by Beth Garrod
Phew.
It was such a relief to open my door and finally be out of sight so I could properly think.
‘Erin, why are you going into Lily’s room?’ Mum called down the landing.
Oops.
I turned round. Quick, brain. What would Erin definitely not have in her room, but would a hundred per cent be in mine? ‘Just wanted to borrow an unwashed sock,’ I said with the most reassuring smile I could manage. ‘For an art project.’
And feeling Mum’s eyes boring into my back, Erin’s back, somebody’s back, I escaped into Erin’s room.
I fell back against the door, and looked down at the body below me.
What was going on?!
And how could Erin and I fix it the second she was out of the shower?
I flumped on to my sister’s bed, but it was already made way too neatly, and smelt weirdly clean, so I sat on the floor in front of the mirror instead.
How was my sister looking back at me?
I didn’t like this. Not. One. Bit.
I patted my hands over the body I was in, prodding my face and pulling at Erin’s fringe. It all felt so wrong.
By the time Erin got out of the shower, I knew exactly how I handled a crisis. By lying starfished on the floor repeating, ‘This cannot be happening,’ and stress-eating Hula Hoops I’d sneaked and got from my school bag.
Erin darted in, quickly closing the door.
‘So… this –’ She pointed up and down her body – ‘is weird, right. Hella weird.’ She looked down at my starfish formation. ‘And please tell me you haven’t dropped crisps on my rug.’
I had, but I’d do as she’d asked and not tell her.
‘It’s more than weird, Erin.’ I sat up. ‘Weird is like when Dad tried growing a ponytail. Or your creepy rock collection. This…?’ It was hard to describe what it was, when it made no sense at all. ‘This is a disaster. Have you got any idea what’s going on?’
Everyone knew my sister was the clever one – surely she had something?
But all she did was shake her/my head.
‘Nope. I mean, I know you’re always getting yourself into weird situations, but this one seems way off, even for you.’
Wait. Was she blaming me?
‘Erin. You know this isn’t my fault, right?’
‘I’ve heard that before.’ Wow, she couldn’t drop it even for one second. She breezed on. ‘At first I wondered if my brain was playing up, but I got Ben to message me some quiz questions and I got them all right.’ She sighed. ‘So that’s that theory out.’
Great. In moments of crisis I lie on carpets. My sister? She does quizzes for fun. How did we have the same parents?
‘And just to check –’ I lowered my voice right down – ‘to make sure I’m thinking what you’re thinking –’ in fact, maybe I should just mouth the rest – ‘you and me… well our bodies have… s…’ But my mouth wouldn’t go there. Admitting it made it even freakier.
‘Yup.’ Erin nodded firmly. ‘Despite it defying all laws of life and science, we’ve somehow switched bodies.’ She shook her head. ‘And yes, I’m aware how ridiculous that sounds. Which is we can’t tell anyone until we figure out how to switch back.’
‘Agreed. And that needs to be as soon as possible!’ I was grasping on to my latest theory that a good sleep would put everything right. So maybe we just had to try to keep calm until then. Although did that mean spending a night in Erin’s room? I looked round at the trophies and certificates (trying to avoid the creepy rocks), and picked up the photo by her bed – Mum and Dad smiling with their arms round her just after she came off stage last year. And a thought hit me: if it was just for one day, it could be fun getting a glimpse of life as the favourite child. ‘And who knows, maybe it’ll be interesting to see how much easier life is when everyone thinks I’m perfect Erin.’
Erin raised her (my) eyebrows. ‘Be my guest… how does Year Ten chemistry sound?’ Awful. ‘And Les Quizerables practice this lunchtime?’ Like torture? Hanging with Erin’s school quiz team should be an illegal way to spend lunch. Still, at least it couldn’t get any worse. ‘And of course after school it’s the first play read-through…’ Okay, that was worse. ‘Uh-huh.’ Erin nodded, watching the realization hit me. ‘Then Ben and I were going to hang out for an evening of Castles! Chaos! Cows!’
GAH! An evening playing a strategy board game that was something to do with building castles and breeding wooden sheep while pretending to enjoy Ben’s company?! I could never!
AND WHAT IF HE TRIES TO KISS ME?!
That was it. I needed to get back in my body now.
I collapsed on Erin’s bed in horror. My first kiss was not going to be with my sister’s boyfriend. That was even more wrong than the montage of ‘Fun geography facts!’ pinned by her headboard.
Erin smiled sweetly.
‘Soooo, if you get through that little lot I’ll try and get to grips with…’ She pretended to think. ‘Your mediocre grades and zero responsibility. Going to be really tough. Oh.’ She flicked my foot. ‘And don’t mess up my bed per-lease.’
But I couldn’t react. A horrifying thought had hit me (would the horrifying thoughts just stop for a minute?).
And it was the most awful one yet.
Never mind me having to hang out with Ben. Every second I spent being Erin, meant she was on the loose in my life. And I was meant to be seeing Micha tonight! Surely it was my duty to protect my best friend from my sister’s rock-based chat? Was I going to have to bail on her for the first time ever?!
Any positive thoughts I’d had about this experience withered to a speck of dust. A really small piece of dust. That had been cut in half.
I grabbed Erin’s/my arm.
‘ERIN, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DOOOOO?’
‘Well, thanks to you, we can tick running into solid objects off the list. Any other ideas?’
I shrugged. ‘YouTube tutorials on how to switch bodies with your sister?’ Desperate times.
‘Even with private browsing, I’m not typing that one in. Anything else?’ If Erin was asking me for advice, we really were in trouble. Big trouble.
I slid off the bed and stood in front of her mirror.
‘It makes no sense.’ I pushed at the nose on my face. It squished differently to mine. ‘As if I can be you? You watch Mastermind… for fun. And you don’t believe in the concept of slippers.’ I stuffed another BBQ Beef Hula Hoop in my mouth – which made me remember she was veggie. ‘I can’t even have a bacon sandwich to cheer myself up!’ I was almost wailing. ‘I don’t even know how to do your hair.’ I tugged the bits hanging in front of my face. ‘I’m a ponytail or nothing kind of person.’
But Erin was giving me a funny look.
‘You might have just given me an idea…’ She flicked the ends of my hair. ‘The Hairy Godmother!’ Agatha? What did she have to do with this? ‘Go with me here, Lil… No idea’s a bad idea, remember?’
‘That’s what Dad always says, but he once had the idea of microwaving his socks to dry them.’
‘Okay not all ideas. But looking back, didn’t Agatha say some… weird stuff?’
I scrunched my face.
‘Hmmmmm. Not really. Only something about –’ I thought back – ‘great haircuts making us feel like new women.’ Was there anything else? ‘And something about us not arguing… or was that about mirrors?’ Maybe there was a lot to choose from after all. ‘And there was that thing about seeing each other in a new way…’
Erin was nodding as if she’d found out they’d invented a new letter just so she could get better than an A* on a test.
Oh, hang on…
Was she saying Agatha had made this happen? On purpose?!
‘Could this –’ Erin pointed at our reflections – ‘be us getting to know what it’s really like to be each other? To be in each other’s shoes? Well…’ She looked down. ‘In each other’s everything.’
Everything? Ewww. I had not thought about spending the day in Erin’s p
ants. And now I had, I knew it wasn’t an option.
‘I don’t care if they don’t fit, Erin, I’m wearing my own pants.’
‘And to be clear.’ My sister sat down in her desk chair and spun round. ‘That’s your biggest worry right now?’
‘Well, no… Obviously the biggest one is that we potentially had our hair cut by a person who has channelled some sort of dark magic into us and altered the course of our lives for ever.’ I folded my arms. ‘But also pants, yes.’
‘GIRLS? Fifteen minutes till we’re out the door,’ Mum yelled up the stairs.
Erin and I chorused, ‘Coming.’ We never normally walked to school together, but today every second together counted.
Because by the time we got there we needed to have agreed on something for the first time in for ever.
A plan.
CHAPTER EIGHT
‘Well, that went well,’ Erin said, slamming my skateboard into my chest as we cleared the view of our house. We were walking the long way through our estate, to avoid running into anyone and giving us maximum time to plot getting to The Hairy Godmother salon as soon as school finished.
‘You think?’ I tried to wedge my skateboard under the straps on Erin’s school bag, but it was bulging with books and was already five times as heavy as mine.
‘No, you napkin.’ Erin turned into the footpath. ‘Mum and Dad were one broccoli question away from ringing 999. And that was before the whole skateboard thing.’ She might have had a point there. Out of habit I’d grabbed it, but then I’d had to immediately pass it to Erin who had wobbled her way straight over Barry’s grave and into a hedge. ‘We’re going to have to be more careful around them.’
She was right. Mum had almost tripped backwards over a cheese plant when she’d seen me come downstairs. Even though I’d tried my hardest to be neat like Erin, apparently my sister had never looked ‘so dishevelled’. Mum then did trip backwards on the cheese plant when her youngest daughter appeared asking for the iron. Erin and I had grabbed toast and ran rather than stay and deal with her confusion.
I couldn’t blame Mum. Despite Erin promising me she’d dress relaxed (her actual words had been ‘a mess’), never had my shirt been so tucked in or my hair so well plaited (and my chin so free of accidental toothpaste splashes). Micha wasn’t going to recognize me.
‘If you want us to be careful, I suggest not thinking that –’ I prodded her in the arm – ‘is an acceptable way to look when I have… or you have’ (it was all so confusing) ‘got to spend the day dealing with Frankie.’
Erin laughed through her nose. ‘I really don’t think Frankie is going to be bothered about your jumper, Lil.’ How little she knew. Frankie once dumped a boy because he squirted ketchup weirdly.
‘In that case, don’t mind if I make this a little bit better.’ I reached to untuck her jumper. We’d made a pact that if we had to endure today as each other, we’d both try to get through it without doing any long-term damage to each other’s lives.
‘All right!’ Erin rolled her eyes. ‘A deal’s a deal. But can we leave the Lily-izing till we’re almost there?’
‘You mean de-nerd-ifying?’
She gave me a withering look. Fine with me. Withering I could take. Frankie making my life more of a misery I couldn’t. As we walked in silence, I fired off a message to Micha.
Me: Sorry for not meeting. Parentals made me walk in with Erin
Me: And if I’m at all odd today, I didn’t get any sleep. Tomorrow will be better. PROMISE.
She messaged straight back.
Micha: u okay hun?
I replied with a GIF of a confused waking-up dog. It seemed easier than saying, ‘No, the entire universe has gone wrong and I fear I’ve been magically enchanted by a very cool yet all-powerful hairdresser.’ It wasn’t even eight a.m. but not being able to hang out with Mich, or tell her what was going on, was already torture. I had to make sure Erin knew how much she couldn’t mess anything up with my best friend.
‘Look, Erin. We both hate this as much as each other. So I’m serious about our deal. I’ll be as Erin as I can in your lessons.’ I had no idea how, but it was definitely going to involve pretending I found very boring things interesting. ‘As long as you call off the date with Ben.’ Full body shudder. ‘And be nice to Micha, avoid Frankie and just be… normal, okay?’
‘Sure.’ Erin nodded. ‘Or as you would say, dealio. And when we get to Agatha, I’ll do the talking. You’ve already got us into enough of a mess.’
I stopped. ‘You really think this is my fault?’
Erin nodded as if it was a stupid question. ‘Of course. You’re a walking disaster – even Agatha could see that. So until she fixes us, can you try not to mess up my life like you do your own?’ I was so annoyed I grabbed a postbox for emotional support. ‘Starting with the play. It’s a big deal to me and I can’t have you doing anything to jeopardize it.’
I didn’t know which bit to argue with first.
‘Well, you need to try as well. Because my life is also full of very important things.’ It would have been useful if any came to mind. ‘GettingLilyWithIt to name one.’ I tried not to notice Erin’s eye-roll. I worked really hard on my blog even if she didn’t take it seriously. My sister had her acting, but for me being a writer was the thing I wanted most, especially after my ‘Top Fifteen Dog Walkers Who Look Like Their Pets’ piece had gone viral at the start of term. It was pictures I’d taken on the walk to school of dogs and their lookalike owners. Apparently the woman I put in the number one spot still got called Cockapoo Karen. A true compliment… I thought. Apparently she was less pleased. Thousands of people had read it – but my sister wasn’t one of them. She’d never read anything I’d written. ‘So the last thing I need is you making things even harder with Frankie. Or –’ even more dreadful – ‘Nic. So just stay away from them, okay?’
But my timing couldn’t have been worse.
Because as we turned the corner, there, standing right outside the newsagent’s, bag of Haribo in hand, was Frankie. For someone so scary she made excellent breakfast choices.
She saw us and smiled.
‘Well, look who it is. Phone Smasher and her superstar sister.’ She scanned Erin up and down. ‘Nice style today, Lil. Shame I didn’t get the memo mega-nerd was back in fashion.’
I sped up. The quicker we walked by, the less my life would get ruined further.
But Erin stopped.
Why had she stopped?! And why was she smiling at Frankie?! Had she forgotten our deal already?! Rule number three – avoid conversation with Frankie at all costs.
‘Dress smart, think smart.’ Oh no, Erin was talking. ‘That’s what our dad always says.’
What about rule four. Be normal?!
I kicked Erin in the shin. This was not what I meant by not making things worse. But it was too late – Frankie’s mouth had already dropped so far open it had revealed a semi-chewed cola bottle.
‘She’s joking.’ I smiled at Frankie, which felt all kinds of ick, but had to be done for the greater good of keeping the peace and stopping more footage of me dressed as Shakespeare appearing on the internet. ‘She’s just in a bad mood after I dared her to dress like me for a day.’ I laughed. Too hard. No one else did. Quick, move the conversation on. ‘Aaaanyway, I heard about backstage – I’m sure you two will be great. Really great.’ I eyeballed my sister. ‘In a kind and respectful way –’ I was speaking slowly, trying to spell it out – ‘that will definitely not involve any drama from either of you.’
Judging by the glare I was getting from Frankie… chances were slim.
‘Okaaaay, weird sisters.’ Frankie got back to chewing. ‘Guess being strange is genetic.’
It was odd – I minded being called strange a lot less when I was Erin. Still, I wanted to get out of this situation before any more damage was done.
‘So this has been lovely.’ I grabbed my sister’s arm. ‘But we’ll be off.’ Erin stumbled slightly as I tugged on her elbow. Fi
nally there was an advantage to my body being the weakling one. But I was too late.
‘Oh, hey.’ Nic walked out of the shop and right into our conversation, as if this was not the exact opposite of okay! She peered at me. ‘You’re in my science group, right?’
‘Nooo—’ I started to say, but felt a nudge in my arm. This whole being Erin thing was way too hard. ‘—oooyes.’
‘She means she is.’ My heart rate tripled in speed. Having Erin talk to Nic was about as relaxing as when Dad says, ‘Isn’t it time you let your ol’ dad join in with one of these dancing videos.’ ‘Top set for everything,’ my sister said happily. As if those words would ever come out of my mouth!
I had to stop this conversation. And fast. We had to get out of here before Nic recognized my body from Saturday.
‘I see…’ Nic gave us both a funny look, but lingered on my sister. Uh-oh. ‘And no way… Aren’t you that girl who…’
Could I jump in?
Has that really successful blog.
You should get to write for TheNicReport?
Or at least… You’ve never seen before in your life?!
C’mon, Erin. I willed her to pick one, any one!
‘Climbed in your car and called your dad Mum?’ Erin actually bowed as she said it! ‘The very same.’
What was that stabbing feeling? Oh yes, another Shakespearean knife in my back.
‘Which Lily is very sorry about.’ I yanked my sister’s bag so hard it fell off her shoulder. ‘It was totally out of character as she is actually a very competent yet also funny young woman.’
This would have been more convincing if Frankie wasn’t now snorting with laughter.
Nic just hmmed. ‘To be fair, you do look a lot better without the wig.’
‘Thanks.’ Erin said it as if it was a compliment. If I glared at her any harder, one of my eyes might plop out. ‘Y’know, you missed quite an event. The freestyle sonnet slam was mmm!’ She did an actual chef’s kiss.