All of You

by Jasmine Stevens

  Trying to get Zoe into the car seat proved troublesome too. She bucked and screamed, not wanting to get strapped in. Finally buckled in, they reversed out of the driveway with Emma in the back seat trying to console a still screaming Zoe.

  As he parked the car, Zoe had finally settled. Placing a hand on the passenger seat, he looked back at Emma. ‘How about I run in and get the Panadol. She’s calm, let’s leave her that way.’

  ‘I’m hearing you.’ Emma sighed. ‘Thanks.’

  He raced into the chemist hoping he got the list of items right and hoping whatever he did get, made both Zoe and her mum smile again.

  Ben returned, with an armload of medicine. Emma took them gratefully and immediately syringed the required amount of medication into Zoe’s mouth, which was no easy feat as she tossed and turned her head, refusing to stay still. Emma sat back in the seat and rested her head, closing her eyes. Being a parent was damn hard, and raising a child on her own was even harder. She was lucky she had such great friends. Ben broke through her thoughts.

  ‘How about I grab us a coffee and some lunch? You sit tight with Zo.’ He jumped out of the driver seat before she could even answer. She watched as he stopped to talk to a tall, blonde woman, who flicked her hair over her shoulder, obviously flirting with him.

  How could she possibly compete with that? Why would Ben want to spend time with her and Zoe when he could be spending his free time with women who looked like they had jumped off the pages of Vogue magazine? She looked over at Zoe, who had finally closed her eyes and had drifted to sleep. She exhaled a sigh of relief she was unaware she’d been holding in, and picked up her phone, ringing her sister.

  ‘Hey, sis.’ Jess always sounded loud and chirpy.

  ‘Hey, Jess. God, it’s good to hear your voice.’ Emma laid her head back on the headrest and closed her eyes.

  ‘What’s up? You sound down.’ Emma heard a car horn beep through the phone, and then her sister’s voice yelled out, ‘Patience is a virtue, dickhead.’

  Emma smiled to herself. Yep, that was her sister in all her glory, and God, how she missed her. ‘I miss you, Jess.’

  ‘Spill. What’s happening in the exciting life of Emma McIntosh?’

  ‘Well, what would you like to know? How about the fact I’ve had zero sleep, Zoe is teething and is super clingy. Or should I tell you about this guy, Ben? I’m falling badly for him, who is all wrong for me? Or I could tell you I have no idea what I’m doing with Zoe.’

  ‘Take a breath, Em. What you’re feeling is what we call, motherhood. So welcome to the joys of becoming a mum.’

  Emma sighed, opening her eyes and looking at the ceiling of the car. ‘What if I’m messing this completely up?’

  ‘You’re going to make mistakes and plenty of them. Just try not to make the same mistakes twice.’ Jess giggled, and Emma replied with a soft, tired laugh.

  ‘Should I take Zoe to the doctor?’

  ‘Trust your gut. You know what to do, you’ve got this. It’s scary, I know, but you’ll get through it. I promise. Now tell me about this guy you like.’

  Emma smiled, simply thinking of Ben made her giddy with happiness. ‘Well, where do I start? He’s drop-dead gorgeous, sexy as hell, and has all the women chasing him. He’s been so kind to Zoe and me, but he’s made it pretty clear he’s not interested in a relationship but is quite happy for a casual fling.’

  ‘Mmm. Go casual. Are you crazy? He sounds like he’s hot, you need a rebound to get over that tosser, Ryan. But whatever you do, don’t fall in love with him, or you’ll end up sad and heartbroken like you were when Ryan left you.’

  ‘He’s a good friend, and we’ve decided not to be more than friends, but the more time I spend with him, the more attracted I am to him.’

  ‘You know what I think? My advice is to go for it. Have a little fun.’ Jess’s motto in life was to go for it. ‘What have you got to lose?’

  ‘Um. My heart.’ Emma spotted Ben jogging back with food in hand.

  ‘Oh, that little thing. That can be fixed.’ Emma could hear through her sister’s voice that she was smiling.

  ‘Gotta go, Jess. He’s coming back.’ Emma sat up straighter in her seat.

  ‘Are you with him?’ The excitement in Jess’s tone was unmistakable.

  ‘Yeah, gotta go. Love ya.’

  Emma heard her sister’s ‘Back at ya’ as she went to press the end call button.

  Ben opened the door and clambered into the car, holding up a brown paper bag of food. He looked into the back seat. ‘Ahh, she’s finally asleep.’

  ‘She sure is.’ Emma opened the door and climbed into the front seat beside Ben. He handed her a cup of coffee and opened the paper bag to reveal two pies and a sausage roll. ‘I got pies for us and a sausage roll for Zo. Hope that’s okay?’

  Emma eyed off the pie with the golden crusty pastry. The smell coming from the bag could only be described as divine. As she bit into the pastry, she burnt the roof of her mouth. She waved her hand over her mouth, blowing and noticed Ben was grinning over at her.

  ‘What?’ she said with a mouth full of food.

  ‘Yeah, I forgot to mention they’re pretty hot.’

  ‘Whoa. They really are.’ She took her water bottle out of her bag and took a few sips trying to cool the heat in her mouth.

  ‘So, I hope you don’t mind, but when I was in the bakery, I ran into Harvey, the owner of the hardware store, and I ordered you some soil and manure. He’s dropping it off soon. I can probably wheelbarrow most of it before I have to head back to the farm.’

  ‘Thanks, Ben.’ She blew on her pie and hesitantly took another bite. It was much cooler this time.

  ‘Leave the soil a couple of weeks before planting anything,’ Ben said before biting into his pie.

  ‘I have no idea about gardening. The closest thing I had to a garden in Melbourne was a pot I had in the courtyard with rosemary in it.’

  ‘Well, it all depends on what you want to grow, but the best things to plant at this time of the year are broccoli, cauliflower, and carrots. You could plant some strawberries, too.’

  ‘Zoe loves broccoli, carrots, and strawberries. It will be lovely being able to pick them fresh out of the garden to cook.’

  ‘Yeah, there’s nothing like homegrown organic vegetables. Do you know you can peel the skin off homegrown potatoes with your thumb?’

  Emma dusted the crumbs off her hands out the window. ‘Really? That’s amazing. I’ll have to try that.’ She turned around to see Ben looking at her with clear desire in his eyes.

  He reached out and touched his hand to her hair. ‘You’re beautiful, Em.’

  She looked down at her lap, taking his hand away from her hair and placing it back over to the safety of his side of the car. ‘You shouldn’t say that. It’s against the rules, remember?’

  ‘I know, but it’s the truth, and besides, I thought we established friends could give each other compliments.’

  She stammered. ‘Well… umm, of course, they can, but when you say things like I’m beautiful, it feels like more than a friend saying I look nice.’

  ‘Well, I’m a guy telling his friend she looks nice. No harm in saying that.’

  Emma gave him a look which said she didn’t believe one word he was saying.

  ‘What?’ He put his hands up. ‘It’s an innocent compliment.’

  ‘Okay, Romeo. If you say so. Let’s head back to my place before Harvey arrives with the soil.’

  Ben winked at her, smiling, before placing the car into reverse and pulling out of the car park.

  The afternoon flew by with Ben barrowing soil into the garden bed and Emma holding a sleeping Zoe. The view from her position under the jacaranda tree was breathtaking. Watching Ben’s muscles bulge as he worked sent vibes of longing within her. Being with Ben made her happy, he uplifted her but wasn’t suffocating. Everything about him appealed to her. It was a shame they could only be friends.

  He was raking the chicken manure-scent
ed soil when the locksmith finally arrived. As the front door was unlocked, the middle-aged man with salt and pepper hair looked over to her and whistled. ‘You have quite the set up here. Nobody’s getting into this place.’

  Emma shrugged. ‘That’s the idea.’

  She saw the look of interest spread over Ben’s face from the corner of her eye.

  The locksmith placed his tools in his kit and left. When Emma turned around, Ben was standing, leaning against a pole on her verandah. His legs were crossed at the ankles, and his arms were folded over his chest. His eyes were curious. ‘What?’ she asked.

  ‘You’re a mystery, that’s what.’ He moved from the pole and walked towards her looking directly into her eyes. ‘What aren’t you telling me?’

  ‘I don’t know what you mean?’

  ‘Yes, you do. This house is a fortress. I thought when I got here this morning I could have at least hitched you up through the bathroom window, but there was no way we were getting into this place.’

  She turned and walked into the house. He followed. ‘I don’t understand what your question is?’ She continued to walk down the hallway to Zoe’s room. She placed the baby into the cot, covering her with her fluffy pink blanket. When she turned around, they bumped chest to chest.

  ‘My question,’ Ben whispered, ‘is why all the security? Who are you afraid of? Why do you feel so unsafe?’

  ‘That’s three questions, not one.’ She pushed at his chest, and he stepped backward allowing her to pass. They walked in silence back out to the living room, and Emma plopped herself down on the lounge. Looking up, she saw Ben reach down to the coffee table and pick up a bunch of brochures.

  His eyebrows lifted as he flicked through the pamphlets. ‘Start explaining.’ He lifted one brochure. ‘Security cameras?’ He lifted the other brochure. ‘An alarm system. What’s going on?’ He lowered himself onto the arm of the lounge. His eyes pierced hers with concern. When she said nothing, he swore. ‘Talk.’ His tone was gruff and abrasive, and she jumped in response.

  ‘I come from Melbourne. I’m used to having security. It’s like I’m naked without it.’ She didn’t meet his eyes as she spoke.

  ‘Bullshit.’ The lounge dipped as he sat next to her. ‘Are you in danger?’

  Emma swallowed the lump in her throat and stared straight ahead at Zoe’s teddy bear laying on the carpet. She had an overwhelming feeling of déjà vu. This felt too much like their altercation last week.

  ‘Well. Goddammit. What’s going on?’ he demanded.

  She glanced sideways at him. Saw the dark look of confusion and worry etched on his face. She had to remain strong, though. ‘I can’t tell you.’ Then hurt flashed across his face, and she immediately regretted her words. ‘I’m sorry, Ben. I truly am.’ She placed a hand on his knee, and he jumped up as if her touch had scolded him.

  He ran a shaky hand through his hair. ‘I have to go. The cows need milking.’ He strode towards the door, and she raced after him, stopping him by grabbing hold of his arm. He looked back at her. ‘What?’

  ‘I can look after myself. You don’t need to worry about Zoe or me.’

  ‘That doesn’t mean I won’t worry. I care about you and Zoe. How can I push that aside and trust whatever you’re running from won’t catch up with you and hurt the both of you? Tell me how I can sit and do nothing and hope you’ll be okay. I’m not that man who turns a cheek to men hurting women. If Ryan so much as steps a foot in Holbrook, he’ll find himself in a whole world of trouble.’ He turned and slammed through the door.

  ‘Ben!’ she yelled as she ran after him. He strode down the front steps, not stopping, and not turning back. ‘Ben, please.’

  He placed a hand up to stop her. ‘I’ve gotta go.’ He got into Lilly’s car and drove off with his foot flat to the pedal.

  Ben pulled over in front of the police station and tried to calm himself before he went inside. He had rung his dad and told him he’d be late for milking. Thomas hadn’t been happy, but this was far too important to wait. Emma was scared, it was as clear as a cloudless day. But why? It had to be that idiot, Ryan. He expelled a sigh, maybe he’d have to pay a visit to the son of a bitch in Melbourne and warn him off.

  He got out of the car as Senior Sergeant Roy Evans walked past with a steaming coffee in hand. ‘Hey there, Ben.’

  ‘Hey, Roy. Could we have a chat in private, mate?’ Ben stepped alongside Roy as he walked through the sliding doors of the police station.

  ‘I take it this isn’t a social visit?’ Roy looked sideways with concern at Ben.

  ‘Nope.’ He followed Roy into his office and sat down on a hard, plastic seat like the ones you find in doctors’ waiting rooms. Roy sat down on the other side of the desk which was scattered with little yellow Post-it Notes. ‘I think you need a better filing system, mate,’ Ben said as he indicated to a Post-it Note stuck to a coffee mug.

  ‘So, everyone keeps telling me.’ He took a sip of his coffee. ‘What can I do for you? Although I think I may have a fair indication.’ He smiled over the top of his coffee.

  Ben shifted uncomfortably in his seat. ‘Yeah, well. Can you run a check on Emma McIntosh? I think she’s in some kind of trouble.’

  Roy placed his coffee carefully on the wooden desk and leaned forward, crossing his arms. ‘What makes you say that?’

  ‘Well, for one, her house is more secure than a prison. She’s just missing the barbed wire.’

  Roy smiled and looked down before lifting his gaze back to Ben. ‘That’s not a crime.’

  ‘I’m not saying she’s committed a crime. I’m saying she’s a victim of a crime, and she needs keeping an eye on. I’m worried.’

  ‘Look, mate, there’s not much I can tell you other than she’s perfectly capable of looking after herself.’ Roy picked up his coffee and took another sip.

  ‘How can you sit here and say that?’ Ben banged two open hands on the desk. ‘Wait. So you know something’s going on?’

  Roy simply sat looking at Ben with an expression that said, ‘I’m onto it, and I can’t tell you what’s happening.’

  ‘Why such secrecy? How much trouble is she in?’

  Roy took a deep breath. ‘I know your frustrated, mate, but the best thing you can do for Emma right now is be her friend. Look in on her every now and then. Report anything unusual. That’s what we’ll be doing at our end. It’s all anyone can do.’

  Ben threw his hands in the air and swore. ‘Well, a whole lot of good it was coming here to talk to you. I’m none the wiser, and she’s still in the same position she was in five minutes ago. How can anyone protect her if nobody knows for one, she’s in trouble, and secondly, what we should be looking out for?’

  Roy grimaced. ‘Sorry, mate, that’s all I can tell you.’

  Ben pushed his chair back and stormed out of the office. Well, that was a waste of time. All he knew was that if the cops already knew about Emma, then she was in trouble, and she needed protection. He was going to make it his mission to see to it no one hurt Emma or Zoe. The only way anyone was going to harm them was if he was dead. He began to devise a plan in his head as he reached in his pocket for his phone.

  Zoe had woken the minute Ben had left yesterday and had demanded her attention ever since. Not that she could blame the little girl. If she felt anything like Emma right now, it was any wonder she was cranky and upset. Emma’s throat felt like razor blades, her nose was constantly running, and her head pounded. It seemed like the whole town of Holbrook wanted to help her when they found out she and Zoe were sick.

  The first night after Ben and she had fought, Lilly, Niko, and baby Caleb had turned up on her doorstep with homemade lasagna and salad. They had stayed for hours. Then, early the next morning before The Cheese Emporium opened, Daisy had popped in to apologise for being short with her when she couldn’t get to work yesterday, and to reassure her taking the next few days off to look after a sick Zoe was more than okay with her. She had brought croissants with her as a peace offerin
g. Emma had felt bad having to call in sick, but Daisy’s reassurance had put her mind at ease.

  Not long after Daisy had left, Roy showed up to introduce her to Constable Fiona Howard, who she apparently was going to see a lot of over the coming months. It seemed there would be several drive-bys each day and pop-ins to make sure everything was okay.

  Emma had protested. ‘Surely, that’s overkill and is going to cause speculation and bring attention to me. This is a cul-de-sac for crying out loud. People are going to question why the police keep driving down the street.’ Her voice was hoarse from her cold and didn’t have the desired effect on the two police officers she had hoped. Instead of sounding persuasive and strong, she had come across seeming weak.

  ‘We’ve got it covered,’ Fiona said. ‘I actually live a few doors down with my boyfriend, so I’ll be keeping a close eye on the house, and no one will question me driving down the street in the police car or in my own car.’

  Emma shook her head. ‘This is completely unnecessary. The bloke isn’t even out of prison yet.’

  ‘When a threat has been made against one of our own, we take it very seriously. Who knows who Jason Knight has working for him. They could be casing your home right now, for all we know.’

  ‘They have no idea where I even live,’ Emma retaliated incredulously.

  ‘We don’t know that for sure. We won’t take any chances.’ Roy’s expression was no-nonsense, and Emma knew there was no point in arguing the obvious. He had made his mind up.

  Roy and Fiona had left, and Lottie and Will had turned up with a large dish of chicken and sweet corn soup. When Emma had questioned how they knew she and Zoe were sick, Lottie had smiled and said, ‘You live in Holbrook, nothing gets past anyone in this town. It’s country living at its best. When someone’s sick or going through a bad time, everyone chips in to help. It takes a bit of getting used to, but you learn to appreciate it. Trust me.’

  Lottie and Will had done a load of washing and washed dishes for her. Emma had felt so guilty that her house was a mess with all these visitors popping in, but it was impossible to get anything done with Zoe permanently attached to her hip and miserable. Lottie must have sensed her guilt, and as she hugged Emma goodbye, she said, ‘Don’t worry. You’ll be able to return the favour one day. This is one of the benefits of living in a small town. Everyone helps each other out. Your turn will come when you can help those who have helped you.’ She had waved them goodbye, and no sooner than ten minutes later, Ben’s mother had turned up and stayed until dinner. Her house was cleaned from top to bottom, and as much as she appreciated everyone’s help, she’d have loved to have been left alone.