by Chris Zett
Emily searched for something to say, but her concentration was shot. Her gaze settled on Diana, who looked as flushed as she herself felt. Her top was sticking to her front like a second skin, which was definitely not a bad thing. Stop it. Cool off and get a grip! “Do you want something to drink?”
Diana nodded. “I’ll go. What can I get you?”
“Just water.” Her inhibitions were lowered enough. Emily didn’t know what she would do under the influence of alcohol.
“Wait here.” Diana briefly touched Emily’s hand with her own and flashed her a smile.
Emily watched her weave through the crowd and took the opportunity to admire the tattoo on her back. She sighed. Even sexier than she remembered.
Someone touched her shoulder. “Emily, what are you doing here?”
Jen. Shit. Not now. Emily quickly put on a smile and turned around. “Hey. That’s a surprise. Are you working?”
Jen grimaced. “My boss called and asked me to do a few lines on one of the bands. It seems his daughter has a crush on one of the band members.” She looked around “Where’s your resident?”
“She’s not mine.” Emily looked at the bar to check if Diana was returning. Jen hadn’t seen them together yet, so it wasn’t too late. “She’s getting something to drink.” How could she get rid of Jen without being too obvious?
Jen raised up on her toes to look in the same direction. “What does she look like?”
Should Emily tell her something completely misleading? But Diana could come back any moment. Emily hesitated. She didn’t want to lie to her best friend, but she wasn’t ready for the questions the truth would cause.
“Hey, look, there’s Dee Dragon again! Maybe I can get my interview today.” Jen nearly squealed. She sounded like a fangirl and not a serious journalist.
Too late. Diana was already moving toward them.
Emily tried to make eye contact, hoping she could warn her without words.
Diana froze midmotion. Her gaze darted from Jen to Emily and back, then she abruptly turned and headed back to the bar.
“I’ll be back in a second. Have fun with your date.” Jen hastened after Diana, or rather Dee, and stopped her.
Emily couldn’t understand the conversation, but Diana shook her head.
Jen was persistent and didn’t let her go.
Emily caught Diana’s gaze over Jen’s head and mouthed, “Bathroom,” pointing to the far end of the room.
Diana gave a tiny nod.
The line was long, but she squeezed past the waiting women to go to the sink to wash her clammy hands and wipe her neck with a wet paper towel. She hated going behind Jen’s back. She shook her head at her reflection. As if that was her only problem. She had to repeat her talk with Diana, and this time she wouldn’t agree on pursuing a friendship outside of work. That ship had sailed. She obviously couldn’t trust herself to stay on course.
The next band had started playing, and the last woman in line had come and gone, but still Diana hadn’t followed her. Should Emily go back out and look for her?
Just as she wanted to give up, the door opened and Diana entered. She closed it and leaned against, holding two bottles of water.
They looked at each other.
Diana’s lips twitched with mirth, and Emily giggled. She tried to stop, but the nervous energy bubbled to the surface and exploded in loud laughter. At first, Diana merely grinned, but soon she joined Emily in the near-manic laughter until both had to clutch their sides and Emily was doubled over. Wordlessly, Diana offered her one of the water bottles, and Emily gulped down half its contents. The cool liquid soothed her throat and helped her to gather her thoughts.
“How do we—?”
“Do you want—?”
Both stopped and waved for the other to go first. Another round of laughter threatened, and Emily took a sip of the water to prevent it.
“Do you want to leave? We can sneak out backstage.” Diana raked her fingers through her hair. “I’m sorry, this is awkward. I’ve never wanted my past to intrude so much in our evening.”
“It’s not your fault.” Emily stepped closer, her fingers hovering over the tattoo on Diana’s arm. She so wanted to touch it. Would it feel different than the rest of her skin? What are you doing? She snatched her hand back as if the flames of the tattoo had burned her.
The talk. She had to do it now or she’d lose focus again. “We…I can’t do this anymore.”
“What do you mean? Go dancing? Because of Jen?” Diana leaned against the wall opposite the sink.
“Yes. No.” Emily drank from the water to gain time to gather her thoughts. “We can’t go out as friends. It’s obviously not working. Jen has nothing to do with it.”
Diana took a moment to answer, studying Emily with an intense expression. “Maybe it’s not working because we’re supposed to be more than friends.”
She wanted to scream yes and throw herself into Diana’s arms. It took all her rapidly dwindling willpower to remain on her side of the narrow room. The sink dug into her back, a hard and cool anchor to reason. “Nothing has changed. I’m still your mentor.”
“Is this really only about work?” Diana’s voice was soft now.
It was about so much more, but she had no idea how to say that. If she gave in now and then inevitably fucked up the relationship later, she would hurt both of them. Or she’d disappoint Diana when she found out she had nothing special to give. “I’m afraid,” she murmured.
“I get that. I really do.” Diana leaned closer, only a fraction, but her presence filled the gap between them with inviting warmth. “But don’t you think it’s worth it? We could be worth it? Don’t you want to know where this could go?” Her eyes blazed a brilliant green in the harsh bathroom light, and her gaze was filled with emotions Emily couldn’t name, but they made it impossible to look away.
An almost magnetic attraction pulled Emily to her. Unwilling to fight it anymore, Emily pushed away from the sink and took a couple of steps until she stood directly in front of her, not quite touching. Close enough to feel Diana’s body heat. She swallowed, twice. “Yes.”
Diana traced Emily’s lips with her finger and slowly leaned in to kiss her, giving her enough time to pull back.
Instead, Emily closed the distance herself. Soft lips let her forget everything else.
Diana captured her lower lip, nipping and licking until Emily opened her mouth.
With a sigh, she welcomed the firm strokes and the delicious taste that was all Diana. Her heart raced and nearly seemed to burst as it filled with pleasure and exhilaration.
Loud music intruded into her consciousness and faded again. The door. Someone had opened it.
When Diana cupped her neck and tangled her fingers into her hair, deepening the kiss, Emily lost that thought as fast as it had appeared.
The music swelled as the someone opened the door again. It was cut off when the door slammed shut. “What the fuck, Emily? Dee?”
Jen. Emily jerked back and staggered backward, out of Diana’s arms. Jen was standing at the door and stared at them with wide eyes.
“Oh, hi, Jen.” What a stupid thing to say. Emily glanced at Diana.
She had spun around at Jen’s voice and clutched the sink next to her with both hands, her muscles quivering with tension.
Emily yearned to tell her that everything would be okay, no matter if it was true or not, but she was paralyzed.
Jen’s gaze swiveled from Diana to Emily and back. “I thought you’re here with your resident?”
No, no, no, think fast. “It’s not what you think.” Brilliant. That line never helped anyone.
“Okay.” Jen’s brow furrowed as she waited for an explanation.
“It’s complicated.” She was resorting to clichés now. She shared a helpless look with Diana, who took a deep breath and held out
her hand.
“Hi, I’m Diana. I work with Emily.”
Jen fixed her gaze on Diana but didn’t take her hand.
After a moment Diana lowered it to her side.
Emily reached for it. The firmness of Diana’s touch gave her courage to explain. “Jen, I’m sorry. I couldn’t tell you—”
“You mean you didn’t want to tell me.” Jen’s voice became gradually louder. “Have you been laughing at me all this time? Stupid Jen and her hunt for an interview? You’re my best friend, and you think you can’t trust me. Great. What’s our friendship to you?” Before Emily found an answer, Jen turned to Diana. “And you, Dee, Diana, or whatever you call yourself, what game are you playing? Do you think it’s funny to come between friends like this?” She whirled around and slammed the door on her way out.
The door hit the frame like a slap in her face. Tears burned in Emily’s eyes, and the noises around her receded to a muted buzzing. She was torn between running after Jen and crying right here, right now. Gradually, she became aware of Diana’s hand in hers, her thumb moving in soothing circles. She turned to look at her.
Diana’s eyes were like large, murky pools in her pale face. “Let’s get out of here.”
Emily nodded and followed her out of the bathroom, through the crowd, and past the bar. Jen was nowhere to be seen. They collected their jackets in silence and stepped outside.
She sucked in the cool evening air. Get yourself together. She clenched her fists and welcomed the pain of the nails biting into her palms. “I need to go after Jen and talk to her.”
“Do you think she went home, or should we look in there for her?” Diana pointed back at the club.
Emily shook her head. “No, I’m sure she went home. I need to follow her.”
“I’ll go with you. It’s more my fault than yours.” Diana tried to take Emily’s hand, but she shook it off.
She needed distance to collect herself. Her mind was useless, like a compass needle at the North Pole, tilting in every direction. She’d always relied on her plans for every contingency, but she had neglected to prepare for this. Operating in emergency mode, she could only think of the next step.
“I’ve got to apologize. Alone.” Emily kicked an empty beer can down the street.
“Let me at least drive you to her place. I can wait outside.” Diana’s voice was warm and supportive, and Emily wished she could let her help.
Emily slowly backed away, shaking her head. “No.” She was torn between wanting to take up Diana on her offer and wanting to turn and run away. “I need some distance. This thing between us, whatever it is, is getting too much, too soon. Nothing went as planned tonight.” Everything had spiraled out of control. She stuffed her hands into her pocket so Diana wouldn’t see them shaking. That’s why you don’t date. Too many conflicting emotions.
Diana slowly nodded. In the dim light of the alley, Emily couldn’t be sure of her expression, but for a moment she looked hurt. “Whatever you need. You can call me anytime if you want me to come. Or if you just want someone to listen.”
Emily’s throat constricted, and she forced herself to swallow. She raised her hand in a vague thank-you-and-goodbye gesture and turned rapidly before Diana could see her crying. She had to concentrate on Jen now. Fast steps carried her down the crowded street. She weaved between the other people, not really seeing anyone, relying on her instincts not to run into them.
Chapter 12
Diana threw the Journal of Emergency Medicine onto the side table and checked her phone. No messages, no emails. She reached for the article again. Peripartum Cardiomyopathy: A rare but life-threatening condition in the emergency department was fascinating, but why couldn’t it hold her attention? Because she hadn’t heard from Emily in three days. She hadn’t shown up at work since last Friday. Liz, the attending covering her shifts, said Emily had claimed a family emergency to call in several favors from the other attendings to get a week off.
She had every intention of respecting Emily’s need for distance, but it still hurt to be shut out like this. In addition to her own unresolved feelings, she was worried about Emily. Was the conflict with Jen so severe that she needed a whole week to take care of it? Maybe she should call Jen herself to clear the air between them? She hadn’t until now because she was afraid of pissing her off even more and pushing her to publish who Dee Dragon was, plus she didn’t want to further damage Jen and Emily’s friendship.
Not knowing what lay ahead was worse than facing it. She called up Mel’s info. Maybe her best friend could help her with the mess she was in. “Hi, Mel. How are you?”
“I’m great, stupidly happy. Being in a new relationship does that to you.”
“Congratulations.” Diana was happy for her, but this would make the situation more complicated if they were in a real relationship and not just having a short fling. “I’m kinda calling to talk about Jen. Did she tell you how we met last Thursday? Not one of my finer moments.”
“She’s told me about the fight she had with her best friend for lying, and she was not too happy with me either.” Mel chuckled. “We had some long talks, and I guess she gets why you did what you did, even if she doesn’t like it. She’s promised not to reveal your ‘secret identity’ for now. But I guess Emily told you that already.”
A weight lifted from Diana’s chest. She had half convinced herself she would be okay with being outed as a former rock musician at work as long as she could avoid getting fired, but in truth, she didn’t want to change the status quo. “Thank you for convincing her.”
“No, you can thank your girlfriend. She was quite the champion. Jen said she had never before seen her fight for something like this. If it weren’t for her mother, they would probably still be arguing.”
“I’m not so sure she’s my girlfriend,” Diana answered automatically. “Wait, what’s with her mother?” Was there really a family emergency? Why hadn’t Emily called her? Her stomach dropped. Why should she? It wasn’t as though they were in a long-term relationship. They’d barely started anything, no matter how many sparks had been flying between them at the club.
“Oh. Didn’t she tell you?” Mel’s voice was hesitant.
“No, she’s asked for some distance right after it happened on Thursday and hasn’t come to work since. I didn’t want to call and pressure her. Do you know what happened?” Diana had no idea if Emily’s mother was sick or old; she had never talked about how she was doing or where she was living.
“Jen says she died suddenly,” Mel said. “Emily is arranging the funeral and going through the papers now. She has refused Jen’s help, but they have talked a few times on the phone.”
“Oh. Okay. Thanks.” Diana hadn’t expected anything like that. Her predicament with Jen seemed insignificant compared to the situation Emily was going through. “Do you know if she’s all right? Wait, that’s a stupid question. Do you know if she’s handling it okay?”
“I’m sorry, Jen didn’t say. But if she were close to breaking down, Jen would go there, no matter what Emily said. So I guess she’s coping for now.”
It was reassuring that Jen had obviously set her anger aside to support Emily. “Oh. Okay.” Diana tried to laugh, but it sounded more like a cough. “I’m repeating myself. I think I need to hang up now and call her.”
“Sure. Take care.”
Diana rolled the journal into a tight roll and hit her leg in an increasingly complex rhythm. She shook her head at herself. That wouldn’t bring her back on track. She carefully unrolled the journal and tried to bend it back into shape. After calling up Emily’s contact information on her phone, she pushed the dial button before she could find a thousand logical-seeming reasons not to do it.
“Barnes.”
That wasn’t very inviting. Diana hoped Emily hadn’t looked at the caller ID before answering.
“Hi, Emily, it’s me, Diana.”
>
“Yes, I know. How are you?” The businesslike tone made it clear that it was merely a polite phrase, not a real question.
Don’t take it personally. “I’ve heard what happened. I’m sorry about your mother. Can I help you with anything?”
“No. Thank you. My mother was very organized. Everything is taken care of. I’ll be back in a couple of days.” She could be talking about an emergency-medicine conference for all the lack of emotion in her voice.
“I was just concerned about you. If you want to talk, just call me. Anytime.” It didn’t feel like enough, to just offer her an ear and not a shoulder to cry on, but Emily’s matter-of-fact tone precluded anything more.
“Thank you,” Emily said. “Is there anything else? If not, I’ll see you at work in a few days.”
Emotions churned in Diana’s stomach, and she fought to keep them out of her voice. Emily obviously didn’t need or want to be comforted. The rejection hurt, but that was her problem, not Emily’s. “No. That’s all. I’ll be glad to see you again. Take care.” See? She could be as polite as Emily.
Emily ended the call without replying.
Diana clutched the phone harder and repressed the urge to throw it across the room. “Fuck!” Are you really so cold, Emily, or is this part of your formidable wall?
Emily stalled another few seconds by stowing the phone in her bag and rearranging the bag on the chair next to hers. She squared her shoulders and looked up at the man sitting on the other side of the large oak desk that was built to impress and intimidate. It failed to do both. “I’m sorry for the interruption. You were telling me about the arrangements.”
“No problem, Dr. Barnes. As I was saying, your mother was meticulous. She kept her instructions and her will up-to-date.” His quiet voice and demeanor were probably meant to be soothing.
It had the opposite effect, and she had to fight the urge to get up and pace the room. She stopped listening to his reading of the detailed papers that represented her mother’s need to control everything, even after her death. She would get a written copy and just look at it later.