“Da-da,” the girl called again, and I watched as she ran right up to Danny—my fiancé, Danny—and he lifted her off the ground like she was weightless.
I stared in shock as he wrapped his arms around her, smiling at her precious little face and kissing her cheeks before holding her close and spinning her around in dizzying circles.
I told myself that watching them spin in circles was why I felt nauseous.
I told myself that the cold air was why I felt numb.
I wanted to tell myself I was seeing things and that was why my heart was breaking.
- 35 -
My breath came out in short little gasps as the tightness in my chest took over. Pressure built up behind my eyes as they began to sting.
Da-da.
Danny had a child. He had a child, and he never said a word.
I watched as he continued to embrace the little girl, spinning her in those circles. It was as if they were in their own little world, smiling at one another and laughing. A world I wasn’t privy to.
I’d seen enough.
I turned my back before the first tear fell. I wasn’t going to cause myself anymore pain by continuing to watch the two of them together.
I’d come so far...too far.
We were going to get married. How could he have not told me?
As I walked to my car on the other side of the lot, I wondered how I was going to survive losing Danny a second time. The first time was terrible, but he’d moved out. He left, and I didn’t have to see him on a regular basis. The city was big enough to allow you to live in the same place as an ex and never run into him. This time it was different. This was Oak River. We couldn’t coexist in Oak River and not run into each other.
Did he think I would never find out? That he could keep it from me? What was he thinking?
He was never the problem, the evil little voice said, reminding me that I was the reason he and I couldn’t have children.
Damn it. I’d worked so hard to keep her quiet. Don’t let her get to you, Jess.
I continued to stomp my way to my car, feeling the pressure deepening in my chest and my head and knowing the dam was about to burst.
Stupid emotions. Moments like this made me long for the days of feeling nothing at all.
I unlocked my convertible and slid inside just as the first tear fell.
Drop.
I buckled my seatbelt and started the engine.
Drop.
Checked the mirrors.
Drop.
Reverse gear.
Drop.
I backed out of my parking space, put the car in drive, and tried like hell not to peel out of the parking lot. I failed.
Drop.
I pressed the button on my steering wheel to activate the Bluetooth connection to my phone. “Call Dr. Todd,” I spoke into the silence.
The phone line rang four times before his voicemail picked up. I disconnected the call. What the hell had I been planning to say anyway?
Hi Dr. Todd, it’s been a few months since we’ve spoken and, even though I last told you I was doing great, I’m still pretty screwed up! I saw my ex-husband-slash-current-fiancé with his daughter and completely lost my shit.
I laughed out loud at myself. Grow a backbone, Jessica. You can’t go crawling back to your shrink whenever something doesn’t go your way.
But wasn’t it completely legitimate for me to feel something about this situation? He was keeping the fact that he had a child from me. He’s the one who was dishonest, not me. Regardless of our past, I had every right to be upset with him because of our present. We were trying to build something…have a fresh start. I kept nothing from him. Nothing at all. And he hid this.
After everything we went through…
No wonder he was so okay with us getting back together. He already had the family I couldn’t give him.
I pulled into my driveway and turned off the car. I couldn’t even remember making all the turns to get to my house and that scared the hell out of me. I needed to clear my head, and I knew just who to call for help.
***
“Are you going to share with the rest of the class?” Melissa asked, looking amused.
At least I thought it was Melissa. There were two of them, and I didn’t remember my mother having twins. I closed one eye. Ok, it was Melissa. Just one Melissa. She was twirling a little, but she was there. I didn’t remember her being a dancer either. Oh well.
“Men are stupid,” I slurred, setting down my empty glass on the table. The glass shattered on the floor, sending small shards of glass all over my kitchen floor. I guess I missed the table.
“I guess you did,” Mikey said, sighing heavily as he stood from the small kitchen table and disappeared down the hallway.
Had I said that out loud?
My eyes returned to Melissa. “Do you think he’s mad at me?” I asked, watching my brother disappear down the short hall of my cottage.
She shook her head. “Definitely not. He’s just worried about you, Jess. You call us up and say you want to have a few drinks. No problem. But we show up and you’ve already had like seven drinks, so obviously something is wrong, but you won’t tell us what it is. Plus,” she eyed my bag in the corner where I’d dropped it, “your bag has been buzzing the entire night.”
“I’m not a very good sister, am I?”
Melissa scrunched her eyebrows together. “Why would you say that?”
“I left and got so preoccupied with school, then work, then trying to have a baby, then my emo self…why do you guys even want to hang out with me? I suck.”
“Okay, you’re cut off.” Michael swooped in from behind me like a vulture and picked up the bottle of rum that had somehow found its way into my hand.
“Buzz off, vulture. Give me back my rum.”
“No, Jack Sparrow. We’ve catered to your little pity party long enough. You’re going to start talking or we’ll use other tactics to get it out of you.”
I rolled my eyes. This guy. “I don’t even have a bulletin board, so I’m not afraid of your tacks.”
Melissa and Mikey shared a look, I think they rolled their eyes at me, but I wasn’t sure. Things were a bit blurry.
“I could always tickle it out of you,” Melissa suggested.
“How old are we? Twelve? Grow up,” I told her. She had the pokiest little fingers. I secretly hoped she’d act her age.
Melissa poked my side.
“Knock it off!” I said, nearly falling off my chair to get away from her.
Mikey poked me from the other side.
“What the heck?” I glared at him. He’d never participated in the tickle torture before.
Then Melissa pounced.
“I’m going to pee! Stop!” I squealed and squirmed, trying to buck Melissa off me.
“Tell me what I want to know and I’ll stop.” Melissa ordered.
“Not happening.” I’d stand my ground.
Melissa dug her pointy little fingers into my side, under my arms, and behind my knee. I was squirming and squealing. And that was before Mikey went for the soles of my feet. The jerk.
Melissa and Mikey laughed at me and with me. I had to admit, the sounds I was making were pretty impressive and could have easily landed me a job doing sound effects for a barnyard cartoon. Snorts and all.
I was laughing and crying and laughing…until I was just crying and crying and crying.
“I think we broke her,” Melissa whispered.
“Nah, I think she was already broken when we got here.” Mikey was so perceptive. So perceptive, that Mikey.
My little brother and sister held me as I cried myself to sleep, mourning the loss of my new-old relationship.
- 36 -
“Wakey wakey,” Melissa’s voice was soft as she sat on the bed beside me.
How did I end up in my bed?
Last thing I remembered was being in the kitchen with the rum. Then Mikey took it away. And they tickled me, the little shits.
/> I cracked open one eye, then immediately shut it.
“Danny’s here,” Melissa said, and both of my eyes shot open.
“Why?” I glared at her.
“Are you serious? He was blowing up your phone last night and finally showed up after you passed out. He’s been here ever since. You’re mad at him? I thought you guys were past all that nonsense, Jess.”
“He has a kid, Melissa. A daughter. He didn’t tell me.”
Melissa reared back like I slapped her. “What?”
“He has a daughter, Mel. I saw him with her last night.”
The picture of the two of them under the parking lot lights last night flashed into my mind again, and my eyes filled with tears.
“Jess,” Melissa said, a look of realization dawning, “I think you need to talk to Danny. This isn’t what you think.”
“It’s exactly what I think,” I yelled. Why did I have to defend myself? “I know what I saw.”
“Sure, you know what you saw, Jess. But you interpreted it incorrectly. That’s not his daughter. It’s his niece.” With one last look at me, she walked out of the room.
His niece?
How could that be? Dean didn’t have any kids. I’d been in Oak River long enough that I would have run into them. Or he would have mentioned a daughter when he was working on my house. But wouldn’t he have mentioned a niece? Wouldn’t Danny had mentioned a niece?
Darcy.
It’s a shame what she put that family through over the years. Wasn’t that what Mrs. Blakeney had said in my office weeks ago?
I sat up in my bed, the quick motion making my head hurt.
Did Darcy have a child?
My bedroom door creaked open, and I looked up to see Danny standing in the doorway. He looked like he hadn’t slept at all, and he probably hadn’t.
I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how to explain my behavior, but luckily I didn’t have to.
“The little girl you saw me with last night...that was my niece. Darcy’s daughter. She calls me Da-da because she can’t say Danny yet. She calls Dean De-de.”
I closed my eyes, feeling like a complete asshole.
The bed sank under Danny’s weight, and I opened my eyes again. His were sad now. “What are we going to do about this, Jess? You can’t keep shutting down, shutting me out, whenever you freak out over something. Not to mention, how could you possibly think I’d keep something as big as having a child from you?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know. I panicked. I immediately jumped to the worst possible conclusion because how could there have been a more reasonable one? I couldn’t think of any better reason why you would have kept her from me unless the reason was one that would hurt me.”
“I hadn’t told you about Darcy and Chloe—that’s her name—because I wanted to see where your head was first. Chloe is my niece, and I love her, and I was afraid that my sister’s accidental pregnancy would make you hate her.”
My mouth dropped open. “I could never-”
“I didn’t know that, Jess. I remember conversations we had years ago when we were trying to get pregnant. I remember you saying it wasn’t fair that there were so many unplanned pregnancies, and we were two people who wanted a baby so badly, but couldn’t have one. That’s all I could think of from the moment I found out Darcy was pregnant.”
God, I remembered saying that. I remembered thinking that. Hell, sometimes I even still thought that. It wasn’t fair, but that didn’t mean I hated the mother or the child. It only ever made me hate myself more. It always made it seem like the entire female population functioned so much better than I did.
“I hated me, Danny. I never hated them,” I confessed.
“I didn’t know, Jess. You never really talked to me about that stuff. About how you were really feeling. I was worried about it, so I figured I’d feel you out. Darcy lives in California, so I didn’t think they’d ever just show up like they did. Darcy came for homecoming, which is completely random, but that’s irrelevant. I still should have told you.”
“And I shouldn’t have assumed the worst. I just couldn’t imagine an innocent explanation to why a little girl was calling you that. Calling you Da-da. It freaked me out.”
“I’m sorry I kept it from you. I was trying to protect you. To protect us. I don’t want to lose you again.”
“You won’t lose me,” I promised him. “I will learn to talk to you instead of hiding from you.”
“And I will give you a little more credit going forward. You’re a strong woman, Jess. I love you,” he said, brushing his fingertips down my cheek.
I leaned into his soothing touch. “I love you, too.”
He held me against him, and I heard him sniff. “How much did you drink last night?”
I groaned. “Too much.”
He shook his head. “We need to find you some healthy outlets for your emotions.”
“Like what, carrots?” I cringed at the thought of eating carrots anytime I got upset.
Danny gave me a funny look. “No, not carrots. Something like running.” This time I gave him a funny look. “Or coloring or something.”
“Okay, I’ll lay off the sauce.”
He laughed softly and held me tighter. “You can have a drink if you want, I just don’t want you using it to self-medicate. I can think of other ways for you to do that.” He winked and my entire body heated at the possibilities.
“I like the sound of that,” I whispered, climbing into his lap.
“Yeah, not now,” he laughed. “You smell like a brewery.”
“Hey, now,” I said, playfully slapping his chest. “All right. I’m going to take a shower.”
“Good,” he said, laying back on my bed as I stood up.
“Is Melissa still here?” I asked as I pulled open my dresser drawers to find some comfortable clothes to change into after my shower.
“Nah, she said to tell you she’ll see you tomorrow at your parents.”
“Yeah, Sunday dinner,” I said, deciding on gray sweatpants and a worn out college t-shirt. I turned around and froze.
Danny hadn’t spent any time in my cottage bedroom before today, and seeing him there, lying on my bed, hands behind his head and feet stretched out, with those whiskey colored walls in the background caused me to pause. The sight was so familiar, yet so new and different. I’d seen him in this exact position at our old home hundreds of times.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Perfect,” I told him as I pulled my t-shirt over my head.
He stared unabashedly at me with so much heat in his eyes. I stripped off my shorts and kicked them towards the hamper basket in the corner of my room. Danny licked his lips and I smirked.
“Want to wash my back?” I asked as I turned around, giving him a full view of my back side as I walked to the bathroom.
He was off the bed and on his feet faster than I could blink.
Under the hot spray, his hands roamed my body as the water sluiced over my skin, and I thanked every deity I’d ever heard of that Danny and I had found our way back to one another.
Finally.
***
“Jess, can you pass the potatoes?” I handed the steaming bowl of mashed potatoes across the table to Bryan. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome,” I said, taking the gravy from Danny. Our eyes met and we shared a quick, sweet smile. Being there felt so normal, and I was glad we could still be so comfortable with each other, despite the years we missed.
Mom didn’t miss our little exchange, neither did Dad. They both smiled at me and Danny. Mom’s smile was a little watery. She was so happy to have “her kids” back together again, or so she said no less than ten times in the last hour.
“What’s your plan with the boys for the rest of the season, Dan?” My father asked. The guys all paid attention to his response about his team and the playoffs, but I tuned it out, thinking more along the lines of wedding plans.
Danny and I had spoken last night
...pillow talk...and decided eloping would be best. We weren’t sure when or where, but we wanted to do something quick and meaningful, and then take a nice vacation somewhere together...a second honeymoon.
“Jess got her first online client,” Danny said, sharing something I’d told him the night before.
“That’s great, Jess,” Karla said. Everyone else followed suit, congratulating me for expanding my practice.
“Thanks, guys. I’m looking forward to having more work. Mr. Smith’s practice might have had the right pace for him, but I need a little bit more. Even if it means virtually consulting on contracts.”
As I took a sip of my wine, my father clinked his fork against his glass and stood up. “I’d just like to say a little something. It’s been a long time since we’ve had a complete, Price family dinner.”
I looked down, an old, familiar feeling of guilt moving through me. Danny put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into his side. Instantly, my racing thoughts and feelings calmed. He knew just when I needed him.
Dad raised his glass. “I’d like to formally welcome Jess and Danny back home, back to our table.” I wiped a tear, raising my glass with my free hand. “Welcome back to the family, Dan.”
“Thanks, Stewart.” The adults all tapped glasses, and Danny got up and gave my father a hug.
I was right behind him, feeling like a little kid again in my father’s embrace. “Thanks, Dad.”
“We’re so happy you’re home,” he said as he held me. “And we’re so happy the two of you found your way back to each other.”
Still leaning against my Dad, I turned to look at the rest of the family. Mom and Danny were standing in front of one another, my mom’s hands on Danny’s cheeks as they quietly spoke. Melissa and Karla were filling in the kids on what their grandfather’s announcement was about, while Michael and Bryan were finishing their food, seemingly oblivious to the activities around them.
“I’m happy, too, Dad.”
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