by Beth Garrod
‘So tomorrow then. How’s your bowling? You know it’s –’ I cleared my throat – ‘right up my alley.’ Uh-oh, I was recycling jokes. I was becoming my dad. And way too Lily-like. Time to unleash an extra big dose of Erin. ‘I’ve been working on my quads to get the right angle of projection. Should be a thrilling competition.’
‘Yeah, should be good,’ Micha started to say. But I cut her off.
With a scream.
An actual scream. Someone’s arm was around me!
A boy someone!
A boy someone with a sling on his other arm!
I jumped off the wall and into the air.
‘Excussssse me?!’ I shouted in the face of a very confused person… Also known as Erin’s boyfriend of the last year, Ben.
What was he doing here?! My plan was to avoid him entirely until I was safely back in my own body!
‘You okay, babe?’ He was standing side on, legs slightly bent, non-broken arm out, as if I were a tiger that might bite his hand off. ‘I mean, you do not seem okay.’
‘Yes. Of course.’ I threw my head back and tried to laugh but it came out like Siri saying, ‘Ha ha ha.’ ‘Sorry… b…’ Could I say ‘babe’? ‘Baaa…’ Could I? ‘Baaaaa-sically –’ No, I couldn’t – ‘I just wasn’t expecting you. That’s all.’
Ben scratched his head. ‘But you said to meet here?’
‘I did?!’ I spluttered. ‘Sorry, I mean… I… did. Yes.’ How dare Erin invite Ben to our lunch? Me secretly inviting Micha was fine, but this was too far!
Ben went to reach his non-sling arm back round me.
‘Hold up.’ I jerked away, pulling myself back up on to the wall. ‘Last night I did lots of rehearsing… and I… er… think I might have bruised a… er… rib.’ Ben’s eyebrows shot up. I nodded seriously. ‘I know, right – I think I might need to tone down my dramatic arm flings. Anyway, point is, best stay away.’
He stepped back. ‘Sure.’ The weirdest thing was Ben didn’t even seem to think his girlfriend was being weird. ‘Sorry I’m late by the way.’ He ran his working hand through his jet black hair. ‘Got held up. Found a killer article on Castles! Chaos! Cows! Did you know they were thinking about adding in mixed crop farming methods?’ He shook his head in disbelief. ‘Wiiiild.’
Wow, maybe Ben and my sister really were perfect together.
‘Anywazzzz, Micha.’ He shuffled towards me. I shuffled away to maintain a solid two-metre distance to be safe. ‘Did I just hear you say bowling tomorrow?’
Micha nodded. ‘Yup, Lily’s birthday.’
Ben lifted his arm out of the sling and flexed his arm and fingers out. ‘Awesome. Since she shattered my arm in three places I’ve been dying to see if it’s back up to speed.’
‘It was an accident.’ I didn’t care what body I was in, he needed to know. ‘And also I’m not a hundred per cent sure bowling is still on.’ There was no way Ben was inviting himself! He didn’t even like me! He only tolerated me because I was his girlfriend’s sister.
Micha looked confused. ‘But you were just saying you’d been practising.’
C’mon, Mich – read my cryptic look! I’m actually Lily, and Ben coming bowling would mean spending my birthday being held hostage on a group date with my sister’s boyfriend. But no, it seemed she just thought I had something in my eye.
‘Bennnnn!’ And this was the moment Erin chose to arrive. ‘What a surprise seeing you here!’ She grinned, not knowing I’d already rumbled her plan. It disappeared when she saw Micha. ‘Oh, hi, Micha…’ She lowered her voice and leant towards me. ‘Guess great minds think alike.’
I turned my head so I could whisper back, ‘Great minds should be on time so they don’t miss out on important news from the greatest of the two minds.’
Erin ignored me and said her hellos. It was a relief to see her doing just as badly at this whole body swap as me, because without thinking she went to hug Ben. He was so petrified he leapt backwards and stumbled into a bin. How refreshing if my sister was the one to break one of Ben’s limbs for a change. Although… Micha’s already big brown eyes were even wider at the sight of her best friend trying to hug her sister’s boyfriend. Please let that memory not be saved into a long-term brain folder.
‘S-sorry, babe—’ Erin stuttered, trying to gloss over it. ‘Baa… Babe-ybel is something that I would like for lunch. Is the thing I was saying.’
She actually winced. And as Micha and Ben stared and Erin rambled on about cheese I knew one thing for absolute certain.
Unless we found Agatha in the next twenty-four hours my birthday was going to be a disaster.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
‘I’m sorry, Mrs Saddler – it… it’s just a blip, I promise.’ Standing in the middle of the stage there was nowhere to hide. Why did I write my lines on my wrist in biro, and not something that wouldn’t smudge off during the day? In the whole first half I’d remembered about four words.
‘Well, let’s hope so.’ Mrs Saddler’s eye-roll was so big I wondered if eyeball dislocation was a thing. ‘Recasting is always an option, let’s not forget.’ How could I? It kept me awake at night. ‘You don’t need me to remind you that your understudy Lou is exceptionally talented. And your sister could do with taking this more seriously as well… wherever she might be.’
Where was Erin? She knew today was the big day to run through all the prop and scenery changes. ‘Her detention isn’t optional. I don’t give out punishments for fun.’ She literally did, and I could tell from Lou’s hard stare at the floor she felt the same. ‘So make sure she’s clear about that or she could be looking at an even longer detention.’
Frankie popped her head out of the wings. ‘Don’t worry, Mrs S, I’ve got this. I know how important every second of rehearsal is, even if Lily has disappeared.’ And the award for biggest suck-up goes to… ‘Look.’ Frankie held up the schedule and detailed plan Erin had made for them. ‘I even made this plan to make sure we have everything covered.’
I? It had all been my sister’s work.
Mrs Saddler uncrossed her arms – her limbs were easily fooled.
‘Well, that’s great work, Frances. I’m very impressed with how you’re applying yourself. I hope Lily will take a leaf out of your book.’ What?! To be a backstabbing-work-stealer?! ‘Although, please never call me Mrs S ever again. As in. EVER.’
As soon as I was allowed to leave the stage, I fled to the empty chair by Lou.
‘Well, that was terrible.’
She nudged her knee into mine. ‘We all have off days.’
That was one way of putting it. ‘I just hope Mrs Saddler doesn’t change her mind about me playing Titania before I get better.’ Well, before Erin was back in the right body. She would never forgive me. Although, where was she? ‘No offence or anything.’ It wasn’t Lou’s fault she was my understudy.
‘None taken. I want to keep playing Puck!’ She gave me a double knee nudge. ‘But don’t worry. You’re the best actor in the whole school. Just remember what you said to me last term… You can only eat an elephant bite by bite.’
It was one of Dad’s phrases, although I never really understood what eating an elephant had to do with anything. And what would it taste like? Pork? Plus Erin was a vegetarian. You didn’t get carrots the size of elephants. Not even large potatoes. Enthusiastic Mark slid his chair up to mine, making me snap out of my ginormous vegetable thoughts. He drummed his fingers on my script.
‘Despite what everyone’s saying, I thought you were okay up there.’
Right.
But I didn’t have time to say ‘thanks’ or ‘that’s awful’ or whatever the right response was, as Mrs Saddler was calling us all together.
‘Today was… Well… I would say a disaster, but that conveys too much excitement. It’s just over a week till opening night and there’s no excuse for not knowing your lines.’ Well, there was, and it was spelt ‘b-i-r-o’. ‘We only have six rehearsals left. Tomorrow night and every evening next week – then we�
�re doing it for real at the Swan Theatre. So…’ She looked right at me. Like into my actual soul. ‘I need to see drastic improvement. Understood?’
Was now the time to ask if I could duck out early tomorrow to go bowling? Almost definitely not, but I didn’t have an option. To say Mrs Saddler was unimpressed would be an understatement. She actually pulled up a chair, sat down, closed her eyes and clenched her fist as she ‘processed’. For over a minute.
I didn’t know my lines but I did know two things:
I was pretty quickly ruining Erin’s play and her chance of getting into Chinyere Okafor’s Drama Academy.
The only way to fix it was to get back in my body.
As fast as I could I grabbed my bag and ran to find Erin. School was weird when it was empty, like when you see a teacher at the weekend in normal person clothes and it feels all wrong. I looked round all the ground-floor classrooms but there was no sign of life until… Ah! A light was on in the girls’ toilets.
‘Erin?’ I pushed open the door. ‘I mean, Lily?’
I had to hope no one heard that, as going into a room calling your own name was pretty strange even by my standards. But I’d found her. There my sister was, at the sinks.
‘Found you!’ I closed the door tight behind me. ‘And don’t think I don’t know what you’re up to.’
During Mrs Saddler’s rant I’d figured it out.
‘Which is?’ Erin raised an eyebrow.
‘Hiding out here to get me in even more trouble with Mrs Saddler.’ Erin must have seen my terrible start to the rehearsal and decided to get her own back. ‘I know that’s the only reason anyone uses these bathrooms. To go undetected.’
‘Or to wash out props…’ She held up what looked like a soggy mop. I think it was a wig. Well, either that or she’d resurrected Barry the Hamster (RIP) for a quick shampoo. ‘So an apology might be in order?’
‘An apology? Mrs Saddler is fuming. I swear she’s about to extend your – well, my – detention.’
But Erin didn’t look sorry – she looked… confused.
‘No way, Lil. You’ve got the wrong end of the stick.’ She looked at me via the mirror. ‘I went to rehearsal, but as soon as I got there Mrs Saddler asked me to go and wash these wigs out.’ Erin smiled smugly. ‘Apparently she wouldn’t trust most people with them.’
And that was when I knew something was definitely up. That was exactly the kind of thing Mrs Saddler might say to Erin – but never to me. She’d tell me to keep a hundred metres away from anything that was vaguely dear to her.
‘And who told you this?’ I had a hunch.
‘My backstage team.’ My hunch became a stone-cold fact. She meant Frankie.
‘Right after you gave Frankie the schedule?’
‘Laminated schedule. Which FYI she loved.’ Erin wrung some grey water out of the blonde hairy blob. ‘And don’t give me that look. I don’t know what your problem is with her. She’s actually really supportive if you get to know her.’
My sister could be really clueless considering she was so, er, clue-ful.
‘Erin, you know Frankie wasn’t telling you the truth, right?’ I almost felt bad. ‘Mrs Saddler wanted you at rehearsal. Not here.’
Erin shook her head. ‘Honestly, Lil, no offence –’ I braced to be offended – ‘but I think I’d know if Frankie was taking me for a ride. You’re just putting two and two together and getting five.’
I clenched my hands. Why could my sister never trust me?!
‘Please just believe me on this. I swear Mrs Saddler is furious with you. Well, me. So instead of arguing about it, I’d reeeeally appreciate it if you could go and find her and try not to make my life any worse.’ I flashed the nicest smile I could. ‘Consider it an early birthday present?’
Erin sighed. ‘Fiiiiine. I’ll check in with her tomorrow.’ She clearly didn’t believe me at all. ‘But in return you should give Frankie a chance.’
A chance?! A chance?! All term I’d given Frankie chances, and even once my lunch Twix, and she still hated me. Worst of all, I had no idea why. But Erin was having none of it. Fine, time to unleash the big one. My Hairy Godmother news.
But after my big reveal that I had single-handedly saved our chances of swapping back, all Erin did was frown and say ‘We’ll see.’ We’ll see?! Well, yes, we will, Erin.
And I had just the plan to prove it.
I grabbed some scissors from the first-aid box and held one of the wigs hostage until Erin sent a message I’d already composed to the Mavers Mayhem family group. For this to work, I needed Mum and Dad to think it came from Erin, not me.
Erin: Rehearsal is running late. Is it okay if Lil and I walk back together?’
And bingo – because it came from my perfect big sis we got an immediate reply.
Mum:
Mum: If the pharmacy’s still open could you get some muscle rub? Your father is lying face down on the kitchen floor saying something about a hula hoop
Erin: No probs.
Mum: Thanks. I would send a photo, but probably best no one else witnesses this
We could see Dad typing.
Dad: imok
Then a pause.
Mum: TRANSLATION – he means ‘I’m okay’ but seems even his thumb is suffering
Lily: Ahhh Dad, don’t worry. We can watch the Christmas special of World’s Funniest Dogs to cheer you up
Lily: I could even de-fluff some more socks
Erin’s face scrunched as she read it. Blissful. If she could mess with my life and not believe me about Frankie, I could play with hers too.
‘Dangerous game, little sister,’ Erin said. ‘If you’re so certain about this clue leading us to Agatha, we could be back in the right bodies tonight.’ She paused. ‘And that sock fluff is no joke.’
But I’d give anything to get my life back, especially the day before my birthday, so even the threat of an evening with Dad’s socks didn’t put me off. In fact, I was in such a good mood about finding Agatha that I practically sprinted the whole way into town. My sister could hardly keep up, but it was a gorgeous hot summer’s evening, and for the first time since the swap, I actually felt like something good was about to happen. By the time we turned into the railway arches, I was a fizz of nervous excitement.
I had no idea what we might find, but I knew that whatever it was, I wasn’t leaving without being in the right body, or at least having a way of tracking Agatha down. And proving to my sister I could be right about something.
‘So look, Erin.’ I marched up to the door, excited to show her my big find. The door was locked, and there was no one inside. Just the same old, dusty boxes we’d seen a few days ago. I got out my phone and opened up the photo Mum had taken this morning. ‘This exact picture of us two is… right –’ I pointed to the wall, to the frame I’d seen online earlier – ‘there.’
But there was one problem.
The photo of us… wasn’t there.
Erin leant forward, squinting. ‘Should I be able to see it?’
This couldn’t be happening!
I rubbed at the streaky window.
But no.
My one lead… had gone!
‘Okay, I promise it was there!’ I jabbed at the single gold frame in the middle of all the black ones as Erin made an unconvinced ‘Hmmmmmmm’. ‘Right there. That gold one was the one that had our faces in… Look.’ I opened the screenshot I’d taken of Street View this morning. Thank goodness I had evidence because as Erin looked down at it, then back at the wall, her face went from deeply suspicious to downright shocked.
Finally, she believed me.
I cupped my hands on the window trying to get a better view of whatever had replaced our picture in the gold frame. It looked like… a sculpture? ‘Can you see what it is? Do you reckon it’s another clue?’
Erin took a photo of it as her camera was better and shared it with me. ‘I dunno.’ She zoomed in. ‘It looks like…’
The top halves of two stone women pressing t
heir hands as if they were doing pat-a-cake?
‘Statues?’ She paused. ‘Statues that look as if they’re on top of something. A building maybe?’
Well, that narrowed it down to something that could be literally found everywhere. Agatha might as well have left us a picture of air. Or grass.
I sighed so hard the window steamed up. I’d been convinced that this discovery would lead us straight to the Hairy Godmother. That maybe once we got here, we’d turn round and she’d be behind us saying, ‘Well done,’ and, ‘Here are your bodies back.’
‘So after all this.’ I let my forehead fall on to the glass. ‘All we’ve narrowed it down to is… Agatha wants us to find some statues. Somewhere in… the world.’ All my happiness at the thought of being back in my body for my birthday drained right out of me. In fact… was I going to cry?
This wasn’t a clue. It was another dead end.
Maybe I had got it all wrong.
But Erin was still staring at the frame. ‘No, Lil. I think you’re on to something.’ She did? ‘I recognize that picture. Those statues. I really do – I just don’t know where from.’ Wow, so Erin really did believe me. ‘But we’ve not got long to work it out. Notice anything special about what’s next to the gold frame?’
Nope. I zoomed back in on the photo Erin had taken. Next to the frame was a wall calendar of the year. This year. And only one date was circled. In big red pen.
This Saturday.
I looked at Erin. She looked at me.
Whatever Agatha was trying to tell us, we had less than forty-eight hours to figure it out.
Or I wouldn’t just be spending my thirteenth birthday stuck in my sister’s body, I could be spending for ever.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Weird. I’d thought going bowling in my sister’s body with her next to me in my body, while trying to avoid her boyfriend, while simultaneously trying to talk to my best friend, who thought I was someone else and was trying to hang out with my sister, who wanted to speak to her boyfriend, who was trying to spend time with me, would be a fun way to spend a birthday.