All the joking left his face and I watched his jaw tighten and his posture straighten out.
“Noted,” was all he said.
I didn’t bother going to get my book after that. Instead I drove to work in disbelief at how fiercely my best friend had defended me.
My night at work was a busy one. The cooler temps had more people coming in for coffee than usual and the evening flew by. Zane stayed to help me clean up and I was glad to engage in small talk with him. It took my mind off of Riley and everything else about the day.
“I swear, this weather is like summer in most places, but you would think we’re expecting a snow storm with all the jackets and boots,” he complained as he tied up a trash bag.
“Hey!” I yelled as I tossed a towel at him. “I’m in a jacket and boots, and for the record I’m cold.” He only shook his head at me as he put the lid back on the garbage can.
Later that night I came home to an empty house that was too quiet. I called my dad to let him know I made it home okay and flopped down on the couch with my history notes and a sandwich. I tried to concentrate on studying, but it was almost impossible. Riley popped up in my head every other second until I finally groaned out loud and dropped my books onto the coffee table. I decided it was time to call it a night, so I double checked all of the locks and got myself ready for bed.
That was no better. Sleeping was almost impossible. I tried watching television, but I was too distracted. I picked up my notebook full of my literary quotes and drawings and wrote down a quote by Dylan Thomas that seemed to sum up my inner chaos. The words “I hold a beast, an angel, and a madman in me” came to life on the page in front of me. I sat up a little in bed and started to draw a self portrait. It was a rough sketch for the most part but I saved some detailing for my eyes. In them, I drew the reflection of the beast, angel, and madman. I lost track of time as I shaded in the finishing touches, but I could feel my eyelids getting heavier and heavier.
Soon, I wasn’t looking at the drawing anymore. Instead, I was staring at a couple sitting in a grassy field under a bright blue and cloudless sky. I looked at my surroundings, trying to figure out where I was, but I felt completely lost. It was hard to focus on the couple’s faces. They were too far away, and no matter how many steps I took to get a closer look, their faces remained obscured.
A tapping noise started sounding out of no where and I shushed it, worried it would disturb the couple in the grass. I swatted at the air as I tried to make it stop, but it only grew louder and louder until I took a gasp of air and bolted up in my bed. I heard my sketchbook and pencil hit the floor after they fell from my hands. I glanced at the clock. It was just after midnight and I wasn’t sure when I had fallen asleep. The noise that startled me awake happened again and that’s when I saw Riley’s face staring at me from my window. I rushed over to it and let him inside.
“I’m sorry I scared you,” he said as he sat down on my bedroom floor.
“Why are you here?” I stayed standing near the window seat.
He got up and sat down next to me. The look on his face was something I had never seen before. He was studying me as if he was seeing me for the first time.
“You went on that tour, you...exposed yourself to all of that emotion for me. It was for me, right?”
“Partly. Partly for myself,” I admitted.
“That night, at the park, I wanted to kiss you. Did you want to kiss me?”
“Stop,” I whispered as I twisted a corner of a pillow I had in my lap.
My sketch caught Riley’s eye and he picked up the pad and examined it. “Is this how you feel? All the time?”
“Go. Please just go. I’m so tired and I can’t talk about this.”
He picked up the pencil from the floor and flipped to a clean page in my book. He angled the notebook away from me so that I couldn’t see what he was writing. After a few seconds he closed the notebook and put it on my bedside table.
“I’ll see you in the morning,” he said as he slipped out of my window. I was completely confused and bewildered by his late night appearance. After a few moments of sitting stunned, I remembered the notebook. I quickly grabbed it and flipped it to the page he had written on. My hands shook as I read the famous quote from Gone with the Wind. “You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how.”
Morning came in a blur of no sleep and a million thoughts running around in my head. I gave up on any sort of rest and forced myself to get dressed and ready for school. A black skater skirt and white t- shirt would have to do. I didn’t have the energy to put much thought into it and I knew I’d get a sideways glance from Gwen when she saw me. I grabbed my army jacket and buttoned it up, hiding my lack of effort. I took one more glance at the page Riley had drawn on before stuffing the notebook into my back pack. Simple words written on paper were giving me butterflies and I had no idea of what to do with a feeling like that.
I was nervous when I got to school. I didn’t know if I should look for him or how I should act if I found him. Gwen was waiting for me when I got to my locker and I got her skeptical eyebrow raise as soon as she saw me.
“Shut up. I didn’t get any sleep and you’re lucky I’m not here in my pajamas,” I snapped.
“I didn’t say anything.”
“You didn’t have to,” I reminded her. She only laughed under her breath at that.
“Rough night?” she asked.
“I’ll tell you all about it in study hour. God, I hope you brought snacks.” She opened her cross body bag to reveal an assortment of chocolate, chips, nuts, and gummy snacks. “Female problems?” I asked. She nodded yes then turned and walked away. Gwen’s drug of choice was junk food and “that time of the month” called for all the varieties.
As soon as I got to chemistry the nervousness came back. I tapped my pencil on my desk loud enough cause Ms. Moore to raise her monotone at me. Even though Riley wasn’t there during attendance I was still worried he’d walk through the door at any moment. That moment never came so I was able to breathe again as I left class to find Gwen in the back of study hour. She was already digging into a bag of chips and had a little of everything out on the desk for me. I let my backpack fall with a thud and groaned a little as I sat down. I pulled out the notebook and turned to the page Riley had written on and handed it to Gwen. I pulled my knees up to my chest and waited for her to say something.
“This isn’t your writing. Who did this?” she asked, looking a little confused.
“Riley. Last night. After he appeared at my window.” Gwen held the potato chip at her mouth where she had intended to take a bite, but instead, she stared at me- clearly stunned.
“This happened last night? And so...did he?”
“No. He left. And he’s not here again.” I took an angry bite of the red licorice I had been nibbling on. “I have never been so confused by one person,” I said, feeling frustrated.
“You must really like him. I mean,” she said as she crunched a potato chip in her mouth. “I have seen guys hit on you. Then there was that whole Chris thing.” She rolled her eyes and mumbled “asshole” at the memory of it. “You never buy into any of it. This boy has you off your game.” She smirked as she popped another chip into her mouth.
I ignored her comment and grabbed the bag of chips from her and the death glare she gave me had me handing them back instantly.
Chapter 19
I went straight to work after school and after a steady stream of commuters things got pretty quiet. After I swept the floors and wiped down the tables I pulled out my backpack and started to work on a few assignments. There was a single customer in the shop and Max was in the back doing the books. I took out my things and my sketch book fell onto the couch I had parked myself at. I opened it to Riley’s page and sighed deeply.
I stared at the words as if they would magically reveal something new if I looked long enough. I traced the letters with my fingertips, wondering what it would be like if he actually did it.
“You startled me,” I said with a shaky voice.
“I know. You didn’t even hear me come in, but no changing the subject. I know how.”
“Excuse me?” I knew what he meant, but I was buying my racing heart a few seconds to calm down.
“Jane, you know what I’m referring to,” he said with a glance at the sketch book. “The thought of anyone else doing it is keeping me awake at night.” His voice was a little agonized. I stood up on two trembling legs and made an attempt to put a little distance between us, but he was having none of that. He grabbed my jacket sleeve and stopped me.
“What do you want me to say to that, Riley?” I asked in an exhausted voice. His grip tightened a little and he took a small step closer.
“Don’t say anything,” he whispered, and without any warning he closed the remaining distance between us, pressing his lips to mine. My whole body was hit with a sensation of nervousness and longing, but I wasn’t sure if it was from him or me. I didn’t have time to think about it because the butterflies in my stomach were demanding all of my attention. His hand was still just holding my sleeve, but when a small moan escaped from my lips his hands moved to my face as he deepened the kiss. I instinctively wrapped my arms around his neck and a flood of emotions washed over me as our lips explored each other.
He pulled back only slightly, out of breath with eyes closed and I could feel his heart racing as fast as mine.
He brushed a cautious thumb across my cheek and searched my face for an answer to a question he hadn’t asked yet.
“I’m okay,” I whispered.
“Are you sure? You’re shaking all over.”
“So are you.”
He smiled a little at that and took a step back. For a moment I had completely forgotten where I was and that I was supposed to be working. I took a nervous look around the shop to make sure everything was okay and that’s when I saw Max’s head vanish out of sight and behind a wall she had been spying from.
“I should get back to work,” I said, half dazed. Riley frowned at me then sighed.
“I guess I could have picked a better moment,” he said.
“No. This moment was perfect,” I said with a smile. The sensation of his lips was starting to fade and I was already wishing he would do it again.
“Really?” he asked, sounding genuinely surprised. I nodded yes and bit my lip to distract me from the thoughts I was having. He watched and I noticed his breath catch a little. “Don’t do that,” he said, just above a whisper.
“Do what?”
“I just need...I already,” he stammered before pressing his lips against mine again. This time it was my breath that caught. I was too caught up in my own surprise to notice anything he was feeling besides need. He abruptly pulled away and took a step back. He left me shaking and bewildered.
“What’s wrong?” I asked as I studied the look on his face.
“I....I don’t know where the line is. I don’t want you to hide it from me. I see hide how you’re feeling and I don’t want you to do that with me. You have to promise you’ll say ‘when’.” I could see his face tense up as he spoke.
“I promise,” I said in my most convincing voice.
“Go! I’m cleaning up for the night. You two go,” Max said, startling us both. I felt like a little kid caught in the act of eating dessert before dinner. Riley took an awkward step away from me and tried to look casual.
“I’m okay to stay Max. I just have to clean up behind the counter. Everything else is done.”
She answered me by untying my apron and handing me my backpack with a wink. “Go. I’ll see you for your shift tomorrow.”
“I don’t know what to do now,” Riley said as I put my things in my car.
“Well, maybe you can get some sleep?” I suggested and had no idea of why those words came out of my mouth.
“Together?” he teased. I smirked as I blushed because I remembered all too well how easy it was to sleep next to him. “Seriously, I mean with us. I don’t know what to do now. I want to hold your hand, but I don’t know if touching you would be bad.”
“It’s not....bad.” I leaned against my car and looked down at the ground to try and hide my frustration. “I should probably get home,” I said as I stared at my feet. Suddenly his feet were toe to toe with mine. I looked up to see him towering over me with an anguished look on his face.
“I’m not giving up on this. Don’t think that.” His face was inches above mine and I could feel the heat from his lips as they hovered close to mine.
“Please don’t,” I said, feeling vulnerable as soon as I did. He placed a soft kiss on my lips before he walked away.
I took a moment to sit in my car and process as I gripped the steering wheel. Riley Scott kissed me and I wanted him to do it again. A high pitched squeal escaped from my mouth and I knew what I had to do. I had to call Gwen.
It was hard to tell when Gwen was half asleep because she always sounded like she was, but when she threatened to find a cheerleader and make her hug me, I knew I had woken her up. “This better be good,” she warned.
“Um, I’m out from work early. It’s not even 9:00 yet.”
“That’s why you called? To tell me you got out of work early?”
“No. I called to tell you that I did better than a cheerleader hug. Although, all of that enthusiasm could kill anyone.”
“Jane!” she snapped.
“Riley kissed me,” I blurted out, then gasped immediately at the sound of saying it out loud.
“What?” she asked, sounding very much awake.
“I was going to wait to tell you at school, and I don’t know what any of it means, and I thought I would throw up after- but in a good way...like I had ridden a roller coaster too many times...”
“Focus on the kiss.” I could hear how annoyed she was, so I didn’t waste any time giving her the details. “What now?” she asked and I still had no idea.
“I don’t know, but I’m freaked out.”
“Stop thinking about it so much.”
Those simple words were what I needed to hear.
After we hung up my phone chimed one more time. This time it was a text from Riley.
“Sweet dreams.”
I couldn’t stop the smile as it spread across my face.
I didn’t realize how much I missed Riley until I saw him at the entrance of school the next day. He was standing on the steps and typing something on his phone. I took this moment to watch him. His Raven colored hair dangled in front of his face and I wanted to reach out and push it away from his eyes. The sound of my phone brought me out of my day dream and when I checked it I noticed a message from Riley. “Please hurry. I need to see your face.”
I laughed as I walked a little faster. “Maybe if you weren’t so busy staring at your phone you’d notice my face is right here.”
His head jerked up and we both greeted each other with a smile. He took a hesitant step towards me then stopped before he got too close. “Can I...is this close enough?” he asked.
“No.” I closed the gap between us and stood as close to him as possible. Even though our hands were still at our sides, I could feel the brush of his knee against the front of my leg and the voracity he was feeling spilled onto me and had my heart racing. “Maybe a little closer,” I said under my breath. He leaned down and let his lips linger in the space just above mine.
“Closer?” he asked in a whisper and I thought I would faint from the chills his voice gave me. I nodded yes and was instantly rewarded with the touch of his kiss- soft at first then firmer when I pulled him closer. The lack of sound from the groups of other people made me pull back just a little. He gave me a puzzled look then noticed what I had. Heads were turned in our direction and one girl was shooting
daggers at me with her eyes. I tried not to be obvious as I looked around at all the faces staring.
“I seem to forget where I am when I’m with you,” I whispered.
“Let’s go in,” he said, holding onto the edge of my sleeve instead of my hand. I was starting to sense that he was being very cautious with me and rationing his closeness. “Everything okay?” he asked once we were at the lockers.
“I’m good.” I smiled to reassure him.
“I have a lacrosse thing before classes start. I’ll see you in chem.” He picked up a lock of my hair and twisted it in his fingers. “Perfection,” he said just before he walked away. I was left with butterflies that were all my own.
Gwen wasted no time pulling out some peanut butter cups and getting comfy as she waited for me to dish every detail about anything new that happened with Riley.
“So, are you like his girlfriend now?” she asked. I had to stop and think because I honestly didn’t know.
“We haven’t talked about that. Honestly, I half expect to see him sucking face with some chick when I see him next.” I didn’t like how likely that possibility was.
“I think you’re wrong,” she said, pointing her peanut butter cup at me. “You’re too much trouble for a casual thing. He’d move on to someone like Mary Kate.”
“He’s been there, done that,” I reminded her.
“I totally forgot they hooked up.”
“Not sure if it was a hook up or not. He says not.”
“Doesn’t matter. He’s into you. That’s not the same as a hook up.”
I shrugged as I thought about what she said. This was all too new to define just yet. Thankfully the bell rang before I had to say anything else.
Chapter 20
Within Reach Page 12