by Judi Curtin
For a while, Johanna didn’t answer, and I wondered if I had offended her. Just when she was being nice to me, had I managed to ruin everything?
‘I was lucky,’ she said in the end. ‘Well, not exactly lucky, because the workhouse I was in was horrible – all workhouses are terrible places – but in Tubercurry the teacher was kind, and I learned to read and write and do my sums.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘I mean, I’m not sorry you had a kind teacher, I’m very happy about that. I’m sorry if you’re insulted because I thought …’
And then Johanna laughed, and I had never heard her laughing before, and it was the most beautiful sound, and even though what I said wasn’t all that funny, I laughed too, and so did Nellie, and the three of us laughed for a long time.
After that, we chatted a bit, but mostly we worked in silence. It wasn’t an awkward silence though, it was the warm silence between friends, when you’re comfortable together, and there’s no need to say anything at all.
* * *
I was yawning and pulling on my stockings when Nellie jumped out of bed.
‘What are you doing?’ I asked. ‘It’s Thursday. You don’t have to get up. You can stay in bed for the whole long day if you like.’
‘I don’t want to stay in bed. I want to enjoy every minute of this special day.’
And then I remembered.
‘I nearly forgot,’ I said. ‘This is Johanna’s first Thursday off. What are you two going to do for the day?’
‘I don’t know,’ said Nellie. ‘And I don’t care! Oh, Lily, you were so kind to bring me home that time with you, but except for that day, I’ve always been alone on my day off. I’ve always been glad of the rest, but sometimes … sometimes it has been lonely.’
I hugged her and then quickly put on my boots, ran my hairbrush through my hair and put on my frilly white cap. ‘I’m so happy for you both,’ I said. ‘And I hope you have a wonderful day together.’
* * *
When I finally got back to my room that night, Nellie and Johanna were sitting on Nellie’s bed. At first they didn’t see me, as I stood at the door, enjoying the happy scene. Nellie was reading aloud from one of the nursery storybooks, and I felt proud as she managed every single word, with barely a stumble.
Johanna clapped her hands as Nellie came to the end of the last page, and I joined in.
‘Lily,’ said Johanna, looking up. ‘Isn’t Nellie such a great reader now? And you must be a very good teacher.’
She was being kind, but her words made me feel sad. Was I ever going to be a real teacher?
‘Did you two have a lovely day together?’ I asked.
‘It was perfect,’ sighed Nellie. ‘We walked to the sea and had a paddle until the cold turned our toes blue, and then we went in to the village, and Johanna bought me this ribbon.’
It was a small, narrow scrap of green ribbon, nothing like the fancy ones Bridget wore in her hair, but I could see that to Nellie it was precious beyond words.
‘That’s lovely,’ I said. ‘And what else did you do?’
Nellie turned to her sister. ‘Will we tell her?’
‘Better than that, let’s show her. Put on your coats, girls, it’s cold outside.’
* * *
As we walked through the servants’ tunnel, Johanna held the lantern Harry had given her high over her head.
‘Be careful, girls,’ she said. ‘Don’t trip – look there’s a bumpy patch of ground there – and mind your heads on the low bit.’
I smiled to myself. Johanna was taking her duties as a big sister very seriously, and Nellie didn’t seem to mind at all.
‘Where are we going?’ I asked. ‘It’s dark, and it’s cold and we should all be in bed.’
‘Not far now,’ said Nellie. ‘Just at the other side of the apple-drying house.’
‘I don’t want an apple,’ I whined. ‘I want my bed – and anyway, I heard cook saying the last of the apples are rotten by now.’
‘We wouldn’t bring you out in the dark to give you a rotten old apple, Lily,’ said Johanna. ‘Just be quiet and follow us and you will see what we have done.’
Nellie reached out and took my hand, and I knew she was trying to say sorry for Johanna’s sharp words. I squeezed her hand to show it didn’t matter. Nellie was glowing with happiness these days, and a few sharp words was a small price to pay for that.
Nellie held her hands over my eyes as we walked around to the back of the apple-drying house.
‘It’s so dark I can’t see much anyway,’ I said, but she only laughed.
She guided me for the last few steps, and I could hear the scraping sound as Johanna set the lantern down on a stone.
‘Ready,’ she said.
‘Look, Lily,’ said Nellie, taking her hands away from my eyes. ‘Look what we have done.’
It took a second for my eyes to adjust to the flickering light from the lantern, and when I finally made out what was in front of me, I felt like crying.
Nellie and Johanna had cleared a patch of grass and weeds between some trees, and laid a circle of smooth flat stones on the earth. Inside the stone circle were three bunches of wild flowers tied up with string, and three large white stones. As I leaned closer, I could see that there was a single word on each of the white stones – Mam Dad Lizzie
‘Oh,’ I gasped. ‘That is perfect.’
‘We don’t know where they are buried,’ said Johanna. ‘And we wanted somewhere we could go to remember them – somewhere nice with trees and grass, as they all loved nature and birds and plants and things.’
‘It took us ages to find the stones we wanted,’ said Nellie.
‘And Albert gave us paint to write the names,’ said Johanna.
‘And I did some of the writing too.’
‘And Lady Mary said it was all right to do this.’
‘And she said we can have some of Sir Josslyn’s special daffodil bulbs to plant in the autumn, and some other things too, so there will always be flowers here, and we will always have a special place to remember our lovely family.’
It was a sad and a happy moment all mixed up together. I hugged them both, and as the three of us walked arm in arm back to our beds, Nellie leaned over and whispered in my ear. ‘Thank you, Lily. Thank you so much.’
Chapter Twenty
A few days later, Lady Mary came to the dining hall and called me out to the corridor. Everyone stared as I got up from my chair and followed her. One of the kitchen boys made a face at me, as if I were in a lot of trouble, but I made a worse face back at him. For the first time, I didn’t feel nervous or guilty about talking to Lady Mary. I knew she liked me, and I was confident I hadn’t done anything wrong.
‘Lily,’ she said, when she had closed the door. ‘I wonder if you could do something for me?’
‘Of course, Lady Mary,’ I said. ‘Is there something you would like me to mend?’
‘No. It’s about the needlework school. The assistant, Miss Flanagan, has been called away suddenly. Her mother has been taken ill.’
‘I’m sorry to hear that, Lady Mary.’
‘Some new women have joined the school today, and there is an order to fill, and Miss Connor cannot possibly manage on her own.’
Already my mind was racing away. What was she saying? Could she possibly mean …?
‘Would you like me to …? Am I to go over there and help to finish some of the garments?’ I blurted out. ‘Oh how I would love to do that! I promise I would do my very best work, and …’
Lady Mary smiled at me, and for a second I feared I had made a terrible mistake. Was she going to go back to Sir Josslyn so the two of them could laugh at how uppity I had become?
‘That would be an option, I suppose,’ she said gently. ‘And it is very kind of you to offer, Lily, but––’
‘That’s all right,’ I said. ‘I understand. It was silly of me to even dream. My mam says I shouldn’t get notions about myself.’
Lad
y Mary put up her hand to stop me talking. ‘I was thinking that you could be assistant to Miss Connor this afternoon. I know you are young, but I am sure you would be very well able. All you would have to do is––’
‘Me?’ I knew I shouldn’t interrupt her, but I worried I hadn’t heard her properly.
‘Yes, you, Lily,’ she said. ‘I think you would do a very good job. Now go there directly, and Miss Connor will give you your instructions. I will talk to Mrs Bailey, and explain where you have gone.’
I wanted to kneel down and kiss her hand. ‘Lady Mary,’ I said. ‘Thank you so much.’
‘No need to thank me. You are the one who is doing a favour for me. Now run along. Miss Connor is waiting for you.’
I began to walk along the corridor towards the back door, but she called me back. I turned, wondering if this was all some joke that wasn’t even very funny.
‘You might want to leave your apron and cap in your room,’ she said. ‘This afternoon you won’t be a housemaid, you will be a needlework assistant.’
* * *
I practically floated all the way to the coach house courtyard. My head was about to explode from excitement. Wait till Mam heard about this. She would be so proud of me.
Then I got to the bottom of the stairs leading up to the school, and for the first time, I began to feel nervous. I held the wooden handrail tightly, resisting the urge to turn and run away.
What if I didn’t know what to do?
What if I made silly mistakes?
What if everyone laughed at me?
Then I remembered what Daddy used to say to me when I was little – Work hard, Lily, and you can do anything or be anything your heart desires.’
I’m not stupid. I knew I couldn’t become a princess or a doctor or something like that. Maybe even becoming a school teacher was an impossible dream, but I knew I could do what Lady Mary had asked, and I knew how proud Daddy would be if he could see me. So I breathed deeply and took the first step.
* * *
Once again, the school was warm and cosy and friendly. Three or four groups of women sat together in different parts of the room. Miss Connor smiled when she saw me, making me a little less nervous.
‘You must be Lily Brennan,’ she said, coming towards me and shaking my hand. ‘Lady Mary and Lady Georgina speak highly of you, so I am very happy to have you here.’
‘Thank you.’
‘Now let’s not waste time with chatter and I’ll show you what you are to do. I will be working with the experienced women, and you can assist the newcomers.’
She took me to a corner of the room, where five women were sitting around a small table.
‘This is Miss Brennan,’ she said.
‘Hello, Miss Brennan,’ they chorused.
Now I felt embarrassed. Why were they calling me ‘Miss?’ They were all much older than me, and one even looked older than my mam.
‘Hello,’ I said quietly.
‘Miss Brennan might be young,’ said Miss Connor. ‘But she is a genius with a sewing needle. Now, Miss Brennan, take a seat and you can get started.’
I knew how to sit down – I’d been doing that on my own since I was a tiny girl, but after that what was I supposed to do?
‘You’ll work it out as you go along,’ said Miss Connor, as if she could read my mind. ‘These new women are practising their hemming stitches. Your job is to guide them – and those stitches need to be invisible – I will be putting on my strongest glasses to check!’
As Miss Connor walked away to another group, one of my women rolled her eyes, making me feel a little bit better.
‘We are working on scraps of fabric for the moment,’ she said. ‘But when our stitches are good enough we will be moving on to hemming christening robes.’
And all of a sudden, I knew I could do this job. Mam had taught me how to do perfect hemming when I was only five or six years old. I was going to show Lady Mary that she had made a good choice. I was going to be the best needlework assistant Lissadell had ever seen. I sat down and picked some fabric and a needle and thread from the table.
‘This is the way I find easiest,’ I said, and all of the women laid down their fabric and watched me sew.
* * *
The time flew by. The women chatted as they worked, telling stories about their homes and their families. I told them about my mam and brothers and sisters and how far away they were, and one of the women, Mary-Kate, gave me a big hug and called me a poor little pet.
After a while, I held out the piece of fabric I had been working on, and everyone looked at it closely. Then I examined at their work. Some of it was quite good, but not yet as good as mine.
‘I’ve been hemming since I was a girl,’ said Mary-Kate with a big sigh. ‘I’ve been making dresses for my children since they were babbies – and as long as it held together and kept them warm on a winter’s day, we were all happy. Here it’s different – knowing Miss Connor is going to check my work makes me nervous.’
‘I know,’ I said. ‘My friend Rose used to start shaking when our teacher, Miss O’Brien examined her work.’
‘And this material is so fine and light,’ she said. ‘It makes me feel all clumsy – and the silk thread – sure it’s hardly even there at all – it’s like sewing with something invisible.’
So I sat beside her for a while, showing her how to make her stitches smaller, tucking the thread under the hem as she moved her needle along the fabric.
At five o’clock, Miss Connor came over. I felt nervous as she went from woman to woman, examining what they had done. I wondered if this was how the Master felt when an inspector used to come to our school.
‘I am impressed,’ said Miss Connor. ‘This is very good work.’
‘She’s a goodly little teacher,’ said one of the women, smiling at me.
Miss Connor held up four pieces of fabric. ‘Whoever did these may move on to hemming a christening robe tomorrow,’ she said. Then she held up a fifth piece – Mary-Kate’s work.
Suddenly I remembered sewing classes from when I was at school. Miss O’Brien loved Hanora and me, because our sewing was so good, but with Rose it was a different story. Once Miss O’Brien hit Rose on the knuckles and threw her sewing into the bin. If I’m ever a real teacher, I won’t do things like that.
‘Mary-Kate did her very best, Miss Connor,’ I said quickly. ‘And I think she’s getting better. I’m sure that by tomorrow her stitches will be perfect – she only needs a bit more practice.’
Miss Connor smiled at me. ‘That’s exactly what I was going to say, Miss Brennan,’ she said. ‘Now you’d better get back to the house and I will see you tomorrow.’
I didn’t understand. ‘But …?’
‘Didn’t Lady Mary tell you? Miss Flanagan will be away until Saturday, at the very least. You are to help me here tomorrow afternoon and the next afternoon also, and after that we shall see what happens. Now run along, or I will be in trouble with Mrs Bailey.’
‘Yes, Miss Connor,’ I said. I was trying to sound calm, but inside, I was jumping up and down. I didn’t want to wish harm on Miss Flanagan’s mother, but I couldn’t help hoping that she’d stay sick for a little while longer.
* * *
As I hurried along the basement corridor I met Nellie, who ran over and gave me a big hug.
‘What was it like at the sewing school?’ she asked. ‘How was the needlework? Was it very exciting? Was it hard? You’re so good at sewing that probably didn’t matter. What did you have to do? Did they like you? Can you go back again some time?’
I laughed, loving how excited she was for me. ‘It was very nice,’ I said. ‘And I can go back for two more days at least. Well, in the afternoons anyway, in the mornings and evenings I’ll be doing my usual work here with you.’
Just then Maeve came along, carrying a big bundle of songbooks. Nellie and I stopped talking – it was hard to get used to seeing one of the family in the basement. It was hard to rememb
er that even though there were so many strict rules, Maeve usually did exactly as she liked.
‘Hello,’ she said. ‘I want to give you these songbooks from Ardeevin, Nellie. I know I promised them to you ages ago, but I’m afraid I forgot.’
‘Oh, Miss Maeve,’ said Nellie. ‘It is so kind of you to think of me. Johanna is a lovely singer, so I am going to share these with her.’
Nellie hurried off towards Johanna’s room with the books, but I was happy to see that Maeve looked as if she was settled in for a long chat. I hadn’t seen her for ages, and I missed her.
At first we talked about Nellie and Johanna, and Maeve was pleased when I told her how well they were getting on.
‘And what about you, Lily?’ she asked. Have you been having a nice time here while I was stuck at Ardeevin with horrible old Miss Clayton?’
She always asked me things like this, and I couldn’t help feeling a bit cross. Maeve was great fun and she could be very sweet and generous, but our lives were different in so many ways. She could never understand how I wished I could spend whole days reading and doing sums and learning geography.
I wanted to tell her about my afternoon at the needlework school, but I stopped myself. I knew she’d be polite, but she would never understand how important it was to me. Since she’d never had a job in her life, how could she understand the difference between a lovely one, and one I only did to help to buy food for my family?
Maeve was my friend, but sometimes I felt as if she and I were staring at each other from the top of two tall mountains. We could wave and talk, but could we ever truly be close to each other?
* * *
At the end of my third day in the needlework school, Miss Connor called me to her desk.
‘Lily,’ she said. ‘I want to tell you how pleased I am with your work. All the women love you, and you have been an excellent teacher to them. Their work has improved greatly since you arrived.’
‘Thank you,’ Miss Connor,’ I said.
‘I have received a message from Miss Flanagan.’