by Karly Lane
‘And you haven’t got any nearby, so you’ll be part of ours,’ he said, frowning a little.
As soon as the words were spoken out loud, a warmth began to spread through his chest. The rightness of it stunned him into silence. She belonged. He wanted her to be part of his family—part of him. What the hell? It was as though once he’d acknowledged it to himself, the emotions were free to spread through his veins. He could feel them: hope, trepidation, fear. Was he ready for a life-changing event like falling in love? He had to admit, he hadn’t had a nightmare since before things got serious with Cash. Maybe she was good for him. Maybe he just needed some stability in his life before to make everything settle down. But what if everything hadn’t settled down? Would she have seen through him? At the moment, he managed to keep everyone else at a distance but letting someone into his life would mean he’d have to come clean. Would she still want to be with him if she found out he was … what? Frustration washed through him. He wasn’t anything. He felt sweat begin to prickle along his forehead. There was nothing wrong with him. It was just leftover shit from a different time. He’d come good. He had to.
Cash had been feeling more than a little tipsy as she’d gotten into the car but the conversation about Christmas had sobered her up faster than a black coffee and a cold shower. ‘You’ll be part of ours.’ Linc’s words had stolen the air from her lungs. The words had caught her off guard and brought a rush of tears to her eyes. It was almost too good to be true. For the last few weeks, every time she’d been over to the Callahans’ she’d fitted in so easily and they’d accepted her so graciously that if she closed her eyes for a minute she could almost imagine she really was part of the family. But that would be stupid. They were just very friendly, kind people who wouldn’t think twice about welcoming a next-door neighbour into their lives. It didn’t mean they thought of her as part of their family. That would be crazy … She swallowed hard over the tightening of her throat and blinked away the sheen of hot tears that threatened to fall. They weren’t her family. She didn’t have a family.
They pulled up in front of her house and Linc turned off the engine, the quiet cocooning them. Cash risked a glance across at Linc, unsure what to make of the serious look on his face. Maybe he was realising what an imposition she was on his family. Maybe he was trying to think of a way to politely ease out of this affair they had going on.
‘I don’t have to come, if it bothers you. I don’t want to make things awkward.’
He snapped his head around and stared at her, his expression guarded. ‘It doesn’t bother me. I want you there.’
‘Okay,’ she said quietly. She wasn’t altogether convinced. Something was definitely going on with him. ‘Well, thanks for the lift home.’
‘Cash wait,’ he said when she went to open the door. ‘Can I come in?’ he asked, holding her gaze steadily.
‘If you want,’ she said, trying to sound a lot more offhand about it than she was feeling. She felt him behind her as she unlocked the front door and walked inside, the hallway lamp casting a gentle glow and the Christmas tree lights in the loungeroom twinkling in merry greeting. ‘Coffee?’ she asked over her shoulder without pausing on her way to the kitchen. She needed something to clear her head of whatever the hell was in that eggnog.
‘That’d be great.’
‘Are you okay?’ she asked as she calmly measured out the ground coffee.
‘Yeah.’ His face cleared and she was relieved when he smiled, but she sensed that he was having a deep internal struggle about something.
‘Linc, if something’s bothering you, just come out and tell me. I don’t do the whole nervous hand-wringing thing very well.’
He gave a half-chuckle, half-groan before rubbing his hands across his face briskly.
Cash’s spirits dropped. This was not good. ‘Just do it, Linc,’ she said wearily, turning away from the coffee, bracing her hands behind her on the kitchen bench as she faced him. ‘Here, let me help. You’ve had enough of this thing, whatever it is between us.’
‘Yes, I have had enough of this,’ he said, and she was surprised at the speed with which the pain hit her chest. ‘The sneaking around and the few stolen hours here and there. I don’t want to do this,’ he stressed, waving a finger between them.
Cash blinked at him uncertainly as he swore and pushed away from the kitchen counter to come to a stop in front of her. ‘I want it to be real. I want people to know that we’re together. I want people to know you’re with me, Cash.’
She’d assumed this was a holiday fling. This was sounding like a whole lot more than that. A faint stirring of hope unfurled inside her along with a hearty dose of trepidation. ‘I’ve never worried about what people thought before, Linc. But that was before I came out here and met your family.’ She searched his eyes, wishing she could make him understand. ‘I really care about them and I’d hate for them to remember me as that woman,’ she made quotation marks in the air, ‘who caused all the trouble between Linc and Griff at the wedding.’
‘It’s not your fault.’
‘But that’s what it would stem back to. And even if it didn’t cause a big scene, it would still cause grief between you two, and I just don’t see how it’s worth taking the chance when neither of us are even going to be here for much longer.’
Maybe it was the alcohol fuzzing her mind, but she could swear she saw his eyes dim a little. He was confusing her; how could he forget that within a matter of weeks he’d be leaving and she’d never see him again? And why did it bother her so much that his parents might only think of her as the girl their son had had a brief fling with that Christmas he came home?
‘Maybe you’re right,’ he said eventually, and that cocky roguish face was firmly back in place.
All of a sudden, she didn’t want to be right. She wanted to take the words back and forget that one day it was going to end. If she didn’t think about the day she’d have to say goodbye to him, then it didn’t hurt … the way it was suddenly hurting now.
‘Hey,’ he said, stepping closer and tilting her chin up gently. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.’
‘You didn’t,’ she told him, hoping she sounded convincing. There was no way she was strong enough to resist this much Linc up close. God, that sexy, knowing look he gave her was her undoing every damn time. She loved how he smelled, a mix of cologne, leather and a salty musky maleness that she couldn’t get enough of. She loved everything about him. She loved … Cash froze, her eyes widening as she pulled back just enough to stare into his bemused face. Holy crap. She loved him.
‘What?’ he asked, searching her eyes, clearly aware that something was wrong.
‘I—’ Don’t tell him, you idiot! He’ll think you’re insane. She had to be insane. Was it possible to suddenly realise you were in love with someone like this? She had no idea, she’d never experienced it before. What if she wasn’t? What if it were something weird in the eggnog making her think she was in love with him? No, she couldn’t tell him. She’d leave it till there were no other possible variables—or she was completely sober, whichever came first.
‘You okay?’
‘I’m fine, I think it’s just your gran’s eggnog.’
‘I tried to tell you,’ he said.
‘Yeah, I know. I’m just really tired all of a sudden. I think I need to go to bed and get some sleep,’ she said. ‘Do you mind?’ She felt bad, but she needed to get things straight in her head and she really was tired.
‘Nah, I don’t mind. Come on and I’ll tuck you in before I leave.’
When she raised an eyebrow at him, he chuckled and drew a line across his chest. ‘Cross my heart, I’ll restrain myself from molesting you tonight.’
She was actually more worried about her doing the molesting, but she didn’t tell him that. ‘Fine.’
‘You go get into bed and I’ll make you some tea.’
‘You don’t have to do that.’ But it was too late, he’d already tipped out the coffee and s
tarted boiling the jug.
Cash gave up protesting. When would she learn? Bossiness ran in their veins.
She washed her face in the bathroom and changed into her pyjamas, smothering a yawn as she pulled back the covers and slid down in between the sheets. She turned her head a little and her nose buried into the pillow, and she smiled as she breathed in Linc’s smell. Yes, she could get used to this, she thought dreamily as she gave in to the temptation to float away on the soft cloud that picked her up and took her off.
Linc realised he’d been stirring the tea for a long time, lost in his thoughts. What had he’d been thinking earlier? He hadn’t been thinking—he’d just blurted out what he’d been going over in his head for the last few days. Tonight had driven it home even harder. He wanted Cash. He wanted everyone to know she was his. But she was right. After the wedding he’d be heading back to Brisbane, back to his life, and she’d be leaving here to go … wherever the hell she was planning to go next. The thought depressed him. He silently shook his head. When had this started becoming more than just a perk to a visit home?
He gave a rueful snort as he recalled the surprised look on her face when he’d spilled his guts about wanting everyone to know about them. She was reacting the way he would have reacted. Well, she’d sure as hell brought him back to earth in a hurry. In a few weeks they’d probably never see each other again. He stopped stirring and stared into the cup. It didn’t have to be the end. A glimmer of hope reignited. He still had a week or so to convince her that this didn’t have to be a holiday fling. She could come to Brisbane with him … What was stopping her? She had no plan—she’d said so herself. She could stay at his place until she figured out what she wanted to do. Maybe she’d decide to stay … A smile touched his lips as the ideas began to click together. He had a week to convince her that this was doable, and damned if he wasn’t going to play every last one of his cards to make it happen.
Linc carried the cup of herbal tea down the hall towards her bedroom. After all the time he’d been spending here over the last few weeks, he could find his way blindfolded. In her bedroom he found her tucked into bed, fast asleep. He placed the tea on the bedside table and pulled the blanket over her. Christ, she was beautiful. Lying on her side like this, hands tucked beneath her cheek, she looked younger, almost like a child. He thought back over the night and how happy she’d been to be part of his mum’s crazy Santa visit. He wanted to give her that—this Christmas and every other one after. He wanted to make her smile like that every day. She had had a crap upbringing and there was nothing anyone could do about that, but he could make sure from now on she was surrounded by people who loved her and didn’t need to find ways to avoid Christmas.
A powerful surge of protectiveness washed through him as he watched her sleeping so peacefully. It still staggered him the way these feelings had snuck up on him so quickly. Why now? He gave a quick shake of his head; he couldn’t wrap his head around it and there was no point struggling, he was just going to have to accept it. He was in love with Cash Sullivan and there was nothing he could do about it.
Twenty-four
Cash woke up early, feeling slightly disorientated, until she remembered how she had got to bed last night. She looked over her shoulder and saw that the other side of the bed hadn’t been slept in and a quick scan of the room showed no signs of Linc’s clothing. That was odd. He’d driven her home and then they’d been in the kitchen and … It all came flooding back in crystal-clear detail. She was in love with Lincoln Callahan.
Cash groaned as she sat up and touched her hand to her forehead. What the hell was in that eggnog? She sat up carefully so as not to jostle her throbbing head and noticed a glass of water on the bedside table, with a note that said Drink me propped up against the glass. She smiled and then grimaced when her head throbbed with the movement.
The Callahans obviously knew what to expect from a night on Granny’s eggnog.
She made her way to the kitchen and placed the empty glass in the sink, resting against the bench as she looked at the Christmas tree she and Linc had put up … then she remembered it was Christmas. She noticed there was a second present next to the one she’d placed there yesterday before heading off to the party. She picked it up to inspect it and saw her name written on the card. She hadn’t noticed Linc putting it under the tree, but then again, she hadn’t been at her most perceptive, thanks to the bloody eggnog.
Her phone beeped and she walked across to her bag to dig it out.
A smile broke across her face. Merry Christmas, beautiful. See you soon. P.S. Don’t even think about opening that present yet.
She looked across at the presents and blinked quickly. She wasn’t sure why she had a sudden urge to cry. She went over to touch the branches of the tree. A sharp waft of pine and the smell of rain filled her nostrils. The red glittered baubles reflected the morning sun that beamed through the window and sparkled merrily. A sharp pang of regret hit her chest as she thought about her brother and her mum, both gone, and her father locked away in a cell. So much pain and so much wasted life.
She pushed the CD button and the room filled with Michael Bublé crooning ‘Jingle Bells’ and the atmosphere immediately brightened. It was Christmas Day and she was going to start a new tradition of enjoying it instead of running away from it. Starting with a huge breakfast celebration of bacon, eggs, hash browns and toast. As she pulled out the ingredients for the feast, her stomach gave a grumble of protest, and she decided that toast with Vegemite and a strong cup of coffee might be the safest option for now.
The morning started out as hectic as the rest of the day was destined to be, with the traditional barbecued breakfast and enough food for an army. And, as usual, Linc could not restrain himself in preparation for the lunchtime feast to come.
All night he’d lain awake thinking about Cash. Linc’s gaze fell on his brother as he helped himself to a second helping of bacon. He understood Cash’s reservations over telling Griff about their relationship, but it had to be done. The longer they let it drag on, the worse it was going to be. In his experience, it was better to deal with problems and move on.
Move on. He gave a soft snort. He was an expert at moving on. That’s just what you did in the army. You packed up your shit and moved on to the next place without dwelling on what you were leaving behind. The only problem was, some of the things you left behind had a way of catching up with you. Something stirred in the back of his mind but he pushed it away quickly. Not yet. Not today …
‘You need help, mate,’ his partner Tommo had said simply, but in a voice that was done being delicate. ‘You’re a liability to the company at the moment.’
‘A liability? Are you fucking kidding me? I started this company. I was the one who brought you and Richie into it, you remember that? And what? You’re tryin’ to push me out?’
‘Linc, calm down. No one’s pushing you out, but Tommo and I are both concerned that you’re not dealing with your shit, man. What happened on that last assignment could have happened to any one of us,’ Richie said, opening his hands in a gesture of acceptance. ‘But the thing is, Linc, our reputation is on the line and we can’t afford any more stuff-ups. It’s our futures that are riding on this thing too, mate.’
‘Get some help, Linc,’ Tommo added. ‘For your sake as well as for ours.’
The bottom line was, his mates, who were also his businesses partners, weren’t going to let him put the company at risk. Either he took some time off and sorted himself out, or they’d have to reconsider their role in the business. He understood where they were coming from—they were worried about their own investment in the company—but it’d been one careless moment, that was all it was. It wouldn’t happen again. He just needed a break. He didn’t need some psychologist telling him what his problem was. He didn’t do therapy.
Besides, coming home had always been like therapy, for him and since he’d been here and getting his hands in the dirt, he’d felt a thousand times better. He knew som
e of that credit belonged to Cash. She was the distraction he’d needed. He frowned slightly at that. She’d become more than a distraction and he had a feeling a shrink would probably pounce on that and tell him distractions weren’t exactly the same as dealing with things. His hand tightened on his glass. No. He’d just needed a break from being cooped up in an office building and stuck in traffic every day. He’d told Tommo and Richie he’d be okay after a trip home and he’d been right, he felt better. They just needed to stop acting like a pair of over-protective mother hens and let him do his job.
Later as Linc finished setting up another fold-out table along the verandah to fit all the guests, Griff walked past him. ‘Mum needs us to bring up the ice and eskies.’
Linc clicked the table leg into place and followed his younger brother down the stairs and under the house to the elaborate man cave his father had created there. They dragged two old cold boxes up onto the verandah and began filling them with drinks from the cool room.
‘What’s the story with you and Ashley?’ Linc asked, hoping to lead into the announcement after testing the waters.
‘There’s no story,’ Griff answered in a clipped tone.
‘Must be some kind of story. I’ve seen her leaving your place pretty early in the morning a few times.’
‘It is what it is.’
‘Then what about Olivia? Any chance of that goin’ anywhere? She’s single at the moment.’
‘You thinking about a career in online dating or something?’ Griff asked, giving him a sideways glance.
‘No, I’m just saying that you’ve got all these single women hanging around, you probably should think about makin’ a move on one sometime soon. You and Olivia had a pretty intense thing in high school. Maybe you should see if it goes anywhere.’
‘You and Hadley seem to have the same idea. Like I told her—that ship sailed a long time ago. Olivia’s out of my league, she’s a lawyer.’