Five Years to Live

by Frank Zaccari

  “Do you mean a UTI, a urinary tract infection?” Michael said, trying not to sound condensing .

  “See, I don’t even know what it is called.” Donna defended herself: “Your family pushed me away. They wouldn’t let me take care of you.”

  “My family…” Michael drew a deep breath. He was going to say, My family waited to see if you were going to step up and take the lead in my care. When you didn’t, they jumped in for you and you let them, but he didn’t want to start that argument again, so he just said, “My family…can be overbearing.” He continued, “To answer your question: no, it has nothing to do with our weekend alone.” He was lying, and she let him lie. “I left you a present in your coat pocket.”

  Donna reached into her pocket and pulled out some rose petals. With a look of confusion she said, “Petals? Not even a whole rose?”

  “They are Zuzu’s petals,” Michael said. “I am giving you your life back, the one that you had planned before you met me.”

  “What the hell are you talking about, Michael?”

  “It’s from the movie It’s a Wonderful Life with Jimmy Stewart and Clarence the Angel who showed him what life would have been like if he was never born?” He paused but just saw a look of confusion. “Never mind. It’s not important.”

  Just then a crisp wind blew in, a harbinger of autumn’s chill. “Wow, did you feel that?” Michael shivered, “The weather just suddenly changed.”

  “Everything changed,” Donna said hopelessly. Michael nodded in agreement. The meteorological metaphor was not lost on the two star-crossed lovers.

  “So I guess this is good-bye,” Donna said, brushing back a tear. “Friends, right?”

  “Best friends,” Michael said with a wink and a nod .

  She came up to him for a hug. He said, “I feel like I am supposed to say, ‘Here’s looking at you kid.’”

  “What the hell are you talking about now, Michael?”

  “You know, from the movie, Casablanca, with Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman? It’s the good-bye scene at the airport.” She still looked confused. “Never mind. It’s not important. But you really need to invest in a VCR and some movies.” They both laughed, which broke the tension.

  They shared a long, tender embrace, and she said, “I will write to you.” But he knew she never would.

  “I would like that,” he said. As she walked away, he said, “You do have a great ass, Donna.”

  “So I’ve been told,” she said with a smile and a tear.

  Chapter 14

  Don’t Look Behind You...You

  Aren’t Going that Way

  For the remainder of 1986, Michael focused on his MBA. Twice a week he made the one hour drives from Dunkirk to Buffalo. While he was determined to complete the MBA, it could not fill the large hole in his heart. He tried to fill it with activities designed to assist disabled children. Along with his father, he became involved with Challenger Sports, a sports organization that provides activities for disabled children and Special Olympics. School and these activities kept him busy during the day, but the nights were still his enemy. The demons always returned at night, trying to weaken his spirit, stir their vehement poison into his soul, and plant the seeds of impetuous ideas into his mind. They would leave him depressed and distraught. Some nights he wondered if maybe Nunzio had the right idea. He often found himself surviving on the borrowed strength and faith of his Gibraltar-like parents.

  As 1986 turned to 1987, UTIs became more frequent and intense. Each infection had a devastating effect on both Michael’s physical and emotional health. Anne and Carm took Michael to see Dr. Wheeler, the urologist at Buffalo General, who finally decided another surgery might help the situation. Needless to say, Michael was less than thrilled with this recommendation. “You want to do another surgery. The last one nearly killed me. When is this shit going to stop?”

  “Michael,” the doctor said as empathetically as he could, “you are not able to completely drain your bladder. The buildup of urine in your bladder is a factor in all your infections. These infections have a cumulative effect on your urinary tract, bladder, and now your kidneys. My suggestion is we perform a sphincterotomy.”

  “What the hell is that?” Michael asked with increasing anger and frustration.

  Dr. Wheeler reminded himself that Michael’s anger was not directed toward him and explained, “It is a bladder outlet surgery. A small scope is passed into the urethra so that the bottom of the bladder can be seen. Then cuts are made in the muscular valve surrounding the urethra. After this whenever the bladder contracts urine it passes without obstruction out of the bladder.”

  Michael knew that he needed this surgery, but it didn’t make it easier to accept. He said, as he tried to draw back the claws from his words, “How long will I be in the hospital?”

  “The operation is often done as an outpatient procedure and carries a very low risk of complications. Usually a person wears an indwelling, also called a Foley, catheter for about a week to allow the surgical site to heal. When it is removed the bladder again empties on its own. But given the degree of your injury, I suggest we admit you for the surgery so that we can better monitor the healing process. You should be out of the hospital in two days barring any complications.”

  “There are always complications, doc,” Michael said with a pessimistic shrug of his shoulders .

  “As you know there are no guarantees, Michael. One complication, for men, is that fertility is affected by this operation because any sperm from an ejaculation ends up in the bladder.”

  “I know this already. What else?” Michael said curtly.

  Dr. Wheeler continued, “The sphincterotomy surgery is generally felt to be irreversible, although occasionally the muscle grows back and the surgery needs to be repeated. Following this operation it is generally not possible to change to intermittent catheterization, and a bladder stimulator will generally not work, though this may not always be the case. You will need to use an external collector device, a leg bag.”

  Like a quarterback throwing his last Hail Mary pass at the end of the game, Michael asked, “What if I don’t have this surgery?”

  “The bladder infections will continue. They will increase in frequency and intensity. This will put more stress on your kidneys and lead to more complications. Michael, I know you have been through hell and back these past two years, but this surgery will help.”

  Michael was silent for a lengthy moment while he considered his options. He closed his eyes and slowly lowered his head in resignation. “Fine!” Michael finally said with anger and despair. “Can we do it during spring break in March so it doesn’t screw up my school?”

  “March is fine. I will put it on the schedule.”

  Michael’s sister caught an earful as she picked up the phone. “Mary, this is Anne. Mom and I took Michael to the urologist. You are not going to believe this:, he needs another operation. He is going in for a sphincterotomy sometime in the middle of March.”

  Mary’s clinical response was, “That’s fairly common given the level of his injury,” but she quickly shifted her demeanor as she put on her protective sister hat. “How is he accepting this?” she asked.

  “HE IS NOT HAPPY,” Anne said in a voice that screamed with satirical understatement, “but what choice does he have? Mom is a mess again. She has worn out two sets of rosary beads since this started. Dad just rolls with the punches. The surgery will be in mid-March during his spring break.”

  Donna put all her time and energy into her job. Working to the point of exhaustion kept her mind busy and off the destructive “what could have been.” In mid-1987, Donna went out with someone other than Michael for the first time in four years. He was a local business owner named Tim Collins. Tim knew the Harris family and was familiar with Michael and what had happened. For Donna it was refreshing to get out and have a conversation that didn’t involve surgery, rehabilitation, or UTIs. She thought, This poor guy has no idea the emotional train wreck he took o
ut.

  Tim was very patient and supportive. He let Donna set the pace and all the ground rules. He made no demands on Donna and seemed both willing and content to take it slow. Donna did her best to push him away. She told her mother, “I am damaged goods. I have no idea when or if I will be able to have someone in my life. ”

  “Just go at your own pace, sweetheart. You’ve heard the old saying ‘time heals all wounds.’ Well, let me tell you that is a bunch of crap.” Her words felt like a much-needed slap in the face. “The wound is always there, it just doesn’t hurt as much and eventually you are able to continue with your life.”

  “Thanks, Mom. You are the only one who understands. All I hear is, ‘You have to move on, Donna. You have to get out there, Donna. The sooner you start dating again, the sooner the pain will go away.’”

  “You do what your heart tells you, Donna. It will give you the timetable to follow. Listen to your heart,” then she added with extra emphasis, “but bring your brain with you.”

  “That’s for sure. The last thing I need is to do something stupid.”

  The sphincterotomy surgery was successful. With his bladder draining correctly, Michael felt healthier. He had not felt healthy since he left Magee. Without the constant UTIs, he was able to continue with school and his other activities. The rest of 1987 saw Michael and Donna moving forward toward whatever life had in store.

  Chapter 15

  Life Goes On

  Michael finished his MBA at the end of 1987. He was proud that he had accomplished this within two and half years after the accident. I still have two and half years left on the five years the doctors gave me to live. I am going to make the best of what time I have left.

  In early 1988 the attorneys updated the family on the status of the lawsuit. The senior partner explained the State of New Jersey had not been willing to settle so they would go to court in Trenton in March.

  “What’s our case?” Tony asked.

  “Gross negligence based on the facts that the Highway Department crew was at the accident site a good thirty minutes before Michael arrived and did nothing to remove the disabled car or set up the necessary hazard warnings.” The attorney continued, “The state has lost cases in the past based on the extremely poor design of the blind cloverleaf on ramps. With this precedent and the fact that standard safety operating procedures were not followed, I believe we have a strong case.”

  “What are the risks?” Michael asked.

  “Well, one risk is the trial will be in New Jersey, and you are a New York state resident, and my law firm is headquartered in Philly, so we will be using a New Jersey law firm. Sometimes Jersey juries are not very receptive to cases brought from New Yorkers or people from Philly. Another risk is the amount we are seeking.”

  Tony interjected, “It’s like we said from the beginning. We are not greedy. My brother suffered a life-altering event. He didn’t spill coffee on himself and is now looking for a big payday,” Tony said emphatically. “We want enough for Michael to live the rest of his life without concerns of bankruptcy from the medical costs.”

  “You are taking a reasonable approach,” the attorney replied. “Here is what we are planning. We have an accident expert who reviewed the pictures Mary took and is prepared to testify that by simply moving the disabled car less than twenty feet, Michael would have missed the car. We will stress that the crew was on site and had more than enough time to take corrective action, but they sat in their truck waiting for the rain to lighten up.”

  The second lawyer interjected, “I have met the two road crew members who were the first at the scene of the accident. They are likable guys but they are not…” he paused for a moment as he hunted for a polite way out of his statement. “Well, let’s just say that they wear the expression of men not overburdened with complex thoughts and emotions.”

  “So they are a couple of idiots,” Tony said in his frank, no-nonsense manner.

  “Well...yes,” the lead attorney said, “But they are lovable idiots. That makes them a double-edged sword. They could either help us or hurt us, so we don’t want to make this a personal attack on them. We also have the case history precedent. The key will be Michael’s testimony. We have the background on his life prior to the accident—the fact that he ran 5K races, was a power lifter, was well on the way to a very successful business career, and was recently engaged. This will demonstrate the quality of his life prior to the incident. Do you have anyone who could corroborate any of these statements?”

  Michael thought for a moment and said, “Yes, there is my friend and running partner John DiHollia. He is a court stenographer. And Kyle Naslund my weight lifting partner. He is an EMT.”

  The two attorneys looked at each other with raised eyebrows and a sparkle in their eyes. “This could be promising; John probably knows the ins and outs of courtroom testimonies. Then secondly, we have all the medical reports regarding the injury, all the surgeries, infections, and how the quality of his life has grossly deteriorated. We are going to have a film crew come here and document what Michael must go through on a daily basis. We have a very strong case.”

  “What is the state going to counter with?” Tony asked.

  “Their case will be while this is a tragic event, it was in fact an accident and unfortunately accidents happen. They will claim that Michael is an out-of-state resident looking to cash in on what is clearly an unavoidable accident.”

  Tony asked, “Obviously you think we have a good chance to win or you wouldn’t be willing to do this for a contingency fee.”

  The lead litigator replied, “I think we have an excellent case, but there are no guarantees with a jury. Michael, I want you and your parents, at a minimum, in the courtroom. After you testify, I don’t want you in the courtroom until we call the highway crew guys. I want them to see you during my examination. I want them to see what their negligence caused. Mr. and Mrs. Battaglia, I want you and other member of your family in the courtroom the entire time. I want the jury to see the devastation this has brought not only to Michael but to your entire family. ”

  With the strategy in place, the lawyers finalized their case and prepped Michael for his testimony and the cross examination by the state.

  The trial began on a Monday morning. After opening statements, Michael’s attorneys started to build the case. The accident expert was solid. The case precedents could not be disputed. Tuesday morning would be Michael’s testimony. Michael was extremely nervous and did not feel good physically. He looked like he was having a great deal of discomfort, which boded well for the jury’s empathy. Michael held up well during the cross examination.

  Wednesday morning, the Highway Department crew was scheduled to testify. Michael wheeled himself into the courtroom with his manual chair. The crew members were visibly shaken when they saw Michael. The state’s attorney, sensing the case was slipping away, asked for a conference in chambers. The state was willing to make an offer. The first offer was so ridiculous even the judge scoffed. A more realistic offer was then put on the table. Michael wanted his attorneys to call Tony, who was scheduled to fly to New Jersey Wednesday night. Michael wanted 100 percent of his medical expenses paid for the rest of his life. The attorneys contacted the worker’s compensation carrier back in New York. The carrier agreed that if Michael paid back the catastrophic loss from his time at Jefferson and Magee, they would provide him with 100 percent medical for life. Tony objected to this option, telling Michael and his attorneys, “What they are going to do is buy an annuity, which they will use to pay the medical bills. In effect Michael is paying for his own medical.”

  Michael replied, “What if I need more surgeries or some other dramatic thing? I want all that covered.”

  Tony said, “Michael, they are betting on the doctors’ prognosis that you are only going to live for five years. We are going on three years now, and everything Dr. Steele told us back at Jefferson has been happening. If you die in two to three years, they make a windfall profit.”

/>   “I don’t care, Tony. I am not going to die in five years. I am going to live even if it’s just to spite all those assholes.”

  “Are you sure you want to do this, Michael?” Tony asked again.

  “Yes” was the response.

  Then Tony said to the attorneys, “Tell them to increase the offer to cover the medical repayment and we accept.” The state accepted within fifteen minutes, and the judge dismissed the jury.

  The money would not give him back the life that he lost. No amount of money could make up for the pain and suffering he endured and would face for the rest of his life, but it would give him the peace of mind that he could live without the fear of medical and hospital costs driving him into bankruptcy or poverty.

  With the trial behind him and his master’s degree in hand, Fredonia State University hired Michael as the school’s advocate for handicapped and disabled students. Fredonia State was three miles from his parents’ home. Michael started the job determined to make Fredonia State the model for disabled students. He would follow the outline he used at Canisius, but now he had first-hand knowledge of the wants and needs of a disabled student. In very short order, Fredonia State was building more wheelchair-accessible ramps; putting in curb cuts; widening the classroom aisles; expanding the number of handicap parking spaces and the enforcement of the parking spaces; deploying shuttles to and from the parking areas for non-wheelchair disabled students; and budgeting for two shuttles with lifts for wheelchair students. Michael was moving and shaking every area of the campus. He worked without any major medical setbacks in 1988 and into early 1989. Finally, he thought, maybe my life will have some semblance of normal; maybe I will be healthy for longer periods; maybe I can live in and be a factor in western New York. Unfortunately he was wrong.

  Donna continued to see Tim Collins. She had heeded her mother’s advice and followed her heart but kept her brain involved in the process. She wanted to make sure if she continued this relationship with Tim that it was not because she was lonely or afraid or desperate. As Valentine’s Day 1989 approached, Donna’s mother said to her, “You know Tim is going to propose soon.”