“You’ll see. Just bear with me.”
With traffic, it took him thirty minutes to cross town and head up toward the place where he and his brothers had met. He pulled onto the city street that housed Manhattan University, where he’d gone to school, and parked in a nearby lot.
“Is this where you, Tanner, Landon, and Levi went to college?” Faith asked after he’d handed the attendant his keys and they started walking up the ramp toward the street.
“What do you know about Levi?” he asked gruffly.
“The night I first met you, I Googled the nightclub and found the website. I read the dedication,” she said, her voice soft and full of understanding.
He swallowed over the lump in his throat but remained silent. They walked down the sidewalk and headed along the street known as Fraternity Row and came to a stop at a brownstone with steps leading to the front door. The fraternity located here now was a new one, not the one he and his friends had pledged, but the building was the same, just as the memories remained.
“What happened here?” Faith asked, her hand clasping his.
The bite of the cold wind nipped at his face, but he was here to feel the sensation. Levi wasn’t. So he stayed here, as he began to tell Faith the story.
“I met the guys in the dorm. We lived on the same hall and we clicked immediately. The four of us hung out and did everything together. We started school in late August, and of all the guys, I was closest to Levi. We had the same major, business, were in the same classes. He switched to room with me because he wanted a break from his twin.” He chuckled at the memory. The guys had started as roommates and things quickly devolved until Levi had wanted out.
“You must get close living together. I went to a local school, so I wouldn’t know. I can only guess,” she said.
He nodded. “It’s intense.” He leaned against the bannister leading up the stairs, and Faith stood beside him. “But it was good until Levi wanted to join a fraternity.”
“You didn’t?”
Jason shrugged. “I wasn’t much of a joiner. I liked doing my own thing. But Levi was persistent. He said the social life would be better, the girls hotter.”
“As if any of you had a hard time getting women.” Faith’s expression was priceless. Shock mixed with disbelief and a healthy dose of sarcasm in her tone.
“Hey. Freshman guys do not get the girls. Trust me.”
“If you say so.” She lifted one foot, bracing it on a higher step. But she didn’t push him for more serious conversation.
Still, he knew it was time. “All the frats had strict rules about alcohol because the drinking age was twenty-one and hazing was strictly forbidden both by school rules and the national fraternity. But why follow the rules, right?” he asked with disgust and obvious pain in his voice.
He didn’t even bother to hide it from her nor did he consider it a weakness. No, this event was what defined him and the kind of life he lived. He wasn’t embarrassed about hurting because he’d lost his best friend to a stupid, juvenile practice performed by self-righteous, entitled assholes.
Beside him, Faith froze. “Hazing?” She obviously hadn’t considered how Levi had died, because she sounded horrified as realization dawned.
“Hazing. A secret practice carried out by older classmen in the basement of this house.” Jason gestured with a sweep of his hand toward the building behind them. “Good old-fashioned kissing ass of seniors, doing their bidding, paddling, eating disgusting things I’ll spare you from hearing about, and forced alcohol consumption.” He clenched his jaw at the memories he did his best to keep far away from his present reality.
“God. Jason, I’m sorry. If you don’t want to tell me what happened, I understand.” Faith’s green eyes were bright with unshed tears as she held on to his hand with hers, her free one in the pocket of her jacket.
The irony didn’t escape him and he explained it to her. “I didn’t talk about it with anyone. My parents sent me to therapy and I went because they insisted, but I didn’t speak. Week after week, I sat in silence until the therapist gave up. So did my parents. They left me to brood. I never wanted to discuss it … until now.” He wanted to tell her about the raw pain he’d experienced and then let her soothe the remaining ache.
“Then I’m listening.”
He nodded, grateful. “The final initiation, as the upper-class guys called it, was scheduled on a Saturday night. Up until that point, we considered it just bullshit we had to get through to join, but Landon heard rumors that this last party usually got out of hand. And the guys in charge our year were determined to make a name for themselves in the history of the frat. They’d make it more difficult for us than any year before.”
Faith squeezed his hand. “Do you want to go inside? Or find someplace warmer to talk?”
“No. I need to do this here.” He knew she was cold and he was determined to get through the rest quickly so they could go home and he could lose himself inside her warmth. “We tried to talk Levi out of going but he insisted.”
“And you guys weren’t going to let him go alone,” she correctly guessed.
He nodded. “Right. It started with shots. We could deal with shots of vodka, right? The night passed and we drank. And drank. And soon we were all given handles of what we thought was regular vodka. Turns out it was one hundred proof.”
“Crap,” she muttered under her breath.
Although he could describe the paddling and the pain, she didn’t need to hear that any more than he needed to relive it. “They insisted we finish a handle. Levi volunteered to go first.”
Faith winced but remained silent.
“We told him he didn’t have to do it. We each offered to walk out with him and fuck the pledge and the joining, but he was game. He wanted to be accepted so damned badly. So he drank. And drank. Then they put a backpack filled with weights on his back and made him run up and down the basement stairs. He tripped, fell backward, and smacked his head a few times on the way down.” Nausea filled his throat at the memory of the sound of his friend’s head cracking against the stairs.
Faith wrapped her arms around him as he finished the story, and he took comfort from the warmth of her cheek against his.
“I couldn’t call anyone. They’d taken our phones when we arrived and pulled out the landlines ahead of time.” He dropped to his knees, remembering his friend lying lifeless on the floor, blood coming from his head, Landon yelling at his brother to wake up, slapping his face in his attempt.
She lowered herself with him, hanging on to him for dear life.
“Then Vic … Victor Clark, who’d been in charge all along, who put the backpack on Levi and smacked his face when he tripped the first time, called us pussies and demanded we drink next.”
“What did you do?”
His eyes burned with unshed tears and his throat was raw from holding them back. “I… We picked up Levi and walked out of the house. Nobody stopped as we headed for the university hospital until finally a campus van picked us up. Levi was DOA.”
“Oh, God, Jason, I’m sorry.” She clasped her hands against his cheeks and met his gaze. “You all know it wasn’t your fault, right?”
He rolled his shoulders. “To this day, I don’t fucking know. There are so many ifs. If we hadn’t agreed to rush a frat. If we hadn’t agreed to go to the party. If we hadn’t let him drink and just turned around and went home… But none of it matters because it happened and he’s gone. But it’s the lesson I took from it that’s my point of telling you.”
She shivered despite being tight against him. “Which is what?”
“You need to understand. You asked if I wanted kids and I need to explain why I don’t. We nearly lost Sienna when she was a kid. I lost Levi. I already have a big family and I have the guys. That’s a solid handful of people to worry about already, and I vowed I wouldn’t add more.” He looked at her, regret all over his handsome face. “I can’t have more people who I could potentially lose. Kids? Yeah, that’
s … more.”
* * *
Faith heard him. She even understood. Her heart broke for what he’d seen and lived through and the pain he still harbored inside him. But what he didn’t seem to understand was that he was a warm, giving man who naturally helped people … like her. Which inevitably meant bringing more people into his inner circle. But he didn’t want those connections.
He was helping her, yes, but he didn’t want to get emotionally involved. If she’d harbored any illusions after their morning in bed, he’d definitely set her straight now. All she could do was to be there for him the way he’d been there for her since the day they’d met.
“Hey.” She leaned back and looked into his red-rimmed eyes. “I get it, okay? I understand more than you could imagine. I have a complicated life that doesn’t lend toward bringing people in. My brother is dangerous. By letting anyone in, I put them in danger, too. I never wanted to do that to you but you insisted. So the truth is, I get needing to keep people at a distance.”
He remained silent, as if sensing she wasn’t finished. Which she wasn’t.
She drew a deep breath and continued. “So if you’re worried about me wanting anything more from you than the help you’re offering now, I won’t. I don’t.”
Relief crossed his face even as the word lies echoed inside her head. Of course she wanted more than he could give, because she’d fallen for her reluctant hero. But that wasn’t in the cards. She’d deal with her pain like she dealt with everything else, by throwing herself into her work and building her business.
She just needed to convince Jason he could trust her to respect his boundaries. “My plan is for my brother to end up in jail so I can go back to living my independent life.” She forced a smile. “We’re good, Jason. You’re good. Most importantly, you survived. Don’t feel guilty because you did.”
He squeezed her hand and rose to his feet, then together they headed back to the car.
Chapter Seven
Faith took her cues from Jason, who was silent on the way home after the trip to the frat house. She gave him his space, not wanting to intrude on his personal thoughts, using the time to check in with Kelsey, who had everything at the store under control. She even offered to open in the morning, and since she knew the recipes and they had nonperishable items to sell, Faith agreed.
She realized, however, it was time to hire more people to help at the store. Not only because of the Colton situation and the fact that she couldn’t always be there right now, but because she deserved some time off. She’d been handling things by herself for a year, with only Kelsey part-time to help out. So that was on her definite to-do list and ASAP.
Jason had been so quiet, even on the elevator ride up to his apartment, that it took her by surprise when, after they entered the apartment, took off their jackets, and hung them in the closet, he spun her around, pulling her against him.
“I need you,” he said, and she had no intention of denying him. Not after how he’d bared his soul to her earlier, helping her to understand everything about him.
She kicked off her shoes and socks, lifted her hands and unbuttoned each button, letting her shirt drop to the floor. His heated stare fell to her full breasts, and as he watched, she reached behind her and released the bra clasp, letting the straps fall down her arms. Cool air rushed over her nipples, hardening them into tight peaks.
Feeling his gaze hot on hers, she unbuttoned her trousers, releasing them as well. She kicked the pants aside.
Jason’s eyes darkened with need. “Go on.”
She swallowed hard. Hooking her fingers into her panties, she pulled them down and off, leaving her standing in the entryway of his apartment naked. She stared at him. His hooded gaze, the flush in his cheeks peeking over the scruff on his face, and the fact that he was fully dressed all worked to arouse her unbearably. Dampness slickened between her thighs and her sex throbbed with desire. But she was well aware that this was Jason’s show, his pace, his pain that he needed to work out.
As she stood bared to him, he removed his shoes. His socks, shirt, and slacks along with his boxer briefs came next, tossed onto the pile of her clothes. His erection stood prominently against his belly, the sight causing a throbbing in her core.
She licked her lips and his eyes darkened at the sight.
Slowly, she stepped closer to him, her gaze never leaving his, then she lowered herself to her knees.
“Faith,” he said, a harsh warning in his tone.
She looked up at him through her lashes and smiled. “Yes?”
“Fuck,” he said, his hand coming to rest on her head.
He needed this, that much she knew, and if she could make him forget his troubles for a little while, that’s what she wanted to do. Because she was coming to care deeply for this dark knight of hers.
She wrapped her hand around his stiffness, gliding her palm over the velvety yet rigid length. Dipping her head, she licked the salty white coating off the head and he groaned, his fingers tightening in her hair. The tug was arousing, turning her on, but not as much as being on her knees and giving him pleasure. And that was her goal.
With her hand on the base of his shaft, she opened her mouth and glided her lips down his cock. His big body shuddered and she grew heady with the knowledge that she affected him. Pulling him inside her mouth, she slicked her tongue over and under his thick member. She drew him deep until the head of his cock hit the back of her throat. Forcing herself to relax, she swallowed over him, managing not to choke, and he yanked harder on her hair.
She groaned around him as he began to rock his hips back and forth, thrusting his cock into her mouth, using her to take what he needed. With her hands now braced on his thighs, she let him take over. He pumped himself in and out, and she sucked him harder, causing a warning tap on her head.
“I’m going to come,” he said gruffly, clearly expecting her to release him, but she had other plans.
She hummed around him and urged him to continue. He thrust once, twice, and came with a grunt, streaming down her throat, and she swallowed over and over until he relaxed, sliding out of her mouth.
“Shit, sweetness, I wanted that to be inside you.”
“It was,” she said with a pleased chuckle. He helped her to her feet and, taking her off guard, lifted her into his arms. She squeaked in surprise and wrapped her arms around his neck, as he carried her into his bedroom.
No sooner had he deposited her on the bed than he spread her thighs and came down over her, his face level with her sex, and began to lick, suck, and devour her like a starving man. At the first slide of his tongue, she moaned, suddenly aware of how very aroused she already was.
His mouth worked magic, the experience fresh and new, as everything with Jason seemed to be. He knew his way around her body. She’d never known her breasts were sensitive, never realized she could come from oral sex. But as he slid his tongue inside her, his nose nudging her clit, waves of sensation and awareness shuddered through her. Warm and delicious, her body responded to his intense ministrations, the way he delicately played with her clit causing her to buck against him.
He must have realized he’d hit the right spot, because he pulled the tight bud into his mouth and grazed it with his teeth. A swell of desire took hold and didn’t let go as he brought her up and over the edge.
She’d been grasping the comforter, hanging on as he ate at her, but with the surge of desire, she needed to hold on to him. She grasped his hand as she ground her sex against his mouth, riding out the most explosive climax she’d ever had.
Before she could fully finish, he’d come over her, nudging her legs apart and pushing himself deep.
“Oh, God, Jason!” She quivered around him, her inner walls clasping him harder. “I’m coming again.”
“Damn right you are,” he muttered and slammed into her, grinding his hips against her.
She whimpered at the assault, his body rough with hers in all the best possible ways. Her gaze on his as she came,
she fell into those dark blue eyes, losing herself in this man who’d all but sworn he would never truly be hers.
Pushing those thoughts aside, she let her body enjoy the peak and slow tumble back to reality, coming to with his big body on top of hers. With a grunt, he rolled to his side, pulling out of her, and she felt the loss in more ways than physical.
He pressed a long kiss on her lips. “Be right back,” he said and rose to walk into the bathroom. She heard the water run, and he returned, helping her clean up before pulling her back into his arms.
They dozed for a while, and when she woke up, he was staring into her eyes. “Thank you,” he said in a gruff voice.
“For what?”
“Letting me take what I needed. Giving me more than I deserve.”
She lay her head in the crook of his shoulder. “You carry a lot of pain inside you. It’s good to let it out.”
He merely grunted in reply.
“I have a question,” she said, having realized earlier that this was the one thing he hadn’t addressed.
His arm pulled her tighter against him. “What’s that?”
Drawing a deep breath, she asked, “Who’s the woman and the little boy in the picture on your desk?”
He exhaled slowly. “When Levi died, he had a girlfriend, Amber. He didn’t know it at the time but he’d gotten her pregnant.”
“Oh, God.”
She felt him nod. “Yeah.”
“In the beginning, there wasn’t much the guys and I could do but be there for her, but after the club started bringing in money, we helped her out. LJ, that’s his name, Levi Jr., means a lot to all of us.”
“That’s so sad,” she whispered, unable to imagine how difficult the woman’s life had been. A single mother, still in college…
“She doesn’t live in the city, so we don’t see them nearly as much as we’d like, but the relationship is strong.”
And LJ was the child he already had, Faith realized, her heart pounding hard in her chest at the thought. These men and the bond they shared with each other, and with Amber and her son, gave Jason all the family he believed he needed.
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