Chapter 30
“I see.” Eric leaned back in his chair and shared a glance with Caro, who said nothing at all. “I understand.”
Stephan nodded. “Then you’ll do it?”
Eric took a deep breath. “Are you sure you don’t want to discuss this with Estelle?”
He’d rather cut off his own fingers with a butter knife. Eric must have seen it in his face, because he held up his hand. “It’s official. You’re no longer ambassador to Wavena’s court. Caro will do the honors until we can find a proper replacement.”
“Thank you.” Although he had no doubt Eric would do as he asked, Stephan was relieved he wasn’t going to force some sort of talk or reconciliation. What Estelle had done was unforgivable.
“I don’t want to defend her actions but it sounds as if she was trying to save your life,” said Caro. “She tried to protect you so she could get to Yangzei. She did bring back Tom.”
That was the only positive benefit of this whole mess. Tom was recovering in Orlando, where Eric and Wavena decided to keep him until he was stronger. He didn’t remember anything of his captivity and although Wavena had offered Estelle’s services to delve into his memories, they’d been immediately rejected. Tom insisted on isolation as he healed and apart from a brief conversation, they’d given him solitude.
“That wasn’t her decision to make.” He stared at her. “She broke a fucking promise. The only reason I didn’t ask her to do a blood oath was that I trusted her. She knew what she was doing and she knew how important it was to me.” He would have rather taken a bullet than endure being nothing but a puppet. Even now, reliving that experience and how she’d moved his arms and legs against his will, was torture.
After what had happened on the beach and in the room later, this was intolerable to him. She knew what he’d gone through.
She didn’t care. All she cared about was controlling him, like so many others had. That she had tried to justify it by pointing out Yangzei had done the same thing was truly hitting a low bar.
Caro looked down at her hands, which lay on her lap. “I know.” She sounded tired.
Eric sighed. “Estelle might not be in place much longer herself.”
Stephan tried not to let this bother him. A huge amount of work had gone into covering any evidence from the humans in Cancun after the attack. Estelle’s ill-advised decision to go after her brother had been the first step in escalated Dawning attacks that were becoming harder to hide. Eric was unhappy with the timing—he wanted more recon before committing—and Wavena was furious at what she saw as Estelle’s dereliction of duty and her poor judgement. Agata’s actions had been excused as the lithu doing the best she could. Estelle had borne the brunt of Wavena’s rage.
He wanted to believe it was well-deserved. It was. “It’s time Estelle dealt with the consequences of her actions.”
“Stephan,” said Caro in a low voice. That was all she said but it was enough.
He was getting petty and it wasn’t a good feeling. Stephan nodded at them both and stood to go. He knew how Caro felt because under the anger and sadness, he had the same bone-weariness that he heard in her voice. It had taken him a week before he’d come back to Toronto to see Eric. After Orlando, he’d bought a ticket for the next flight out; it didn’t matter where. That’s how he ended up in Des Moines. He’d called Eric and left a message that he was fine and would be back soon. Oh, and that the vampires had Tom, they’d taken out one of the Dawning’s compounds and Madden was dead.
He’d found a Holiday Inn and hadn’t left the room. Instead, he lay on the bed for so long that his back had gone numb and body creaked when he finally rose to have a shower. He’d bought earphones from the front desk and plugged them into the TV at a deafening volume, trying to drown out the chorus of multitude voices that came from all around him now. One evening he’d turned the sound down to listen to what they were saying, but the babble had left him as wrung out as an old rag. He’d only heard words here and there but the forsaken tones made him feel even worse.
The only thing he bothered about was the injury to his arm, which he’d had stitched up when he arrived. Other than changing the dressings, he did nothing but eat room-service burgers and drink the entire minibar multiple times over. Refilling it was the only thing he let the maid do in the room.
Between fastidiously emptying tiny containers of vodka into plastic glasses and downing the contents, he’d stared at the phone. The understanding had come to him slowly—he both wanted to call Estelle and simultaneously have nothing to do with her. Well, he only wanted to call her once, just once, to tell her what he thought of her.
It wasn’t flattering.
Had he really been in love with her? That’s what kept him up at night despite the vodka. The loyal, smart, kind woman he thought he’d loved had been less real than a masque. Had she primed him to fall in love through those mental nudges that she’d promised never to use? He didn’t know. Maybe what they had was true and she’d made a mistake. Even if it was, what was to say that she wouldn’t make another, and then another? He couldn’t trust her. He couldn’t trust his judgement of her.
All he could do was lay on the bed and think about Estelle while trying not to think about her.
When the maid finally refused to refill the mini-fridge, he knew it was time to go. He forced himself into the shower, where he stood until he felt as though he’d sloughed off his skin. Eric had met him at the airport and Stephan had told him most of the story on the way home.
Now here he was. Back in Toronto. Hurting so bad he could barely breathe. Nothing to keep him busy because Eric insisted he get some rest.
Stephan left the war room and went to the kitchen. Food wasn’t a cure for everything but it would do in a pinch. Cynthia patted his shoulder and quietly put a platter of sandwiches in front of him. As if drawn by the smell, Minh came in a few minutes later. His eyes lit up at the sight of the food and Stephan pushed the rest of them over. The human crammed three in his mouth.
They sat in companionable silence eating and then drinking the milkshakes Cynthia put down with a flourish. Minh twirled the glass in admiration before taking a sip. His eyes nearly rolled back in his head. “There must be a pint of ice cream in this,” he said.
Cynthia brought her own drink to the table along with a bottle of Kahlua that she cracked open and passed around. “I went to see Jimmy,” she said.
The missing masquerada security officer had been found in the west pavilion. Stephan discovered that Lucas had been found safe as well, recovering in the infirmary from blood loss.
“How is he?”
Cynthia smiled. “Doing very well. He’s grateful to you and Estelle. By the way, your vampire friend is arriving tomorrow.”
Stephan choked. Estelle? Here? He’d be packed and gone before he had to see her. He wasn’t ready.
“The librarian,” she clarified.
“How do you know?” he asked.
“Me.” Caro came in. “Raoul wanted to meet.”
That was only a bit better. Stephan had no desire to see him either. “Why?” He pulled hard on the straw. It was a thick shake.
Caro sighed. “The Ancients. We’ve been corresponding. He’s a very intelligent man and an excellent researcher.”
“Will you meet with Isindle? Talk about the…” he tried to remember. “Hulu? Humian?”
“Huiniun,” she corrected. “Isindle’s coming with me to fetch him from the airport.”
Minh leaned forward. “What’s a huiniun?”
“Jail for an Ancient,” Stephan said. That was close enough.
“Raoul may be able to help us,” said Caro.
Stephan stood up from the table and paced around the kitchen. He was doing a lot of aimless strolling these days. It helped clear his head. “Why does he want to help us?”
Caro raised her dark eyebrows. �
��To rid the world of a great evil?”
“Maybe but this is a man who met with the Dawning, for Christ’s sake.” Even though he protested he was only an innocent bystander. “His aunt is a Madden supporter.” Or was, since there was no Madden left to support.
“You don’t trust him,” said Caro.
“I think I might but not enough to let you go without security.” Eric would slaughter him if anything happened to his consort.
“I’ll go,” offered Minh.
Caro agreed before Stephan could get a word out. It wasn’t that he doubted Minh but when all was said and done, he was a human and Raoul was a vampire. A cunning one at that. He sighed. “I should probably come too,” he said. “It’s only polite, especially since he hasn’t met either of you.”
Minh gave him a cynical smile that said he knew exactly what Stephan was up to but simply took another sandwich. It was unfair of Stephan to direct his anger at Estelle toward Raoul anyway—Raoul had enough traits for Stephan to dislike him on his own merits. This would be a good chance to find out more about the Ancients. Despite the situation with Estelle, Stephan couldn’t simply pretend the war had stopped because his feelings have been hurt. He might not be the ambassador to Queen Wavena anymore, but he was Eric’s deputy and he had a role to play in the fight against the Dawning.
He pushed away the empty glass. Looked like he was back on the job.
Chapter 31
It wasn’t the worst time Estelle had ever had.
Yes, it was.
It had taken Estelle a week to return to Florida. She and Agata had sent Tom and Felix back with a guard, and spent the next few days securing the area. It had been hard work, and kept her mind off what had happened with Stephan. He refused to answer her calls and she knew from Caro that he had reported in by phone, then gone AWOL. At least she was keeping busy logging the Dawning prisoners, liaising with Mexican allies, and generally trying to make sure the humans in the area believed the shootout at the resort was the result of a shady business deal. If she didn’t have that work exhausting her until she was nearly falling asleep on her feet, she’d be frantic with worry. As it was, she was only mostly frantic.
It didn’t help when she’d told Caro what had happened. The lengthy silence over the phone said volumes. Finally, Caro had sighed. “This isn’t good.”
“I know.”
“No, really not good. Whenever you had with Stephan, I think you have to consider that over. This is one of those unforgivable things, one of those actions you don’t come back from.”
“I made the best choice I could.” Estelle coughed to hide the break in her voice.
“I know you did, but remember what we spoke about when you left. It might have been the best choice given the situation, but it was the worst choice for him.”
Caro’s words kept circling in Estelle’s mind. Unforgivable. Worst choice. At night she tried to bury her head in her pillow to escape it. This was her nightmare come true, the reason she’d never wanted to be seneschal in the first place. No matter what she did, she was going to hurt someone.
But to have that person be Stephan right as they’d reached an understanding that had made her feel whole and accepted and desired…that was a real kicker.
Arriving back home, desolate and exhausted, she’d barely managed to put down her bags when Wavena summoned her to her private apartments. To the queen’s credit, she’d held off from asking questions until Estelle had cleaned up most of the problems and come back home.
Unfortunately, it had given the queen more time to stew.
“Never in my life have I seen such selfish, reckless action from a seneschal.”
Estelle winced. She’d been ready for anger, rage even, but this sharp disappointment was much worse. She listened silently, knowing she had little to defend herself with if she wanted to keep Felix’s meeting with the Dawning secret. Resentment, hot and mean, blossomed in her. She didn’t even like Felix. An image of her mother’s tear-stained face rose up and she repressed the anger as fast as it had arisen.
“You put your personal feelings before your duty without any thought for the consequences to our people. That’s not how you were trained. Cressida would never have acted like this.”
Remorseless, Wavena continued naming off all the crises Estelle had sparked with her thoughtlessness. The cover-up in Cancun. Troop losses—five soldiers Estelle had known, good people. Scattering the Dawning so that they were no longer easy to find. Even the one success—the recovery of many of the disappeared—caused more problems as they hadn’t the resources to debrief and reintegrate them. Some were in Wavena’s jails until they could be checked over, igniting more anger from vampire families.
Lady Nadia had been hard at work fanning the flames, a shit disturber without parallel. Cressida had sometimes joked that they should have Nadia come in to teach a course on psychological warfare.
It was less funny now.
“The only benefit is that you killed Madden,” Wavena finished. “Which was hardly worth the losses.”
Somewhere, deep inside, a small spark of angry indignation lit inside Estelle. Some of this was warranted—she definitely could have gone about the entire thing a different way—but to paint it as a complete debacle was too much.
“I disagree.”
“You what?” Wavena’s round eyes narrowed.
“There are more benefits to the attack than what you listed. Yes, it could have been better timed, but it was an opportunity and Agata took it.” Agata had been alerted to the Dawning’s location and the residence of both Madden and Yangzei by the vampire Stephan had rescued.
“She was in there because you decided to act alone and she had no choice.”
“I told her not to take drastic action before I left.”
“You knew the location of the Dawning. We could have ended them for all. You wasted an opportunity.”
“I knew one possible location of a Dawning base and it wasn’t until I arrived that I confirmed it. If anything my work served a scouting purpose.” This was dressing it up a bit, but reasonable.
“You should have asked permission before you even got on that plane.”
Estelle went very still. “Military decisions are my wheelhouse.” That was the entire purpose of the seneschal’s role.
“I fail to see how you now deserve that trust.”
Estelle did her best to not react. This was unexpected. A seneschal was never removed from duty until death did the task. “What are you saying? Do you wish my resignation as seneschal?” For a moment, her heart leapt. This was what she wanted.
Wasn’t it?
It was. She was no good as seneschal. She might have passed the tests but tests weren’t everything. She knew she didn’t have the capacity for this kind of leading, this high-stakes decision-making. There was no perfect answer in this role, only a hundred reasons she should have chosen differently. She’d done fine in the first Dawning battle because Cressida had been there to guide her. On her own, if she let up her guard once, she would screw up. She had to be eternally vigilant.
Wavena laughed in her face. “You think you can cause a mess of this magnitude and then have the nerve to suggest you walk away and leave it for us to clean?”
“That’s not what I meant. I said I wasn’t suited for the role.”
The queen’s lip curled in disgust. “All you ever do is run away, to try to find some little life with little decisions that have little consequences. You’re not running now. You’re not getting fired. You’re going to fix it.”
“I think that—”
“I don’t care what you think.” The queen’s tone was flat. “You will do as you have been trained.”
“Yes ma’am.”
“Silence.” The queen snorted. “Not to mention what you did to Stephan Daker.”
Estelle blinked at the change of to
pic. “What?”
“Eric Kelton, our strongest ally, sent me a very terse message that Stephan will no longer be his ambassador. What did you do to Stephan?”
There was no point lying. “I used my compulsion ability against his will after I promised not to. I was trying to kill Yangzei and he was in the way.”
The queen’s hands gripped the arms of her chair. “I don’t even know where to begin with this. How could you have given a promise like that in the first place?”
“I didn’t think.”
The queen’s long silence said more than Estelle wanted to hear. “Caro Yeats will be taking the role of ambassador temporarily. If something was important enough for him to…well, I wish you luck.” The tone of her voice said quite enough about what she thought of Estelle’s odds for making good with Stephan.
“Yes ma’am.”
“Get out of my sight.”
Dismissed, Estelle left and paused outside the doors. She had offered her resignation and Wavena had declined it. She was stuck.
Part of her wanted to go hide away and cry, but everywhere she turned there was another vampire smirking at her downfall. Fine. It was out. They all knew that she hadn’t been up to the job.
She tried to hold her head up high but instead found herself almost scuttling to the library. Wavena had made it very clear that she was expected to continue her duties instead of hiding away and at least the library would be private.
“Estelle.”
She knew that voice anywhere. Lady Nadia stood in the corner, her veil tied tightly over her face.
“Yes?” She might be in disgrace, but it didn’t mean she wanted to deal with this.
“We’ve never been friends,” said Lady Nadia. She left a long pause and then continued speaking when it was clear Estelle had nothing to say. “Yet I believe we might have more in common than you realize.”
Estelle stopped the rude comment on the edge of her lips. Nadia was a horror but she was also one with good contacts. Perhaps she could use her public shaming to use. “I’m curious,” she said.
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