"Nothing. Leave it alone." She got up to put it away, but it was too late, Arnie had it open.
He studied the inside of the box, a peculiar expression on his face. "Why do you have a treasure chest full of condoms on your desk?"
"It's only half full," Linda said. "And they're not all mine."
Ester used her hand to shield her eyes as if that would save her.
"I'm sure they could spare a couple if you're in need," Rayanne said.
"I'm good." He put the lid back on the box without smiling. "Glad you ladies are having fun."
Next he would make a comment about this sort of behavior at the office followed by questions about what they'd accomplished since he'd been in last. He'd act like a few jokes derailed them from their mission. But instead, he logged into his computer and got to work.
A long hour passed, a whiff of tension simmering in the air. Linda and the staff finished one application and completed half of another. At one point, Ester made a fresh pot of coffee and when she offered Arnie a cup, he shook his head without comment.
At the end of the day, Linda suggested, "We should talk about the filmmaker while Arnie's here."
Arnie kept his eyes glued to his work. "I'm in a time crunch. We've got press releases and so forth to write."
"Another time then," Linda said. She'd known Arnie long enough to leave him alone when he was worked up. She packed up, eager to get home and put on a pair of sweatpants and pour a glass of wine.
"Forget it. I can make time," Arnie said, turning from the computer.
So they were going to do this while Arnie was in a snit. No sense in sugar-coating it. "I'm concerned about the fallout over that stunt last week," Linda said.
She braced herself for a testy comeback, but instead he said, "Not the first bad idea we've had." His eyes were red-rimmed and his face washed out. She hadn't noticed it before but he was burned out. She hated to see him struggle, but she still didn't want to give up her staff. He rubbed his hand over his face. "You know how the news cycle goes. It will be forgotten next week."
"I'm concerned about the board."
He shook his head like she shouldn't worry about it—even after spending the last several months insisting that was her biggest worry.
"There are also worries about the filmmaker's approach, such as creating these events to film." Keep it in passive voice. No specifics, just concerns out there that they should think about.
"Let's give Katie a chance before blowing this off," Arnie said.
Katie?
"No one is saying anything about blowing it off," Linda said. "I'm worried about our image."
"We haven't seen what she can do yet," Arnie said.
"What if we end up invested in something we can't use?"
Arnie took his time putting his things away. He slung his bag over his shoulder. We're going to give it more time. That reminds me…the elder lunch. Can we fancy it up?" He had an aggravating way of asking a question that was really an order.
Linda straightened a stack of paper on her desk to keep from snapping at him. She couldn't guess what fancying up a luncheon meant.
Ester came to the rescue. "We'll talk about it. Did you know Professor Stone is screening the film with the interviews from Warm Springs? I can get a better idea of what her work is like."
"The film is ready?" Arnie said. "I would like to see it."
"She's showing her students," Ester said.
Arnie smiled, as if remembering a private joke. "I'll ask her about it myself."
So, something was going on. An icy burst of jealousy shot through Linda's heart, followed by distress that after all this time he could still do that to her, make her feel inadequate by chasing after a competent woman. There had never been anything between them, yet there was always a part of her that felt overlooked by him. The guy you wanted to notice you who treated you like a sister. They were friends. They were colleagues. Whatever misalignment she was feeling was a figment that needed to die sooner rather than later.
"Let me know after you see it," Arnie said.
"Are you going with Theo?" Rayanne asked.
Ester smiled.
"I can't wait to hear what you both think," Arnie said. To Linda he added, "Trust me on this." He waited for her to respond. That was so like him, to push or demand and then pull back and ask for support.
"We will," she said.
20
Ester ended up wearing a wool skirt, a gray sweater and tights with boots after enduring an endless lecture from Rayanne. The screening took place in a small theater on campus. The afternoon was chilly but there was no rain. Some of the trees showed tiny green buds, more hope for spring.
She hurried to keep up with Theo as they crossed campus. They had about three minutes before the film started and he didn't want to be late. They talked about work and Theo's film. Ester could hardly concentrate on the words, instead her energy focused on keeping her heart from exploding out of her chest. Whatever tentative thing they had started, she was prepared to take it forward. She had on the matching bra and panties that Rayanne took her to buy. The potential was endless.
She studied Theo out of the corner of her eye. He wore jeans and a gray hoodie and probably didn't spend three seconds thinking about his underwear. She wondered what kind of underwear Theo would wear. Probably boxers in soft flannel.
He caught her eye. "What are you thinking about?"
"Nothing," she said. "Films. Editing. Voice-over. The normal things people think about. Did you do the voice-over for your film yet?"
"I wrote a draft. I'll show you later."
About three dozen students sat in the screening room when they arrived. They settled in their seats and Ester's attention stayed fixed on Theo's physicality. The way he sat back in his seat, sexy-lazy, with his elbow on the armrest, poking over on her side.
He leaned over to whisper, "You warm enough? It's cold in here."
She wasn't warm but she didn't see any solution other than crawling into his arms in the uncomfortable wooden theater chairs. "I'm fine," she said.
Theo folded his hands in his lap and that's where Ester's eyes wanted to rest.
Professor Stone acknowledged them with a nod as she stood at the front of the theater. She talked about the film and her process along with techniques and choices she made for a film about family connections. She asked the students to compare what they saw with what they'd learned in class. Ester took out her phone to type notes. If only she could take a class like this.
"I like the way she teaches," Ester whispered.
"It's still a work in progress," Professor Stone said. "I'm counting on you to have comments and insights into the process of filmmaking."
The lights dimmed and Ester smiled because she sat in the dark next to Theo. Every move he made caused something to vibrate inside her. As soon as they'd planned this date, she knew she wanted more, but she wasn't confident she knew how to make it happen. She had one film and one plate of noodles to figure it out.
As the images flashed up on the screen, she understood what Professor Stone was doing: an extended family celebrated a quinceañera, the kitchen staff of a busy restaurant hustled during the dinner rush, a wealthy family of four lived in a huge house where each person had their own room, a family of little means played board games together on their kitchen table, and a halfway house welcomed individuals recently out of prison. The interviews and images explored the question of how people find family.
Ester loved the way she organized her shots and cut the interviews with imagery. She had to figure out a way to get better at this. She could ask Professor Stone to recommend a path for self study.
She recognized an outdoor shot from the trip to Arnie's. It was the view from his brother's place, a wide vista of knobby trees and rolling hills in pale winter light. The camera lingered on the most run-down houses she would have seen during the trip and then cut to the inside of Mike's house, crowded with family. A cold finger of doubt ran down her spine.
The edit made it seem like Mike's family was crammed on top of each other in that little house. The interview was well done, highlighting comments from each generation, but the camera paused on anything broken or run down. A chip on the mug as grandma sipped her coffee, the splintered leg of a chair the kids had broken when they were chasing the dogs. Whatever joy had been in the room was muted by an emphasis on what was worn out. And where the kids had hung back, shy around her, the framing made it appear they were shrinking away as if frightened.
Arnie's grandma shared a joyful memory of her grandparents moving into their first tribal home, but as she spoke, the camera cut to the unfinished home on Arnie's road and the little boy on the ground crying. Ester tried to push back her disappointment. The scene switched to a college dorm common room and a group of young people with their laptops and tablets.
When the lights came up, Professor Stone started the discussion. The students had questions and comments about the way she'd done her film. No one mentioned the tribal piece. Ester wasn't sure about speaking up, after all she wasn't a student. She loved the film; it was just the bit on the rez with its emphasis on what was broken that bothered her.
At last the questions wound down and Professor Stone wrapped up the event. She waved them over. Ester followed Theo, uncertain what to say or how honest to be. Arnie was hell-bent on making a film for the center, so she should keep her disappointment to herself.
"What did you think?" Professor Stone asked.
"I like how the diverse viewpoints lead to the same conclusion," Theo said.
Professor Stone nodded in agreement. "How about you, Ester?"
Ester held her hands up as if she were too overwhelmed to think. "I'm still sorting it through."
"Fair enough," Professor Stone said. "We'll see you next week at the lunch for the elderly."
"Elder lunch," Ester said.
"Ester does film-making," Theo said. "I told her about the workshop you've been talking about." She knew he meant well, but she couldn't take herself seriously standing next to this woman.
Professor Stone gave her a polite smile. "Doesn't hurt to apply."
Ester was embarrassed that he brought it up. She'd intended to ask about classes but her confidence faltered. She barely heard the rest of the conversation, something about Theo's final project and something about Arnie. She kept her expression agreeable and was relieved when Theo touched her back and they headed for the door.
The evening was Theo's reward for a long week. During all the crazy working hours and absurd amount of time on homework and Professor Stone's final project, he'd reminded himself he had this night with Ester. He tried not to think about how little sleep he'd been getting. Spring break was around the corner, and he could sleep then. For now, his problems were set aside and he was enjoying breathing the same air as Ester. She calmed him. It was like he was juggling chainsaws and he couldn't go on but it was too dangerous to stop. Then he'd remember Ester's crooked frown before she said something funny, or the warmth in her eyes when she listened to him. Her company filled him with longing to let this grow into something bigger. The notion was impossible, but it was getting tougher to resist.
He carried two plates of noodles to the narrow counter that ran along the window. Ester set down their beers and crawled up on the seat next to his, her dark curls hanging in her face.
He waited for her to try her food. "What do you think?"
"Spicy, I like it," she said. She studied her plate. "Do you come here a lot?"
"I usually eat at home. Tell me, what did you really think?"
Ester sighed. "Did you see the way she did our part? It was like everything was framed to reinforce her idea of what rez life is like."
Theo sat back and reviewed the footage in his head. The wide outdoor shots and the family together, laughing through the interview. "I thought it was a good film."
"It is, but think about what it was like when we were there."
She meant while they were on the rez but his memory flew back to the motel and their bodies pressed together in the tiny room. He wanted more of that.
"Sure," he said, taking a swig of beer.
"How would you describe our time with Arnie's family?"
"It reminded me of visiting my grandma on the rez at home," Theo said. "Chaotic but happy."
"Did you get that out of the film clip?" Ester asked.
Theo closed his eyes, thinking back again to that part of the film. The image of the kid crying in the front yard, the window screen hanging off the frame, Mike's house crowded and squalid…
"The images made everything small and dingy," Theo said.
"Exactly," Ester said. "I don't know what to do. Should I say something to Arnie or wait until they see it for themselves? Linda and them might like it."
He wanted to wipe the frown from her face. He was the one who had introduced her to Professor Stone, perhaps he could fix this. "Professor Stone invited written comments if we came up with anything. Let me think about it. I can diplomatically say something."
"This film isn't the real problem," Ester said.
Theo held back from clearing his plate in three bites. If he wanted this evening to last, he had to slow down.
"What worries me is using that angle to make a film about the center. The idea isn't to make us pitiful."
"Tell me what you think the idea is," Theo said.
Ester dragged her fork through her noodles. "We're preserving culture and traditions. We're tribal people and we're creating a tribe here, in the city. It's like she has the right idea, but the wrong execution."
"But think about the target audience."
"You probably have a point but I'm not ready to hear it," Ester said. "Do you go to your rez often?"
"Nope," Theo said. "The last time was two years ago. Planes make my mom nervous, and she asked so I drove her down there."
"Oh, wow," Ester said. "That's a long drive."
"It is," Theo said. "The trip that changed everything."
"What changed?"
Theo tried to figure out the best way to tell the story. "I was a pain-in-the-ass kid," he said. "The kind who skipped school, drank beer. I disappointed everyone."
"Ooh, a bad boy."
"You're not supposed to be impressed," Theo said. "I have an older brother. Similar story."
"How did you get it together?" When Theo paused, she said, "You do have it together?"
She teased but he shouldn't have brought it up. He'd convinced his dream girl to have dinner with him and now he was explaining all the reasons she should run.
"That's the image I'm attempting to project," Theo said.
When he was silent, Ester made a rolling motion with her hand. "What happened on the trip?"
"I saw how happy my mom was, being back. She kept talking about how home smelled, as soon as she got out of the car, the plants, the dirt, the sky. She wanted me to understand what the place meant to her. My grandma kept telling me how proud she was I'd turned out so well. Keep in mind I dropped out of high school and was doing labor jobs to get enough money to run around with my friends getting high." Theo and his friends chased girls, too, but he left that part out. "I can't figure out what she was so proud of. It was like being proud of me amounting to nothing was worse than telling me she was disappointed."
"How come your mom left?" Ester asked. There was a half plate of noodles in front of her but she had her hands in her lap. She saw him looking and pointed at her plate with her chin.
Theo smiled and pulled her plate on top of his empty one. He forced himself to look away from those eyes.
"She met my dad, and he was a good guy. If she wanted a family, she needed a good, stable man. When he moved up here, she came with him. It took another year, but I realized my choices disappointed two incredible ladies who weren't giving up on me. So I dumped my friends and got my GED and now I'm at school, killing myself to keep a promise."
Ester met his gaze with incredible strength and compassion. He wante
d to put his head on her shoulder.
"Professor Stone seemed happy enough with your work," Ester said.
"I'm not so sure." He finished the last of the noodles. Both of their beers were finished. A surprising tug of urgency burned in his belly. He didn't want the night to be over but he had no idea what else they could do. There weren't a lot of options and she had to work in the morning.
Ester shifted around in her seat. Maybe she was too polite to ask him to take her home. He didn't want to be the one to suggest it first.
"What's on your mind?" he finally asked.
And to his great surprise, Ester shrugged and said, "You could show me your place."
21
Ester gave him her best vixen-y smile, although she wasn't sure that was getting across. People who liked each other did this all the time. She needed a script to get there because the hidden powers of the matching underwear were not manifesting as promised.
She decided to be that woman who asked for what she wanted instead of the one who went home alone and kicked herself for the rest of the night. But after she asked, he said, dumbfounded: "You want to see my place?"
He crumpled up his napkin and threw it on his plate, then sat back like he was ready to wrap things up and this suggestion had caught him by surprise. His expression was either amused or annoyed. The noodles churned in her stomach.
She swallowed. "Sure, you've seen mine." She tried to sound like she didn't care either way.
Theo said nothing. This matching underwear was a giant fail. He got up and threw their plates in the trash and they headed out the door. He wasn't even mentioning it. He was so embarrassed he was pretending it didn't happen. Stupid underwear.
The silence was excruciating and grew more awkward by the minute. So, he didn't want to. She could turn it into a joke. There were lots of excuses. It was a school night. He probably had homework. She had work in the morning. They could do it some other time.
Do it some other time. Ha!
They passed a boisterous group headed for the noodle shop. Ester focused on the sound her boots made on the concrete walkway out to the parking lot.
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