by Felicia Day
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To Calliope catbird.
I love you just the way you are.
INTRODUCTION
I’ve been plagued with anxiety my whole life. It wasn’t until I started creating that I finally felt free enough to show off my weird-self. I want to help you show off your weird-self too.
A few years ago I wrote a memoir called You’re Never Weird on the Internet (Almost). It was a New York Times bestseller, which made my mom really proud. She even got out of a fender-bender situation right after it came out by dropping my name. “I’m Felicia Day’s mom!” she said to the person she’d just rear-ended. Luckily, the victim had read my book and was mildly impressed, so they let my mother off scot-free without calling the insurance company. (By the way, I heard this story from the fan, not my mother. Anyway!)
Since I wrote that book, I’ve heard over and over again how my story helped some people not feel so alone about mental health issues, especially anxiety. And how that book made it possible for others to overcome their fears and start creating things! What kind of things? Well, I’ve heard from people who were inspired to:
Start a nonprofit ferret rescue group.
Go to animation design school instead of medical school like their dad wanted. (Sorry not sorry, that person’s dad!)
Draw a web comic about smart-ass bees.
Build a custom Batmobile. Fully driveable!
Write a fantasy trilogy, which they completed in the time I wrote HALF a book, so I got intimidated and asked for THEIR autograph at my own book signing. (It was awkward.)
Form a steampunk band that was NOT named Clockblockers but hey, it’s a good name, go ahead and take it.
Name their hedgehog after me. (I end with this because it’s probably the coolest. Have fun eating carrots, Felicia Bae!)
In short, “I made X because of you!” became the most gratifying thing I’d ever heard. And I realized that expressing our weirdness is a baked-in superpower we all have, but for some reason, many are afraid of using it! Life is so much easier when we conform and stay silent, right? Easier, but one of the greatest disservices we can do to ourselves. Aside from wearing high-waisted pants. (Seriously, they don’t look good on anyone. I will fight you over this!)
Helping other people accept their weirdness and use it to create is something I’ve become super passionate about. It’s top three behind playing video games and eating high-quality croissants. I now consider it one of my missions in life to give people a power-up to overcome destructive voices that keep their creativity silent. It’s personal. Because I’ve been plagued by similar voices all my life.
Destructive thoughts kept me afraid to pursue writing for many years—and discouraged me when I finally tried. I thought they were “realistic.” That those voices knew better. It was an amazing feeling to realize one day, “HEY, HERE’S A CRAZY IDEA! I DON’T ACTUALLY HAVE TO BELIEVE THESE THOUGHTS! IN FACT, THEY CAN SUCK IT!”
When I finally made an effort to work on my issues, I started making things. In fact, I found a career through creating. Who’da thought?
Aside from (over)sharing a lot of my opinions, I have filled this book with exercises designed to uncover the joy of creativity. To help people beat back the fear that keeps them from trying new things. And to inspire everyone to embrace how truly awesome and unique they are. (Yes, I’m pointing to you with these words. Imagine my 3-D holographic finger sticking straight up out of this page. If I accidentally poked anyone’s eye out, sorry!)
Most of the exercises in this book are joyful. Some are silly. Some dive into the ugly. But all are designed to help uncork the creative voice. They’re techniques I’ve cobbled together over the years from therapy, motivational posters, and trying to answer the simple, desperate question, “I want to say things. Why can’t I be brave enough to just say them?”
We don’t need lofty goals going into this process. I’m not here to guilt anyone into upending their life and becoming a professional macramé artist or something. (Although if you do, I’m excited for you and would like to order a plant holder.) If the only thing anyone takes away from this experience is “Gosh, I forgot how much I liked to sing heavy metal tunes in the shower!” that’s okay! Rock on, fellow cool person! I’ll sing show tunes in support!
Simply put, this book is about uncovering, unblocking, and letting loose FEELING. And then activating ways to SHARE THAT FEELING. That is the most basic description of a creative urge I can think of.
Ready?! Let’s hold hands and skip down creativity lane together!
Or not. We don’t have to hold hands, it’s cool. Let’s go!
oxox
Felicia
1 HOW TO USE THIS BOOK
Obviously the goal is to turn the pages and read and write. But I want to offer advice on how to approach the work so you can get the most out of this experience. (Or I’m just a control freak and can’t stop micromanaging. Either/or.)
I hate throwing parties. It’s just ahead of GOING to parties on my top-ten “least favorite weekend activity” list. (Other items include bikini waxing, doing my taxes, getting my car serviced, and cleaning out the fridge. Okay, I’ll finish the list: awkward family brunches, visiting theme parks, bra shopping, and taking stock of where my life is headed before crying myself to sleep.) When I’m in charge of a party, I take the responsibility way too seriously. I hyper-curate my invite list so there won’t be too many people. But later I panic because there might not be enough, so then I invite more, praying that everyone WON’T actually come but hoping that 75 to 80 percent do. Actually, 73 percent works Baby Bear perfect. THEN I get super worried that there won’t be enough food. So I get double the snacks and triple the number of drinks. I order so much food that I’m basically eating leftover veggie platters for the rest of the month. When people don’t show up precisely at the start time, I get crushed and log on to Instagram, convinced I’ll see my feed filled with other parties my friends are attending instead of mine. And finally, when people DO show up, I flit from person to person with the speed of a caffeinated hummingbird, desperate to provide each person with the perfect party experience while not giving them a chance to experience any time with me whatsoever.
No wonder my last house party was in 2005.
ANYWAY that neurosis is why I wanted to start this journey off with some best practices of using this book. I’ll be here the whole time, sharing my very awkward personal experiences along the way, but this journey is about YOU, dear reader. (Ripped that off Jane Austen, you’re welcome!) By the end we all want to walk away feeling empowered and enthusiastic about getting our voices out in the world. If that doesn’t happen, well, no one gets their money back, so I guess use this as a doorstop or something. Let’s get started!
Work Fast/Think Less
Try to work without censorship. I would say consider everything done here a “vomit” draft, but puke is probably an uninspiring visual for most people. Our goal is to uncover our unique creative identities. So write quickly! Work like an important part of you is buried in an avalanche and needs air, STAT!
If you notice you have a tendency to overthink with pen in hand, try answering a question out loud, like you’re talking to a friend. Or doodle pictures instead of using words. Whatever form of expression is more fun, work THAT way. “Fast
and fun” is the laxative that will help relieve our creative constipation. (Another grotesque visual. You’re welcome AGAIN!)
* * *
Try it on this page. You just opened the front door and a dinosaur in a tuxedo lunges for your face! What do you do? Fill up the page with what comes to mind! Incomplete sentences or drawings are fine. Just GO GO GO. You have five minutes! Put a timer on and start!
Ding! IT’S DONE NOW!
That felt good, right? Are you tempted to read back over what you did? DON’T DO IT! What you did was PERFECT! Let it goooooooo!
* * *
No-Judgment Zone
We don’t have to LIKE anything we do here. We don’t have to be remarkable. We don’t need to dazzle anyone. C students welcome! It is so easy to forget that we have every right to create something even if it’s not “good”! Guess what?
It’s our human right to be crappy at something and still enjoy it! Yes I’m using Comic Sans. Because even though it’s the butt of every typography joke, I still enjoy its whimsicality!
I will be honest and say that drawing and other visual arts aren’t my strong suit. As a kid I would gift people with paintings at Christmas, and the polite response of “You tried so hard, honey!” was the standard reaction. But when I’m feeling stressed, to this day, I will start doodling and the “AUGH!” of it all seems to disappear with every crooked cat face and malformed vanishing point I dump on the page. The process works for me. All those deformed kitty faces? Meaningless.
So every time an exercise makes you freeze up or locks you in your head, dive in and deliberately do something terrible. Do the worst work possible. It’s okay to suck here! In fact, it’s encouraged.
* * *
Draw the WORST picture of a horse in the space below. Make efforts to draw as badly as you can. Overachievers uninvited!
That sucks! You nailed it!
* * *
This book is designed to uncrack what we haven’t been able to get out of ourselves. The us-as-self-critic can come later—AFTER THIS BOOK.
In an ideal world, we’re able to feel confident and passionate about everything we do—especially our mistakes.
Free Up Your Pen
Breaking rules is part of creating. So consider nothing sacred. Including this book. Doodle everywhere! Do it now! We’re taught not to damage books, but screw that preschool teacher’s voice in our heads! I give everyone permission to damage the heck out of this one! Take that, Miss Julie! Start by crossing out this very sentence.
Did that feel naughty? In a GOOD way? Gooooooooood. Keep that feeling going. FILL THIS WHOLE BOOK WITH YOUR BAD BEHAVIOR! I give everyone permission to trash my heartfelt work. It’s okay! I’m not in your house watching. That would be creepy.
If something I write in here doesn’t sit well, cross it out! Write a retort! Rip out pages and hang them on a bathroom mirror to see first thing in the morning. Think something’s stupid? Tell the book!
Remember, this book is the format, but WE are the playground!
* * *
Vandalize the heck out of this page! Markers, pens, glitter, whatever. Graffiti your heart out.
Then tear it out of this book. Yes! TEAR. THIS. BOOK!
* * *
Be Fearless
To get through all the layers of resistance we’ve built up over the years, we’ll need to do things that might feel uncomfortable or wrong. (Ahem, only ON PAPER.) Yes, there will be “touchy-feely” stuff that may cause eye rolls. I get it. I roll my eyes when my dad sends me birthday cards that say “World’s Favorite Daughter.” But overcome inner groans of embarrassment and do the work anyway! What’s the worst that could happen? We all become crystal-toting hippies who do hug piles at nighttime? Doesn’t sound bad to me!
Actually, let’s take the gloves off now.
* * *
Write “I am the greatest thing since Swiss cheese,” over and over again below.
Now let’s go one step further: take a moment to risk believing it.
REALLY believe it. Picture yourself as the literal greatest thing invented since Swiss cheese! And keep writing it!
* * *
See? No one showed up to mock us. The confidence police didn’t roll up with their sirens on to remind us of messing up at work last week, or how our thighs are a wee bit too big for our jeans. Feelings of self-worth, however grandiose, are safe here. (And whether we believe it or not, we ARE the best thing since Swiss cheese. Parmesan? Well… that’s debatable.)
Feelings Are Our Friends
No one molds a sculpture, invents a recipe, or designs a new building with the impulse of “Meh.” Emotions are the basis of all creativity. And resistance. So if a strong emotion comes up while working through this book, positive or negative, GO FURTHER INTO IT! “Gee, why do I NOT think I’m the greatest thing since Swiss cheese? Is it lactose intolerance? Who taught me NOT to be proud of who I am, and how can I punch them?”
It will help not to rush through the book. Treat the ideas here like a dense chocolate flourless cake that you have to nibble and savor because if you dump it inside you all at once, it will feel like a thousand-pound brick in your stomach. After each section, take a bit of time to think about how the ideas in it apply to you, especially with regard to your emotions. Something make you angry? Notice it. Excited? Notice that too! (If you’re ever bored, that’s my fault and I’m sad about it, but don’t worry, that’s not your problem.)
In the process of cleaning out, we may find things that are delightful. (Like a twenty-dollar bill in a pair of old jeans. JOY!) Things we didn’t know were there. (Whose pen is this? Did I accidentally steal it from someone? EMBARRASSMENT!) And things we don’t want to be reminded of. (Old-boyfriend underwear. COLD SWEATS!) All of these things will be worth acknowledging. The more ruthless we can be in identifying what makes us FEEL, the better for our creativity.
* * *
Throw things you feel strongly about onto the fire. Positive or negative. What makes you scared? Excited? Anxious? Words, phrases, ideas, write or draw whatever comes to mind on the fire below! Write so much that the whole area becomes black.
* * *
If we feel a big emotion around it, I promise we can use it to fuel our creativity!
Protect Yourself
Try to keep the process of working through this book private. I know this is kind of a bizarre request in an oversharing world, akin to “Felicia told me I can’t talk for a month and can only eat lima beans and need to move to a commune in the Azores now,” but it’s only 272 pages long! You will survive! The goal here is to unearth what’s been hidden inside of us, that’s afraid to be seen. Having other people’s eyes on us just invites self-consciousness. Think about it: ketchup smudges on our faces aren’t that big a deal unless someone else sees them, right?
* * *
Write five adjectives for how you feel when dancing alone.
Now write five adjectives for how you feel when you dance and people are watching.
* * *
Those two lists are DIFFERENT, right? Which list has more joy in it? Let’s live out that one together! (And if your preferred list is the one where people watch you, congrats! I’ll be supporting you, but from a deep, dark, neurotic corner.)
I also encourage everyone to scale back on using social media while working on their creativity. I know it’s hard (I just tabbed over to Facebook three times while writing this page) but it will be worth it. Yes, you have permission to check it a few times a day, I’m not a monster, but then LOG OFF. And every time you feel the urge to waste time online, do a little work here instead—even if it’s just scribbling “I wish I was scrolling through Twitter instead of this crap” over and over again in the margins.
Protect the process. Protect the inner creator. This space is ONLY FOR YOU!
Flow
And finally, draw a line, continuous on every square inch of this and the next page.
* * *
Throw away the idea that you will walk a
way from this book with a THING to SHOW people.
You are trying to enjoy the creative PROCESS.
No goals, no pressure.
A calm, creative state of mind.
Imbued with the joy of concentration.
Creating a dilation of time.
Draw everywhere on THIS page.
And THAT one.
Fill every bit of empty space.
Sharp corners, curves, doodles,
wherever FEELING takes us. Just…
don’t put down the pen!
KEEP DRAWING.
Draw over words. Draw to the edges.
There is no wrong here.
Did you notice time passing?
Or did the task eat it up?
IF SO, GOOD! WE DID IT!
THIS is the feeling of creation!
There is no “wasted time” when entering
the zone of our own minds.
Our unique minds.
And repeat silently, now and forever when creating:
I have a RIGHT to spend my time this way!
* * *
2 WHY CREATIVITY
I don’t mean to put anyone on the spot, but do you REALLY know why you’re here? Or did you wander in assuming I’m funny and hope for the best? (If so,