by Kat Bostick
A gentle tug suddenly pulled at the threads of gold interwoven with her magic—the threads wrapped snuggly around her heart. It was an intangible caress, wordless solace. “I’m here. Always, patiently here.” Jasper seemed to say. Warmth spilled into every inch of her, making her fingers and toes curl.
It had been so long since she’d been actively aware of the magic of that bond. Too long. She hadn’t intentionally opened to it. Another side effect of utilizing even hints of her power earlier today. There was no in between. A witch was either in the flow of magic or she wasn’t.
No in between. No middle ground. No standing at a fork in the road and not choosing either path.
A sudden realization struck her then. Mari was once again disregarding their bond, tucking it away because she didn’t know how to handle the intensity of it. She was cutting herself off from Jasper out of insecurity and fear. Not just Jasper. The paralysis that kept her stagnant for the past months cut her off from everything that was her—the voices of her ancestors, the power that connected her to the thrum of life that was the goddess below.
Mari was so petrified by the idea of darkness overtaking her that she hollowed herself out. She made the perfect nest for it, really.
Now she was so aware of the fullness of Jasper, so attuned to the feel of his magic—such powerful magic. Sometimes she wondered if Jasper was even more powerful than her, a power that wasn’t wolf at all. Where did it come from? And how did he love her so deeply, even when she was taking the precious and fragile bond between them and shoving it in a mental sock drawer to deal with later?
Maybe his sudden presence within her had nothing to do with using her magic and everything to do with her admission. That one unspoken word was like a dam in their bond, letting only the tiniest hints trickle by.
Clarity became music all around her. The thing about darkness was that it was only blinding when you looked into it. But Mari had light at her back this whole time—light in her chest, where Jasper held her safe as she drifted.
“What you put out is what you will receive.” Gran’s voice echoed clearly. It was true for where she put her focus, too. Mari was so consumed with the idea that she was ruined that she was destroying herself. She was giving the darkness exactly what it wanted. Hadn’t even tried to fight it.
Suddenly overwhelmed with relief, Mari tugged back, telling Jasper, “I’m here too. I’m here with you.” His joy was palpable.
“Thank you!” Mari interrupted whatever Aubrey was saying, grabbing her face and kissing her cheek over and over. “Thank you for coming. You—you have no idea what you being here means to me. You’ve really helped me.”
“Um, you’re welcome. Does that mean the wedding is called off?” Aubrey shoved her away, wiping her face.
“Stay for Thanksgiving.” Mari didn’t answer the question. “You’re right. It is weird. It’s all super weird and that’s kind of what I like about it. I’m sorry for springing this on you. I shouldn’t have done it that way. But I want you to see that I’m happy and that this is the right decision for me. Please?”
A friendship that she’d spent years relying on was teetering on the edge of death and this was the only way Mari could see to fix it. With honesty. Well, curated honesty.
Aubrey mulled it over just long enough to make Mari sweat. Finally, she quietly said, “I can’t do that to my parents.” She was an only child and with each passing year that Aubrey didn’t “find a nice boy” and “start planning for her future,” they grew more despondent and lonely.
“Okay. You’re right. Bad timing. Can I at least take you by the lodge for a drink? It’s a lot nicer than you think.”
“Fine, but they better do girly drinks.” Aubrey shook her head, still scowling. “I can’t believe you’re doing this. You are such a crazy bitch.”
“I know.” Mari beamed. “Can you forgive me?”
“We’ll see.”
“Will you be my Maid of Honor?”
“You suck, you know that? You’re supposed to ask before you plan the wedding. And you’re supposed to do something cool.”
“Fine.” Mari slid off the bed and got down on one knee. “Will you be my Maid of—”
“Ugh, you know I will Mari, stop being weird.” Aubrey dropped into a hug that landed them both on the floor. “I hate you sometimes.”
“I love you always.” She answered, squeezing Aubrey until she squeaked. “I can’t believe you drove all the way here to argue with me.”
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you live in a mansion. What does Charlie do for a living?”
“He owns the lodge.”
“A vacation lodge pays for all this?”
Mari shrugged. “He comes from old money.” He was the old money. Just how old? Maybe even Charlie didn’t know.
“No kidding.”
“Hey Aubs?” Mari wrapped an arm around Aubrey’s shoulder as they exited the guestroom and headed down the stairs. “I am happy to see you.”
Reckless little witch, you’re playing with fire. Mari wasn’t sure if it was her ancestors or her own mind mocking her as she ushered her friend back down the stairs, but she flipped her middle finger to the space above her, just in case.
Mind your own business, freaking ghost witches.
Chapter 10
Mari
Aubrey left that same afternoon. Mari was hesitant to let her make the drive back as the sun was setting—and after watching her chug two strangely colored drinks like they were water—but there was no keeping her.
“Will you be here for the wedding? It wouldn’t be the same without my Maid of Honor.” Mari coaxed.
“Yeah, I’ll be here.” Aubrey rolled her eyes. “But when I get married you better be the best Maid of Honor that’s ever existed.”
Mari nodded a bit too vigorously. “Yes. Definitely. Best ever. Just you wait.”
“I miss you, y’know. A lot.” Aubrey hugged her for the third or fourth time. “All my friends are shallow. It gets boring.”
“Maybe you need some new friends?”
“Maybe I need my best friend. Are you sure you want to live up here?”
“Positive.” She nodded again. “Now get out of here. The road from here to Hibbing isn’t safe in the dark.”
“Fine. I love you, bitch.” Aubrey blew her a kiss. “And your bizarre-o fiancé is hot. If tall, dark, and scary is your thing.”
Mari caught it. “Keep your eyes to yourself.” She waved from the porch, knowing there were several sets of spying eyes peering out the window from Charlie’s office. “I love you too!”
Thanksgiving festivities began and continued as if nothing happened. For that, Mari was grateful. Jasper seemed to understand that she needed some processing time. Sometime soon Charlie was going to want to talk to her about the risk of uninvited guests and how to prevent it from happening again. That was going to be a problem. Aubrey was big on surprise visits.
For now, he was too busy voicing his gratitude, giving multiple toasts—apparently toasts were Charlie’s thing—and cooking up a feast unlike anything Mari had ever seen. The four turkeys he cooked were so big that they were the only food to fit on the table. The granite island, which was not small, was completely layered in dish after dish. Some of it was traditional Thanksgiving food—mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, pumpkin pies—and some of it was fancy and foreign stuff. Most of it was meat, as was expected of a werewolf Thanksgiving.
Mari ate in silence, watching both the boisterous and discreet interactions between pack members. Cash demolished half a turkey on his own and she was pretty sure he kept eating it even when he didn’t want it so that one of his brothers would challenge him to a fight over it. Clem desperately tried not to laugh at several crude insults Jasper and Deak slung at each other, covering her mouth with her napkin. And Coralee was watching Teal.
They were barely finishing pie before someone—probably Cash—flung open the back door and tumbled out into the snow. Jasper, Deak, and Te
al trailed after him, scuffling and roughhousing the whole way. Clem rolled her eyes and grumbled something about dirty dishes, but she was standing on the porch with Mari a few minutes later, watching Cash dodge snowballs as Teal fired at him.
“Were you raised in a barn? Shut that damn door before you let all the heat out!” Cora chastised from the doorway, a second plate of pie in her hands.
“I was born in a barn.” Deak replied, flicking snow in Cora’s direction and provoking an angry hiss.
Grinning, Jasper asked, “Like Jesus?”
“Have you even touched a bible?” Deak shot back.
Jasper shrugged. “Probably not.”
“My original assessment when you joined this pack was correct, then. You’re a demon, not a werewolf.”
“No, I’m pretty sure I remember you saying, ‘You’re my brother now and we’re going to be best friends. I already love you more than Cash and Teal.’”
Deak wrinkled his nose. “You wish.”
Jasper took that as an invitation to tackle him, wrapping an arm around his throat, and dragging him into the snow. Deak growled when Jasper rubbed his knuckles through perfectly slicked back hair. The fight that ensued would be considered a little too vicious if it was between humans. Werewolves didn’t think giving each other black eyes and bleeding wounds was excessive. Jasper wouldn’t feel a modicum of remorse for the bruise that would purple Deak’s jaw tomorrow and Deak would wear it proudly.
Uncivilized brutes. And Mari was growing to love them for it.
All of them, not just Jasper. Deak definitely hated her, Coralee seemed to legitimately think she was of hellish origin, and she and Charlie trusted each other about as far as one could throw the other. But he welcomed her into his home regardless. They all did. When it counted most, they defended her. Even Deak warned that he would be “pissed and annoyed” if she died from her knife inflicted wound and left Jasper “mopey and mentally decaying for the rest of his days.”
Somehow, she’d talked herself out of all the goodness that made her want to stay in the first place. She cocooned herself in doubt and self-loathing. Perhaps she was evil, coated in a sticky ichor that would never be cleansed. Very well. Let that darkness try to consume her. Let it try it’s damnedest to fester and rot her bond with Jasper, her connection to her ancestors, her pure, goddess given well of power.
Mari would fight it every second of every day until she took her last breath. There was blood on her hands and beasts at her back. She was powerful. But she believed the goddesses didn’t craft only one fate. They never laid a single path before her. If it was her choice, Mari could have left the pack, left Jasper, left the country and run away from all that she was.
Aubrey’s visit was a mess, not at all what she would have wanted as her best friend’s introduction into her new life. And yet, it was exactly what Mari needed. The intention of the trip was for Aubrey to convince Mari she was making a crazy, impulsive decision and should return to the world she knew. What it actually did was make Mari realize that she was holding herself back the same way she had in the beginning. She was hiding herself from Jasper because she was afraid of what he would see.
You can’t hide from me, he once told her. It was true. Jasper saw all of her insecurity and doubt. He took it on himself as his burden.
His only real fault was letting her avoid any blame for their rocky relationship. Well, that and punching his brothers for looking at her, but that was probably more of a jealous man thing than an out of control werewolf thing.
In two days the moon would be full, the wolves would be out, and Mari would be ready. One month ago, she made her choice. She spoke it to Mother Moon, a divine promise that she fully intended to keep. Mari always kept her promises.
Chapter 11
Mari
Mari sat cross legged in the snow, eyes closed, focusing intently on the feel of Jasper as he made his change. She didn’t cast tonight. Call it performance anxiety, but she still didn’t have it in her to utilize her power. Especially not with the whole pack present.
And there was still that inkling of doubt. What would happen if she cast with a tainted soul? There had to be an answer to this darkness dilemma, but she didn’t know where to begin. Especially when no one but her was in on it.
There was one source that might have some information. Alexey seemed to sense the shadow hovering over her—within her—for weeks. But no way in hell was Mari going to call him and ask for advice. Nope. Never going to happen.
Focus, Mari.
Once the wolves sprinted off on their hunt, Mari began her own full moon ritual. She gave her gratitude to the forest and fields for providing for the pack, she thanked Earth Mother for sharing her power, she paid respect to the Father Above for watching over them from his perch in the sky, and she thanked Mother Moon for being the guiding light in the darkness.
Cocking her head to listen to the woods and verify she was alone, Mari finished her ritual with a request for courage and a blessing. “Bless the bond that tonight I complete. Let it be unbroken, unbent, and unburdened. Guide us toward harmony when there is turmoil. Grant each of us strength to give to the other when they are weak. Let us walk in your forests hand in hand, tend to your gardens, give life when it is called for and bring death when it is time. My heart and soul for the heart and soul of the man who wears the skin of the wolf.”
As soon as she was done, Mari felt the familiar heat and tingle of magic tickle up from her toes all the way to her crown. It was there on her tongue too, sweet like spring water and just as exhilarating.
Prayers and rituals complete, Mari trudged through the snow to the cottage. Charlie neglected to show her the old house when he gave his original tour because, in his words, it was an embarrassment. The three bedroom cottage style home was painted in charming shades of blue, nothing like the dark wood and stone that made up the main house. If she squinted, Mari could almost imagine the surrounding snow was sand and the building was a vacation home on a beach. It seemed so out of character for Charlie after seeing the main house and the lodge.
Probably because it was. Clem was responsible for the design and layout—which explained the blue. Everything she owned was blue, down to the blue sheets that covered her bed. The house was originally intended for mated pack members, offering privacy when they inevitably had families. Maybe that was why Charlie and Jasper were both tight-lipped about the place. Neither of them wanted Mari and Jasper moving out of the main house and they suspected she would beg for the private space if she knew it was there.
Someday she might. The lack of privacy in the main house grated on her nerves. And with Cash as their roommate? Father Above, it was like living in a frat house. Still, there was a draw to communal living that she wasn’t ready to give up. With a busy brother, an uninterested step-sister, and a father that barely looked at her, Mari sometimes felt she was an only child. Charlie’s house remedied years of loneliness and isolation that Mari hadn’t realized was wearing on her.
Besides, the cottage was a cottage only in name and style. The place was huge—bigger than her childhood home by several hundred square feet—and much more than she wanted to manage. The house had no furniture and there was a fine layer of dust on the kitchen counters. Thankfully, Charlie kept the power on so they could run heat all winter and avoid damage to the untouched structure.
Mari snuck in hours before the full moon, cranking the heat up to a comfortable seventy, stacking firewood by the luxurious fireplace, and giving the floors a good sweep while she was at it. The cottage wasn’t the most romantic setting without anywhere for them to sit, but it was better than attempting what she was planning in the main house.
This was between her and Jasper. They didn’t need anyone eavesdropping through the door—or the wall or the floor because apparently werewolves could hear every noise from just about everywhere.
She got to work arranging four white candles into a circle beside the fireplace. The fifth candle was crimson with rose peta
ls embedded in the wax. Around the base of each candle she sprinkled more rose petals and lavender that were picked from the flowerbeds and dried in the summer. Thanks to Gran, Mari had the basic herbal knowledge she needed.