by Beth Garrod
I was thinking about how to make Micha know I was still here, still her best friend, despite my body being inhabited by someone who was more interested in palaeontology than people.
I was thinking about how to keep Erin’s place in the play.
How to impress Chinyere Okafor for her.
How to impress Nic on Saturday.
Instinctively I got my laptop out and began to type, spilling out my frustrations into the piece for my eyes only. The one about all the small things in my life I missed. (My random classmates! The skatepark! My crisp stash under my bed!) About how when things go wrong, it’s normally okay, so long as you have the people you love around you.
Because right now, with all the lies we’d had to tell, I felt more alone than ever.
Feeling better for getting it all out, I saved it and closed my laptop. Then panicked Mum and Dad might find it when they did their random ‘Can I borrow your laptop’ check-ups on us. So I printed it, deleted it and folded the only evidence of it away in my notebook, never to be read again. But as I did, I knocked Erin’s bedside table and with a plip something slid down the back of it.
It looked like a brochure, handwritten notes sticking out.
I hesitated. Erin and I had set ground rules. No rifling through each other’s stuff was number one. (Number two was no permanent tattoos, and three was eyes closed in the shower.)
But I hadn’t rifled – this had thrown itself at me.
I listened to check Erin wasn’t still awake and picked it up.
CHINYERE OKAFOR’S DRAMA ACADEMY
It was the brochure from when Erin had visited last summer to see if she liked it. The corners were rounded where she’d read it so much. And it had fallen open on a page – the application criteria. Wow – I didn’t know they only accepted roughly one in every five hundred applicants?! And you could only apply once. That was intense.
There was a super-long list of everything they were looking for in new students. Erin had stuck notes next to most of them.
– Have to get a main part!!!
– CANNOT let grades drop in run-up. Mum and Dad might tell me it’s too much to take on extra stuff.
Some of her notes were from last year. Crikey – I knew she wanted to go, but I didn’t realize how many months she’d been working on it.
– Think positive! Who knows if I’m any good, but I HAVE to believe I can be!!!
Did Erin really not know how good her acting was?
In the margin she’d written her own list.
Why It’s Important
– I CAN’T take drama as an option at school – this is my ONLY chance of getting on to a drama course later.
– Chinyere is my IDOL. The best. There is NOWHERE else I want to go.
– It will make me SOOOO happy.
If I hadn’t felt worried enough about the play, now I felt petrified.
Chinyere was Erin’s Nic. And this play was her one and only chance.
Eurgh! I wish I’d never opened the brochure. I felt more nervous than ever.
I stuffed it back to where it’d fallen from, angry at myself for making things even worse. But as I did, another folded slip of paper fell out.
It was Erin’s neat handwriting, everything perfectly laid out.
But this one said something I really wasn’t expecting.
WORRIES
I couldn’t help but read what came next.
– I can’t just get in. I HAVE to get the scholarship. It’s waaaay too expensive if not.
– Everyone expects me to be able to handle everything – what if I can’t?
But the final one made me stop.
– Will spending every weekend away mean I never see Lily? She’s already started to hang out with me less…
And as I looked at Erin’s words, I realized something.
I missed my big sister too.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
I watched it again.
And again.
And one more time.
How could something get worse every time you looked at it?
I collapsed back against a packing box and contemplated how much simpler the world would be if the internet didn’t exist. Or, more specifically, if my dad didn’t have access to it.
‘So explain to me how you thought this was okay?’ I watched Dad shimmying away on my account, grinning in his ‘Not Like Other Dads’ T-shirt. Erin definitely got her love of a slogan top from him. ‘And what on earth was that move?!’
‘Well, we agreed to try to get them back onside…’ Even Erin looked embarrassed. ‘And… I think it was a swag walk?’ I shuddered at the hip thrust now happening. Neither Erin nor I could look directly at it. ‘Look, I was just sorting the recycling.’ She paused to make sure I’d picked up that almost two weeks later she was still doing my chores. I had. And I liked it. ‘And Dad was asking all these questions about GettingLilyWithIt, and why they hadn’t seen Micha or Ben for a while, and I didn’t know what to say. And the song came on. You’d left your phone out. And… one thing led to another.’
The more I watched, the more I saw my messages rack up. I had no intention of reading them. Ever.
‘If it helps, Frankie liked it.’ It did not help. It un-helped. ‘I told you it would all be okay.’
‘Hmm.’ Before today’s rehearsal my sister had grabbed Frankie and said sorry, and checked Nic had told her the ticket stealing was all ‘Erin’. And that ‘Erin’ was really sorry. Apparently Frankie had been cool about it.
‘C’mon, Lil. Frankie knows it wasn’t “Lily’s” fault. So she’s only mad at “Erin”. I told her “Erin” was sorry. Job done.’ My sister really thought life was that simple. I dropped the subject and Erin went to get emergency snacks – arguing with her wasn’t what I needed when this evening was challenging enough. It was night three of our punishment – today we were clearing old stuff out of the loft for the charity shop.
At the start, rifling through boxes had been fun – uncovering forgotten treasures and laughing at bad outfits. Why our parents had thought it was appropriate to send us out of the house in matching rainbow tracksuits that said ‘Sassy Sisters’ I’d never know. One hundred per cent a Dad purchase. But seeing all the souvenirs Mum and Dad had kept of me and my sister’s terrible hobbies together had made me sad. (Our two-person nativity. Our yogurt pot walkie-talkies to gossip between rooms. Our matching tie-dye phase.) So much had changed.
Erin and I had worked super hard, so we could finish up and spend the last hour before bed clearing up a different mess – our own lives. LOLCon and the opening night of the play were in three days and there was still no sign of Agatha.
‘Incoming…’ Erin poked her head through the loft door and lifted up the mugs.
‘Mini marshmallows?’ I blew a chef’s kiss as she clambered up and shut the hatch behind her. ‘I thought we stopped getting them?’
‘Shelf above the sink, teabag tin.’ She patted her nose. ‘Classified info.’
Wow, hanging with my sister could have its perks.
‘So…’ She reached behind her and plonked down two massive wodges of paper, Post-its sticking out. ‘I did a thing.’
I picked up the stapled pile with my name on it. Wow. I wasn’t sure where, in-between homework, chores, making notes on everyone at LOLCon, messaging Ben and dancing with Dad, she’d found the time, but Erin had printed off the A Midsummer Night’s Dream script and made notes on every page I had lines.
I flicked through. It was so thorough!
Tips on how to approach it. (Although she says ‘trifles’, it’s actually quite sad. Think of Barry the Hamster RIP.)
Tips on how to remember certain lines. (I think this sounds like a Chase lyric – and yes, I’ve now listened to the album.)
Even little notes of encouragement. (This is a v funny scene, you’re going to really make people laugh. Enjoy it! )
My big sister grinned. ‘Just in case we haven’t swapped by then. Thought it might help.’
‘Wow, Erin…’ I couldn’t stop looking through. There were hundreds of pages. I didn’t even know how to feel. Touched? Emotional? Terrified Erin had discovered how to fit twenty-seven hours into a day? ‘It really does.’
But maybe not just in the way she thought. Until now it seemed Erin hadn’t been sure I could pull it off, but this stash of paper felt like her believing I could.
‘I had another idea too…’ Erin opened up a folder full of tiny bits of paper. ‘If you do have a mind-blank, I’ve made prompts for all your lines. I’m going to hide them on the back of the props in your scenes.’ She smiled. ‘So no more stressing about forgetting anything.’
I couldn’t believe she’d done this.
‘You’re an actual lifesaver!’ I leant over and gave her a hug. ‘Thanks, sis. This is awesome.’
It definitely felt weird to be effectively hugging myself.
‘Well, Ben mentioned that every time he’s seen you, well, me, this week, I’ve had my head stuck in a script. So thanks… Y’know, I didn’t think I’d miss him this much.’ She sighed. ‘And yeah, I know you don’t rate him much, but he’s like my Micha. Maybe even more, because we also have kissin—’
‘Enough.’ I had to cut her off. That mental image wouldn’t help anything. I waved my script. ‘Shall we get cracking? Cos if I’m going to keep us playing Titania, I need all the help I can get for tomorrow’s dress rehearsal.’
The only time my sister and I had ever tried to study together before had ended in me slamming a door so hard, a porcelain badger fell off a bookshelf and almost hit Barry the Hamster (RIP).
But up here in the loft, after an hour, not only had no fake or real animals been hurt, but Erin and I had made real progress. Mum even popped her head up and, seeing we hadn’t murdered each other, passed us some chocolate brownies Dad had just baked. Apparently they were ‘an improvement on the ones where he forgot the chocolate’. Today really was a day for growth.
‘So.’ Erin opened up her laptop. ‘Shall we…’ What she meant was use the last half hour to tackle the final item on our agenda. The thing that made her go pale whenever it came up. Her going live on TheNicReport channel, with its thousands of followers, to interview the biggest influencers in the world at LOLCon. ‘Any news from Nic?’
She’d said she’d email today with a list of all the people who had said yes to her interview requests. I was hoping she might have news on the secret guest too.
‘One sec…’ I refreshed my inbox. ‘Oh… yeah. Just!’
Erin leant over as I read the email out loud.
‘Hey, Lily. Good news! Fifteen people have said yes so far (list below). So you should get to chat to some decent names.’
Fifteen?! Erin was going to need to know a lot about a lot of people. I scanned the names. They were all massive! KingKoalaFiguresItOut had over a million followers! Erin was going to freak.
You’ll need to be there 11 a.m. – 1 p.m., and any probs message me. Good luck!
Nx
PS If you can keep secrets, I also messaged the secret guest to ask him to fit you in.
Him? Apparently it was a huge name, so who would Nic know well enough to message? Erin and I looked at each other, the same thought hitting us at the same time, like a big, wet fish to both our faces.
I figured you’re a big Chase fan, and had that viral moment together, so it could be great to get a follow-up with him?
What.
Had.
I.
Just.
Read?!
‘Erin?’ I jabbed at the screen. Was Nic casually saying she might have a one-on-one Chase interview?
‘Uh-huh.’ My sister nodded grimly.
My head dropped into my hands. I felt Erin’s arm go around me.
‘I’m so sorry, Lil. I know this is your dream.’ It really was – repping the TheNicReport was incredible enough without working with all those content creators… and maybe even Chase. ‘So we just have to make sure we find Agatha before then.’ I nodded but no sound came out. We’d both been ignoring the elephant in the room. Not the stuffed toy one in the charity bag that said ‘Let’s get Ele-funky!’ but the one that was much more Hairy Godmother shaped. Despite her lipstick message to us, we still had no clue how to find her. ‘And look… if we don’t…’ Erin gave me a little smile. ‘I promise I won’t do anything weird this time. I’ll even let you pick my outfit.’
I put on the bravest face I could. Yes, it was my dream, but it was just as much Erin’s nightmare. ‘Thanks, Erin. You’ll be great though. You always are.’
I munched my final bit of brownie, hoping my brain might forget it wanted to cry. I wished I could talk to Micha about this. About everything. But she wasn’t talking to me. Which made me want to cry even more.
Erin noticed my semi-chew-sniff hybrid and grabbed her folder.
‘HannahHuman seems really funny!’ My sister was being extra cheery, trying to pick me up and show me it could all be okay. ‘And the Pham Brothers do really coolio pranks.’
I nodded encouragingly, but since they were called HollyHuman and the Pham Sisters I didn’t hold out too much hope.
‘You know I was reading your blog.’ Erin shuffled next to me. ‘That piece? About the people who look like their dogs? Cockapoo Karen still makes me laugh.’ Wow. I had no idea Erin had ever read my blog. ‘And you’ve got so many readers now. Over ten thousand, right?’
I tried to look as if I was struggling to remember despite checking every day. ‘Sort of… around 14,231 a month.’
Erin whistled. ‘That’s all kinds of cool, sis.’ I knew it was nothing compared to Erin being top of every class, but I still felt a twinge of pride that she said it.
I smiled at my sister, and she smiled back.
And for a second things felt normal. Better than normal. Like how they used to be between us. Like how they were in all the pictures all around us that we’d been boxing up.
‘Although…’ Erin grinned. ‘There are 7.8 billion people in the world, so you’ve still got 7799985769 people to go.’
My twinge of pride sat back down.
And we got back to coming up with questions for LOLCon. We even did a practice run-through where Erin pretended to interview me. I told her she was doing great even though she forgot her name, called LOLCon ‘COLon’ and signed off with ‘smell you later, alligator’. Which she hadn’t said since she was eight. She even pinched her nose. It was so weird seeing her nervous. Up until last week I really thought she could take anything in her stride. But as she chatted away, writing more notes, I got distracted. Over Erin’s shoulder, just by Ele-funky, was the newspaper from earlier this week. The one with Chase and my sister in. Did Mum drop it off with the brownies? I really didn’t think I’d seen it earlier.
I leant back to get a better look. ‘Erin, do you think we’ve missed something in Agatha’s sock clue?’
‘I don’t see how we could have.’ She scrunched her face. ‘We’ve been through it, through everything, a million times.’
She was right. I’d even emailed random hairdressers around the world to ask if they’d heard of the Hairy Godmother. Or liked socks. But nothing.
So why did I want to pick up the paper again?
‘I might just give this another read.’
‘Sure, I’ll pack up.’
But as Erin pottered around me, I was reading it.
Again.
And again.
And one more time.
Because I’d seen something that made me think Erin might be wrong.
Something that could change everything.
‘Erin, look…’ How had I not seen it sooner?! ‘The support band…’
She peered over the scripts and paper she’d stacked up. ‘Yeah… And what?’
‘And what?! Can’t you see it?!’ I pointed at their name again. Ego Rhythm Radio. ‘Can you even remember seeing them on Saturday?’
She shook her head slowly. ‘Ego Rhythm Radio?… I think I only saw Sara and
the Spaceman and Tortoiseca?’
‘Exactly. They weren’t there. And look… their single. It’s coming out on Saturday. This Saturday! And if you look at their name…’
Finally, I saw the penny drop.
‘Hairy Godmother.’ Erin’s mouth had dropped right open. ‘Of course! An anagram! The letters are all there in their name!’
‘EXACTLY!’
She grabbed the paper. ‘Do you think this means the Hairy Godmother is going to make an appearance this Saturday?’
‘Uh-huh.’ I nodded and pointed at the other things that confirmed it for me.
The name of their single. ‘Final Chance’ and their album ‘Meet Me’.
‘Just look at that symbol!’ I pointed at the triangle. For the first time in ages I felt a rush of excitement that we could be back on track.
‘Play.’ Erin grinned. ‘Play?! She’s going to be at the play, isn’t she?’
I nodded, knowing just how huge this was.
They’d even mentioned socks in their quote, just like Agatha’s last message to us.
This couldn’t be coincidence.
Agatha had spelled it out.
Our final chance was looming.
If we didn’t switch back this time, we would be stuck like this for ever.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Normally there was a lot of chatter before Mrs Saddler arrived, but today the hall was quiet. Eerily quiet.
Everyone was nervous about the final rehearsal. But I was stressed about something even bigger. Was Mrs Saddler going to replace me with Lou?
It didn’t help that it was the first time seeing everyone in costume – and the whole cast looked amazing. Enthusiastic Mark’s donkey head was so lifelike I patted him twice, and Harley looked like the ultimate majestic fairy king in his leafy cape. If I didn’t feel awful, I might even be enjoying Titania’s costume. I’d never worn anything like it – a long, flowy, light-green dress with billowy sleeves (Singed Simon advised me to keep at least three metres away from any naked flames) and a flowery crown for my hair.