by Tina Martin
She returned to her car, took a clothes basket out of the trunk which contained hair products, body washes, shampoos – a medley of personal care items. She had put the basket in the car before Barringer arrived. She had also packed a hamper full of towels and there had been a bag of shoes, another suitcase full of clothes and the bigger suitcase in the backseat – the one Barringer caught her dragging downstairs. She could still see the desperate look in his eyes when he realized she was attempting to leave again. Now that she had, she felt freedom, anticipating her new life and what it would feel like to be herself again and not just his wife. Starting over was exciting, but it came with its fair share of guilt. Now she had to wonder if she’d done enough to save the marriage – if leaving him was the right thing to do. Was she too hasty in her decision to go? She laid out the reasons:
1. Barringer was never there
2. She was lonely
3. She wanted children/he avoided the topic
4. Barringer wasn’t himself anymore/he was always stressed about work
5. She didn’t see how the situation could improve
Her leaving seemed to benefit him more than it did her. He was the one who didn’t want children. He wanted to spend all of his time at work. He was never home. Now he was free to do whatever he wanted. And she would be free to start over and do what she wanted.
Calista lazily sat on the beige-carpeted floor in the living room. This would be more work than she realized, but what was the alternative? Be miserable with a man she’d become invisible to? Who took her for granted? It was better to be alone than with someone who didn’t appreciate your worth. That’s why she knew she had to make a clean break. Now wasn’t the time for regrets. She had to stand on her own two feet and do this for herself. Leaving Barringer wasn’t a cry for attention. It was the act of a woman who knew her worth – who knew she deserved better.
Chapter 5
In the morning, she woke up groggy, opened her eyes and quickly sprang upright, listening as her bones snapped, crackled and popped like Rice Crispies. Oh, that’s right – she was in her new apartment. Exhausted, she’d forgotten. She rubbed her neck as she sat on the floor in the middle of the living room. Her eyes caught sight of the two folded towels she used for a pillow and the one she’d spread across her body like a blanket. No wonder she had a crook in her neck. She rubbed her neck a little more, attempting to work out the kinks.
When leaving one’s husband, you must pack a pillow and blanket.
Continuing to massage the right side of her neck, she looked at her phone. First, she noticed the time was 11:08 a.m., then she saw the missed calls – twelve of them – all from Barringer. And he’d left voicemails and text messages, none of which she cared to listen to or read. She had to remain focused. Besides, there was a lot she had to get done today.
She needed to buy food, and she definitely needed a bed. She wouldn’t be able to take another night of sleeping on the floor. A bed was a must. Living room furniture could wait for now.
Then there was Vivienne’s party…
Kalina came up with the idea to throw Vivienne a party before she had the baby – not a baby shower party but a last hoorah before Vivienne transitioned into motherhood. Before the exhaustion that would come from 2:00 a.m. feedings, sore nipples from breastfeedings and midnight diaper changes. Diaper changes every hour and a half. For Vivienne, the gathering would be a final night with the ladies before little Garrison junior arrived.
Calista thought about not going to the party. Barringer was certain to have gone completely insane by then, wondering where she was and why she wasn’t answering her phone. There was a good chance he’d crash Vivienne’s party looking for her. Why ruin the girl’s good time because she couldn’t get her life straight? Then she remembered something – she was starting over and stepping out on her own. Such being the case, she couldn’t let Barringer dictate her whereabouts. She was separated from him, not his family. Those women – Kalina, June, Vivienne and Candice were her best friends. Her only friends. She would support them no matter what, just like they supported her.
Chapter 6
Barringer held the phone to his ear, listening to ring after ring after heart-stopping ring. Calista wouldn’t pick up. He dialed the number again, pacing the living room floor at Everson’s house. Tonight was card game night for the fellas, but Barringer wasn’t in the mood for card games or any other games. He had arrived two hours early, going off about how he couldn’t get in touch with Calista. He knew she was gone when he got up this morning, jogged downstairs and saw the missing suitcase. He confirmed it when he checked the garage and didn’t see her car. Where exactly had she run off to?
Barringer slid his phone in the front pocket of his slacks. “She won’t even answer her phone, man,” he told Everson. “I don’t get it.” Oh, he got it, all right. Calista had officially left him and he knew it. Could feel it in the pit of his stomach. Would his pride prevent him from telling his brother what was really going on?
“Barry, calm down, man,” Everson said with a slight chuckle. “This is Calista we’re talking about. I’m sure there’s a logical explanation for this. Maybe her cell phone battery died or—”
“No.” Barringer shook his head. “When I call, the phone rings which means it’s on. It’s not going straight to voicemail, Everson. It’s ringing.”
“Okay, then maybe it’s on silent or vibrate,” Everson said casually.
“I’ve been trying to call her since six o’clock this morning. It’s now after four in the afternoon. Don’t you think she would’ve looked at her phone by now, even if it was set to silent or vibrate? Wouldn’t she have called me back?”
“You have a point,” Everson said, crossing his arms. “Well, could there be someone else?”
Barringer glared at his brother. “No, there’s no one else.”
“Hey, I’m just throwing out all possible scenarios. Married people cheat. That’s not a farfetched notion.”
It took all Barringer had to restrain himself from snatching the beer bottle out of Everson’s hand and clocking him over the head with it. “It is farfetched for my woman. I know Calista. She’s not a cheater.”
“Okay, my bad,” Everson told him. “Why don’t you have a seat? I’ll get you a beer.”
Barringer snatched out a chair, sat down and said, “Don’t want a beer.”
“Well, you’re getting one whether you want it or not.”
Barringer buried his face in his hands. He’d called Calista more times than he wanted to admit. Left her a dozen text messages. She wasn’t trying to call him back. He knew she wouldn’t call him. He shook his head. How could he think making love would pacify her into staying? Why didn’t he give their marriage a little more effort?
“Here you go, bruh,” Everson said, setting the beer on the table in front of Barringer.
“Thanks.” Barringer popped the top off the bottle, took a long pull from it then looked over at Everson and said, “She left me, Everson.”
Everson frowned. “Come again.”
“Calista left me. She’s gone, and I have no idea where she is.” There, he said it. It felt good to get it off of his chest, but it didn’t solve the mystery of her whereabouts.
Too antsy to remain sitting, Barringer stood up and began pacing the floor near the table.
“What do you mean she left you?” Everson asked. “Why would Calista leave you?”
As he was asking, the doorbell sounded.
Everson rolled his wrist to check his watch as he walked to the door. Who was it now? He got his answer when he opened the door to see Bryson standing there. Is everybody coming early tonight or what?
“You’re here early, too,” Everson said, as Bryson walked in.
“Yeah…figured since the women were doing their thing this evening, I’d come on over. Didn’t I see Barry’s car out front?”
“Yep. He’s in the kitchen, and he’s not in a good mood,” Everson said, evenly. “You’ve been w
arned.”
“Thanks for the heads up. I wondered how he was taking the loss of The Blakeney Agency.”
“Trust me…the loss of Blakeney is not what has him riled up at the moment.”
“Then what does?” Bryson asked as they walked side-by-side to the kitchen.
“You’ll find out soon enough.”
When Bryson stepped into the kitchen and saw the distress on his brother’s face, he knew, right away, Barringer’s problem was woman-related. When a man and woman saw eye-to-eye, a relationship, a marriage, could be imperfectly perfect. When something was amiss, a man would have the look Barringer had on his face right now. His features were tight, eyes a hint of beige, glossed over by worry.
“What’s up, Barry?” Bryson greeted him.
“Hey, Bryce,” he said unenthused. He wasn’t in the mood for small talk. Not when he had no idea where his wife was.
“What’s going on?” Bryson asked.
Barringer dug his hands in his pockets and said, “Calista left me.”
Bryson raised his brows though he wasn’t the least bit surprised. He saw it coming from a mile away.
“You don’t seem surprised,” Everson told Bryson.
“That’s because I’m not,” Bryson said, walking to the fridge, grabbing a beer. He walked over to the table and sat down across from Everson.
Barringer sat down, too.
Bryson popped the metal cap from his beer. “So what happened, Barry?”
Barringer pushed out a rough, untamed sigh. “I came home yesterday, early, and caught her dragging a suitcase downstairs. Said she was leaving.”
“What reason would Cali have to leave you, though?” Everson asked, seemingly confused. “I mean, women usually don’t just leave, unless they’ve found someone else.”
“Everson, I told you there is no one else.” Barringer rubbed his hands across his head, thinking about that possibility – another man. The thought of another man touching his wife made his heart race with envy and rage.
“So why did she leave you, then, Gary?” Everson impatiently asked. “Stop keeping us in suspense and lay your cards out, man.”
Lay your cards out…
Barringer leaned back in his chair, thinking about how he and Calista had made love yesterday afternoon. She was upset to the point of tears. Instead of sitting down and talking to her, all he could think to do was take her upstairs to the bedroom and make love to her. And something just occurred to him. While they were intimate, he told her he loved her. Twice he’d said it and neither time did she say it back.
Bryson looked at Barringer, really studied him to see if he would say it. Did he really not know why Calista left? Highly unlikely.
“Cali left because Barry wouldn’t give her a baby,” Bryson said, unable to bite his tongue any longer.
Barringer shot Bryson an incredulous stare. “How do you know she wants a baby?”
Bryson smirked. “She’s only been asking, no begging, you for a baby since shortly after you married her. And you’ve been married for what? Five, going on six years now?”
Barringer buried his face in his hands.
“Listen, Barry, I’ve been so busy with Kalina, I didn’t get a chance to have this conversation with you like I should have, but ah…you know Kalina owns a relationship blog called, The Cooper Files.”
“I know.”
“When I first met Kalina at Edith’s Café, she was answering an anonymous email from a woman who sounded a lot like Calista. The woman had written in to the blog, asking if she should leave her husband since he wouldn’t give her a baby.”
Barringer sighed and shook his head. “Doesn’t mean Calista wrote that.”
“It doesn’t, but I’m almost certain it was. Kalina thinks so, too.”
“Okay, so let’s say it was Calista. What did Kalina tell her to do? Leave me?”
“No.”
“Then what?” Barringer asked, exasperated.
“It wasn’t Kalina who answered the email, Barry. It was me.”
“You?” Everson and Barry said together.
“Yeah. When I was helping Kalina with her work, that’s what I was doing…answering emails. It’s not like I wasn’t qualified. I know a thing or two about relationships.”
“Unbelievable,” Barringer said. “So what did you tell Cali to do?”
Bryson thought about the email response he had typed:
It may be painful, but there is no reason why you should leave a man you love – a man that’s been faithful to you, a man you married – because he’s not ready to have a baby right now. Marriage is about making sacrifices. If you make this sacrifice for him, then surely, when the time is right whether it be two years or five years, he’ll make the same sacrifice for you if the love and respect is mutual. Why don’t you forgo the baby talk for now to help him chase his dreams? Let him know you’re willing to put off having children a little while longer, but that you are serious about having a baby. Take it one day at a time. When the time is right, it will happen. Whatever you decide to do, please do not give him an ultimatum. Men hate those.
He looked at Barringer and said, “In the email, I told her she shouldn’t leave a man she loved. Told her not to give you an ultimatum, to hang in there a little while longer and let you know how serious she was about having a baby. But I’m going to be honest with you, Barry. When I first read the email, it sounded like she was already leaning towards leaving. Sorry, man.”
Bryson took a drink of beer.
“Here’s the million-dollar question,” Everson said. “Why not just give her a baby, Barry? Don’t you want children?”
Barringer hung his head again. Giving her a baby would solve their problems, right? Wrong! Bringing a baby into a chaotic situation would only exacerbate their marital problems, not make them go away. But, baby talk aside, he had an even bigger problem…
Everson frowned. “Well?”
“I can’t give her a baby,” Barringer finally answered.
Everson’s face twisted. “What do you mean you can’t?”
“Yeah…can’t or won’t?” Bryson asked. “At some point, you have to weigh what’s really important to you, Barry, and you can’t keep putting your life, or her life, on hold while you stress out over Blackstone Financial.”
“That’s not what I’m doing.”
“It’s not?” Everson and Bryson asked together.
Barringer stood up, walked near the island and just stood there staring at his brothers for a moment before saying, “I haven’t given her any children because I can’t have children.”
Bryson frowned. “What?”
“You heard me. I can’t have children…not something a man wants to admit to, but there you have it. I can’t have children…can’t have a child of my own. So yes, I throw myself into BFSG, expend all of my time, energy and efforts into making it a success, hoping I can do something right with my life, because the role of a father is one hat I will never wear.”
“Barry, hold on,” Bryson said, trying to wrap his mind around what his brother was saying.
The doorbell rang again.
Everson left the kitchen to answer it, inviting his cousin Rexford inside shortly thereafter.
“Hey, come on in Rex.”
“What’s up, man?” Rexford said. “Y’all didn’t start the game without me, did you?”
“No.” Everson rolled his wrist to check the time. “We got another hour and a half. You’re early.”
“Well, looks like Bryson and Barry are early, too,” Rexford said, continuing on to the kitchen. “What’s going down, fellas?”
“Hey, Rex,” Bryson said.
Barringer didn’t say a word. He just stood there, leaning against the island with his arms crossed.
“You cool, Barry?” Rex asked. “You over there looking like you done lost your best friend.” Rexford chuckled.
“That’s because he has,” Bryson said.
Rexford dipped his head back and looked at the
three men. “Crap…what did I just walk into?”
“Barry’s having some issues and we’re helping him iron them out,” Everson said.
“So no card game?” Rexford asked.
“In about an hour, Rex. Grab a beer. There are some Doritos over there by the microwave,” Everson said.
Bryson finally returned his attention to Barringer. “So when you say the role of a father is a hat you will never wear, what exactly do you mean?”
Barringer thought about it for a moment, unsure if he should let his brothers in on the secret he’d been carrying for years – one he tried to forget, but even with the demands of work, he couldn’t fully brush it off. So after taking a breath, he looked at his brothers and said, “I can’t be a father because I can’t have children. I can’t give Calista a baby because I—” Barringer shook his head. “I’m sterile. The chances of me impregnating a woman is less than one percent.”
“What?” Bryson said.
“Man,” Everson replied, not knowing what else to say.
“Okay, can somebody catch me up to speed on what’s going on?” Rexford asked.
“No,” Bryson and Everson said in unison.
Bryson followed up with, “You play too much, Rex, and this ain’t a playing matter. Barringer is—”
“Calista left me,” Barringer interrupted to say. He looked at Bryson and said, “He was going to find out eventually. No need to hide it.”
“Calista left you?” Rexford asked with raised eyebrows. He knew how much Calista and Barringer loved each other and while he didn’t believe in the institution of marriage, he saw how it worked well for other people. Well, there was Bryson’s divorce from Felicia a few years back, but now Bryson was happily married to Kalina.
“Calista actually left you, Barry?” Rexford asked again in disbelief.
“Yeah.”
“Packed bags and stuff?”
Barringer nodded. “When I got up this morning, she was gone.”