by Eden O'Neill
“Em…” He breathed my name, his voice low and definitely not from someone who was at all virtually available. His tone wasn’t mad either, which he’d clearly been that day he kicked me out of Windsor House.
I closed my eyes. “Don’t. Don’t do that to me.”
“What?” He tugged me to face him, looking like he wanted to do more. “Don’t what? Tell me.”
Play these games and whatever the fuck he thought he was doing. He’d dumped me, abandoned me more than once and even my sister. He hadn’t shown up for her at her service, consistent when he hadn’t shown up for me either.
“You left me,” I said, making his eyes close. “You left me, and you went with her.”
Like he remembered that, he opened his eyes, his swallow hard. Immediately, he placed distance between, and I realized Hershey had wrapped us in her leash again. It was like she knew, knew what I wanted despite the feeling being incredibly stupid.
“I didn’t want to,” he admitted, then closed his eyes. “Leave you, I mean.”
But he hadn’t said he didn’t want to be with her, Mira of all people. He didn’t correct that. He hadn’t at all.
He moved forward. “Things weren’t a good time. I couldn’t leave here…”
“So why didn’t you just tell me that?” I gritted, all those emotions coming back. “I was alone. I was alone—”
“You weren’t,” he said, surprising me. “I knew where you were. I put you there, remember?”
I did remember, “put” someplace as he put it.
He dampened his lips. “That’s why I had Knight check on you.”
“Out of guilt?” I concluded. “Guilt because you didn’t want to be with me? Because you didn’t want to deal with everything that happened to my sister with me? Did you deal with it with her? Mira?”
“December—”
“Did you?” I got up in his face, trembling. “I saw you guys come to the reception together. Was that why you were late? Because of her?”
His hands came together, his lips closing and when his gaze averted I knew my answer. He had been with her, chose her for whatever reason beyond me.
“Things are more complicated than you think,” he said. “Mira, she… I needed Mira.”
He needed her, and why was that the worst thing he could have possibly said? Maybe because he didn’t need me. Because she was able to give him something I couldn’t, and for whatever reason, that enraged me. I think because I cared about this boy more than I wanted to ultimately admit. I more than cared.
I swallowed hard. “You needed her.”
His nod was slow, his look pained. “I do, but I care about you—”
“Don’t.” I lifted my hands, not wanting to be some kind of damn consolation prize. “You can’t have your cake and eat it too.”
He cringed. “I don’t want that.”
“What do you want?”
“To not hurt you.” He grabbed my hands, sharing the same words LJ had that day with me. LJ hadn’t wanted to hurt me then either, all of this the dreadful truth. He squeezed. “To not hurt you in all this. My decisions. I loved your sister. She was my best friend, and I do care about you.”
But he didn’t have to love me, which he clearly didn’t. He was between a rock and a hard place, wanting to not hurt me for the sake of my sister, but also not wanting me.
How fucked up.
I let go, done with all this. I started to go, but he called my name.
“I want you to stay away from Mallick, December,” he said, causing my back to rise. He traveled close. “I know all this with us, but even outside of that, you need to put some distance between yourself and that guy. He’s bad news. A bully.”
A bully…
Were we talking about the same Ramses? The one who’d been nice to me while he left me high and dry for a chick who’d been nothing but cruel to me?
“You got some nerve.” I faced him, face on fire. “Thinking you have any say in who I hang out with. Ramses told me about that beef you two have. How you ruined his life because he crossed lanes with you and your little Court.”
He smirked, no humor at all with it. He leaned forward. “Well, if I ruined his, it was penitence. He’s not a good guy, and I seriously question his intentions when it comes to you. For all I know, he’s getting close to you because he knows it’d piss me off.”
“Fucking really?” I brought Hershey with me, my chest brushing his. “Not everything is about you.”
“But sometimes it is,” he said, pissing me off more. “And I’d hate for you to be caught in the crossfire because of that. Stay away from him, December. Seriously, he’s not good for you.”
“You’re not good,” I spat, making him swallow. “I just wish I would have known that sooner.”
The swallow pushed hard down his throat the second time, and he gave himself away a little. I’d affected him, clearly.
His cheeks flooded more red. “Remember what I said. Don’t do something stupid because you’re mad at me.”
He really thought everything was about him, and rather than give him the last word, I gave him mine.
I flipped him off through my mitten, his eyes on nothing but me. “Stay in your lane, Royal Prinze,” I told him. “And I’ll do whatever the hell I want.”
Fuck if I let him tell me what to do. Fuck if I gave any more of my emotions to him at all.
Twenty-Six
December
It was finals week and right before holiday break before I finally got to talk to Ramses one on one, the pair of us in the library studying for final exams. It’d been the first time I’d really been with him alone considering we always had people around us, and I really didn’t want to put him on the spot about Royal’s allegations. I may have been mad at Royal, but there were always two sides to every story. Ramses had the benefit of the doubt considering. Especially since we’d both been screwed over by one Royal Prinze. His head down, Ramses currently went to town on a mock test he graded for me, making way too many red marks on it for my liking. Turning it around, he slid it toward me with a single finger. He grinned. “Nice one, ’Zona.”
Nice one?
“Seriously?” I swiped it up, all that red he’d placed on my exam stars not checks. I punched the air, then him. “I thought you were marking these wrong. What the hell!”
The librarian shushed me audibly. Lowering her glasses, she eyed the pair of us.
“Sorry,” I mouthed, keeping my victory chant silent.
Ramses stacked his books. “Dare I say, you might be ready for this week?”
Yeah, because of him. I pushed my hand into my hair. “Oh my God. I might actually graduate.”
“Well, you’d deserve it,” he said, nodding. “You put in the work, so you’re going to ace your tests. ’Gratz.”
He held out his hand, and we did a silent fist bump. I’d apparently turned into one of the jocks because not only did I do that with him, but everyone now in our group. I grinned. “Thanks. I guess you are Dr. Brain.”
He shrugged. “I guess I won’t charge you—this time,” he stated, chuckling that last bit. My smile faded a little as what he’d said sounded familiar to something else that had been said to me once upon a time. Royal once stated I didn’t have to pay up for something, a favor between us.
How ironic who appeared to be his arch nemesis was putting the same work on me. Albeit in a different way. Ramses had never been one to act anything like Royal in the time I’d known him. In fact, I never would have believed he fit into this world at all back when we worked together in Arizona.
“What’s up?” he asked. “You still worried? I think you’ll seriously be okay this week, pass everything.”
I shook my head, definitely not thinking about what he believed. I chewed my lip. “It’s not that. Just thinking about something.”
“What kind of something?” I had his attention now, his books back in his bag.
I shrugged. “It was something Royal said to me, somethin
g about you.”
He zipped the bag shut, nodding. “Okay.”
Here goes nothing.
I rolled my eyes. “He warned me to stay away from you. Well, basically beckoned me in the way he does. He didn’t really go into specifics, but he said you weren’t really a good guy. That you were bad news and a bully.” There, I said it, all of it out there.
Ramses’ lips closed, neither protesting nor agreeing.
I eyed him, kind of worried now. “Is that true? Any of it?”
“Possibly.”
“Which part?”
He bunched thick curls, sighing a little. He’d taken his jacket off, really casual with his sleeves bunched up. “I suppose he’s right.”
“What? How so?”
“About the bully thing?” He shrugged a little. “I was a product of this place, I guess. Thought I was shit because I played a little ball and had a lot of friends. It also didn’t help I was the mayor’s kid, so yeah, I thought I was the shit. It happened, but I was eventually humbled the hell up when I lost everything, my friends, my rep, all of it when I crossed the Court. Turned out for the best, though, as far as I was concerned.”
“Really?”
He nodded. “I was an asshole and needed to be taken down a peg. Probably made Prinze’s life really ‘fun’ a time or two. Minor stuff, jostling him and giving him a hard time. Whatever. It is what it is, and I’m really not proud of it. I suppose he gave me my just desserts in the end, though.”
“How?”
His eyes lifted. “You really don’t want to hear about all that.”
“Actually, I do. Actually, I want to know why you guys are at each other and what you could have possibly done to have him and all them raging at you.” From what I knew, it really didn’t take much with the Court boys, but Ramses had to have done something, something to make Royal come at me the way he did.
Long fingers drew down Ramses’ jawline, thoughts behind his dark eyes. He definitely looked like he didn’t want to tell me, but I had asked.
“I wouldn’t do their haze,” he said.
“Haze?” My eyes narrowed. “Like the stuff college guys do to get into fraternities? I thought that kind of stuff was banned.”
“Well, this is high school,” he stated, frowning. “And Maywood Heights. Anything here, as far as the Court, goes as long as no one talks about it apparently.”
“What did they make you do? Or what did they try to make you do or whatever?”
He stared at me; long and hard, he stared at me. His jaw pierced skin as it worked. “I can’t legally go into it. They make us sign NDAs just before, but let’s just say, all those years of giving Royal a hard time caught up with me. He humbled me the fuck up, and I flat-out refused to do what he and the other Court guys were asking me to do in order to get in. It was nothing like what they had to do, swiping something from the corner store or streaking through a public park. It was crazy and I’d be crazy to do it, so I didn’t.”
“Wow.”
His lips closed as he leaned on his arm. “Needless to say, people weren’t happy. The Court’s everything to these people. It gives you a lot of power, not just here but on the outside.”
I knew that, had heard that. “So they blackballed you?”
“In so many words. I thought it was shit, and I let my dad know exactly what they wanted me to do.” His tone changed, eyes almost sad. “He didn’t stand up for me. Like I said, shipped me off.”
And so here we were, Ramses against the Court world.
“Thank you for telling me,” I said, honest about that. “With Royal, it’s like pulling teeth sometimes just to get him to tell me anything I want to know. I think he’s got a lot of trust issues or something.” In fact, I knew he did. Loyalty seemed to be a really big thing for him, something he called even me out on once before. I’d broken that trust with him, something he hadn’t been happy about at all.
Ramses’ look surprisingly shifted toward sympathetic. “He’s not my favorite, but I know he’s been through stuff. He lost half his family real young.”
My ears perked up. “His mom and sister?” And when Ramses looked at me, I raised a shoulder. “I overheard him and his dad talking about it. Do you know what happened to them?”
“From what I remember, a car accident,” he said, making my heart hurt. I really didn’t want to care, but I couldn’t help it. My heart did move for Royal, as much as I didn’t want it to, and even if it didn’t, anyone would deserve compassion if something like that happened to them. Ramses sighed. “It happened when we were in elementary school. Royal took it real hard, though. Out of school for what seemed like weeks, and when he came back he was real different.”
“Different how?”
“It was like the guy couldn’t see anything anymore. He was just a body, vacant, you know?”
I did. “I lost my mom young too. I get it.”
His smile was sad. “I’m sorry to hear that, couldn’t imagine and then your sister…”
He stopped as I eased away, sighing again.
His smile perked up. “Anyway, you’re all set for this week, and to reward you for how awesome you’re going to do on your final exams...” He paused, dipping his hand into his bag. He came out with an envelope, shiny and pearl-like with the finish. He grinned. “An invitation to the Mallick family’s annual Christmas party. It’s going to be awesome and snooty and snooty and awesome. My parents put it on every year. I used to be able to avoid it when I was in Arizona, but they’re making me go since I’m technically home.”
“I like how this is a reward for me,” I teased, swiping the envelope. I opened it up. It had my name in elegant calligraphy and everything. “This looks like a big deal.”
“I hate it, but it is,” he said, his chuckle light. “Anyone who’s anyone will be there, and it might be a little more bearable with you there.”
I pushed the invitation back inside the envelope. “This is really nice of you. Like really nice, but this isn’t like a date or anything, right?” I asked, making his brow jump. I gnawed my lip. “I mean, I’d love to go, but if this is a date…” I didn’t really want to lead him on, not really feeling him like that.
Brown eyes lifted toward the fluorescents. “Relax, ’Zona. No offense, but I’m not really into you like that.”
The words basically taken right out of my mouth, I shoved him. “Nice.”
“Sorry.” He raised his hands. “And it’s nothing against you. I mean, you’re a total bombshell and all, but I’m not really wanting to be tied down by anything this close to college. Anyway, everyone is invited to this thing. I gave Birdie and all them their invitations earlier today.”
I got what he said about not wanting to be tied down before college and agreed, but I had to say, my cheeks did warm a little at being categorized as a “bombshell.”
I opened the invite again. I guess I needed to figure out something to wear.
Twenty-Seven
December
Thanks to Ramses Mallick, aka Dr. Brain, I managed to pass my final exams without having to repeat the first half of my senior year. I wasn’t out of the dark by any means. I’d studied to pass, not for comprehension, but as long as I did a little studying of my own over break, I could definitely be prepared for the second, and what would hopefully be the final half of my senior year. I was ready to go, get out of this place for good, and at least if I had my high school diploma, I’d have a fighting chance of doing something with my life once I put that school and this town in my rearview mirror. I had no intentions of staying like I had only a couple months ago, no reason now that Paige was gone.
This would be the first Christmas I spent without my sister, my first Christmas without virtually anyone. I wasn’t going back to LA for the holidays. Though, I’d been invited. I spoke to Aunt C. whenever she could get me to answer, but despite her protests and damn near commands I’d come to her home, I wouldn’t be. Rosanna saved me a place on her couch with her daughter coming home from br
eak, and I decided to take it.
That didn’t stop my aunt’s Christmas presents from coming. She’d sent a couple, a few put under Rosanna’s tree, filled with gifts for her kids and even some for me. I told Rosanna she hadn’t had to do that, but she did anyway, and I’d gotten them all something too, grateful her family had allowed me to stay with them. She was cooking now, testing recipes for the day in question. I’d been on holiday break a few days and decided to give her a hand by walking down to the gas station and getting her some eggnog. I obviously wouldn’t be drinking any of it, but since I was out of almond milk myself, my trek into the sleet and snow benefited both of us. I found it in the cooler next to the actual milks and nearly bumped into an officer reaching for a Gatorade on my way from the refrigerated section.
“Sorry, sir.” The apology instinctual, I lifted my hands, then nearly dropped my plant milk when he lifted his hat a little.
He stopped too, round hat on and star badge glistening. The sheriff, the actual sheriff from my sister’s… case stood in front of me.
And we both hadn’t seen each other since that day.
My mouth went instantly dry, my gaze averting. I wanted out of here—now, but couldn’t seem to make myself move. So much of that night had been a blur, but not this guy, his face burned into my memory. He’d been the one behind the glass with my dad most of the night before he’d taken Royal and the other boys away. He’d been the one who sent the worst news to be delivered to me outside of my mom dying. I’d been so young then, the doctors delivering it then.
Sheriff Ashford, a middle-aged man with a gray mustache, wet his lips. His fingers slid back and forth on the Gatorade in his hand, all this awkward for him too. “You’re, uh, the Lindquist girl.”
The one and only now, I nodded. “Yes… yes, sir. That’s me.”
He acknowledged that by taking his hat off his head, his swallow hard. “I didn’t hear you were back in town.”
He heard I’d been out of town, but then again, this moderately sized city was oh so small. Everyone knew everyone’s business, and anyone who hadn’t been living in a storm cellar for the past few months knew about me. I mean, how many people’s sisters went missing only to turn up in the way she ultimately had?