by Felicia Day
When we are able to sign up for the PROCESS of a dream, we have all the power. “I want to put on shows with friends and study to become the best actor I can be! I love the PROCESS of acting!” That dream is actionable! We can incorporate the action of it into our daily lives. Check! But when our dream is “I want to be a famous actor! I want to be glamorous and appear on award shows and travel the world to work on movie sets! And GIVE ME ALL THE FREE STUFF!” Yeah… no. That dream puts our hopes in other people’s hands. Success there is more based on luck and how straight your nose is than anything else. (Not bitter, promise!)
I’ll admit when I first moved to Hollywood, I wanted to be scooped up and lauded for my innate specialness. It wasn’t the professional study of acting that motivated me as much as it should have. I was naïve and a wee bit too proud of my cheekbones. And, worse, I placed the power of my dream wholly in the hands of other people, like casting directors and agents and directors. When years went by without my achieving all the external praise I sought from them, I became disillusioned. And I blamed myself for not making the dream happen, when, in fact, I never could have in the first place! I was approaching it all wrong!
The good thing is, I didn’t give up. In fact, failing with the old version of my dream forced me to reevaluate and reaffirm that Yes, I really do love acting and if I were never successful at it in the way I used to dream about, I would STILL do it because I like pretending and playing dress-up. So I began to reframe the way I approached my dream to better align with what I, personally, had POWER to make happen. I joined a comedy theater. I started writing my own material to feature myself as an actor. I took class after class after class. By signing up hard-core for the PROCESS of acting, I still, potentially, had a chance to reach the same end result of acclaim and free swag bags, but in the absence of that, I was able to pursue the dream for myself by myself. It was so empowering! (For the record: still open to free swag bag opportunities.)
If our dreams have built-in engines, then whatever hiccup we encounter we can always keep driving. Whether the dream is “Open a restaurant” or “Speak twelve languages” or “Become the next Steve Jobs,” focusing on what we can control is how we will find the creative satisfaction we are looking for. If we’re not signing up for the day-to-day work, why bother with that dream at all? We may be neglecting another dream that could lead to more fulfillment and productivity in the long run!
We don’t have a right to force other people to hand us our dreams. But we DO have every right to devote ourselves to the process of the dream itself. In that way, we are always sure to come out a winner.
And if you realize after digging in that what you’ve wished for as a creator is more about the praise and fame rather than the actual MAKING of the dream, that’s okay! We all do it! (See my writing above.) It’s a natural trap to fall into when the world sells us IMAGE everywhere we look. Everyone frames their lives on social media as glorious and uses filters to make their skin perfect. It makes the grind of our own individual Get those bills paid and underwear washed! lives seem like a failure in comparison, right? When I’m wiping my baby’s poop, I admit I’m a bit envious of people posting pictures of themselves in bikinis at remote beaches. And I think, What did I do wrong to not be cleaning this poop ON A BEACH right now? And the answer is, I did nothing wrong. Except focus on everyone’s shared ups, and not their hidden downs. (And hidden poop.)
Advertising constantly tells us our metric of “success” should basically involve our being young and wearing a sneer that says, “I have it all and hate it, but at least I’m better than you.” We frame our dreams in terms of end results because we only SEE end results. But I promise, even though Kim Kardashian looks like she has it easytown, it’s a chore to do what she does every day. Probably. The writers of Rick and Morty don’t have everything come easy on the first draft and BAM! create comedy gold (even though it seems like it because it’s so damned funny). Success follows the grind you love. The daily action you don’t regret. The WORST thing you can do is sign up for daily work you hate in order to pursue a dream that’s based on what other people control. Because even if you achieve ALL of it, you’ll still be pretty miserable.
* * *
List five careers you’ve dreamt about having.
Think about the day-to-day of each of those dreams. Cross out any that seemed cool at first but the actual work of them seems icky.
Now list five careers you’d NEVER want to have. Why? Sometimes looking at the opposite can help you bring your goals into focus!
* * *
On this page is a list of sixty creative outlets. Circle the ones that make you excited. Cross out the ones that you’ll never do. Put question marks next to ones you hadn’t thought of doing but sound interesting to try.
Photography
Aura Reading
Cross-Stitching
Acting
Baking
Interior Design
Journaling
Poetry
Scrapbooking
Singing
Vlogging
Filmmaking
Lassoing
Calligraphy
Chess
Digital Painting
Graphic Design
Geocaching
Knitting
Composing
Falconry
Programming
Fashion Design
Miniatures
DJing
Puzzle Making
Rocketry
Jewelry Making
Cooking
Poetry
Watercolor
Web Design
Beer Brewing
Genealogy
Shoemaking
Whittling
Blacksmithing
Accordion
Storytelling
Fencing
Woodworking
Classic Cars
Gardening
Magic
Model Building
Quilting
Cosplay
Game Design
Decoupage
Glassblowing
Origami
Woodburning
LARPing
Witchcraft
Stand-Up
Podcasting
Soapmaking
Photography
Sculpting
Mad Scientist
Pick one and imagine how you could start incorporating it into your life. Imagine the PROCESS rather than the end result. Does the idea excite you? Congrats on finding a potential creative outlet! If you don’t see one that appeals to you, keep searching on your own!
* * *
What would you do if you won the lottery? Think about your actual NEW daily life. What would you spend your time doing if money were not an issue?
How could you start doing one of these things a little bit right now?
* * *
The need to create is a roiling mass inside us that needs an outlet. But unless we know ourselves, inside and out, we can’t truly identify the best way to channel it. Stuck inside, that roiling mass torments us and fills us with tons of heartburn. (I know what I’m talking about, I’m a heartburn expert. I can talk about my acid reflux problems ad infinitum. Just get me going, seriously I’ll never stop. What about you? Zantac or Prilosec? Neither? Interesting!) Hopefully, by giving ourselves free rein to dream, and then reining those dreams in to a small number of actionable and exciting goals, we can stop the frustrated roil and… begin the boil? Okay, that was terrible. Rephrase:
Summarize Your Hero-Self
We just took a long journey together in order to build a stronger, more creative Hero-Self. Do you feel more powerful? Whole? I hope so! Rest assured we are glorious phoenixes rising from the ashes of who we used to be. Burning with newfound fiery purpose. We can now begin to blind others with the incandescence of our infinite self-knowledge and imaginations! (TAKE IT DOWN A NOTCH, FELICIA! JEEZ!)
Real talk, my hope is that, after dipping o
ur toes into all the different aspects of who we are, we can now fully embrace the fact that we are an endless well of interestingness! And by continuing to explore our pasts, presents, and futures, we can be assured that we’ll never run out of things to draw upon creatively!
* * *
Did anything in this section surprise you about yourself? Add up in an interesting way? Reveal something about your past or present or future that you didn’t realize before?
Which ideas made you excited to DO something with them?
* * *
Let’s summarize a bit of what we’ve learned so we can carry some ideas forward into the rest of our creative journey.
I am ________________________.
Three adjectives that describe me are ______, ______, and ______.
I had forgotten I used to be _______________.
Something that makes me weird/unique is _________.
Three creative activities that could enrich my life are ______, ______, and ______.
Three dreams I could enjoy working toward making true are ______, ______, and ______.
* * *
Great work! Everyone gets a gold star! Like literally, go out and buy some stickers. They’re an awesome reward. If anyone is embarrassed at the checkout line? Just pretend they’re for your niece or something. No one will check! Anything bought at a crafting store is classified information!
The only thing we have control over in this life is ourselves. Unfortunately, we’re not born with user manuals. (Or warranties. Or return slips, for that matter.) So we have to work hard to uncover who we are and what sparks our passions. It’s a job. In fact, I believe it’s an integral part of the act of living.
And the cool-yet-frustrating part is that we’re constantly changing! Every single experience we have morphs who we are into someone new, whether we want it to or not. So our work is never done! It is our constant effort and WILL that defines who we are as a creative person.
* * *
Before we finish this section on creating your Hero-Self, let’s create something you can take with you, outside of this book. (WARNING: Oovy-groovy gravy ahead!)
On a separate piece of paper, write yourself a fan letter. You are your biggest fan! Let yourself go wild! Gush! Go overboard. Make it so fawning that it makes you smile with the ridiculousness.
Then take a big leap and allow yourself to BELIEVE IT. YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO LOVE EVERY BIT OF YOURSELF THIS WAY!
Tuck this letter in a private place where only you can find it. And when you are feeling low, read it out loud.
I believe everything you’ve written.
And so could you.
No one can stop you from believing in yourself but YOU.
* * *
4 ENEMIES
We must shine a light on forces opposing our creativity so we can banish them with the strength of our self-awareness. #ByeFelicia
I’m a pretty paranoid individual. Imaginary squirrels are always running under my tires. I always feel like I’m insulting someone with the way I write an email. Heck, I didn’t tell my mom I was pregnant until I was eight and a half months along because I didn’t want her to freak me out with scary WebMD links. Having her share articles about connections between air pollution and autism or how umbilical cords can do strange things in the womb wasn’t going to make this blimp of a preggo sleep any better!
But in the area of being alert for enemies to our creativity, I believe paranoia does come in handy.
I hope I haven’t given false hope that channeling our creativity is going to be easy. If I did, I’m sorry; I have an inner cheerleader who’s an irritating, chipper little sell-hard. Whatever creative path we embark upon, big or small, we’re bound to encounter enemies from within and without. The process is never easy. It’s full of stops and starts. Think beatbox versus Kenny G sax. (Tangent, how confident do you have to be to think “professional sax player” could possibly be a viable career path? And as a sex symbol? Kenny, thanks for showing us the impossible can become smooth-possible! Haha! I’ll stop now.)
However confident and joyful we may be, however modest our goals, there will always be an enemy ready to rear its ugly head and stop our creativity dead in its tracks. From that inner voice that tells us we’re too old to start a career in illustration to that cousin who says we’re too chunky to salsa dance. (That cousin is the worst. Seriously, don’t bother texting her on her birthday no matter how much your mom tries to guilt you.)
Please know that creating is hard. It is frustrating. And whatever resistance you encounter, you are not alone.
I’ve never created something without the constant torment of an “I feel stuck in emotional molasses and why am I bothering” attitude. If I’ve ever felt awesome about what I’m working on, it’s because A) I’ve finished completely and am in the process of treating myself to a congratulatory designer purse, or B) I let myself work on something a wee bit drunk. (Then the next day I’d read my work over and think, Wow, this definitely reads like you wrote this drunk.) Writing, for me, is a constant battle of emotions, ping-ponging between delight as I write one paragraph to total self-hatred as I write another. (This one was self-hatred. I ate half a bag of Doritos trying to get through it.)
In this section, we’ll identify enemies that stand against us as creators and figure out how to deal with them. One by one. Because we DO have the power to overcome them! We are all Fully Equipped Badass Warrior Creators! (If I could issue official certificates to that effect, I would.) When we are able to understand and identify our own doubts and fears, then our victory will… well, it won’t be assured. But we can find the strength to keeping TRYING. And that’s all we can ask for in life.
I have broken up this chapter into six sections covering nine subjects that can plague our creativity. Partially because they are the most powerful and universal enemies I’ve grappled with myself, and partially because I’m a mythology nerd and love the visual of a multiheaded Lernaean Hydra standing between us and our goals.
Cool illustration, huh? Thanks, Spencer! If Hercules could chop off all those heads, we can too! (REMINDER: Hercules battled the Hydra because he was paying penance for murdering his wife and children. So… don’t look too deep into this analogy, please.)
If something resonates in this section, highlight it. If it doesn’t, move on. The nine enemies listed in this section may not, in fact, be universal. No list could cover everyone’s personal challenges. That’s what is so great/frustrating: just as our weirdnesses are one hundred percent unique to each of us, our set of enemies is unique to each of us as well. Yay? But in a way… beautiful.
Bottom line, we must work to identify the enemies who oppose our creativity and arm ourselves with the tools to defend ourselves. Because we cannot yield the ground we’ve gained in knowing ourselves and our creative dreams better! We have too much stuff to say for those jerks to get in our way!
Or, more eloquently…
That quote is from the classic work The Art of War by Sun Tzu, a Chinese general from 500 BC. Again, awesome illustration, Spencer.
I’ll slap that on a tank top, stat. Now let’s go start chopping off some heads!
Powerlessness
We can easily fall into the trap of believing that we don’t have the power to change our lives. Just like how we can fall into the trap of believing that people on TV are all wearing their own hair. Neither of these things is true. Even I occasionally wear extra hair for acting jobs. I store it in a basket under my sink in an auburn clump. It’s scary down there. Like someone melted an orangutan.
In fact, it’s frightening how easily a person’s sense of free will can be turned into “Meh, why will it matter?” Maybe we were born too shy and anxious to raise our voices. Or found that acting to protect ourselves waved a red flag at people who were abusive or difficult, and it was just easier to constantly give in. (HELLO, The Devil Wears Prada!) Maybe it’s simply that life gets away from us, and we start to get hemmed in by obligations and careers a
nd family, so we get trapped in a cycle of I’m not important enough to prioritize! Especially when we become parents, because babies can’t feed or clothe themselves, or seem to put themselves to sleep ever and WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO STOP DRINKING FROM MY BOOBS I REALLY WANT THEM BACK THEY’RE SO SAGGY NOW—
Ahem.
At any rate, powerlessness is one big reason we remain creatively silent. At the core of it, creativity is about expressing ourselves in the unique ways that only we can. But if we don’t feel like we have the power to make our voice heard, or if we’re constantly waiting for permission to start, well… welcome to the Powerless Club! Worst superhero team in history!
I’m someone who’s built her reputation on pioneering in web video and creating out-of-the-box content, so it may be strange to hear that exercising agency is difficult for me. I was raised to be so perfect and accommodating that I put everyone else’s needs above my own. This mindset affected my creativity in a negative way for a long time. In my early career as an actor, I would constantly look to the director for approval. “Should I emphasize the word ‘murder’ or ‘house’? Just tell me how to say the line, I’m a good parrot!” That’s why I got hired for so many commercials. On those sets, actors are treated like meat puppets. “Hold the soup can higher. Smile. Someone get in there with some powder! No, not on the girl, the soup!” When I finally realized, Oh! Good acting is about the unique choices I make, not what other people tell me is right! I finally started to think of myself as a CREATOR when I was acting. It was amazing! I could finally emote and stuff! That’s why I believe beating back a sense of powerlessness is a key first step in freeing up our creativity.