‘But I mean evil as a sort of force that you could fight.’
She frowned. ‘Evil and good are potentials in all of us. You have a choice whether or not to be evil because you can choose not to do evil things.’ She went on, almost as if she were talking to herself. ‘Sometimes it might be tempting to do a bad thing and if you resist then that’s fighting evil. But a force outside human beings?’ She shook her head.
‘Anyway even the terms good and evil are too black and white because they don’t take into account the greys in life.’
‘Greys?’
She nodded. ‘Sometimes you just can’t label this as evil or this as good. It’s not that simple, so then it becomes a matter of the lesser of two evils.’
It was just the sort of explanation an adult would have. My mother could only see evil in a mundane way, like stealing or lying or cheating on your income tax.
One of the zoo assistants came to feed the seals, and a lot of people gathered to watch, saying how cute the baby seals were and worrying about them getting the same amount of dinner.
But my mind was not on the feeding. I was thinking that kids could see things that adults couldn’t because they weren’t hampered by ideas of the way things ought to be.
The more I thought about it, the more it seemed to me that this lay at the core of what was happening in Cheshunt. Lallie had said to Danny that believing was a kind of magic, and believing was something kids could do better than adults. Maybe that was why five kids had responded to the Call instead of adults. An adult who heard the Call would explain it away somehow, and dismiss it.
You couldn’t respond to something you didn’t believe in. You couldn’t see what you couldn’t believe in.
Then a more astonishing thought came to me: You couldn’t fight evil if you didn’t believe in it!
‘You’re very quiet,’ my mother said. ‘What were you thinking about?’
‘Salmon,’ I said at last.
She looked puzzled and said she doubted the zoo had salmon.
We went to look at the elephant. It had a baby, and a zoo assistant, stripped down to shorts and runners, was giving them both a bath.
‘He’s having his bath,’ a man told a group of wide-eyed children in scout uniforms. They were young, but I was sure if Mr Karle passed by, they would see him for what he really was. They wouldn’t say it was impossible because to kids that young, everything is possible.
As if she had been thinking along similar lines, my mother suddenly said, ‘Nathanial, people who… who are bad didn’t start out that way. Sometimes it gets to be a vicious cycle. A child who is bashed can grow up and become a murderer. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Sometimes being a victim of evil makes you stronger.’
Lallie had said whatever was wrong with Cheshunt had started with an ancient evil that had bruised it. Maybe the same went for people. A person bruised by evil always had a dark patch that could get infected.
‘Nathanial?’ my mother asked. ‘I wish you’d tell me if something is bothering you.’
I looked into her hazel eyes and had the overpowering desire to tell her everything. But common sense kept my mouth shut because if what had been going through my mind was right, she would not want to hear. She would think I was having one of those teenage breakdowns you read about in the paper.
‘I’m just hungry, I guess.’
Her face cleared and she looked relieved. ‘Let’s go eat then.’
There was a restaurant in a pavilion and we chose a sunny corner sheltered from the wind.
‘I think it’s going to rain again,’ my mother said. Then she shook her head as if she were mad at herself. ‘Listen to me, talking about the weather to my son.’ She gave me an apologetic look. ‘Nathanial, I want us to be able to talk more. To say things to one another, but it’s hard for me. Most of my life I’ve spent learning how to hold things in.’
‘Because of your father?’
My grandfather had been a tyrant who had ruled his house with an iron hand, and hearing the occasional story about him from my grandmother over the years had made me glad he died just before I was born. My mother had never said it exactly, but I had the feeling part of the reason she had married my father so young was to escape from her father’s house.
But to my surprise she shook her head. ‘That’s part of it, but that’s not the whole story.’ She stopped and began to spread jam on the scones. ‘Sometimes situations shape a person and even when the situation changes, it’s hard for a person to get out of old habits.’ I gathered she meant herself and wondered what she was trying to tell me.
She fell silent again and we watched a skinny albino peacock stalk by.
‘Poor thing,’ my mother said sadly.
Two policemen walked by laughing and talking, and I turned to watch them, wondering how Seth Paul’s father would fit into my theory.
‘Do you think a policeman could be evil?’
She turned to stare after the policemen as well. ‘I think anyone who has power over other people can be evil. “Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely”,’ she quoted. ‘I think it’s easier to be evil when you have power, when you’re strong.’ She reached over and ruffled my hair as if I were six. She was smiling, but I saw unease deep down in her eyes. ‘But I suppose they don’t set out to be evil. It’s just that the power they have to control ends up making them want to control everything. I think wanting to control things is where evil begins.’ She tilted her head. ‘Nathanial, what is all this about good and evil?’
‘It’s something we were discussing in class,’ I said glibly, but she was not so easily diverted.
‘There’s nothing wrong at school is there?’ she asked.
That brought me to my senses. I didn’t want her to go up to the school and start nosing around. In fact, I wanted her as far away from Mr Karle’s influence and his creepy hypnotic eyes as I could get her.
‘Sure,’ I said lightly. Changing the subject, I told her about the history project and tracking down Irma Heathcote to distract her.
‘You’re quite the detective,’ she said, as we came to the alligator pool. The sign said he was called Charlie Chomp and he gave us an impassive stare out of ancient yellow eyes.
I told her about my attempts to find one of the students who still lived locally by using the phone book.
‘I’m glad there were no STD calls,’ she laughed.
I grinned. ‘Oh I forgot, there were two calls to Alaska, but you’ll have to take it out of my pocket money.’
We smiled at one another and I felt a sudden rush of love for her, and a desire to protect her.
‘Speaking of calls, I had a couple of funny ones late last night.’ She turned her back on Charlie and moved to the turtle pool alongside. There was no sign of Tim the Turtle and the sun suddenly disappeared into a bank of dark clouds that had been building on the horizon.
‘I noticed you left the phone off the hook. Did you get any crank calls?’
‘I must have knocked it off. Did you call the police about the calls?’
She looked around at me quickly. ‘No, I… I didn’t.’
I nodded and we were awkwardly silent for a moment.
The first few spots of rain fell and we headed back to the car. The Tod had been asleep, but he barked frantically when we opened the door. I let him out on the grass for a walk. By the time we were driving back down the highway, it was coming down in sheets, thundering on the roof.
‘Just made it to the car in time,’ my mother said. She suggested we see a movie together and have a pizza after we had changed at home, but when we got home, there was a telephone call from Elderew asking if she could work the night shift. She sighed and looked tired as she said she would come.
‘We need the money,’ she said apologetically.
Thirty minutes later she drove off towards Ercildoune. Waving her off, I noticed two girls coming out of a house further up the road.
As they passed, I recognised one as t
he girl who had warned me against holding out during the volleyball game. Marigold, her name was. I lifted my hand to wave, but she looked away.
Feeling stupid, I went inside, wondering why she had snubbed me. Belatedly I realised she might not have responded because she didn’t want anyone to think we were friends. As if she knew being a friend of mine were dangerous.
20
‘Hey,’ Indian called.
I swung round in surprise to find Indian sprawled under a tree in the park.
‘Where’s The Tod?’
‘Locked in the laundry. I have to go to Willington and I can’t take him with me but I’m too scared to leave him in the back yard with Buddha lurking around.’
‘Willington?’ Indian echoed.
I told him my idea for the assignment, and about Irma Heathcote. ‘What are you doing here anyway?’
He grinned. ‘Waiting for you. Nissa wanted me to tell you we’re meeting tomorrow night.’
His voice seemed to echo oddly and I looked around at the park. Unlike the zoo garden, there was a desolate, unkempt air about it. ‘I hate this place,’ I said, surprised to discover I meant it.
Indian looked around. ‘It’s kind of creepy but it’s probably just all the rumours about it. You never see anyone playing here.’
I thought of telling him about the eyes and the way it sometimes seemed bigger at night, but Indian got to his feet and pulled on his backpack. ‘So you didn’t go to the detention yesterday?’
I shrugged. ‘My mum rang the school. It was all her idea. We went to the zoo.’
‘The zoo!’
I grinned at his expression. ‘Yeah, I thought that when she suggested it, but it was fun. We used to go a lot when I was little.’ I frowned. ‘I think she wanted to tell me something but she couldn’t get up the nerve. What about you and Danny? Did you find out anything about the Gathering?’
‘Postponed,’ Indian said disgustedly. ‘So have you had any ideas about the healing?’
‘Not really. Did Nissa say how things went at Seth’s place?’
He frowned. ‘She didn’t end up going. Seth went away with his father for the weekend.’
I frowned, thinking about Seth and his father. ‘Why do you suppose he’s the way he is?’
‘Who knows. His mother left, you know, and his father got custody.’
‘I wonder how he feels being on the other side to his father?’
‘I wonder that too,’ Indian said pensively. ‘You know, the very first night he came up to the attic, he was drunk out of his mind. Lallie brought him. You know Danny. He wanted to know what we were supposed to do with him. Nissa was most worried about his father, because even then everyone knew he was the sort of policeman people were scared of. But Lallie just said the Chain needed Seth.’
‘Poor Seth,’ I said softly, thinking of the way he had looked at Nissa at the beach. Another thought occurred to me. ‘Have you ever wondered what will happen if we lose?’
‘Like Lallie said, the darkness will spread.’
I shook my head. ‘I mean, what will happen to us.’
He gave me a sombre look as we turned into Ende Crescent and stopped at the bus shelter. He sniffed and grimaced. ‘What a stink.’
I looked at him in surprise. ‘You can smell it?’
‘Are you kidding?’
‘I thought I was the only one. My mother said I’d get used to it.’
‘Hey!’
We swung round to see Buddha and a group of school patrol guys coming across the oval at a run.
‘Shit,’ Indian breathed.
‘Where do you two think you’re going?’ Buddha demanded as they crowded around us. His eyes were as red as Seth’s had been the previous day, but there was no alcohol on his breath.
‘None of your business,’ Indian said.
Buddha just laughed and punched Indian as hard as he could in the stomach. He grunted and doubled over but, to my surprise, he didn’t try to hit Buddha back.
Buddha frowned and shoved him in the chest. ‘Come on, you big weak shit. Fight.’
He didn’t even flinch when Buddha slapped him hard across the face and I wondered what was the matter with him. He was easily as big as Buddha and even I could see if he beat him, none of the others would take him on. For a second I had a vision of the monkey lying down while the gorilla pounded it.
‘Cut it out,’ I yelled, hoping someone in one of the nearby houses would hear and come out. There was something frightening in Buddha’s face, an emptiness that turned his eyes into black holes. Maybe Mr Karle had not just told Buddha to rough us up. Maybe he had said anything goes. Or maybe Buddha was just too damn crazy to care.
Buddha spun on his heel without warning and punched me in the stomach as hard as he could.
‘Where were you two going?’ His voice was perfectly calm and seemed to have nothing to do with his eyes.
Winded, I gasped and heaved, struggling to get some air into my lungs. It felt like my chest was on fire. ‘To Willington,’ I managed finally as he was shaping up for another punch.
Buddha frowned and relaxed. ‘Why?’
‘To have dinner with my mother.’ There was no point in refusing to answer.
‘You’re supposed to be sick. You didn’t go to detention Saturday because you were sick,’ Buddha said, and I wondered how he knew that.
He smiled, showing his teeth as he looked down at Indian. ‘I guess we’re just going to have to teach you both a lesson.’
Right then, the bus came round the corner and stopped to let out a whole group of people in football colours. As they poured around us I grabbed the front of Indian’s shirt, hauled him after me up the bus steps and paid for us both. We sat right up the front near the bus driver but we needn’t have worried.
As the bus pulled away I could hear them all arguing because none of them had enough money to go after us.
I looked back to find them glaring balefully. All except Buddha. He was smiling.
‘You know, I wasn’t scared of fighting him,’ Indian said.
‘You don’t have to explain.’
He seemed not to hear me. ‘When I was seven my mother left me to look after my little sister Jenny. She was five. I was watching her play on some swings when these older kids came up and started calling me names.’
Indian’s face, reflected in the bus window, was bleak and stony. ‘I could have just ignored them, but I didn’t. I got mad and I started fighting. I was a lot bigger than they were, so it was no contest. I won.’
He stopped abruptly, a pulse above his collarbone hammering madly. Beyond him, the streets flicked by and people got on and off at stops, but it felt as if all of that was happening in another dimension.
‘I was so busy fighting, I didn’t see my little sister had climbed to the top of the slide. The next thing I heard was someone screaming.’
Indian was silent for a long time.
‘Did she fall?’ I prompted at last.
‘She slipped and hit her head.’ Indian looked up, straight at me and I was shocked to see tears in his eyes.
‘Did she… die?’
He shook his head. ‘She was in a coma for a week, and when she woke up, she wasn’t the same. She used to smile and laugh all the time, but now she doesn’t smile or look at you. She just stares. It’s as if I did kill her, but the body was left behind.’
The bus lurched to a stop and just in time I realised it was my stop. We both got off and watched the bus pull away.
Above us the sky sagged heavily, as grey and laden with moisture as a wet tent. I was right on time, but I was uneasy about going off and leaving Indian after what had happened at the beach with Seth.
‘You might as well come with me,’ I said casually, keeping my fingers crossed it wouldn’t put Irma Heathcote off seeing me.
Indian nodded but his mind was not on the present. ‘You know, I never told my mother the truth about that day. I… couldn’t. If I’d been watching her it wouldn’t have happened. I m
ight just as well have killed her. Sometimes I think it would have been better for her if I had. And every time I do anything, I think to myself that it’s something Jenny will never do now. Because of me.’
‘Is that why you wouldn’t fight Buddha? Because you were fighting when… when that happened?’
‘No,’ Indian said in an exhausted voice. ‘I don’t fight back because I deserve to be hurt. Because of Jenny. That’s my punishment.’
I stared at him incredulously. ‘But Indian, you were just a little kid. You didn’t mean to do it.’
He laughed bitterly. ‘Murderers say that. Soldiers who kill civilians, policemen who shoot innocent bystanders. I didn’t mean it. Only that’s no excuse, is it? Anyway, I don’t expect you to understand. It’s not why I told you, I just wanted you to know I’m not a coward.’
‘I never thought you were,’ I said.
I knocked at number 45 Pitman Street reminding myself of why I was there.
Almost at once the door opened and a fragile-looking elderly woman with white hair twirled in a bun on the top of her head looked out of a dark hallway.
‘Mrs Heathcote? I’m Nathanial and this is a friend of mine from class.’
She gave Indian a long look. ‘I’m pleased to meet you. What is your name?’
‘Frank,’ Indian said, before I could answer. He shook her hand politely, managing not to stare at the purple-tinted fingers.
Once in the brightly lit kitchen, I could see her properly. Irma Heathcote was wearing gumboots about fourteen sizes too big for her, and purple-stained overalls.
She left us to sit at a neatly scrubbed wooden kitchen table while she changed. The air was filled with gleaming pots and bottled herbs, and had the unmistakable wine scent of freshly baked bread.
I looked at Indian. ‘What did you tell her your name was Frank for?’
‘Because it is.’
Irma Heathcote came back wearing pink slippers and a flowered dress, her hands were only faintly blue now and she carried a bucket full of blackberries.
‘I know they’re a noxious weed of course, but I didn’t plant them. I’m just reaping what someone else sowed. No doubt I’ll be arrested one of these days and be put in gaol.’
The Gathering Page 15