by Kat Bostick
Though, it was hard to feel peaceful with Deak trailing ten feet behind her. She was growing more accustomed to the constant presence of a wolf at her back. That didn’t mean her skin wasn’t itchy with the need for solitude. Then again, the few times she’d managed to sneak away, that once comfortable solitude felt empty. Lonely, even.
Her place in the pack didn’t feel perfect, but it became more so as the months passed. Charlie could still kick her out after their confrontation last week—or maybe eat her. She was fairly confident he wouldn’t, though. Mari wasn’t the only one to lose her head and he admitted as much. Kind of. Fine, he conceded he was wrong only after she spoiled her half-assed apology by pestering him until he agreed with her. Even if she overreacted a little—which she didn’t—Charlie understood. Of all the pack members, he was probably the only one that could.
Jasper was as vital to her as the organ that pumped blood in her chest. There was no good explanation for how deeply she’d become entwined with him over these short months and she’d stopped looking for one. No one else would suit her. Even if he was gone, there could never be another. And she would do anything to make sure he was never, never gone from her life.
The sense of belonging with him—with all of the pack—was closer to family than she’d ever experienced in her own home. After a series of tiresome and hurtful conversations with her father, it was reassuring to know that there was somewhere she wasn’t tolerated out of obligation more than love. Even Deak didn’t make her feel anxious and prickly the way her family did, which said much about both parties.
The quiet of fall surrounded her, penetrated only by the crunch of her boots in the snow. As she let her spirit settle, Mari gradually became aware of the gentle thrum of sleeping trees. It was almost like they snored, their magic as dormant as their life force as they towered naked and grey amidst the whitened landscape.
Clusters of evergreens dotted the trail, offering little dashes of color. Mari approached one, resting her palm against the thick trunk of a pine. Sticky, frozen sap greeted her skin, followed by a zing of magic that all parts of Earth Mother’s domain held. She could almost see the glowing green of that magic without focusing, yet another sign that she was growing stronger in her innate abilities as a witch.
How that strength worked, she still wasn’t sure. Mari possessed her family legacy and a collection of others that Lyse left behind. There was a great deal of knowledge to be found in those books, but it hadn’t provided the clear and concise answers that she hoped for. Without a coven to train her, Mari had little understanding of how her magic functioned.
She could grasp the basics. There was power in her blood and she could use it to cast spells. That was an enormous oversimplification though.
There was power in her blood, but there was also power in the earth and power that came from the moon and stars. Mari could channel that power—and often times needed to—when she was casting more complex or powerful spells. It had her questioning whether she truly had power or if she simply had the capacity for power. Maybe she was like a magical battery that could hold more charge than other witches.
Then again, the more she exercised her ability as a spellcaster and the more accustomed she became to casting powerful spells, the easier it was. Almost as if she could open the channel between herself and the goddesses and leave it that way. Currently, it was impossible to do that continuously without exhausting herself. Casting for Mari was similar to changing for werewolves. It was exhilarating and necessary but drained her physical energy, leaving her hungry and her body weak.
The night of the hunter’s moon, when she cast on the whole pack for the first and only time, she was too pumped full of adrenaline to realize how much the spell took out of her. At the end of the night she’d fallen so deeply asleep that she hadn’t even dreamt—something quite rare given her other inherited abilities. She’d also slept for so many hours that she woke stiff and groggy to a very panicked Jasper the following evening. Apparently he’d attempted to wake her multiple times with no response.
At first Mari thought her exhaustion was a result of the magical scales rebalancing themselves. She drew that much power from the goddesses and thus she was required to give that much back. Gran had referred to it as The Law of Return. Her grandmother always made it sound like a very black and white issue. What one put out into the world was also what they would receive. That should mean that what power a witch drew from the goddesses would in turn be drawn from her.
That was how Mari had come to understand her mother’s death. She drew so much power during Mari’s birth that the goddesses claimed her life as a balancing act.
It was Clem who argued against the logic of that. If every time a witch cast she was weakened, there would be no truly powerful witches. The disadvantage was too great. It would only take a spell that was slightly too powerful to kill a witch after she cast it.
And so that left them understanding that there were rules to magic—as was expected—but feeling terribly unclear about how exactly they worked. No one grimoire or legacy gave direct explanation. Some even contradicted each other when discussing the price paid for a spell.
That was the sole truth that was universal. No magic came without a price. Earth Mother and Mother Moon created their magic as a means to balance the world. That was why practicing black magic was so unforgiveable. It imbalanced the scales, creating pain and darkness and all manner of evil. No, not creating them so much as opening that doorway for them. They were like specters that lingered on some incorporeal plane, waiting for the right vessel to allow them access to the physical world.
That explanation still lacked many of the complexities Mari encountered. Werewolves were creatures of incredible magic, yet the balance they brought was primal and mostly targeted at the natural world. They were almost completely separate from the mundane world and the world of magic folk, their existence hidden and spoken of in hushed, fearful tones.
Unless Lyse was to be believed and they were creations of the witches of old, brought about to serve as protectors and warriors for magic folk. Perhaps there was some truth to that, but it didn’t mean they weren’t children of the moon above all else. It was she who guided their hearts, the powerful pull of the Huntress leading them to roam the bosom of her sister, consuming the flesh of the weak, the dying, and the black-hearted.
So what was her role as a true witch? Besides to serve the pack and keep them in balance—Which you’re totally failing at, by the way. Was each type of magic and each level of skill another dimension of divine scaling? There was no way for Mari to know. Even in a coven, she might not have found the answers she was looking for. Instead, she could only walk the forest, open to hearing the wise whispers of the trees. Maybe the answers could come from Earth Mother, if she was receptive enough.
Now that she was here, Mari came to realize how long it had been since she’d taken a walk through the trees just to commune with them. Occasionally she joined the wolves, if only to hear their song fill the night, but the stress of her situation with Jasper left her unmotivated and unfocused. Worse, the guilt and darkness that clouded her every day made her feel disconnected, out of touch from herself. She was definitely out of touch from her magic.
The dream that repeated each night for the last week didn’t help. No matter how she tried to distract herself, Mari couldn’t stop hearing that voice in her head. Her voice, yet not her voice at all. She couldn’t stop fearing that the entity she saw was the result of the dark magic she’d unwittingly used when killing Lyse.
But she’d cast, hadn’t she? In a moment of panic she cast on Jasper and nothing bad happened. Was that because she was too scared of the outcome if she didn’t? Because the spell came from her too quickly and instinctively to be hijacked by the hungering darkness? There was no way to know. There was no way to know anything.
Maybe all of her father’s premonitions were right. Darkness came to her naturally. She’d walked in it her whole life, blindly plowing do
wn path after path with no illumination. No light.
Here, she finally managed to push those questions and concerns away. It was obvious that the best cure for her frayed nerves and growing anxiety was this: Peace among friends that expected nothing of her, friends that never spoke of hard choices and fulfilling obligations.
Choices like the one she made five days ago when she mailed wedding invitations to her friends and family with no warning. That was going to come back to bite her. Father Above, hopefully it was only metaphorical biting. What was she going to do if people actually showed up to witness her wedding in a house full of werewolves?
And how was she going to deal with what came next? Marrying Jasper was only a delay of the inevitable. He was getting worse. So was she. One way or the other, Mari was going to have to make a decision. She felt like she was right back in the same place she’d been two months ago—wavering between the pack and a coven, feeling the mounting pressure of everyone expecting some kind of clarity from her.
Taking a deep breath, Mari walked a few more feet and braced herself on another tree. Her eyes fluttered closed as the cool air coursed through her lungs. With concentration, the glow of magic became a canvas of color on the backs of her eyelids. There were varying shades of green, some dimmer and softer than others. Occasionally she caught the faintest wisps of blue, like she’d seen in Alexey’s storefront, but she wasn’t entirely sure how to identify that brand of magic.
She tilted her head, seeking out what she expected was a gentle aura of gold. Instead she got vibrant, gilded light, interlaced with the finest strands of a sea green color that she’d only just begun to see more clearly. Mari didn’t have to open her eyes to know that it wasn’t Deak waiting quietly at the edge of the trail behind her.
There was her light.
“What are you doing here, Jasper?” She asked without opening her eyes.
He was almost noiseless as he journeyed across the snow. His ungloved hands burned against her chilled cheeks.
“I came to retrieve you.” That voice was a beam of golden evening sun on a perfect summer day, intangible, yet so rich and fulfilling that she felt as if she could grasp it in her hands and hold onto it forever.
The delicious vibration sent along her jaw as he nuzzled her throat was almost enough to distract her from what he’d said. “Retrieve me?”
He shifted her wool hat so he could kiss the spot beneath her ear, making her puppy dog heart kick up a notch. “For a holiday break.”
Mari finally peered out from behind her eyelids to give him a scrutinizing look. “I didn’t know I got a holiday break. The lodge isn’t exactly empty.”
Though, it was pretty close. They had a few loyal retirees that returned for the festive Thanksgiving celebration that Wolf Ridge Lodge hosted all week, but otherwise the place was a ghost town. Not too many people were eager to drive the narrow, poorly plowed roads to get to Humble Springs once the snow was falling regularly.
Jasper’s expression was somewhere between a sheepish smile and a grimace. “We need you to come home.”
A stone dropped into her stomach. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s better if you see for yourself.”
“Jasper.” She squared her shoulders. “What happened?”
“It’s not bad, just…unexpected.”
Somehow, Mari didn’t believe him.
✽✽✽
Work wasn’t far from home but the unpaved road made it a slow journey, even in Cash’s monstrous SUV. Mari would have to give up driving her tiny Toyota until spring. Northern Minnesota wasn’t compact car friendly.
Jasper’s expression was annoyingly neutral when he pulled into the open barn door. It wouldn’t have been so irritating if it wasn’t a total lie. Something had him stressed, the closest to anxious she’d ever seen Jasper. Father Above, what was she about to walk into?
The strain radiating through their link was becoming so uncomfortable it made her skin feel too tight. The lunch in her stomach sat like a rock and some frustrated animal part of Mari wanted to howl out her feelings. Belatedly she realized that probably wasn’t her at all, but Jasper.
His hand was on the door when she stilled him. She needed some kind of reassurance or understanding of what was going on or she was going to completely flip out. “Jas, wait—”
Jasper had already pushed down on the handle and as the front door creaked open, a high pitched and familiar shriek came from just beyond the foyer. “Mari! There you are!”
Completely caught off guard, she looked between the foyer, where her best friend was bouncing toward her with arms outstretched, and the redhead leaning over her. Jasper grimaced again.
“Aubrey?” Mari managed to grunt as five and a quarter feet of petite blonde slammed into her. Actually, Aubrey’s hair wasn’t blonde anymore. It was some odd color between white and grey-blue. If Mari saw her from behind she might think Aubrey was an old woman.
“Hey, bitch!” Aubrey squealed.
A growl began rumbling behind her but Mari quickly lifted a leg and donkey kicked Jasper. He clearly didn’t understand the many different applications of the word bitch. “What—what are you doing here?”
“Gee, Mar, I’m happy to see you too.” Aubrey rolled her eyes, still not releasing her from a vicelike hug.
Mari gave a quick squeeze before extricating herself from Aubrey’s arms. Cold air was blasting her back and being trapped in the foyer with Aubrey and Jasper made her feel suffocated. “I am happy to see you, Aubs, but really, what are you doing here?”
Aubrey pulled a folded wedding invitation out of the back pocket of her jeans and waved it aggressively in front of Mari’s face. “This is why I’m here. Or is this some kind of prank? Because you forgot to tell your Maid of Honor that you’re getting married.”
Yup. Definitely coming back to bite her. “It’s not a prank.”
“You’re actually getting married?”
“Yes.”
“To who?”
Mari inclined her head in Jasper’s direction. Her usually errant tongue was lost for even one word.
Aubrey seemed to notice Jasper for the first time. Her gaze started at his navel, travelling further and further up until her chin was lifted. Mari didn’t know what kind of expression he was wearing now, but she knew the type of first impression Jasper made. Masculine features, captivating green irises that glowed with preternatural awareness—flawless. If Mari had to describe him, that was the word she would use. Months with him and Jasper still managed to take her breath away.
The sharp line that cut Aubrey’s lips said that perhaps she didn’t find him quite as appealing. “Jasper O’Connell? Funny, I didn’t even know your last name until I read it on this fancy piece of paper.”
Jasper was eerily still and silent, his gaze locked on Aubrey in a way that made Mari shiver. Aubrey visibly blanched, her already pale skin becoming nearly translucent, but to her credit, she didn’t look away.
Mari broke their stand off by tapping the invitation clutched in Aubrey’s hand and saying, “You realize the wedding is next month, right?”
“Yeah, I read the damn thing.”
“So, um, you’re early?”
“You and me need to talk, Mar. Right. Now.” Aubrey crossed her arms, scowling under a curtain of grey-blue bangs. The hair color, Mari realized, was almost the same shade as her eyes.
“You drove here in the snow just to talk?”
“I know you’re not stupid. Quit acting like it. I’m here because you sent me—Me! Your best friend—an invitation to your wedding without even letting me know you were engaged.” Her voice became so shrill that Jasper winced.
“Technically, I mailed the invitations.” Clem appeared around the staircase, her square jaw lifted but her smile rueful.
“And I can take the blame for Mari’s silence. The lodge is busy during the holidays and I’ve been working her too hard for socializing.” Charlie wasn’t far behind her.