympathetic looks that always prompted, but it was better than the flinching, mouth-dropping horror that followed her telling the truth. There just wasn’t a pleasant way of saying, ‘My mother killed herself and my father was involved in gang warfare and is currently in prison for murder.’
‘Like I said, if I had a family like yours, I’d be very happy.’
Griff’s eyebrows dipped slightly at her comment and he watched her intently, one arm resting along the top of the roof of her car, blocking her access to the driver’s door. There was nothing threatening about his position, but there was something different about him. He’d always kept a friendly distance between them when they’d been together—non-threatening and comfortable. Tonight, just like earlier when his arm had gone across the back of her chair, he seemed to be making some kind of statement.
Griff was different to any other man she’d ever been interested in. His laidback, almost shy nature was something she didn’t have a great deal of experience with. The men she’d grown up around or usually found attractive were confident, dominating types—like her father. They didn’t tend to be the sort to waste time on taking things slowly or putting people at ease. Griff confused her that way. It was refreshing, and it made her feel differently about herself, but it also made her worry that maybe she was doing something wrong too. Why hadn’t he kissed her yet? Was he aware there wasn’t quite that spark between them? Maybe she was really screwed up and just didn’t get ‘normal’. Damn Savannah! This was all her fault. If her friend hadn’t put the idea into her head about giving someone different a try, she’d never be in this position. She wouldn’t be second-guessing every little thing.
Maybe people weren’t supposed to suddenly change the type of people they dated? Maybe you were attracted to the kind of men you were attracted to for a reason? She’d always made excuses to herself—that real life wasn’t like a movie or a book; men didn’t really treat you as though you were their queen and something to be cherished and respected. Real life wasn’t a fairytale. Then she saw Savannah and George together. Her best friend—the one person who had consistently been there for her, the one person who had seen her at her worst and still loved her—had found a man who treated her like the most precious, rare and beautiful thing on earth.
Cash had received a call from Savannah, begging her to come to Bali for her wedding. Cash had gone without a second thought, but more with the intention of talking sense into her friend. Only once she’d seen the two of them together, she’d realised there was no need.
The love she saw in this man for her best friend stunned her. Maybe love wasn’t just for fairytales, after all?
Maybe if Savannah found it, then she could too?
As soon as the thought entered her head she shook it away. She couldn’t imagine it. She couldn’t see any of the men she’d ever had a relationship with making her want to give up her life—her freedom—to settle down. And yet …
‘I’m glad you came tonight, Cash,’ Griff said, and Cash held his gaze as well as her breath as he leaned closer slowly.
She lifted her head slightly to meet his lips as they gently touched hers, warm and surprisingly soft. He didn’t deepen it and their bodies didn’t touch anywhere else, but she could feel the heat from his body where he stood. It was the softest of kisses, undemanding yet pleasant, and when he slowly pulled away, Cash was left feeling strangely unaffected. She’d been waiting for something more. It was their first kiss, he was holding back and being considerate; she sensed that was just the way Griffin was, but she’d wanted more. A spark of fire, a swirl of excitement in the pit of her stomach, anything, and yet it hadn’t come. What was wrong with her? Why couldn’t she fall in love with a nice gentle guy like Griffin Callahan?
‘I’d better get home,’ she said, mustering a smile that she hoped hid the conflicting emotions and disappointment that were threatening to leak out through her eyes. She had to get away from here before that happened. ‘Thank you for tonight.’
She sent a brief glance up at his face and wished she hadn’t. She knew he’d sensed what she was feeling. She saw the hurt written across his handsome features before he managed a grimace-like smile and stepped back to allow her to get into the car. She wanted to explain that it wasn’t him, it was her, but she knew that would only make it worse. How could she explain that she just wasn’t attracted to him? He was perfect. And yet there was no spark.
‘Watch out for roos on the road,’ he said as he carefully closed the door, which only made her feel more terrible. He even worried about her driving home!
She turned on the ignition and waved. As she took a last glance in the mirror she saw the dark silhouette of Griff watching her, his shoulders hunched slightly, his thumbs hooked in the front belt-loops of his jeans as he stared after her.
‘You’re a bloody idiot, Cash Sullivan,’ she muttered, switching her eyes back to the road ahead.
Eight
Linc sat outside and watched the first faint pinks of the sunrise touch the horizon. He loved this time of the day when everything was fresh and full of promise. There was optimism in the start of a new day. He hadn’t slept well last night—not that that was unusual, but the nightmares had started again. They seemed to come in waves, as though waiting for him to let down his guard before they rolled in.
It didn’t take a genius to work out why they were back again now. It was because of Baghdad and the fact he’d almost lost a client to a stupid mistake. He’d lost his concentration for a split second, but it had been long enough for everything to have almost gone to shit. He still couldn’t believe how close they’d come. He’d been distracted by a face from his past—a face that haunted him.
A cold sweat had broken out on his back and forehead as he’d gazed across the road at the young boy standing in a doorway. The black-eyed stare had pierced through Linc’s body like needles. It was impossible. The kid was dead. It wasn’t real. On some level he knew his mind was playing tricks on him, and yet the image held him transfixed. It was only for a second, but it felt like hours. Long enough for the guy he was supposed to be protecting to be shot at. At the very last minute Linc came to his senses and tackled his client to the ground, saving him from injury. It should never have happened. He should have noticed the car slowing down as it passed by them, the gun at the window. He would have, had he not let his mind play tricks on him.
Linc squeezed his eyes shut and massaged the bridge of his nose as he clamped down on the memories. The squeak of the screen door hinge made him open his eyes and ease back in his chair.
‘You look like shit,’ Griff said as he walked past, carrying his own cup of steaming coffee to take a seat beside him.
‘Thanks.’
Griff leaned back in his chair and looked out over the shadowed landscape, cradling his coffee. ‘How’d you sleep?’
Linc glanced over at his brother. ‘Not great.’
‘So I heard.’
Linc glanced up warily. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I heard you wake up a few times.’
Great. ‘So much for privacy.’
Griff grinned and threw him a sarcastic glance. ‘Not much has changed, especially the thickness of the walls. It was almost as bad as being next door to you as a teenager.’
‘Pervert.’
‘Well, they were wrong about one thing. It clearly doesn’t make you go blind.’
‘Shut up,’ Linc grunted in surprised amusement. ‘You can’t talk. Anyway, don’t you have your own house? Why are you sleeping here?’
‘It’s only temporary. Mum’s in the process of repainting the bedrooms in my place. Apparently I’m giving up the old house for the Samualses when they get here for the wedding.’
Her sister’s fiancé, Mitch Samuals, and his family were from Sydney’s North Shore and their mother was on a mission to make sure everything was spick and span before their arrival.
; The brothers sat in silence, distracted by memories of growing up in the old house. Sometimes Linc wished they could go back to those days, back before he knew the horrors humans were capable of inflicting on one another.
‘You have nightmares often?’ Griff asked, breaking the silence.
Linc didn’t feel comfortable talking about the dreams with anyone, especially his younger brother. He hated that they made him seem weak or messed up in the head. It didn’t match the image his family had of him and he felt like a fraud.
‘Nah,’ he brushed off Griff’s concern, feeling panic begin to raise its ugly head. He needed a distraction. ‘How come you didn’t go home with the sexy neighbour last night? You losin’ your touch or something?’
He knew he’d hit a sore spot as soon as his brother’s expression hardened and his hand tightened around his mug. ‘It’s not like that,’ he muttered.
‘Like what? You like her, don’t you?’
‘Yeah. But we’re not …’ He let the sentence fade and Linc frowned a little in confusion.
‘Why not?’
His younger brother leaned forward abruptly, rubbing a hand across the back of his neck. ‘I don’t know. She’s …’
‘What?’ Linc tried not to evaluate why he was so eager to find out what the problem was. He had a feeling it wasn’t entirely in his little brother’s best interests.
Griff was shaking his head slowly as he stared at the wooden floorboards beneath his booted feet. ‘She’s so … she’s hot as hell.’ He gave a sigh. ‘When I’m around her, I can’t even speak—I’m like a goddamn mute. Then last night …’
Linc tried to focus on staying nonchalant but his own thoughts were a mess of conflicting emotions. He felt like an arsehole for hoping his brother and the hot neighbour hadn’t hit it off, which just proved what a shit he really was.
Griff gave a low, mournful groan before putting his cup down and rubbing his hands briskly across his face.