Always

by Amie Forgeron

  James

  Cheetah-girl?

  Me

  yes, bodyguard?

  James

  Run?

  Me

  out in 5

  I stepped out into the chill and stretched a bit on the front lawn. Fall was in full force and it felt like rain was coming. James jogged up in a few steps and we headed out at an easy warm-up pace.

  “Hey. How far are we going, Tati?”

  “Um, I don’t know. I have maybe five in my legs today? Is that ok?” He nodded in agreement and we fell into an easy rhythm in silence for the first mile.

  “Hey, Tati?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I had fun hanging out on Saturday.”

  I glanced over at him and smiled. “Anytime, friend. Me, too. I didn’t see you around yesterday. What’d you end up doing?”

  “Brittany … four times.” He snorted, and I stopped running and looked at him with my mouth agape as he laughed. “What? She wouldn’t take no for an answer … It had been a long time and she wanted me. What?”

  I shook my head and rolled my eyes. “BOYS!” I ran in silence for a moment trying not to think about James’ sex life and failing. “Want to pick up the pace a bit? Maybe try for a sub 6-minute mile pacing?”

  “Easy, yeah,” Upping the pace meant I had to focus more on my breathing and less on James, so we ran for the next few miles in silence again. As we neared the end of the

  run, James huffed, “Tati, you are strong! Is this even bothering you?”

  I huffed right back, “Yeah, it’s a bit tough ... I haven’t pushed to get back to my race pacing in a while. My runs with my mom made me lazy.”

  “You should come try out for track in December. We have a decent team and the coach is pretty good. We could use you!” I glanced over and smiled. I eyed our mailboxes down the street.

  “Yeah, maybe…I do kinda miss it. Sprint?”

  “Hell yeah! On three. One...two...three!” We sprinted the last block home laughing the whole way side by side. As we neared the mailbox, in the last 10 yards, James kicked into a speed I couldn’t match and he won.

  “Dude... you’re... too fast, J! … I couldn’t…. keep up!... That sucked!” I doubled over gasping for air. As I rose up and put my hands on my head, James was looking at me standing in a matching pose with a serious face.

  “Tati … I was … busting … my ass …Wait I’m gonna puke.” He let out a long breath and doubled over, hands on his

  Knees, and spat. He looked up at me. “Sorry. Gross. You almost ...beat me. I can’t catch... my breath….Give yourself some credit!.... Come out for the team.” He stopped talking for a minute and took some deeper breaths, before standing back up and continuing. “Coach Kelly would be an idiot if he didn’t want my Cheetah-girl on the team.” He tugged on my shirt sleeve. “Come on, we have time. Let’s walk the block to cool down.”

  ✽✽✽

  I’ll admit, I was feeling pretty fantastic after my weekend. I felt like James and I were becoming great friends and I was enjoying feeling challenged by his skill during our runs. I jogged up the stairs into school and entered the main hall of lockers smiling to myself and looking forward to the day.

  As I neared my locker, people were staring and talking in hushed tones and a few turned away when I made eye contact. I felt a hand reach out to grab my arm from behind.

  It was Kelsey. “Tati! Hey. I’ve been looking for you. I need to talk to you!”

  I turned to face her and stress lined her face. “Are you ok? What’s wrong?”

  “Tati, come on. Let’s go talk for a minute.” Her cheeks flushed and she pulled on the arm she was still holding. She started walking in the opposite direction I was headed, her grip tightening.

  “Kels, hold up. Let me just run and get my Spanish book first. I’ll be right back!” I pulled my arm out of her grasp, turned away, and started to jog down the hallway toward my locker.

  Kelsey called out from behind me, “Tati, no! Damnit!”

  As I hit my bank of lockers my stomach dropped and the room started spinning. I fought to catch my breath as angry tears filled my eyes. I glanced around the hall and people’s eyes caught mine, some looking away quickly, some laughing. I could feel myself hyperventilating as I tried to make sense of what I saw.

  Blinking away the tears I realized what it was: a sticky looking blood red liquid and at least a dozen stained maxi pads vandalized my locker. There was only one person who could have done it.

  Kelsey placed her arm around my shoulder leading me in the opposite direction. “Tati, come on. This way.”

  As a crowd gathered, I shrugged free of Kelsey’s embrace. I turned and jogged down the hallway back toward the front door of the school. I heard the buzzing of laughter and shocked words as I moved through the hall. Kelsey followed a few paces behind me. I pushed my way against the stream of arriving students out the front door where I saw Brittany pressing her breasts against James’ side, kissing his neck, but she was glaring at me with eyes ablaze. She smiled a wide smile when she saw me in the doorway. James saw me approaching and called out as I flew past him and ran down the stairs. “Hey! Tati, you ok?”

  Next came Kelsey’s voice, “Tati, wait!”

  I turned on my heel, not even trying to hide my emotion, which at this point had turned to pure rage. “Fuck you!” I spat angrily through ugly sobs pointing at Brittany. I turned to James. “And you! I thought we were friends! Don’t talk to me again!”

  “What the fuck, Tatiana?” James asked, confusion and disappointment written all over his face.

  Kelsey hissed a warning at James. “Don’t. Just let it go.”

  Brittany kissed James on the cheek, smiled at me, and waved as she sing-songed, “Bye, bitch.” She walked haughtily into school while James stood there stunned by my outburst. I spun back around and ran the entire way home.

  ✽✽✽

  Around midday, a soft knock sounded on my closed bedroom door. “Tati, baby girl, can I come in?” I had been sobbing off and on since I got home trying to make sense of what happened. My eyes stung and felt three times their size. My nose was raw.

  “Not now, mom. I want to be alone.”

  “Tati. no. Please let me come in.”

  “Fine.” I stayed curled up on my bed facing the wall.

  My mom took one look at me and tears welled in her eyes. She laid down next to me and wrapped her arms tightly around me. “Tati,” she whispered, “my sweet, sweet, girl. Be sad, it’s how we heal. Let it out.”

  We lay there for a while in silence, me sobbing, my mom wiping away her own tears. She held me tightly and kissed the top of my head. A while later, I stopped crying and my mom broke the silence, her voice soft in my ear.

  “Your principal called me today and I went to meet with her at the school about what happened this morning. She showed me a picture that they took of your locker before they cleaned it. Tati, I’m so sorry. It’s gone now. It’s over.” She kissed me and squeezed me tighter. My sobs renewed and I let out a choking noise. “I am so sorry you have to go through this. There are some truly despicable people in this world.”

  My mom let out a long sigh and was quiet for a moment.

  “Don’t let them break your spirit, Tati. You are strong and beautiful and so kind. Show them your light and let them know that they don’t have any power over you.” She grew quiet again for a while and I felt stronger in her embrace. My breathing grew calmer and the tears stopped. “I love you, Tati. I am here to help you heal through this. You and me. Mom and Tati. We’ll be strong together.”

  I looked up at her and whispered, “Can we call, mamma? I really need you both right now.” I started crying again. My mom sat up, leaned against the headboard, and wiped away her tears. She reached into her pocket for her phone and we made the call.

  ✽✽✽

  After talking with my mamma, my mom got up and left the room. She pulled the door closed halfway, so that I could still have some privacy and
she could keep an eye on me. It’s something she’s done since I was little and it comforted me. I lay back down on my bed, pulled the covers over me and rolled back onto my side facing away from the door. I must’ve

  fallen asleep for a while because when I next opened my eyes, the room was dark. There was a soft knock and I sat up. She whispered, “Tati? Are you asleep?”

  “No, I was, but I’m up.” She clicked on the overhead light which burned my eyes.

  “Tati, James is here.” I shook my head and started to cry again. “He really wants to see you. You two should talk sooner than later.”

  My voice cracked. “I can’t, mom. No. I can’t. I don’t want to see him yet.” She nodded then closed the door behind her. I got up to turn out the light, got back into bed hiding deep under the covers, and fell back to sleep to the sound of muffled conversation in the living room.

  ✽✽✽

  Early the next morning I awakened to the feeling of my mom sitting down on the edge of my bed. She stroked my hair and kissed my forehead. “Tati, I have to leave for work. Are you going to school today or do you want one more day of space?”

  “Can I stay home please? I can’t go back yet.”

  My mom stood up. “You can have one day, one. You are brave and strong and can’t hide forever. I’ll call the school to report you absent when I get to work. I love you, sweetheart.”

  “I love you, too.” She smiled and closed the door as she left. I rolled over and went back to sleep.

  ✽✽✽

  By mid-morning I decided to get out of bed. I showered, changed my clothes, and realized that I was starving since I hadn’t eaten since yesterday morning. I turned on the TV to keep me company while I picked at a few pieces of toast slathered in almond butter.

  A few hours later, I decided to try to video chat with Janey since it was nearly 3:30 in D.C. I felt better after talking with my parents last night, but I really needed a pep talk from my friend.

  I clicked off the TV and dug around in my backpack for my phone. I hadn’t looked at it since I got home yesterday

  morning and when I turned it on there were an insane number of alerts. I steeled myself for what came next.

  I clicked on the first text message.

  Kelsey

  Come find me when you get to school!!! I’ll be

  out front waiting for you.

  Kelsey

  I am so sorry!! I tried to tell you before you

  Saw that!! Are you ok?

  Kelsey

  Are you ok????

  Kelsey

  Tati, I’m worried!!! I’m going to bed but

  call me!!! It’s ok if you wake me up.

  Kelsey

  Are you coming to school today?

  Kelsey

  Guess not - you’re not here. I love you!

  Call me, OK???

  Kelsey

  It was Brittany! How did you know? What’s

  Been going on, T? She’s suspended the rest

  of the week. Come back to school tomorrow ok?

  I felt my eyes start to burn as tears welled. I clicked on the next text message:

  Finn

  Shit! I just saw that disgusting display!

  THE FUCK?! Bitch better get expelled or I’m

  gonna make her life hell!

  Finn

  We’re all worried. you ok???

  I clicked on the third, a group message:

  Samuel

  Tati, we love you. Are you ok?

  Kelsey

  Tati call me!

  Kelsey

  Or Finn. Or text Samuel.

  Kelsey

  ❤ you!!!!

  Finn

  Tati, we ❤ you! I still can’t believe that

  bitch did that. She is going down!

  Samuel

  I’m going all ninja on her ass!

  Kelsey

  As if. Seriously, though. Bitch is

  gonna pay.

  Finn

  thinking of Samuel as a ninja!

  Samuel

  What? I’m quiet. I can sneak up on her

  and throw a ninja star into her heart.

  Finn

  What heart?

  Samuel

  Good point.

  Kelsey

  Love you. Hope you come back to school

  tomorrow.

  Kelsey

  I just heard she got suspended for a few days.

  Call me!

  That one actually made me smile a bit. My friends are great. The next one was from my parents. I took a breath and clicked.

  Mom

  Tatiana, I just got a call from your principal!

  Fill me in before I get there.

  Mamma

  What’s going on? Zoya, call me.

  Mom

  I love you so much, baby. Are you home?

  I’m coming home!

  Mom

  Iris I’ve called you twice! Pick up!

  Mamma

  Tati, I love you! Don’t let this break you. We’ll

  talk tonight.

  Tears fell freely as I took a deep breath and clicked on the next few messages from random people all wondering if I was ok. I scrolled down the screen and found the one I dreaded reading the most.

  James

  What the fuck Tatiana? What was that just now?

  James

  Cheetah-girl holy fucking shit!!! I just saw what

  Brittany did!!! Are you ok????

  James

  I’m so fucking sorry!!!! Are you ok???

  James

  I just saw your mom in Dr. Walker’s office. Have

  her tell you what I said.

  James

  I turned that bitch into the principal. I couldn’t let

  her get away with it. I broke up with her as soon

  as I figured it out. I am so fucking pissed!!! No one

  treats you that way!! That fucking bitch!!!

  James

  I’m really worried about you.

  James

  I’m sorry!!!!! Let me know if you’re ok!

  James

  I’m so sorry!!! This is all my fault!! Brittany was

  So pissed on Friday when she saw us in the hall

  so I told her why I was leaning into you and tying

  my shirt around your waist thinking she’d understand

  how embarrassing that is and be cool about it. I was

  trying to calm her down and just be honest about

  things!! I swear I had no idea that she would turn

  all this shit around and do something to hurt you to

  get back at you! I should’ve known something

  was up with her she was acting so weird yesterday.

  I should have protected you!!! Tati, I am so fucking sorry!!!

  Please forgive me. Please still be my friend!!!

  James

  I need to talk to you. I’m coming over.

  James

  Please don’t freeze me out. You don’t have to talk

  to me in person, just let me know you’re ok!!!

  James

  I have my phone by my bed. Text me anytime tonight.

  James

  Are you coming to school today? She won’t be

  there. You don’t have to worry. She got an in-house

  suspension until next week. She’ll be in the office all

  day, every day not anywhere else where she can

  bother you. TATI PLEASE TALK TO ME!!!!

  I’M SORRY!!!

  James

  I miss you today, Cheetah-girl.

  James

  This is all my fault. I’m so sorry I hurt you. Please

  forgive me.

  Deep, uncontrollable sobs wracked my body. I deleted every single text, turned off my phone, and went back to bed.

  ✽✽✽

  Later that afternoon, my mom knocked on my door. “Tati, get up. We’re going for a run in ten minutes.”

  “Mom, NO!�
��

  “No, Tatiana. I am coming in.”

  She opened the door and walked in. Standing over my bed with her hands on her hips she glared down at me. She was angry. “We didn’t raise you to cower in a corner! You are far stronger than you feel. Get out of bed and get dressed now! I’ll be ready to go in ten minutes and so will you.”