by Rose Wulf
Which makes sense, if that wasn’t real.
It was hard to wrap her mind around that, despite what both Knox and Jaelyn had said. Despite having spent a couple of hours just recently in Knox’s arms, or seeing her brother’s relieved smile. She wanted this to be the reality. This was so preferable. But… What if this was her eyes deceiving her?
Had the argument she’d seemed to have stumbled into in her apartment even made sense?
Did this make more sense?
Gwen closed her eyes, compelled to relive the horrible memory in an effort to compare it to this new experience. She couldn’t think of any other way to be certain.
“Don’t.” Knox’s voice was firm and directly overhead. Almost harsh, even. Startled, Gwen snapped her eyes open and she found herself staring up at Knox. He was standing beside the arm of the couch, and it seemed he’d planted his hands on the arm on either side of her head. His stare was intense. “Don’t dwell.”
How? “What?” She swallowed. “I just—”
“No,” he said sharply. “That’s the curse. It needs you to sink into your pain, so it will pull you in however it can. That’s how it works. Do. Not. Give. In.”
“He’s right,” Jaelyn said. Only then did Gwen even realize the angel held one of her hands between her own. Her hand was warm, as if it were tucked beneath a soft blanket. “Whatever you do, don’t think on what made you despair. That, whatever it was, was the onset of the curse. So, instead, focus on something opposite. The thing, or the outcome, that brings you peace and joy.”
Peace and joy. Those were words Gwen really didn’t think of very often. In this circumstance, though, it wasn’t hard to figure out what Jaelyn was saying. So, doing her best to ignore the conflicting tension in her gut, Gwen looked into Knox’s dark-brown gaze. “Thank you.”
Something she couldn’t identify flickered through his expression for a moment before his lips twitched in a smile. She couldn’t name it, but she didn’t dislike it. “Don’t thank me. I should’ve been there. I’m sorry.”
“’S not your fault,” she argued, lifting her free arm to reach for him reflexively.
He stepped back, avoiding her touch.
“Knox?”
“Sorry,” he said again. “With the angel cleansing out the curse, touching you right now would make me physically ill. Neither of us wants that.”
“Oh.” She supposed that made a bit of sense. Lowering her arm, Gwen fought the flare of disappointment. Why did she even need to reach for him, now of all times? In front of Jae and Ben? Did the curse make her delirious on top of heartbroken? In an effort to clear her head, Gwen rolled her gaze to the side, just barely able to see her brother’s legs from her angle. “Hey, Ben.”
“Yeah?”
“It might be unfair of me to ask right now, but”—she paused and found herself staring up at the ceiling again—“is it my fault … Mom and Dad are gone?”
The resulting silence in the room assured Gwen her mouth had misspoken again. Even her heart was afraid to make more than a whisper.
Until, finally, she heard what she presumed to be Ben’s light footfalls coming closer. Shifting in her peripheral vision persuaded her to roll her head to the side again and she found him looking at her with sad eyes, kneeling next to the couch—and next to Jaelyn. “No, Gwen,” he said. “It’s not your fault. God, have you been worried about that all this time?”
Tears shone in his eyes and Gwen felt her own eyes burning in synch. She could only nod. It felt oddly good to come clean, no matter how hard the subject.
She watched him swallow before his first tear slipped free and he said, “I had no idea. I’m sorry. I was … I was afraid a part of you … blamed me.”
The breath rushed from her lungs. Blamed him? Why on Earth would she do that?
Because his life was the reason she was cursed. The answer slammed into her like a kick to the gut.
Without a thought, Gwen threw herself forward and wrapped her arms around Ben’s shoulders. “Never,” she said as new tears rolled free. “I never once, not for a second, blamed you. Do you hear me?”
Ben managed an awkward, choked laugh and returned the hug before saying, “I think Jae’s glaring at you. You kind of weren’t supposed to move, remember?”
Gwen sat back. “Oh.” She looked toward Jaelyn, who was not, in fact, glaring at all. “Sorry.”
Jaelyn smiled patiently. “Did that bring you some relief?”
Wiping her cheek self-consciously, Gwen nodded. “Yeah, actually.”
“Then no harm done. At this point, you probably could fight it off on your own, but if I put in a few more minutes, it’ll be gone for good,” she said.
Gwen shifted back into her prone position on the couch and held out her hand. “Yes, nurse.”
“Sounds to me like you’re feeling better,” Knox declared, drawing her attention to the other side of the couch, where he’d settled with his back against the backside of the sofa. He offered her a grin. “Your sense of humor’s returning.”
Gwen rolled her eyes. “Smartass.” Why did his concern make her so happy? Come to think of it, why had the idea of losing him hit her so hard? Was it really all to blame on the curse? She didn’t think the curse had amplified how broken she would feel if she lost her brother. The few times she’d dared think about it, the few times she’d really been worried about it, the idea had scared the hell out of her. But, then, what did that mean about Knox? Could he have come to mean so much to her?
Her free hand itched to reach for him and she tucked it firmly between her hip and the wall of the couch. For her sanity as much as his health. One thing was undeniable. She was definitely attracted to him. It didn’t even feel like just lust. The first night, maybe. Or maybe she’d been in denial. But pure lust didn’t incline one to reach out just to assure themselves the person was truly there. It didn’t explain the way her heart sped up when he grinned at her or why she’d been disappointed minutes before when he’d had to step back—a little—for perfectly rational reasons.
That was more than lust.
The agony she’d felt at the possibility of his death, over her, no less, was plenty of proof that her heart had followed her body in its attraction to him. The only question, then, was how far down that road had she gone?
“Okay,” Jaelyn declared, jarring Gwen out of her musings. “Curse purged.”
Gwen drew a breath and her gaze betrayed her, returning immediately to Knox’s position.
He’d turned properly around and was watching her fully now. When they made eye contact, he asked, “How do you feel?”
She took a moment to take stock of herself, both physically and emotionally, knowing it was important not to brush off the question. Physically, she felt pretty good. A little warm, but not unpleasantly so. Beyond that… A quick flash of the memories of her experiences after she’d ‘escaped’ the dungeon sped past her mind and she groaned as she sat up. “Like an idiot,” she said. “How did I fall for that?”
“It’s called a curse, Gwen,” Knox said. “Don’t be too hard on yourself.”
She let her head drop back against the couch from her sitting position, expecting to look sidelong at him, only to discover that he was actually directly behind—and now above—her. “Easy for you to say.”
He smirked and proceeded to shock the daylight out of her. He leaned down and pressed a sweet, upside-down kiss to her forehead. Right there, in front of Jaelyn. And her brother.
Chapter Fourteen
“What’s going on with you two?” Ben asked as he stepped into Gwen’s peripheral vision.
Gwen eased the refrigerator door shut, disguised her deep inhale with the motion of unscrewing the bottle cap of her chosen drink, and turned to face her brother. It was all she could do to keep from falling on the overly-used cliché of playing dumb. Instead, she asked, “What does it really matter?”
Ben cut a glance toward the living room before saying, “I’m still trying to figure that out, I
guess. It’s just … Jae had told me she’d asked him to keep an eye on you. I pictured a different dynamic.”
Different dynamic, huh? Gwen supposed she couldn’t blame him for that. “She did ask him to do that.” She took a long swallow before replying with, “I guess we’ve just sort of…” Sort of what? How was she supposed to answer that? What, exactly, was the nature of their relationship?
A heavy, almost awkward sigh from Ben drew Gwen’s attention again and she refocused in time for him to say, “Look, sis, this isn’t the kind of thing I normally butt in on, but … well, I’m concerned. Don’t get me wrong, he doesn’t seem like a bad guy, really, it’s just, you know, he’s a demon. What kind of relationship can you have with a demon? What kind of future?”
Gwen clutched tighter to the open bottle in her hand. The back of her mouth had gone dry and her stomach churned at Ben’s words. She wanted to snap something at him, insist he didn’t know what he was talking about, but she refrained. This wasn’t coming from some random observer or jealous ex. It was coming from her brother, the one person in her life who made an effort on a regular basis to watch her back.
Except that wasn’t quite right anymore. Ever since the final few months before her thirtieth birthday, she’d had a couple more names on that list. That was even when she’d met Knox. Did that matter? Was it some cosmic sign? Don’t be stupid.
The truth, Gwen realized, was simply that she hadn’t been thinking about bigger-picture things. Hell, until that day, she hadn’t really been thinking about anything beyond desire and survival. So maybe it was good Ben was already pointing out the inevitable problems she’d be facing if she pursued something deeper. Developing serious feelings for a demon didn’t seem especially smart. The bigger question, then, was whether or not she could keep herself from falling any further.
“Gwen?”
Capping the bottle, Gwen forced her lips into a semblance of a smile. “Don’t overthink it,” she said. “How could he help but feel things for my awesome self after being stuck alone with me? It’ll pass as soon as this debacle’s over.”
It would, and she needed to remember that.
“What debacle?” Knox asked as he moved to lean against the wall at the opening of the kitchen.
Gwen looked away almost as quickly as she’d glanced toward him. “You really have to ask?” she said, busying herself with returning the bottle to the refrigerator. Had he heard the whole statement? Worse, had he heard the conversation? “I think being targeted by one of Hell’s top dogs counts as a debacle.”
Seconds ticked by before Ben asked, “Where’s Jaelyn?”
It was the question, at least as much as the fact that he was the one who broke the silence, that assured Gwen he was trying to bail her out of her self-imposed awkward situation. He was such a good brother.
“Checking in,” Knox replied calmly. “Said she’d be back ‘shortly’.” Gwen could all but see the air-quotes, despite that she wasn’t watching him speak.
“Well, that’s … good, right?” Ben asked, uncertainty tipping his hand. Gwen looked over at him as he added, “Checking in, I mean. Since we don’t know where the enemy is.”
Gwen wasn’t sure if she wanted to smile or cry. He was trying to help her through a situation he shouldn’t even have been a part of. She never had wanted to drag her baby brother into this. But I should’ve known it’d be unavoidable.
“Definitely better than sitting blind,” Knox agreed. An unexplainable charge in the air assured Gwen he wasn’t done and she found herself physically fighting the need to look for his gaze. “In the meanwhile, I need a little time alone with your sister.”
Gwen stared, mouth slightly agape, at Knox. Had he just…? Really? Just like that?
In her peripheral vision, Ben mimicked her expression. “Ah … okay, I’ll just go do … something.”
Gwen watched with a strange type of nervous anticipation as her brother exited his own kitchen, leaving her alone with Knox. She couldn’t shake this sense of confliction and dread. She didn’t even fully understand what had sparked it. Now that it was there, though, it seemed to have consumed her. Some part of her had come to expect things—and another part of her realized how stupid that was. Leaving her stuck somewhere between disappointed and angry with herself. The problem with both of those feelings was that they had one thing in common. A yearning, a specific yearning for the very demon who was now watching her. Was she supposed to say something? But what?
“Not sure I’ve ever seen that look on your face,” Knox said. His tone had changed now that Ben was gone, even though he hadn’t actually moved from the wall. Gone was the casual, semi-professional calm. This was the tone she was more used to. A touch quieter, and while still calm, it somehow felt more personal. Not intimate in the romantic or erotic sense, but in the sense it was meant strictly for the ears of the people involved. A conversation not to be eavesdropped on.
If she were being honest with herself, it was a distinction she would have thought silly and hard to notice if she weren’t so invested in the situation. But she was invested. That’s the problem. When had she gone from straddling the line between wary and indifferent to invested? Was she honestly the type of woman whose feelings for a man changed just over some good sex? Well, okay, it was more than good, but that was hardly the point. The point was that she didn’t wholly understand her own feelings right then, yet she was trying to also come to terms with still being discombobulated by them when everything screeched to a halt. And she knew herself well enough to know she was going to have trouble with that.
Warm lips settled over hers, startling Gwen completely out of her rambling thoughts. She hadn’t noticed Knox move at all. He’d stepped completely into her personal space, planted his hands on the counter on either side of her body, and there was just enough space between them for her to draw a breath when he trailed his lips from her mouth to her neck.
“You’re awfully distracted,” he murmured. His tongue slid beneath her jaw in a sensual caress. “And you seem a little upset.” He nibbled teasingly on her earlobe and her eyes fluttered closed. “Is it stress?” A short series of open-mouthed kisses led down her throat and her head rolled to the side. “If you don’t start talking, I’ll keep kissing you.” He punctuated his promise by sucking on her neck at the hollow of her throat.
What was it he wanted to know again?
He was trailing the ridge of her collarbone with his tongue before her scrambled brain remembered how to form words.
“Knox,” she said, her voice more of a whisper, “wait.” She didn’t really want him to stop, but she needed him to. Not just because they were standing in the middle of Ben’s kitchen, but because she was still floundering, and losing herself—again—wasn’t going to help.
To his credit, Knox retreated immediately.
He straightened and took half a step back, his arms falling to his sides. Not stepping away as if she’d offended him, but offering her breathing room. She didn’t know why she was so sure of the distinction. She had nothing other than the calm, almost concerned look in his brown eyes to base it on. “You okay?” he asked, his tone quiet and echoing the expression on his face.
Gwen swallowed around a suspiciously emotional lump in her throat. In her effort to avoid stammering like an idiot, she kept her lips firmly sealed for a long moment as she fought for the right words. Like it’s that easy. “I’m … confused,” she finally said. It was honest, but the statement felt incomplete.
Knox arched a brow and his head tilted nearly imperceptibly to the side as he studied her. Pondering her declaration. “Confused? About what?”
She drew a deep breath in through her nose. Was she brave enough to say it outright? Or, perhaps more accurately, did she know how to say what she was feeling? “This,” she said on an exhale before she could think better of it. “Whatever this is.” Another heavy swallow. Another deep breath. “I thought I had an idea what it was,” she added. “Then my head got all screwed up and now
…” Now, what? Had she really fallen that hard? Or was she still operating out of fear?
A grin tipped his lips after a beat and Knox reached out, covering the hands Gwen hadn’t realized she’d been twisting in front of her stomach. “That’s why you couldn’t look at me earlier?” He gave her hands a squeeze but didn’t let go. “This,” he said, “has gotten way out of control. So I don’t know how to answer you, not right now. The only thing I’m sure of is that for today, and probably tomorrow, you’re mine.”
She tried to ignore the tripping of her heart as she adjusted her grip to catch his hand between hers. “I’m not some trophy,” she scolded without an ounce of weight in her voice.
His grin widened a tiny bit as the distance between them closed again. “You kinda could be, though. It doesn’t have to be an insult.”
Their joined hands folded against his chest and his free hand landed on her outside hip. His body was warm and strong and she leaned forward without conscious intention. “But we’re incompatible … aren’t we?” She barely heard her own spark of hesitation as the doubting voice in her head quickly lost footing against the building desire in her blood.
The hand at her hip slid around to the small of her back, tugging her properly against his chest. Knox’s lips grazed her ear as he rumbled, “Hardly,” before swirling his tongue around the shell.
Gwen’s eyes fluttered closed as her body responded. She knew she was fighting a losing battle, so she shoved the doubts aside and curled her fingers into his shirt. There would be time enough to dwell on the things outside her control later. For the moment, it was fine to indulge in the heat of his touch.
He’d barely latched his lips to the sensitive skin beneath her ear, her decision to enjoy the moment fresh in her mind, when the resounding echo of shattering glass burst from the living room. Thoroughly destroying the mood.
Knox snapped up and Gwen’s heartrate skyrocketed. He’d turned and taken a step away, but she caught hold of his forearm in a desperate reflex.