by Dale Mayer
She loved the idea of patients going home. John was leaving and returning to his family. His wife had been in to see him several times, along with his kids. Everyone at the center was delighted to know he was going home. It would be a huge adjustment for him, but he had a support network and the love that was very important for him to succeed.
“Unlike Elliot,” she murmured. Elliot was alone as far as she understood. So his entry into a single’s world and the reality of living on his own would be much harder. What little of his former life remained now sat in a storage locker, waiting to be shipped. By the time she started her final rounds the next morning, she noticed a change she hadn’t noticed the previous night. Usually she was comfortable with the peace and quiet and the aloneness. But now it was more a sense of being alone that, for the first time, she didn’t particularly like. With all the other changes going on in her world five years earlier, it had seemed like that was one less thing she had to contend with, and it wasn’t like it was a big change.
But now it was time for her to get back into the real world. She planned to change to day shifts and slowly reintegrate into a more mainstream work environment for herself. Not for Elliot but for herself. She’d been hiding long enough.
After meeting with Sandra, who relieved her shift, Sicily headed to breakfast, feeling slightly uneasy but not knowing why. Grabbing a coffee, she walked out into the sunshine, loving the early morning. Today was horse therapy day. She looked forward to it. But if she wanted to be there, she had to get to bed soon, or she wouldn’t get enough sleep before the session started. She sat, mulling over her options, tired but not quite ready to go to bed when she looked up to see Dani standing in front of her. Sicily smiled. “How’s the boss doing?”
With a chuckle Dani sat down. “She’s fine. But she has an odd request that she needs to ask of you.”
Sicily looked at her, curious. “Sure. What’s up?”
“I’m asking on behalf of someone else for you to not show up for the horse therapy today.”
Sicily looked at her in surprise. “I was figuring out how to arrange my sleep so I could be there this afternoon. Why shouldn’t I be?”
“Somebody has requested it,” Dani said calmly. “That might sound hurtful, but I do understand the reasoning.”
Too surprised to even answer her, Sicily stared for a long moment. “Somebody’s asked that I not show up? Somebody doesn’t want me to be there?”
Dani nodded slowly. “But not for the reason you think.”
“What do I think?” she cried. “All I can think is why someone would not want me there when they’re there.” She hated that. “How else can I take that?”
“If I could tell you who made the request, maybe you would understand. Or maybe it would hurt you. I don’t know. But I can’t because I promised. So all I can say is that, this afternoon, can you please avoid the horse therapy session? It is your free time, and I don’t have any right to ask you or to tell you what to do in your spare time, but this is important to somebody, and they felt like they needed to ask.”
Sicily sat back in her chair, feeling thoroughly defeated. After coming off a shift—where she had figured she was ready to go into the real world and bring more people into her life—somebody was asking her to butt out. She shook her head. “I don’t even know what to say.”
“Say that you’ll skip today.”
“And next week?”
Dani smiled. “I don’t think it will be an issue next week. I’m hoping it won’t be an issue today, but it was a request.”
When Sicily stayed quiet, Dani added, “It has to do with someone’s progress, and for that, we always do everything we can to move them forward.”
“So for the progress of somebody, I can’t be around the horses.” She shook her head. “Wow. Am I happy about it? Hell, no. Like you said, it’s to help the patients move forward, but it hurts.” She stood. “On that note, I’ll head to bed.” She forced a smile, turned and walked away. This was not at all how she felt her day would go.
Back in her own space, she showered and got ready for bed. She couldn’t stop pondering who might’ve requested such a thing. Even though she was tucked in bed, sleep felt a long way away. She was tired, but her mind wouldn’t let it go. Finally, after much rolling, tossing and turning, she felt herself slowly drift off. As she was about to go under, one name surfaced—Elliot. He would try to get on the horse today.
Instantly she was wide awake. She stared at the ceiling, worried, and wondered, Could it be? And if so, why didn’t he want her around for his first time?
He could hardly breathe. He was outside the doors and only outside because the damn doors opened automatically. On the lower floor, the horses were around the corner, and nobody could see Elliot yet. He knew Dani was expecting him, and he knew he was on the roster, plus he knew she’d said something to Sicily. But dear God, why had he thought he could do this? He stared at his hands. He’d deliberately come with the wheelchair, knowing that nerves would be a huge factor. He was already trembling. He sat for a long moment, waiting, his eyes closed, hoping maybe they would carry on without him.
Behind him, he heard a noise.
He stiffened as Stan’s voice washed over him. “Elliot? You okay?”
Slowly he shook his head. “No. I bit off more than I can chew.”
He heard footsteps as Stan walked closer.
“Sometimes we don’t need to chew all that we bite off. Sometimes if we hold it in our mouth, it dissolves. Sometimes we can take it out and try for a smaller bite.” His voice was compassionate and understanding. “And sometimes we realize that our fears really are just hangovers from our childhood and it’s time to let them all go.”
That made Elliot feel all that much worse. “Sometimes we can’t do something in life, and that’s the way it is.”
“If you are talking about sitting on Copper’s back today, I can promise not only would it go very well but you’ll feel like a whole new man just having achieved it.” As he spoke, he stepped in front of Elliot.
Elliot looked up at the vet, who’d seen too much to be surprised by much. “How does one deal with fear?” Elliot hated to hear the tremor in his voice.
“By facing it head-on. By diving in and doing the best you can.”
“That’s how I felt last week. I’m not feeling that today,” Elliot admitted and shared a little of his accident. Stan seemed to take it in stride as if he assumed it was something like that.
“Last week you weren’t on the roster. Last week it was a concept. This week you’ve committed, and having made a commitment, you don’t want to let anybody down, but at the same time, you getting out there and doing the job is a whole different story.” Stan grabbed the back of the wheelchair firmly and pushed Elliot around the corner before he had a chance to protest.
“You don’t have to do this,” Elliot hissed.
Stan laughed. “No, it’s you who doesn’t have to do this. But if you take yourself off the roster, then you need to ’fess up and tell these people they can give somebody else a chance. This is what Amy needs to make it worth her while. We want her to keep doing this, so therefore, to the best of our ability, we get the people who are registered for the sessions to show up.”
“Showing up is not the problem,” Elliot snapped, feeling pressured. He could feel himself stiffening, pushing back into the chair the closer they got to the horses.
“Do you trust me?” Stan asked.
“You already know I trust you. The problem is me being around animals that can hurt me. Again.”
Stan chuckled. “Fair enough. Do you trust Dani? And a more important question, do you trust Sicily? They all believe in you.”
“That makes me feel all that much worse,” he cried in frustration. “I want to be the tough person who can get up on that horse. But I don’t think I can.”
“Stop fooling yourself. Why would you set yourself up for failure like that?” Stan’s voice seemed curious, as if he didn’t und
erstand.
They were almost within hearing distance of the others. Elliot caught the look of relief on Dani’s face, realizing she’d been afraid he wouldn’t show up. No time to answer Stan quietly anymore. Whatever Elliot said now, it would be heard by everyone. He stood up in front of Dani.
“I don’t know that I can do this.”
She nodded. “Maybe not, but you’re here. So let’s go through the process and see.”
He opened his mouth to protest, and Amy, who was a big strapping woman, came and stood beside him with her assistant. Together with Stan, they had him at the top of the ramp in no time. He was too shocked at the speed of which it all happened to get a coherent protest past his lips. He stared at the huge animal, now standing slightly below him. Copper turned and looked up at Elliot. The look in his eye was maybe kindness but also nonchalance. As if to say, “So are you ready to do this?”
Oddly enough, the look in the horse’s eyes made Elliot realize this could be doable, yet he was terrified to think he’d have all that horsepower between his knees. Then panic filled him once more. He took a deep breath and shook his head. “I don’t think I can do this,” he whispered.
But whether they didn’t hear him or misunderstood him or were ignoring him, he didn’t know because the next thing he did know was he was on the back of the horse. Copper whinnied as if to say, “Ha! Got you.”
Elliot grabbed the small horn of the saddle with a white-knuckled grip. He wanted to shift, but he was petrified to try. What if Copper didn’t like it? He wanted to cry out—in panic maybe—in joy maybe—but definitely in shock. He could already feel the strain in his back. Slowly he released his pent-up breath …
Dani, a huge smile on her face, beamed with joy.
Elliot shook his head. “This isn’t a good thing.”
She chuckled. “It is a good thing. Trust me. It’s something you must do. When you were in the military, you had your brothers. They were there, and they had your back. While you’re here, we’re your team. We have your back. It’s time to let this fear go …”
He stared at her for a long moment, and then realized that one of the main team members in his world wasn’t here. She didn’t have his back because he wouldn’t let her. He settled slightly on the seat and voiced his concern. “But Sicily is not here.”
Understanding crossed Dani’s face. “I can fix that, real fast.”
He glanced at her with hope. “She might be mad at me.”
“She might be overjoyed.” Dani already had her phone in her hand. She held it up and looked questioningly at him. “You say the word.”
He took a deep breath. “Call her.”
Then he was busy listening to Amy and her assistant as they went over how to shift his position for comfort and what that shifting would do to the horse. How to hold the reins and what holding the reins meant. And then they said they would take a walk. Startled, he stared at them. “What? You can’t leave me.”
The women chuckled. Amy’s assistant went several feet away to the second horse, hopped onto the horse’s back and then came over toward Copper. She made a clicking sound. Copper’s ears perked forward, and his head came up at the sound. He walked behind the assistant. Terrified, his body rigid, Elliot knew that was not the purpose of this, but it was so damn hard to relax when all he could do was hold on to the saddle and not fall.
Amy’s voice reached him. “You can’t fall. Once you understand that, you’ll relax.”
He stared down at her, walking beside him and Copper, but it was hard to have her words match what he felt. She instructed him to push his butt back into the saddle to settle his position better.
Slowly following her instructions, he found a place on the big animal for himself.
But it wasn’t easy.
And it wasn’t fun.
But he did it. And he didn’t fall. Nor did he get thrown.
When he was finally led back to the special ramp, he could almost breathe normally. He had no idea how long he’d been out here—his entire body was stiff and locked in pain. He’d be sore tomorrow. Hell, he’d be lucky to get through the night without painkillers. On the other hand he knew he’d sleep a lot better tonight. And every night. Something had slipped from his soul, an age-old pain, a fear that never quite left. The same fear of this echoing in his life had repeated with his injuries. At least the incidences were now separated in his mind. Each to be released when he was ready. Well the one he was definitely ready, and the other … he was almost there. He’d make it now. Somehow this little incident had made all the difference. He wasn’t that little boy any more …
Then he looked up and saw Sicily—with the biggest, most caring look on her face that he’d ever imagined—and with tears in her eyes.
He realized it didn’t matter what his night was like or how sore he would be tomorrow. It was all worth it to see that look on her face.
When he was finally standing, albeit a little shaky on the ground again, she raced into his arms, bawling.
He crushed her close to his heart, feeling his own eyes burn. “Thank you.”
She shook her head, and when she finally could, she lifted her face to his, tears glimmering in her eyes, and she whispered, “No thanks needed. This was all on you.”
He grinned. “It was, wasn’t it? Still, I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you. I didn’t even know I needed to be here. But I did, and I remembered a few other things I’d forgotten, some I’m ready to let go of forever, and also who and what were important to me.”
One elegant eyebrow arched. “Oh?”
He smiled, placed his hand at the back of her head to hold her in place and lowered his head. Before his lips touched hers, he whispered, “But I know now. And I know it’s you. You’re the most important thing in my life today, tomorrow and all the tomorrows after that.”
She gasped in joy.
And ignoring the smiles and curious looks of all those around them, he kissed her.
A kiss of longing. Of shared joy. A kiss of promise for a wonderful future—together.
Epilogue
Finn waited for the ambulance ride to take him to Hathaway House. He couldn’t believe the emails he’d received from Elliot.
They had to be fiction. Surely he didn’t have a girlfriend and not just a girlfriend but like a wedding in the near future. And then there was his health, which was not only doing incredibly well but his PTSD symptoms had eased back tremendously. As in he was a new man, with a bright future, having finally turned the corner on his past …
How could that be? And so fast?
Finn knew that a lot of good women would take on a man less than whole, but Elliot sounded like a completely different person. One who acknowledged that scars existed but no longer held power over him. Originally Finn had tossed it off as infatuation but now, months down the road, apparently not. He’d told Elliot about applying for a transfer, but Finn’s multiple surgeries had pushed that back.
And rightly so, but as he lay on the bed, worn out and so done with doctors and the hospital, he realized maybe this was the right time now.
He was at a crossroad. This was the end of the surgeries, and now it was all about making the best of who and what he was today.
There was no need to transfer to another center to get that, but he wanted a change of faces, smells and scenery. And Hathaway House sounded divine. He’d been raised on a ranch in Texas. That alone made him want to go. Any chance to go home—particularly at this stage of his life—was good.
A text came in. He lifted his phone and checked the message. It was from Elliot.
Put in a request. They have beds opening up and a cancellation. No better time than right now.
This was the right time for a lot of reasons. But instead of filling out the request form, he dialed a number he’d looked at many times.
When a woman answered, he said, “Dani? It’s Finn. Any chance you’ve got a bed there?”
“For you, I’ll find one. How soon can you come
?”
“As soon as you can make it happen,” he said with a silly grin on his face. It would be good to see her again. He’d met her years ago when he was friends with Levi and Stone. They’d kept in touch, but it had only been through Elliot that Finn had realized who was running the center.
Lord, it would be good to go home.
This concludes Book 5 of Hathaway House: Elliot.
Read about Finn: Hathaway House, Book 6
Hathaway House: Finn (Book #6)
Welcome to Hathaway House. Rehab Center. Safe Haven. Second chance at life and love.
Navy SEAL Finn MacGregor arrives at Hathaway House not only with half of one leg but with a stoma, one that necessitates the use of a colostomy bag. While it’s nice to once again see his old friend Dani Hathaway and her father, the Major, it’s tough to feel like the least sexy man on the face of the earth. Especially after he meets the pretty nurse in charge of his care …
Fiona Smithers has seen practically everything when it comes to the human body, and Finn’s physical problems don’t faze her. Emotionally she’s wary though. Once before, one of her patients had confused the gratitude he felt for her as love. … That scenario left Fiona devastated to know her friendliness had been misunderstood. Whether deemed love or friendliness, those emotions directly effected that patient’s initial healing and then his setbacks of body as well as of heart and of mind, making her more determined not to run the same risks again. Yet, this time, she may not be able to help herself. She wants Finn in her life on a permanent basis, but, after seeing his obsession with her in his artwork, is that even possible?
Book 6 is available now!
To find out more visit Dale Mayer’s website.