“‘Trying’?” I repeated, not sure what she meant. That there was some mysterious process that resulted in children, I was aware, but the details had so far eluded me.
Her eyebrows lifted. “Well, you know.”
I shook my head. “No, I am afraid I don’t.”
A long pause during which she stared at me, as if she was attempting to discover whether I was playing some kind of jest on her. Then she said, “You mean that you and your husband have not…?”
“Have not what?”
“Oh, gods,” she said, after expelling a breath of consternation. “You truly meant it when you said that your stepmother had not told you anything of how to be a good wife.”
“Yes,” I replied. I had not liked telling Lynnis such a lie, but it seemed it was serving me in good stead now, if it meant I could continue to blame that mythical stepmother for any of my numerous shortcomings in the domestic arena.
“Your Corin must be a very patient man.”
“I — ” Whatever defense I might have tried to summon then fled, because I knew that she was right. He had been very patient with me, although I still hadn’t quite discovered the reasoning behind such patience.
“Were you never around any livestock? Did you never see them in the springtime, when their blood ran hot and they wanted to mate and have lambs and calves and so forth?”
“No,” I said simply. It was only the truth. Of course I knew that animals had babies, just as people had babies, but I had never learnt anything of the mysterious process that made them appear in the first place. And while we had plenty of animals on the estate, I had never spent very much time around them. Perhaps I could be forgiven for such an omission, because when I was a young child, I had become quite enamored of the little lambs…only to be terribly distressed when I discovered that they were to end up on our dinner table. I had not eaten lamb for years after that.
“Oh…dear.” I did not know Lynnis very well yet, but already I had gathered the impression that she was someone who was not frequently at a loss for words. She got up from where she had been sitting and went to pour some of the water from the pot into the tub, then dumped all the clothing to be washed — Corin’s shirts and my chemises and my one other serviceable gown, along with the stained shirt we’d already scrubbed with soap — into that tub so it might soak. While these were tasks that needed to be done, I rather thought she had busied herself in such a fashion so she could avoid answering me right away.
“I suppose you must think I am very foolish,” I said.
“No,” she replied at once. “Sheltered, yes. But I do not think you are a fool, Marenna. Come here now, so you can get to work on these clothes. Like this.”
She showed me how to rub the soap on the stains, and scrub at them with the hard-bristled brush. The combination did work quite well, and seemed a much simpler thing than putting a meal together, although I could not help but inwardly fret over what the hot water and the rough soap would do to my hands. I worked in silence for a few minutes while she watched me with a careful eye. However, it seemed that not all her attention was focused on making sure I did not harm the garments, or miss a spot, because at length she spoke, her voice careful, considering.
“I can see that your husband is being gentle with you, because it seems he must understand that you have come to him without truly knowing what your duties are as his wife. And you are very newly married.”
“Only two days,” I pointed out, after double-checking that I truly had gotten that one terrible blotch off the cuff of Corin’s shirt. I wrung it out and draped it over the edge of the tub, and went on to one of my chemises, which really didn’t require much attention.
“Yes.” She hesitated, then went on, “So it has not been long enough for him to become angry, or impatient. However, you can’t expect matters to continue in such a way forever.” Another pause, during which she fixed me with a keen eye. “Nor should you want them to, not when you are married to such a handsome man. Tell me, has he even kissed you?”
“During the ceremony,” I said, suddenly shy. I was not sure why I should feel so reticent, but a blush stole over my cheeks and I looked away from her, intent on scrubbing at a stain that was not there. “And once the next day…but only on my cheek.”
“Oh.” After that response, she got up from the chair where she’d been sitting and came over to the tub, then lifted Corin’s shirt and looked it over carefully. I must have done a respectable job, because she nodded and laid it aside. “Well, kissing is usually where it starts. But believe me, there is far more to what transpires between a man and his wife than merely a kiss.”
I tried to imagine more than a kiss. Corin had kissed me on the lips and on the cheek, but what if he kissed me somewhere else, such as the back of my neck, or the inside of my wrist. Or….
The thought came to me of precisely where he might bestow a kiss, and blood flooded my cheeks once again.
“I see that you’re beginning to understand,” Lynnis said with a grin. “But, just so you are entirely clear….”
And from there she went on to explain, in simple but very detailed terms, exactly what was expected of the marriage bed. I stared at her, gape-mouthed, and tried to imagine Corin and myself participating in that kind of activity.
Of course I failed utterly.
“So…that is how you get with child?”
“Yes. Now you see why I said that it wasn’t because of lack of trying that we did not yet have any children.”
“And you…enjoy it?”
“Of course I do!” she said with a laugh. “It is one of the most wonderful things in the world. Only,” she went on, her expression sobering somewhat, “it can hurt a bit the first time. After that, though, all should be well.”
I contemplated that piece of information for a moment. “And how did you learn all this?”
“Why, from my mother, of course. The day after Hal asked my parents for permission to marry me, my mother sat me down and explained all that would be expected of me once I was his wife.”
“Oh.” Many times over the years I had mourned my mother’s loss, had wondered what it would have been like to have her with me to offer advice and comfort, and to guide me from childhood to womanhood. It would have been so very different. For one thing, I would not have been so ignorant of such obvious facts of life when I agreed to this marriage.
“I am sorry,” Lynnis said. She had been watching me, and perhaps some of my sorrow had shown itself on my face. “It must have been difficult, to not have your mother with you, and to have only a cruel stepmother who did her best to make sure you were not ready to be someone’s wife.”
Once again I hated myself for the lie I had told her. Although I had never had a true friend, I could see that Lynnis might be one, if I would but let her. Unfortunately, I feared that once she knew the truth, she would never want to speak to me again.
“Perhaps,” I allowed. I did not dare say anything more than that. “But you have helped me tremendously, Lynnis. Thank you.”
“It is nothing.” She went over to the counter and retrieved the jug we used to fetch water, and said, “Let us go to the well again. We will rinse these clothes, and hang them to dry, and when your husband comes home….” A pause, and she added, again with that dancing light in her hazel eyes, “Perhaps then you will show him what a good wife you can be.”
CHAPTER 8
The clean clothes bobbed on the clothesline outside the kitchen window, and the cottage was filled with the scent of roasting chicken. I had dusted again, since I found a few cobwebs Corin and I had missed that first night, and the little house practically shone.
I wanted to be a proper wife to him. If only I was not so afraid.
Lynnis’ revelations had not made me feel better about the situation…rather the reverse. Because now the mystery had been explained to me, and although my friend had sworn that the marriage bed was a wonderful thing, I was not sure I believed her. Taken purely on a physical
and factual level, the act did seem more than a little frightening.
Besides, she had known Hal well when they were married — they had grown up in the hamlet here together, were childhood friends before they were sweethearts. She would have been relaxed and easy with him, whereas I did not see how I could possibly be relaxed when expected to engage in such activities with a person I hardly knew.
But perhaps…perhaps I should allow Corin to kiss me more. Yes, that seemed like a good, cautious first step. After all, I had enjoyed that first kiss, even while I had writhed at the thought of having to marry a perfect stranger. Once I was comfortable with kissing him, then perhaps it would not be so difficult to allow matters to progress further.
The door opened and he entered, just as windblown and grape-stained as he had been the day before. But he smiled at me and said, “I see that you have had yet another productive day.”
“I hope so, Corin.” Inwardly, I winced at the sight of his filthy shirt, for it brought home to me the realization that all these chores would be never-ending, that as soon as I was done with one, I would have at least three more tasks to manage. However, I tried to push the thought away, because I truly was happy to see the way he smiled at me. I let my gaze linger on his lips, and wondered what it would be like to have him kiss me again — truly kiss me, sweep me into his arms and hold me close, rather than have such a chaste embrace as the one we’d shared during our wedding ceremony.
Something in the air between us seemed to change then, and his gaze fastened on mine and held. My heart began to beat harder in my chest, and I realized my knees felt somewhat weak.
“I — I need to look in on our dinner,” I managed, and hurried away before he could say anything to stop me.
Nor did he attempt any kind of pursuit. I heard his footsteps go down the hall, where he no doubt was headed toward his room so he might change his shirt. After checking on the chicken and assuring myself that it was cooking evenly, I took up a basket, went outside, and began pulling down our clothes from the line I had strung between two trees. The shirts and chemises were now dry and smelled sweet from hanging in the hay-scented air all afternoon, and I did as Lynnis had instructed, folding the garments as I placed them in the basket so they would not get wrinkled. True, my folds were not quite as neat as the examples she had shown me, but I told myself that they should do well enough — especially Corin’s shirts, since they would only get dirty again as soon as he wore them in the fields.
When I entered the kitchen, I saw him standing there, sniffing at the chicken, and casting an approving eye at the cold bean salad, which was already prepared and sitting in a bowl on the countertop.
“Dinner should be ready soon,” I said, the words coming out quickly, almost tripping over themselves. I did not want another awkward silence like the one we had just shared, fraught with emotions I was not sure I could even identify. “And we will have the rest of the bread from last night.”
“Once again I must express my surprise and gratitude.”
Was he poking fun at me? His expression was serious enough, but a certain glint in his dark eyes seemed to indicate that he might be teasing me…just a little. “Oh, I know you had feared you would be forced to subsist on cold porridge and stale bread,” I returned with a grin.
“Nothing so dire as that, I assure you.” He went to the cupboard where the wine was stored and extracted another bottle. Looking past him to the shelf, I could see that only four bottles were left. Would he get more once another week began, or would we be left without once we had drunk everything we’d started with? I couldn’t know for sure, and I decided it was better not to protest, even though I worried what drinking that bottle might mean, what with this strange new energy crackling between us.
Or perhaps it had always been there, and I was only now recognizing it for what it was. I might have had an easier time of it if I had had even a childhood crush on one of the young men of my acquaintance, but none of them had interested me enough to even think about stealing a kiss. I had been content to admire some of my brothers’ friends from afar, since they had seemed so much older and worldlier than I. Being confronted with someone like Corin, so handsome and dedicated and passionate, made me realize everything I had been missing.
He took the bottle and a pair of goblets out to the table, and I busied myself with removing the chicken from its spit and placing it on a platter. Truly, we had been lucky in how well-supplied this cottage was; we’d only to move in, and practically everything we needed had been provided for us.
The candles on the table were flickering as I came to set down the platter with the chicken. I excused myself to get the bowl of bean salad and the little wooden board with the bread and butter, then took a seat. Corin was already sitting down; I could see how he had brushed his hair and changed his shirt, and looked perfectly respectable.
Well, perhaps not quite. A perfectly respectable man might not have had that glint in his dark eyes, one that sent another rush of warmth through me. It seemed he liked what he saw when he gazed upon me, and the feeling was more than mutual.
“Another productive day?” I inquired as he began to carve the chicken.
“Very. We have picked all the larsonne grapes, and have moved on to the chersoni. That one makes up the bulk of the harvest, so I do think we will be done in a few more days.” He smiled, adding, “Once all the grapes are gathered in, we will have the crush. Of course you’re invited to participate.”
“‘The crush’?” I repeated, uncertain of the term. “What is that?”
“The grapes must be crushed to release their juices before they go to the vats. It’s the custom to have the women of the estate perform the task, for their feet are more delicate and less likely to bruise the fruit.”
For a second I stared at him, not sure what on earth he meant by mentioning women’s feet. Then comprehension began to dawn. “You mean…they want us to step on the grapes?”
“More or less. It’s a tradition. But since you are new to the estate, I could probably come up with some way to have you beg off.”
While I didn’t particularly relish the idea of smashing grapes to a pulp with my bare feet — just the thought of what such an activity would do to the hem of my chemise made me want to shudder — I knew I should be doing everything I could to fit in with the community here. If that included stomping on grapes, then so be it. “All the women do this?”
“Well, most of them,” Corin replied. He sipped some of his wine, and added, “Some of the more elderly women cannot manage it anymore because of the pain in their joints, but everyone else joins in.”
Which meant that Lynnis would be among those participating in the crush. I thought I could manage to perform a task I otherwise would view as completely undignified, as long as I had my friend with me. “Then I shall join in as well,” I said. “I do not want to be seen as someone who sits by while others work.”
The look Corin sent me then was fond, almost as caressing as a touch on my cheek or hair. I wanted to bask in that gaze…but I also realized I wanted him to touch me. We had been so formal with one another, which was mostly my fault. I would have to determine the best way to fix that situation. “I doubt anyone thinks of you that way. It’s clear that you have been working very hard here.”
“Oh, well….” I took in a breath, wondering whether I dared mention Lynnis’ help. Perhaps I should, if in a roundabout way. “I have made friends with one of the women here,” I began. “Lynnis Oakfell, whose husband Hal is also among those who work in the fields.”
To my relief, Corin only nodded. “Yes, he had mentioned that his wife had become friendly with you. It makes sense, for she is closest to your age of all the wives here.”
“She has become a good friend already,” I said. “And she has helped me with puzzling my way through some of these chores. I doubt the food would have been quite as edible as it was without her guidance.”
“Ah, so that is the way of it.” He smiled and ate a
mouthful of the roast chicken. “Then please, send her my compliments. I suppose it is lucky for you that she and Hal don’t yet have any children, for she would not have as much time to spare if she did.”
Not so lucky for Lynnis and Hal, for I knew they wanted a family. It was true, though. Without children to look after, the tasks she needed to perform to keep her own small household running were not terribly onerous. And I felt better for having unburdened myself, and having received no condemnation from my husband for accepting someone’s help. “Yes, she has been very generous,” I said carefully.
“I am glad you have found a friend.” He paused then to have another bite of chicken and wash it down with some wine. “Forgive me for my observation, as I did not have any great knowledge of your life before we met, but it seems rather a lonely one, with both your brothers established in estates far away, and no other siblings — especially no sisters. It is good that you have had the chance to meet a young woman of your own age.”
I had thought the same thing, but I was warmed that Corin had also noticed, and wished for me to expand my social circle somewhat. “It was lonely,” I admitted. “Yes, I had my maid Sendra to talk to, and there was my father, but that is not the same as having a friend of your own age and sex. Once or twice there was some talk of having a cousin come live with us so I might have a companion, but that never seemed to happen. Most of the time I did not mind, for it was not as though I was an utter hermit — we did visit other families, and went to suppers and balls. But I will admit that my situation was not entirely ideal.”
“And now?” Corin inquired, giving me another of those penetrating looks.
“Oh, well,” I began, then stopped, knowing how much he was able to fluster me, and also knowing that I did not wish to make a rash answer. On the other hand, I did not want to lie. I had done enough of that already. “I am very glad I met Lynnis, and I will admit that the day does go by quickly when one has so much to do. But….”
The Song of the Thrush Page 11