by Eden O'Neill
He watched me, a tension around his eyes I hadn’t noticed until I finally looked really at him. It, all over his face, consumed him, but he cut me off from it when he stared out my window. There were people there, three in particular.
Jax, LJ, and Knight drank something from cups, not alone as there were others outside with them. They were with a group of boys, all of them wearing Court rings. I’d seen a few of them multiple times throughout the day. All the guys were in conversation, but Knight, LJ, and Jax were curiously absent. The three didn’t make a big deal about it during the conversation, but I noticed their eyes sliding over to the direction of Royal and me. They watched us, knew we were in here at least.
A hand fell into mine, and I was pulled away from it all. Royal kissed my hand.
“I’ll take care of it,” he said, then tugged me close. His mouth fell hot, heavy on my lips, and I felt every breath, every taste. He guided my mouth open, his eyes closed when he moved to my ear. “We’ll leave in the morning.”
Six
December
Royal’s text came around midnight. He wanted me to meet him at the local bus station in the morning. We were going to leave.
The time would be eight o’clock.
I wished I considered backtracking the decision more but I didn’t. I both wanted and needed to get out of everywhere having to do with Maywood Heights, my dad, and even my aunt. My sister and what happened to her haunted me and threatened to completely crush my sanity. I wanted escape. I wanted relief, and Royal was providing that. He had us going out to somewhere in Arizona according to his text message. I didn’t know if he knew people there or what, but whatever the case, he was getting me out of here. That’s all I needed. I packed a bag, left a note for my dad in the morning, and then I was off. I told him I just needed some space and did thank him for letting me stay with him for the time he did. I felt I owed him that, but that was about it. My aunt I’d give a little more to once Royal and I got far out of town. I planned to call her, give her something. Though, I didn’t know what. She’d taken care of me, but now I was relieving her of her burden. She could live her life, both she and my dad could. As far as my baby girl, my little Labrador in another town, I planned to ask the biggest favor from a good friend. Rosanna was already taking care of her, and I had a strong feeling she’d continue to do so. For how long, I didn’t know. I honestly wanted Hershey with me, but at the present, that wasn’t possible. I hoped Rosanna could help me out and I’d be calling her too once I got settled.
Birdie: I’m so sorry we didn’t get to talk more yesterday. I figured you wanted your space.
I’d seen Birdie, Shakira, and Kiki at my sister’s reception, but hadn’t really talked to any of them. I hadn’t talked to hardly anyone, hiding most of the day. I felt I owed my friends too from Maywood Heights, but currently, wasn’t in a state to explain anything I was doing today to anyone.
I gazed up, currently sitting on a bench outside the bus station. I waited for Royal Prinze, a running bus before me but he hadn’t arrived yet.
Me: You’re completely fine and a great friend. Thank you for that yesterday and to Kiki and Shakira too. Thank them for me?
Birdie: Sure will, and you’re welcome. You’re just so strong. Stronger than me, girl, to be going through this.
I didn’t know how strong I was, running away, but this was the only way I could deal with all this stuff, all of it too much.
Birdie: Hey, um, you free right now? I know it’s early and I know you’ve got plenty of things going on, but the girls and I would love to do breakfast. We’re all leaving this morning but want to see you first.
A running bus in front of me, breakfast definitely wasn’t an option, and if I weren’t leaving in moments, I didn’t know if I had the strength to look at them in their faces prior to departure. Escape was easier if one didn’t have to stare the people she cared about in the eyes.
I studied my phone time, rocking back and forth.
Where are you, Royal?
Me: I can’t, and yeah, unfortunately busy.
Before I had time to process what I sent, my phone rang in my hands, Birdie. Picking up was not an option, but when she called again, I broke down. “Hello?”
“Hey, hi.”
“Hi, what’s going on?”
Birdie paused before speaking this time, a nice long pause, and I had to check the phone to make sure she was still there.
“I really hate doing this on the phone,” she started, anxiety bursting within me for some reason. I think with all the stress I was already on edge, but her lead-in didn’t help. A swallow hit the phone. “But if I can’t see you today, I don’t want you to come back to town not knowing. If people are talking about something, I want you to know.”
“What?” I sat up, my heart racing now.
“There was talk yesterday, December.”
“What kind of talk?” I asked, adjusting my bag on my lap.
“Things were said, conversations going on in the midst of everything. Anyway, people were talking, talking about you and… some stuff that happened before you went to our school.”
Reality spun around me, the world quite literally turning on its axis. “What did you hear?”
Silence for a moment, but then a sigh. “I really hate doing this over the phone.”
Then make yourself. Please…
I waited, my breath bated, and I had to hear. I had to hear her say whatever it was she believed she knew.
“People were saying you had an abortion.”
The words were light, but I heard them, my bag falling off my lap as I folded fingers over my eyes. “Who told you?”
A soft gasp hit the phone, reality hitting for her as well. Maybe, before this call she held out that what she heard had been a rumor, not as true as I sat on this bench ready to leave the rest of the world fucking behind.
“I, we, the girls and I, heard from some Court-kept girls,” she hurried. “Who I think heard from some people at your old school.”
I buried my face in my arms, falling deeper into the depths than I already was. I knew people from my new school finding out about my abortion was a possibility, but with everything else going on yesterday…
“Does everyone know?” I retched, looking up, looking for Royal. Where the fuck was he?
“I think so. I’m so sorry, December.”
“You almost ready, little lady? Bus leaves in ten.”
The bus driver was midway down the stairs, her face in a frown as she stared at me. It was apparently time to go, and here I was without a bus ticket, without Royal and I didn’t understand.
But maybe now I did.
“I have to go, Birdie. I’m so sorry.”
“Wait, December. Can we talk—”
I cut her off, hanging up. I had to call Royal. If he heard about this, if he heard and that’s why he wasn’t here…
“Miss?” the bus driver asked.
“Just two seconds. I need just two seconds, please.” I stood, my phone to my ear. “I don’t have my ticket and the person who’s bringing it is coming too.”
Her frown deepened. “You’ve only got two seconds. Seriously, we’re leaving on time.”
I nodded, grabbing my bag as I walked into the street. The phone started to ring, but I shut if off the moment a black sedan pulled up to the curb in front of me. I recognized the person inside.
It just wasn’t Royal.
LJ got out of what appeared to be a rented car, the Hertz sticker in the window. He was very much by himself, his sunglasses on, which he took off the moment he saw me. He walked toward me, meeting me halfway, and I put my phone away.
“What’s going on?” I asked, gazing around him. No one had been in that car but him. “Why are you here? Where’s Royal? Did he tell you we were leaving?”
LJ dampened his lips, pushing sunglasses into the fluffy, blond hair that currently rested on his shoulders. He had nothing on Royal’s spun gold even with the length, not many could. LJ po
cketed his hands. “He, uh, he sent me, Lindquist.”
My insides fluttered, my jaw tight and tense. “Why?”
He couldn’t look at me after I asked that question, his eyes completely averted.
“Why, LJ?”
He scratched into his hair, then tucked his hands under his arms. “Because he’s not coming.”
I couldn’t breath, couldn’t… see. “What are you talking about?”
Maybe he thought visuals were better than words because out of his pocket suddenly came a ticket, just one. The ticket fluttering in the wind, I noticed a single name and it wasn’t Royal’s.
I stared at the ticket, my name on it and apparently headed for a town in Arizona I’d never heard of. I shook my head. “Why is he doing this?”
His lips closed to that, jaw working before he waved the ticket at me. He urged it. “He said he’s sorry. He’s sorry, but he thinks you should go.”
He thinks I should go…
“Why?” I challenged, and when he said nothing again, I stood up to him. “Did he hear something? Does he know something?”
“December—”
“Is it the abortion?” I asked flat out. “Is that it? Is that what he heard because… Christ, LJ. I’d never try to trap him or something.”
“It’s not that.”
I blanched. “What is it, then?”
All of this was completely awkward for him, clearly when he pushed his hand over his hair. “It’s all just too much, you know?” he stated, that hurting more than something else for some reason. I didn’t know why but it did. He breathed hard. “Things with you and him… they just got too hot, and he didn’t want to hurt your feelings—”
“You’re lying. You’re lying!”
“I’m not, December,” he rushed, completely serious. “And God do I wish I was. You think I like hurting you? You’re Paige’s sister. You’re family.”
Some fucking family. All of them completely ignored me yesterday, avoided me like the plague and I was diseased. They didn’t care about me.
And apparently, neither did Royal.
Taking LJ’s ticket, I walked away.
“December…”
“Fuck you.” I shot around, tears in my eyes. I wiped them away. “Fuck all of you, and pass that on to Royal too.”
His lips closed, and though he had no reason, he didn’t follow me. He let me walk away and get on that bus that was about to leave. He let me leave and said to hell with anything regarding family. I guess that’s how things were going to be, the decision about what was next for me I guess made.
Seven
Royal - Age 9
“Oh my Goddd, you’re going to be doing that forever. Let me.”
Hands came around me, helping me with my tie. Paige had been playing video games, a new thing I got in the mail from Grandma and Grandpa. They sent things all the time, knowing my dad. Knowing he didn’t remember things like birthdays and stuff.
Paige didn’t wrestle with my tie like I had for the last hour or something. She got it right like a wizard, the thing perfect when she stepped back.
“How did you know how to do that?” I asked, shocked when I straightened it.
She shrugged in her bib overalls. “I watched my dad. He wears one every day.”
I adjusted it again. It had to be perfect. Dad would be mad if it wasn’t.
“I don’t want to go to this,” I confessed, but she knew. I always had to go to parties, but this was the first Court party. All the dads and uncles and everything came. I’d been hearing about the Court and what it was my whole life, and now that I was nine, they were making me go. I frowned. “Can’t you come with?”
It was a stupid thing to ask her, and if she were a boy, she’d already be getting ready for it. Why couldn’t she have been a boy?
She threw an arm around me, staring at the pair of us in the mirror. If it wasn’t for her ponytail, she could get by as just one of my friends. She was one of my friends, right there with LJ, Jax, Knight, and me. We were together all the time, and Paige wasn’t a girl when she was with us. She was just one of our friends.
“I’d love to go, Royal Prinze,” she said, surprising me. Her dark eyes danced. “I would if I had something to wear. But since I don’t…”
“You could,” I said, looking at her. “Are you serious? Because if you are, I have something.” I had many things, and I took her hand, running out of the game room and through the house. Our butler Graves gave me an eye, but didn’t stop me. I ran through the house all the time. Especially when I knew Dad wasn’t home. He was already at Windsor House for my presentation to the other members tonight. I’d been hearing about it for months.
It all has to be perfect.
And it would be with all my friends there, Paige. The guys would be there, LJ, Jax, and Knight, but she needed to be there too. It wasn’t fair if she couldn’t go just because she was a girl and no one ever said girls couldn’t go. They just never tried.
I brought her into a room uncovered with dust, but the stillness, the silence still felt like there were ghosts. I didn’t go in here, wasn’t allowed in here, but we only needed to borrow something.
I turned on the light, making Paige’s eyes adjust as well as mine. The chandelier glistened over the pink quilt on the bed, cherubs and angels decorating the ceiling like out of a storybook. My mom designed it. She’d loved it in here.
I went to the closest, opening it up. So many dresses were in there, perfect still as our housekeepers make sure they were. I plucked a red one, perfect for Paige.
“Wow,” she said, accepting it. She held it up to herself. “How does it look?”
So not like my friend, but not in a bad way. I laughed since she didn’t wear dresses.
She did too, grinning. We both went over to the mirror, and she danced with it, spinning around while she held the dress up to herself.
“Will you go tonight?” I asked, daring. “Now that you have something to wear?” I hoped she was serious. I didn’t like when people lied. People lied to me a lot and thought they could because they are older. I always knew though. I could always see it in their eyes.
Paige chewed her lip a little, the playfulness leaving from her eyes. “Where did this come from, Royal? I mean, who do all these belong to? The dresses?”
My heart squeezed, and I looked at us both in the mirror.
“They were my sister’s,” I confessed.
Her eyes widened, her swallow hard. “You had a sister?”
I nodded, watching as she lowered the dress. I got scared she might not go now, that all this would be weird for her. She didn’t know I had a sister. She just knew about my mom.
I guess I had to tell her about all that now.
I thought she’d ask me right away about my sister but she didn’t. Instead, she grabbed my hand, pushing me out of the room.
“I have to get dressed, silly,” she said, grinning. “You’re taking me to a ball.”
Eight
December - Present
“Hey, bitch! Come back here!”
I ran, the loot in my pocket as I put distance between myself and the convenience store. Thank God I stashed my bag in an alley. I never would have been able to run with it.
“Get your ass back here and pay for that!”
I didn’t, the warm-colored streets of Arizona a blur as I searched for someplace to take refuge. I couldn’t go back for my bag, not yet with this guy chasing me. I hadn’t seen him when I decided to pocket some grain bars and a few snacks. I hadn’t thought at all really. I’d just been hungry, and that hunger caused me to do something stupid. Rounding a corner and nearly clipping a pedestrian, I came across a street naked of people. If that shop owner followed me here, he’d see wherever I went.
I scanned the area like an agent, making a quick decision to shove myself into the nearest store, and as soon as I did, I pressed the door shut behind me. The chime went off, a damn chime that could give me away. I fled from the door like it’d
marked me.
“We’re closed,” shot a voice from somewhere inside the place, and I attempted to be casual, a hand on the stolen shit in my pocket as I approached a shelf of books. Some kind of bookstore. I shuffled around.
“I said we’re…” The boy came out of the shelves, a tall boy with honey-tanned skin and a beanie that covered a wash of dark curls. He had a stack of books in his hands, a curious look in his eyes as he approached in tight, black jeans and a slouchy tee. He slid the books on a shelf. “We’re closing soon. Can I help you with something…?”
He’d stopped because of the voice, the shouting outside his store taking both our attention.
“I’m gonna find you, bitch!” came from outside, the man who’d been chasing me right outside the door. I saw him well through the bookstore’s glass. He turned, hands on his head. “You don’t steal from my fucking store and get away with it!”
He stood there for a second, my heart in my throat as I hoped to God he didn’t take his search just a smidgen to his left. He need only look through the glass to find what he sought for, but as it turned out, someone gave me a break today. Shaking his head, the shop owner continued on down the street, and I closed my eyes.
“So um, if you’ve come to steal something, you don’t have to. This is a library, so just check out whatever you want.”
Shit.
I gazed up at the boy that currently eyed me like a criminal. I guess he wasn’t far off. I had stolen something, but I felt I had no choice. I was down to my last few dollars, and hell if I’d stoop to using my dad’s credit cards. I still had them, but I had a feeling a squad car wouldn’t be far behind. He couldn’t really do anything, since I was eighteen when I left, but if he knew where I was, he might come for me.
I pulled my hoodie sleeves up my arms. “I wasn’t going to steal anything. Just wanted to see if I could use the computer.” Since this was a library, he should have one, a good excuse.