by Felicia Day
But what’s only one brainwise step away from anxiety? Excitement! The “hooray we’re getting in the car to go to Disneyland!” kind of stuff. Anxiety is almost the same body state as excitement, but our minds are focused on how things could go BADLY rather than WELL. With a bit of mental gymnastics, “I’m so anxious about what’s going to happen!” can be flipped into “I can’t wait to see what happens!” Just try the opposite to test it out. Try flipping excitement into anxiety!
Except don’t, because that would be ruining something nice and let’s not do that.
Yes, the aim with this technique is to fool ourselves into thinking a situation we believe is dangerous is, in fact, something safe and guaranteed to go our way. Like when we tell ourselves carob is a perfectly acceptable substitute for chocolate! (It’s not.) No, we’re not stupid, but we have great imaginations, and visualizing positive outcomes to counter negative outcomes is free of charge and can only help calm us down.
I sometimes use this technique out loud when I have a writing project I don’t want to do another draft of because I’m scared I can’t make it better. “Hello! I’m so excited to see what problems I get to solve today! I’VE GOT THIS!” (Picture this said in a VERY “bad acting” voice.) It seems a bit silly, but it does work. When used around other people especially, it provides cover for any part of our outer selves that are manifesting anxiety. They’ll believe we’re excited because we said we were! Fake it till you make it! Or, as Wikipedia says is one of the earliest origins of this phrase:
So to feel brave, act as if we were brave, use all our will to that end, and a courage-fit will very likely replace the fit of fear.
William James (1922)
(That one doesn’t roll off the tongue as easily.)
* * *
FOOL
Next time you’re feeling anxious, compare the feeling to being excited. Close, huh? Now pinpoint the negative outcomes you’re worried about. Then consciously flip them to the positive. If you feel sure to fail, assure yourself you’re guaranteed success! If you’re worried about not being able to solve a problem, say, “Easy. I got this!” Say whatever you come up with out loud: “I am so excited for this! I’m gonna rock!”
Really, what’s the worst that could happen by assuming the best for ourselves?
* * *
When we’re filled with anxiety, we are ANYWHERE but in the moment of where we actually exist—the now. That’s weird, right? We shouldn’t be PUNISHING ourselves with time travel. But our brains are trying to teach us a lesson to avoid potential future trauma. “Don’t enroll in that class! Last time your friend Suzie tried learning a new hobby, she lost a hand to the buzz saw!” So they go hyperactive and start to resemble the stock market floor—where we have no idea what’s happening, but it seems like disaster’s about to strike because there are so many people YELLING.
That’s the time for us to back the truck up and journal it out.
When we throw a ton of logical answers at our worries, we’re able to drain the power from our anxiety. It can’t be concerned anymore about, “What will I do?!” We have options! Our inner know-it-all has them all! So go ahead, Hermione that anxiety into the grave.
* * *
DUMP
Write down every possible solution to a problem you have that is giving you anxiety. Write until your imagination is exhausted. Then write more.
Make sure to put the most ridiculous solutions you can think of on the list. When in doubt, add, “Aliens invade the earth and destroy it.” Nothing is so grim you can’t unravel it with a little dork-filled humor.
* * *
I have probably two dozen anxiety-dump journals like this in my storage unit. I’m too afraid to throw them in the trash for fear someone will discover them and think I’m a madwoman. (That is not an invitation to break into my storage unit. But if you do, take a box of old taxes and a Rock Band kit. I have way too many of each.)
If we write to the point where we no longer have any solutions that could work, here’s the kicker: Simply accept that there is no solution right now. And that’s okay! We did everything we could! Sometimes accepting that the future is unknown is as big a relief as we can find in the moment. WE CANNOT CONTROL THE FUTURE. UNLESS WE ARE PSYCHIC! AND IF WE ARE, I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE PSYCHIC, THIS IS SO COOL! We can only do our best, given the circumstances. If we can reassure ourselves of that fact, we can better accept whatever happens.
* * *
Anxiety means we care. We are sensitive people who are full of feeling. We may be Highly Sensitive, in fact. (I capitalized it because it’s an actual psychological diagnosis, not because I just capitalize things for no reason. Oh, wait, I do.) This is an amazing attribute! The opposite of this is “an uncaring, insensitive person who doesn’t feel anything.” A person like that would never delight in sketching lemurs or learning how to whittle their own spoons. Be GLAD not to be that douche nozzle.
But the challenge of being a caring, sensitive person is that we can become overaroused in stimulating situations. When our senses are bombarded with too many unfamiliar things at once, we’re pressured in multiple ways, and anxiety can creep up on us. And we might not even notice. I just thought it was natural when I’d feel completely out of control and paranoid at everything that came out of my mouth in crowded situations. “I used the word typical, did that sound condescending? Please don’t escort me to the door!” Whether working alone or about to go on stage to speak to thousands, I honestly never knew for years that my inner creator just needed a time-out sometimes. When we force ourselves to remain in “dangerous” situations, we start to lose trust. And we panic. So that’s when we need to roll our die to “Protect” and swoop in to save ourselves!
By self-advocating when we are vulnerable, we are demonstrating to our delicate inner creator that we care. And that we can feel safe to be creative and vulnerable in the future. I’m not saying that with the whiff of a sweaty palm everyone should run to their cars and drive home from a public event immediately, but simply taking five minutes away from the hubbub to do deep breathing in order to collect ourselves again could mean the difference between a fun creative experience and a full-blown panic attack. (A few times I’ve rested on one of those weird chaise lounges you find in old-timey women’s restrooms. I used to think they were sexist but now I think every bathroom needs one. Even the men’s.)
Eventually, if we protect ourselves often enough, our inner creator becomes reassured that we’ll ALWAYS have their back. And if we need to remove ourselves from a stressful situation entirely… well, that’s okay too! I literally walked into a party once, said hi to the host just so they knew I came, then immediately walked out.
Probably don’t do that.
* * *
PROTECT
Try to remember the last time you were in a stressful, anxiety-inducing situation. Think back to a point before things fell apart when you could have excused yourself to take a quick few minutes alone to gather your thoughts again. THIS is where your knight in shining self could swoop in next time! Sword brandished! Jumping in to rescue you!
Below, rewrite what could have happened in some incident in the past with THAT scenario in mind. Make yourself retroactively into your own best champion!
Now that you know what you needed, be more alert for opportunities to protect yourself. Even just knowing there is a safety net there could head off anxious feelings before they start.
* * *
Anxiety is often a result of our attention being ALL ON OURSELVES. It imposes a paralyzing self-awareness that leaves other people’s actual feelings out of the equation. Yes, I’m saying anxiety is super self-centered. It thinks everyone is against us. In reality, others are not our enemies. (Mostly.) They’re probably all excited to see whatever it is we’re doing and totally rooting for us, but it certainly doesn’t feel like it when their eyeballs are up inside us or we’re imagining how they might receive something we’re making even before we start making it. Putting our focus on potential
cheerleaders is a great way to combat internal panic that blocks us when we try to create.
Since I became a parent, I’ve realized that, when I’m around my baby, I am not anxious about what other people think of me. I act like an absolute idiot. I tell the WORST stories to her at bedtime, and she doesn’t care if my second act has holes in it or if a deus ex machina saves the day. She just loves hearing me talk! And that allows me to free up my imagination, be terrible, and still be loved in the end. (Until she’s thirteen, and then all bets are off.) Harnessing that feeling of absolute love, for public speaking engagements in particular, has been a big win for me.
Next time there’s an anxiety-inducing task at hand, why not visualize doing it in front of someone who’s delighted at everything you do? No judgment! It could be a child. It could be a dog. It could be an imaginary friend named Beavis. Or Butt-head. (Dated reference #53.) Whoever it is, that companion is the only person we’re creating for or with. And they love everything we do.
I repeat: They will love us NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS.
* * *
BABY
Think of someone (or something) that you want to bring along in spirit with you when you create. Who will not judge anything you do but will be delighted with whatever you come up with. (If you can practice creating in front of this person in real life, so much the better.)
Now, on a separate piece of paper, write a short acceptance speech for an award show, where you are being lauded for something creative you made. Dedicate this speech to your “baby.”
Whenever you sit down to create, bring this speech and keep this person in your mind. Visualize them beside you. They are thrilled to watch you work, and they LOVE whatever you produce. They accept you, award or no. Unconditionally.
* * *
Sometimes it’s so easy to get swept away in the FEELING of anxiety that it’s hard to put the brakes on and even think of a technique to use. (I really need to make this die. Check my website.) On those occasions, we can pull out the robot.
Not the dance, although if that works? PLEASE TELL ME IT WORKS!
In situations where I’m on the spot and I need to recover quickly, it’s helpful to repeat in my head EXACTLY why I am anxious. “I’m afraid I’m going to do something stupid and people will think I’ve been skating on my reputation.” Or “I’m worried that four people on the internet think I look old.”
Then I repeat the phrase over and over again and completely rob it of its meaning.
Like seriously, over and over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over.
Do you want to stop reading yet? See? It works! Yes, the intention is to bore our anxiety to death. Think being seated at a wedding next to someone’s in-laws and having to pretend that your friend’s dad’s fly fishing trips are fascinating. THAT bored. If we really go the distance, until the words have completely become mush in our brains, our anxiety will have peaced out by then. Who wants to listen to us drone on? Even we don’t!
This is a technique that improves with time. It may take twenty minutes of mind-numbing repetition the first several times. Then it might only take ten. Then five. Then one. It’s up to our individual bodies how long until we adjust. It may seem like hours, but eventually we can distract and calm that anxious friend in our brain. A barking dog eventually stops if we don’t stimulate it. So unstimulate that yappy terrier anxiety by turning its panic into mental mush! Send that puppy to the dog house with a good dose of trick and no treat! Give Puppy a bone to gnaw on and send it to the kennel! It’s over, Rover! (Should I go on with the dog stuff? No, everyone is bored now. SEE? IT WORKS!)
* * *
ROBOT
When was the last time you felt incredibly anxious? What exactly were you worried about? Narrow it down to a sentence. Sometimes the default of “I am afraid they will hate me” is a good fallback. Then write the sentence over and over. Until you are in a calm state again.
How long did it take?
If you try it again, does it take less time?
What about the next time? And the next?
* * *
Sometimes I have full-on panic attacks. Mostly when I’m being stared at by strangers. Fun times! And the attacks manifest in a weird phenomenon where I’m simply not in my body anymore. I disassociate myself completely. I go through whatever motions on autopilot, no control over my actions, while my “self” floats above the scene in terror. Afterward I feel so helpless, so abandoned and unsafe, that I’m devastated. Worse, no gentle or holistic technique helps. Breathing? Psh. Mantras? Who cares? Center… CENTER THIS, JERK!
Recently I tried something new. Something counterintuitive. And it has worked. Not one hundred percent, but enough that it has become my favorite technique during situations where I know I might lose control completely. Because it is ruthless. It is simple. And it is terrifying.
Take a leap and say, “Aha, Anxiety! You’re here! Where were you, slacker? Now we can get started!” In fact, don’t just get happy when it manifests, INVITE MORE OF IT TO COME!
DARE your body to make you even more anxious!
WILL your heart to race faster!
WELCOME in everything you’re terrified of, and tell it to bring its ugly cousin!
What’s the worst that could happen? You could pass out? GREAT! BRING IT! (This reaction might just be me. I always thought it was romantic when people fainted in books and got concussions.) If your hands are trembling, tremble them more. Exaggerate the movement as much as you can. “You call that palsy? I’ll show you palsy!” In short, play chicken with your anxiety. See who flinches first. In a weird way, by voluntarily choosing “fight,” you counteract the “flight” imposed by anxiety.
It goes without saying that you have to be willing to completely crash and burn if you try this. But if the idea resonates with you, and you’re willing to try it on something that isn’t career- or life-risking, go ahead! Experiment. Put yourself in an anxiety-inducing situation; see if you can get the better of your anxiety by showing it you’re in charge!
* * *
CHICKEN
Dive in and confront your anxiety head-on. With every symptom, every paranoid thought, affirm it. Amplify it. Embrace it. Dare it to make you melt into a puddle and crater everything you love into the ground. Be the berserker barbarian who has a big sword and nothing to lose. Does being aggressive and calling your anxiety out help you? Does the exaggerated physicality add to your nervousness or detract from it?
* * *
By no means is the above a comprehensive guide to mastering anxiety. I have merely listed the handful of techniques that I have successfully used in my own life. (And apparently, invented a cool die.) Everyone’s enemies are unique, so figuring out how to approach our individual issues is an ongoing task, but one that can reap infinite rewards. Some people’s anxiety is so deep-rooted or hardwired that professional help is needed. Medication is needed. And THOSE THINGS ARE OKAY TOO! In fact, they’re awesome. Join me in pursuing ANYTHING that helps! Why NOT look everywhere when we’re suffering? What are we, some weird Greek cult worshiping some god named Deprivitus? IF IT HAS A CHANCE TO HELP, DO IT!
* * *
Which of the anxiety techniques in this section are you most excited about using? Why?
* * *
Everyone carries around a balloon of anxiety. Everyone. I would love to say that one of these techniques could help us POP our balloon entirely, but after a decade of working on myself, I still have to listen to an anti-anxiety tape every single night before I go to bed. But at least now, when I hear the woman say around the 23:12 mark, “You are a calm and relaxed be
ing, who is protected by the energy of the cosmos…” I have a Pavlovian response to stop worrying about paying taxes and just get the hell to sleep.
So if Fool, Dump, or Protect don’t work, or if Robot, Baby, and Chicken just seems like a bad anime you stumbled into on Netflix, keep searching! Make beating anxiety one of your primary life quests. Don’t settle. Because we DON’T HAVE TO ENDURE LIVING THIS WAY!
Let’s get it out of the way so we can freely be our authentic Hero-Selves when we create. Be brave and work on becoming the master of that frickin’ balloon!
Procrastination/Perfectionism/Fear of Failure
We’ve tackled a few of the big guns of our potential enemies—powerlessness and anxiety. We’ve stockpiled tools to help us deal with them. Check. Check. Where to now, Creative Sherpa?
It’s time for the Trio of Creative Trauma! Originality’s Terrible Triumvirate! The Troika Who Torture Ingenuity! The—
Welcome to Procrastination, Perfectionism, and Fear of Failure! Except UNwelcome, because we don’t want any of these creativity-sucking monsters in our lives. Good thing we can learn how to handle them when they pop up, and show them the bottoms of our boots!
These three are all connected in super-dysfunctional ways, layered on top of our core creativity, smothering it, like a thick party dip of awfulness. If we can excavate through each of these issues, we’ll finally dig down to the creative beans, the real jackpot!