for my Always, Chris
Always
by Amie Forgeron
1
Janey
i miss you already. you there yet?
Me
soon. mom just pulled into the
neighborhood.
i don’t want to be the weird new girl!!!!
Janey
you’re not weird!!! you’re super smart
and a strong athlete and have you
seen you?! you look like a damn disney
princess and i wish you were gay
so we could live happily ever after!
Me
I do not look like a princess! you’re
delusional!!
Janey
you know it’s true. don’t deny!
princess tatiana!!!
Me
I just threw up in my mouth a little.
Janey
and why are there no gay princesses?
#represent #gayprincess
#dontneednoprince
#gaysneedhappilyeverafter #lesbianroyalwedding
Me
#girlcansaveherself
#theprincehas2moms #rainbowroyal
Janey
you complete me. what will i do without
you?
Me
i wish i could have stayed in dc with you
being an air force
brat sucks
Janey
sometimes
Me
at house now. video chat tonight!
Janey
I love you, princess tati!!! ❤
Me
I love you, janey-bear!!! ❤
2
We parked along the curb in front of our new home. I slipped my phone into my backpack and let out a long sigh. My mom looked straight ahead and sighed, too. She turned off the ignition, unbuckled her seatbelt, and faced me. “Tati, I know this move is tough for you. Mamma and I are sorry.”
I glared at her as I reached for the door handle. “It’s hot in here.”
“Tatiana. Look at me ... please.”
I pressed my lips together into a thin line and looked into my mom’s steely gray eyes. It was like looking in a mirror. I am her mini-me in looks and temperament. I looked back out the passenger window toward the house.
“Tati,” her voice shook and I looked back at her, “we’ll get through this together.” I knew she was trying to convince herself as much as she was me.
I sighed again. “I just need some time.” I blinked away the tears as I sniffled. My mom reached out to hold my hand and I took comfort in it.
I sighed again. “I just need some time.” I blinked away the tears as I sniffled. My mom reached out to hold my hand and I took comfort in it.
“I know. I understand. It’s ok to be sad, but you’re not in this alone.”
We sat in silence for a few moments longer in the hot car listening to the engine tick as it cooled. After six moves in seventeen years, there was nothing left for us to say. My mom wiped a tear from her face. The moving truck rumbled to a stop behind us, and with fresh energy she exclaimed, “Movers are here! Let’s go!”
✽✽✽
After a quick hot shower to soothe my aching muscles from lugging and unpacking boxes, I searched my clothing boxes for my comfiest clothes - a pair of black hot yoga shorts and a stretchy light blue camisole. As I pulled my damp thick curls into a sloppy bun atop my head, I caught my reflection in the mirror. I looked exhausted. I shook my head and grimaced at my reflection.
My mom knocked on my open bedroom door and gave me a once-over glance. “Tati, pizza should be here in about ten minutes. The money is on the kitchen counter.” She placed her hands on my cheeks and looked into my eyes. “You look really tired, sweetheart.” I winced at her honest words. “Time for self-care. You’re probably dehydrated. Go drink a glass of water and lie down a bit before the food comes. I’m showering.”
Following my mom’s advice, I had just settled onto the couch with a glass of water when the doorbell rang. I groaned as I stiffly stood up, grabbed the money off the counter, and opened the door for the pizza delivery.
Two people stood in front of me and neither held a pizza box. One was a tall, heavyset bleached blonde holding something aluminum foiled out to me with a wide still smile plastered on her face. The other was shockingly attractive. He was maybe six feet tall, and he looked about my age. His straight hair was a rich auburn and it just skimmed his eyebrows. His eyes were the clearest, deepest, emerald green I’d ever seen, and they were framed with long dark blonde
lashes. His healthy skin had a sprinkling of small freckles across his nose. My eyes betrayed me as they continued down his lean frame, then back up to his emerald eyes.
I dropped the $20 bill I was holding. He stooped down to pick it up. “Here. I got it.” As he handed the money back to me, he revealed the cutest crooked teeth, I was a sucker for those quirky imperfections. I looked away and when I glanced back at him, he was still looking at me and smiling. It was probably only a matter of seconds, but it felt as if time stretched when I looked into his eyes.
The woman’s shrill voice startled me. “Hiyeeee! We’re your neighbors and we just wanted to come say hello and welcome you to the neighborhood. Here’s some brownies - they’re still warm! I’m Barb Smith and this is my son, James. We live right next door.”
I smiled shyly as I received the foil wrapped paper plate she shoved at me and looked into her dull green eyes, the same basic color as her son’s, but they seemed as if the power was turned down to low. Barb leaned toward me to catch my attention, a toothy smile plastered on her face, her
eyebrows raised in questioning.
Like a fool I held up the money and muttered, “We ordered pizza. I thought -” I shook my head to refocus. “Sorry, it’s been a long couple days.” I silently reprimanded myself for sounding so distracted and unintelligent.
“I can imagine how tired you are. Between us girls, a little dab of concealer will fix you right up.” A smile rested on her shiny flushed face as she mimed patting concealer under her eyes and I bristled at the insult. Out of the corner of my eye I could see James glare at his mom.
Barb’s smile widened as she gestured to herself and her son. Due to our height difference, she leaned down to talk to me and spoke as if I were a child, my ultimate pet peeve. “I’m Barb, he’s James, and now you. What is your name?” She looked at me with raised eyebrows.
“I’m Tati.” I smiled.
Barb stretched out my name as if trying to make sense of it. “Tah-tee? Is that right, dear?” I nodded. “That’s a cute little name for a cute little girl.” James rolled his eyes.
She insulted me again! I became defensive and the tone of my voice was edgier than before. “It’s short for Tatiana.”
With his emerald eyes shining, James smiled at me and shyly waved. “Hey, Tati.”
“Hi, James. Nice to meet you.” He smiled more broadly revealing dimples. As he held my gaze, I felt my tension release.
I startled when my mom’s voice came up from behind the door. “Pizza already?”
I shot her a warning look and replied, “No, the neighbors.” She came around to the open door and I laughed as I looked down at her purple plaid pajama bottoms rolled up to midthigh and a black tank with the slogan “Llamaste” printed beneath a cartoon of a meditating llama. Her curls were pulled into a messy bun like mine. Suddenly, it hit me how I was barely dressed. Embarrassment flowed through my body as I looked at James again.
My mom gestured to our clothing and awkwardly laughed. “Way to make a first impression, huh?” She blushed and tucked a stray graying curl behind her ear as she held out her hand to shake Barb’s. “I’m Zoya Kuznetsov-Baker, hi. I see you’ve met my daughter, Tatiana.�
��
“Zoya Kuza …yeah uh huh ... Zoya. That’s an interesting name, too! It sounds so - ” James cleared his throat in warning. “I’m Barb Smith, nice and easy to pronounce, and this is my son, James. We live right next door.”
As we stood in awkward silence, Barb scrutinized us. My mom and I exchanged a look and I could tell she wanted this conversation to end. “You two could be sisters! You must’ve had her young. My goodness! ... I’m sorry, I’m sure you’re not up for company. We didn’t mean to intrude, we just wanted to bring you a little something sweet and to say hello.”
My mom politely replied as she reached to close the door, “Thank you. Nice meeting you.” James grinned, waved, and turned to leave.
“Is it just the two of you?” Barb questioned as she put her hand on the door to stop my mom from closing it. James turned back to face us. “I don’t mean to pry, it’s just that I only saw you two and the hunky moving men here today. Single mother?” She frowned.
My mom blinked away the intrusive question and gave a guarded smile. “Three of us, actually. My wife, Iris, is in the Air Force.” Barb’s posture stiffened. “She will be back with us in a few weeks. We moved ahead of her to get Tatiana enrolled in school sooner.”
At the mention of my mamma, James looked at me curiously then swiftly looked away when I noticed.
“Your...wife?” A forced smile crossed Barb’s lips. My mom bristled and glanced sideways at me. We’ve been through this before. For me, having two mothers is normal, but we’ve encountered a lot of prejudiced people over the years. My mom braced herself and a defensiveness passed over her normally patient demeanor. She crossed her arms.
“Well…you’re a d- uh a les- we don’t -”
James hissed a warning, “Stop it, mom.”
Barb looked at him and in an irritated voice asked. “Stop what, James?” He glared at her. Something must have clicked because she smiled, cleared her throat, and continued, “My girls, are away at college. Beth’s a freshman at Florida State - that one just couldn’t wait to get far far away from me - and Katie, she’s the good one, she’s a senior at Ohio State. They’ll be back for the holidays. James is a senior at Lincoln High, is that where you’ll be going, T-uh…”
James quietly reminded his mother of my name.
She snipped. “I know, James.” Forcing her smile, she looked at me. “Tati. Is that where you’ll go, Tati?”
James looked at me and I nodded. “I’m a senior, too.” He smiled broadly and I looked down at my bare feet. I could feel his gaze remain fixed. My mom relaxed a bit and I let out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding.
Barb resumed her one-sided conversation, “James, you can show her around the school! Maybe you two can date, unless she’s a,” she lowered her voice to a whisper, “lesbian like her mother.” My mom rose up to all five foot one of her frame ready to pounce. James gestured a clear what are you saying? to his mother and offered my mom and me an apologetic expression.
A car door slammed catching all our attention and broke the tension. Barb exclaimed, “Oh! The pizza boy is here! We’ll get out of your way. We live right next door, so just holler if you need anything!”
My mom spoke with an edge and there was nothing friendly about her face. “Bye, Barb.”
Barb started down the steps to allow the delivery person through, but James leaned in and whispered “Sorry about my mom. Oh and don’t eat the brownies – I think she used salt instead of sugar. Just throw them out.” We three smiled. “Nice meeting you.”
James ran to catch up with his mom as she walked across the lawn back to their house, the pizza delivery person handed my mom the pizza box and I paid. I couldn’t help but glance one more time at James. My mom giggled as she pulled me inside taking the brownies from my hands and balancing the plate on top of the pizza box. “James is cute.” She smirked as I followed her into the kitchen blushing from head to toe.
3
My parents felt that routine was best for us to settle into our new homes, so I wasn’t surprised to hear a knock at my open bedroom door at 6:00 sharp the following morning. “Up and at ‘em, baby girl! Get dressed and let’s go! I mapped out a quick one for us last night!”
Still exhausted and achy from the unpacking process, I groaned and whined as I pulled the pillow over my face. “Mom, I’m tired.”
My mom grabbed the pillow and tossed it aside, put on her “I mean business” face, and locked eyes with me. “A run is the best thing for you today. Shake out the nerves, clear your head for your first day of school. Come on. Get up!” She cartoonishly jogged in place. I knew there was no fighting and I laughed my way out of bed.
As tired as I was, I loved running with my mom. There was something really freeing about running until your legs ached and mind cleared. The fact that my mom shared her love of the sport with me was even better.
I stayed dressed in the yoga shorts that I slept in and wrestled my way into a supportive sports bra and tank. My mom was already tying her shoes as I sat next to her on the couch to do the same.
“Just a quick three miles. We need to get you to school a bit early.” She looked at me as my face fell. “Tati, it’s going to be ok. I know first days are scary, but you are amazing and everyone will love you. Just like always.” I half smiled back at her.
“Yep … let’s go.”
We set out at an easy trot to warm up and loosen the kinks from moving day, and as the warm sun rose higher in the sky, I felt my spirits brighten a bit. By the turnaround point, we’d hit a comfortable stride. My mom was right, this was the best thing for me. It felt great!
“You want to race the last block, Tati?”
We looked at each other, smiled, and set off at a sprint. I led by a few strides, but my mom, a former college track athlete, held her own as she closed the gap. She huffed nearing my side.
We pushed our limits as we raced each other, lean legs burning, arms pumping until we hit the finish line at the mailbox in front of our house. Doubled over and catching our breaths, we smiled, and as we raised up to stand my mom embraced me. “You’re…not bad... a little slow toward …the end there, though. I almost won!” She winked and I smiled a dimpled smile in return. “Eat something and get showered, you have thirty minutes ‘til we leave!” She jogged into the house and I followed behind at a walk.
As I glanced up the street when entering the house, I saw James staring back at me from a car parked at the curb and when I made eye contact a wide smile filled his face. I waved and smiled back before closing the front door behind me. Today was already a great day!
✽✽✽
We were seated in the principal’s small office awaiting my class schedule to be printed, my file open in front of her, my view of it blocked by her nameplate, Dr. Patricia Walker, Principal. “Tatiana, your grades are stellar. 3.9 GPA, I am impressed. Based on your current class transcripts, I’ve enrolled you in two Honors classes and AP biology. It may seem like an intense schedule, especially since you are enrolling a few weeks late, but I think you can handle it.” She smiled a closed mouth smile and tilted her head as if expecting me to agree.
My mom and I exchanged nervous glances and I nodded.
She continued, “Now I see you’ve run track and cross country. The cross country season has started, but if you’d like me to put in a word with Coach Kerry, he’s the varsity coach, I will. It might be more interesting for you than regular PE.”
I looked at the principal’s large, shining brown eyes that matched her skin tone almost exactly. Her eyes were soft and kindly, but every bit of her demeanor screamed “powerful woman”. I liked her a lot. “No, I think I’ll just stick with this. I don’t want to cause any problems for the team and with all these classes I think I’ll be busy trying to get caught up.”
She smiled. “Of course. I understand completely, but if you change your mind, you let me know.” A secretary peeked his head into the office and held out a piece of paper, a school-issued laptop, and a gym uniform w
rapped in plastic. “Ah, here we go. I will take you on a quick tour and show you to your locker. Your teachers will give you your books, but many of them are online - they will walk you through the process for accessing what you need in each class. Ready to go?”
As we stood up to follow Dr. Walker from her office, her tall, imposing frame towered over us as she led the way, “Welcome to Lincoln High, Tatiana!”
✽✽✽
My morning went about as well as I expected. I awkwardly introduced myself to a sea of staring, judgmental people in the first two periods, Spanish and Honors English. I got lost on my way to third period, Honors history, by walking down the wrong hallway and was tardy, drawing further attention to myself once I finally arrived.
At lunch, I sat by myself and read as did my best to choke down the overly salty veggie stir-fry they served as the “healthy option”. So far, no one had been particularly friendly or outgoing, but neither had I. Unable to tolerate another bite of the cafeteria food, I composted most of my meal and nibbled on an energy bar I kept in my locker in case of emergencies.
As I walked from my locker to my fourth period class, AP biology, I stopped in my tracks. Leaning with his back against the wall, arms folded across his chest, was James. Pressed against him was a tall, skinny, shiny-haired blonde wearing a too-short skirt. She was sensually biting his earlobe and pressing one hand to his chest. She was taking a selfie with her other hand. I sighed at the realization that he had a
Always Page 1