Jack nods and drops his hand. Talk about a damper on the mood. We head for the couch and snuggle, just happy to be back together.
***
Monday comes too quick and I find myself bored with the monotony of school. The highlights are history at the beginning of the day and biology at the end. Of course my whole reason for going is Jack. My mind keeps drifting back to Amber. She is being held captive against her will, all because of me. Every time I bring the subject up to him, Jack won’t listen. I attempted to tell him about my dream over the weekend but he changed the subject. It really bothers me that he isn’t concerned about his own sister.
The weeks pass with the same boring routine and I continue getting restless with each day that passes. Our current disagreement is this whole keeping up appearances on land thing. I told him everything that had happened starting with his disappearance at the lake all the way up until rescuing him from the cave.
It took him a long time to get over the fact that I chose the sea. He still blames himself and I can see a part of him that has changed with the guilt. I assure him every day that I would have chosen the sea regardless of whether he was around or not and I actually did in reality. But he knows the truth and carries it with him.
I ask him everyday when we are going to rescue Amber but he blows me off. He tells me that she is fine and there is nothing we can do for her right now. Once again, I feel shut out and under informed. Why does he do this to me? I’m almost tempted to head to the beach and figure it all out myself but truly, that prospect really scares me to death. Where would I have been without Amber? Now she’s not here to help which means I would really be on my own. So I just play this little game, hoping each day that we will head back and rescue her.
During Christmas my family sees a lot of Jack and Meredith since the story is that they are the only members of his family left. My parents take pity and invite them to all things food and celebration. I can’t argue with this so I let my qualms fade to the back of my mind and try to enjoy myself. Each day that passes, that I get to spend with him, I know him deeper and love him even more. We are pretty inseparable the entire winterbreak.
***
One day I ask him while we are sprawled out in the back yard having a picnic. We had to get creative within my new confines.
“Do you miss the ocean?”
He is surprised at my sudden question. I gave up talking about Amber a couple weeks back when I realized I wasn’t going to get anywhere. I haven’t mentioned the sea since.
He nods and I see the green creep into his eyes, “Of course I miss it but I wouldn’t be able to go back now.”
I sit up suddenly not believing my ears.
“Do you mean you’re never going back?”
He shakes his head, “Ever, it’s really complicated. I can’t go back now.” He looks so sad. At this point I feel a huge weight of guilt on my chest and I suddenly realize what he means. He has betrayed everything he believed in, all because of me.
I stammer, “You mean…are you…ashamed …to go back?”
His eyes meet mine and that answers my question. Oh wow, I feel like I’m suffocating. I have truly ruined his life. I get up and start to pace.
“You know you can go back and I will stay here and leave you alone. Maybe you can claim temporary insanity. Blame me, that I held you captive.”
He gets up and starts chuckling. The blue creeps back. He grabs my waist and pulls me to him, “Ever, I don’t think you realize the enormity of us. I wouldn’t change a thing, except your choice but you and me, never.”
He looks out into the yard. “You don’t understand. The only way we can be together is on land. I am completely satisfied with that. I will happily live here for the rest of my life if it means being with you.”
Before I can say anything else, he kisses me passionately with his whole self and I melt. The electricity shoots through me and I give in. I forget all about the conversation and all the guilt weighing me down, at least for the moment.
***
School starts again and I focus on Jack and how happy he makes me. Every time the water creeps back to my mind I shut it out. I know it’s only a temporary fix and sooner or later it will surface and we will both have to face it but I decide to follow Jack’s lead and enjoy every moment together.
24
Freedom
In mid- January my parents decide that I have been an excellent prisoner and they let me off for good behavior. Of course with limitations but the lake is back and notes instead of numerous phone calls are back in style. My first trip to the lake is a Saturday and Jack meets me there. As I get out of my jeep I realize that the last time we were here; it was the day Jack was ‘abducted’. I shudder at the memory. He greets me with a kiss and I feel energized.
I ask him playfully, “How about best out of three?”
He laughs and says, “Guess I have some real competition now.”
I smile and run for the bank of the lake stripping as I go. Jack passes me midway to the end. I smile as I try to catch up. Of course I could use my secret weapon. We reach the end and he wins bragging all the way up the bank. I look around to see if we’re alone. We are so I hop on his back and he loses his balance. We collapse in a pile laughing. I wish we could be like this forever.
Everything is so perfect but then I remember he is truly not happy on land. I start to feel the weight return to my shoulders. Jack notices my sudden mood change and asks as he takes my face in his hands, “Hey what’s wrong?”
I kiss him so that I don’t have to answer.
I hop back up and race to the water calling behind me, “Remember best out of three.”
He stands and takes off after me. This time I’m ready. When he starts to pass me I will my fin and take off. When I get to the bank I will my legs back and turn to find him treading water, barely swimming. I start to get concerned, and then I see his face and realize why he stopped, he’s mad.
I try to make light of it, “Hey, I beat you this time.”
He drags himself out of the water and sits on the bank shaking his head. “Ever, I wish you wouldn’t have made that choice.”
I sit next to him and grab his hand. “I am still the same person though.”
He nods, “I know you are but sooner or later we will have to face this. If you would have just chosen land your life wouldn’t have to change.”
This is the most he has said about the water in a month. I’m determined to continue the conversation. I agree with him, “I know, but you wouldn’t be a part of it. Worse, I wouldn’t even remember you. I couldn’t do that, as selfish as it may be, I just can’t live without you.”
He looks so sad as if in the same vat of depression I dealt with not so long ago.
I get up and state loudly, “This is what I am now so deal with it. Amber is missing. What are we waiting for?”
He shakes his head again. “You are the most stubborn person I have ever met.”
I smile, “Okay, I can’t say this isn’t the first time I’ve heard that.”
I ask again, “When are we going back?”
I’m pacing at this point. My blood is racing through my veins at the thought of heading back to the ocean. He shakes his head but doesn’t say anything. I crouch beside him and grab his hand. I can feel the electricity shoot from me to him. He looks up meeting my eyes shocked. My eyes are pleading with him. He grabs my face and kisses me. I melt to the ground. Suddenly we are lying together on the bank. His arms wrap around me as our lips meet. I can feel the energy between us shooting through my body. I press against him. I can’t get close enough.We fit together so perfectly. I run my hands through his hair. This energy is like none I’ve ever experienced. It’s almost like a current that keeps running through us back and forth. I can’t focus on anything except that I need Jack. His gentle touch caresses my cheek as our tongues dance.
Suddenly I feel a shudder down my spine and I know it’s not from Jack. I pull away and I can tell he felt
the same thing. We both scramble to our feet and look around. We are surrounded on all sides by Erebus, yellow eyes and jagged teeth in all directions.
I grab Jack’s hand and ask under my breath, “What do we do?”
He looks at me with sad green eyes, “There’s too many. We’ll lose.”
One Erebus steps forward and says with a deep, scratchy voice, “We just want the girl. Spare your life and surrender her.”
Jack steps in front of me and a large rock flies toward the one that stepped forward. He raises his hand and it disintegrates into hundreds of tiny pieces. As I watch this the weight of our situation settles on my chest again and I realize what I have to do. I step out from behind Jack, squeeze his hand and see the fear in his green eyes as he realizes what I am doing.
He pleads, “Ever, you can’t.”
I shake my head as I let go of his hand, “I won’t let anything happen to you again.”
As I walk away from him it’s as if he is frozen in place and he can’t move because the look on his face is pure agony. I focus on the leader and walk toward him. He grabs my hand and suddenly we are on the beach. I glance around and it’s just the two of us. Jack, the lake, and the other Erebus have disappeared. I’m shocked and disoriented. How did we get to the beach hundreds of miles away in an instant? I stumble at the realization.
He tells me, “This will be painless as long as you do as I say.” I nod still shaken by the sudden change in location.
They must truly be powerful if they can travel like this from one place to another. We were in Pahrump a minute ago and now we’re standing on the beach surrounded by the ocean over two hours away by car. I glance at the ocean and realize how fast my heart is beating and my blood is racing through my veins. I start to walk toward it. The Erebus leader follows. As soon as the water touches my toes I can feel the energy race through my body. I rush into the waves and will my fin once we’re out a half mile. I glance back and the Erebus is close behind. He has given up legs for a fin too. At a second glance I notice his fin is alarmingly different than mine. Where mine is smooth and shiny, his is jagged and dull. My fin emits hundreds of colors, bright and shiny, while his is a brownish color, almost masked by algae.
My eyes meet his and I suddenly know where to go. I turn around and speed in the direction of the city, except we don’t actually go into the city. As we near the immense structures that I still can’t believe exist under the water, the Erebus takes the lead. As he leads us I reason that maybe I can turn and out swim him. There is, after all only one now. If I wanted to make a quick getaway now would be the time. As he guides us toward a formation of huge rock looking structures. I suddenly remember the cave from my dream and the familiar smell of the sea. Could the cave have been deep under the water instead of on land? Suddenly, I know I must stay with the Erebus and face whatever is to come if for no one else but for Amber. As we near the formation I notice other Erebus. They have completely blended with the cave formation but for their yellow eyes. I shudder as I remember my brother with those eyes. Thinking about all of the choices I have made I realize that each one has saved someone I love. I hope with all of my heart that this is the right choice and I can save Amber.
We swim to the largest of all of the caves. Now that I am among them I find that they are really larger than I first thought. That seems to be the case in the sea. I guess through the water, things look smaller than they actually are. The formation actually looks like a city within itself. There are Erebus everywhere and they all seem to be staring at me. I can feel dozens of pairs of eyes boring into me. Then I think of Jack and remember the agony in his eyes as I walked away from him. I feel nothing but guilt realizing how I’ve ruined his life. He stood for something he truly believed in and I changed it so that he can never return. I feel the familiar depression rushing back. This time it hits me like a ton of bricks. A hundred times worse than when Michael broke up with me, what seems like years ago now.
The Erebus leads me to a room, much like the room in the cave where I found Jack on land. He opens a wooden door and guides me into a brightly lit room. The only difference is that we are in the sea so everything is filled with water. I feel a little bit of relief when he leaves and the room stays full of water. I remember the room where I visited Amber in my dream. It was free of water. She had legs instead of her fin. I wonder if she is close. I have every intention of finding out.
25
Jaspen
Time in the cave seems to pass slowly. I explore all the walls and look for a place where I can get out but it seems completely sealed up tight. I try the door but it won’t budge either. I think about using a ‘will’ because I might be able to will an exit somehow but then all the unanswered questions I have creep to mind. The first one being what could they possibly want with me? I decide to ride it out and wait. Someone is bound to show up sometime and maybe I can get some answers.
I hear the door click open after being there for a number of hours. The same Erebus enters and stares at me with those yellow eyes.
He states, “Jaspen will see you now.”
My heart speeds up at the mention of Jaspen’s name. Of course he has some sort of revenge plot. I should have known. This could be the end. The familiar void comes to me but this time I welcome it. I may never see Jack again but if this is it, I will be glad that he may be able to continue his life’s work preserving his people. It isn’t fair that I forced him to change his entire existence. As I walk behind this Erebus I form a peace with what may come. My end may free Amber and bring less turmoil to her people. We enter another room and the water begins to drain as soon as the door closes. I will my legs and immediately notice a man sitting in a chair directly in front of me with his legs crossed. He is wearing a sort of cream colored military looking uniform with boots and all. His dark hair and goatee make him look almost normal if it weren’t for the yellow eyes. As soon as the water is gone another Erebus drapes a towel around my shoulders. I glance back and he’s gone. I wrap the towel around me; feeling a little underdressed in only my bikini.
The man dressed in a uniform who must be Jaspen, gets up and comes toward me. He has a genuine looking smile on his face. I notice the jagged teeth are missing as well. He takes me in his arms as if to give me a hug. I just stand there completely confused and afraid to move.
Holding me at arm’s length he says, “Well, we finally meet. My long lost granddaughter.”
My mouth must have dropped open because he starts laughing. His laugh sounds evil and sinister though and a chill goes down my spine. I look around because I need to sit. He is obvious to this and offers the chair he was sitting in. I lean over propped on my knees, afraid I’m going to be sick and just stare at the floor. How can I possibly be related to this evil person? He must be mistaken.
I look up, confused and ask, “What do you mean, granddaughter?”
He looks thoughtful, “Oh, she didn’t tell you.”
I shake my head, “Who? Tell me what?”
He smiles, and it looks normal this time, “Your grandmother. She didn’t tell you about me then?”
I nod, “She did.”
His face suddenly shows understanding, “She told you about leaving but she didn’t tell you that she was with child when she left.”
I am shocked. I close my eyes praying that this can’t be. That would mean that this is my mother’s father, an Erebus. I shudder. I am related to an Erebus. This can’t be a good thing.
I wonder if Jack knew. I can’t decide either way. He didn’t act as though he knew about my family lineage this way, but then, he has kept so much from me.
I look up at Jaspen and ask, “What do you want from me?”
He paces the room and stops in front of me looking disappointed. “I sent Erebus to stop you from choosing the sea. I even sabotaged your brother and your friend and you still chose the sea.”
He turns and shakes his head at this.
Then he goes on, “It would have been best if you stayed
put but because of your choice, I want you to join me.”
I frown; this is totally the opposite of what I had expected.
I shake my head, “Join you? What are you talking about?”
He looks down and starts pacing again. I just sit there and stare. I have a hard time absorbing this information.
He stops again and turns toward me explaining, “We used to be a peaceful people until your other grandfather decided to mix two worlds.”
He continues as I am processing. “He created a new world and new possibilities. Then he wanted to take it away. This is how evolution happens. People evolve, races mix, and the world is better for it. However, he decided to interfere once again. This time taking freedoms away and creating laws to rule the sea by.”
I look up because I’ve heard this part before but from a different perspective. I can tell he is immersed in his explanation because he is looking at me but it doesn’t seem like he is actually seeing me.
He states, “Long ago when land and sea were mixed a new more powerful people emerged. This created a problem for Seamus, making him paranoid that someone from the land could defeat him and take his place. After all, he did that very same thing to the original sea king.”
He focuses on my eyes now and I can tell he is actually talking to me. “Ever, we are not evil as you have been told. We are just trying to make right what has been wronged in the world we share. Erebus and Lior are not as cut and dry as good and evil. As I am sure you have been told.”
I am completely taken by all of this. Hearing him talk so passionately about this makes me almost believe him but then I think about Jack and how passionately he feels about preserving his people, the same people and keeping them in the sea. I feel completely defeated and I am suddenly exhausted.
He tells me, “I brought you here because you are more powerful than most people in the sea. I wanted to appeal to you to join in the cause of freeing our people and giving them the choice.”
Just Breathe Page 16