I need to find somewhere, but where?
She thought of looking for the B&B, or a pub, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to be around people full of Christmas cheer right now—not when she was feeling so miserable and heartbroken. So she decided to head for the hospital. It would be the most sensible thing. Dry and warm and with plenty of beds. She could coop herself up in one of the on-call rooms and eat Christmas dinner in the café, or something.
But she didn’t want anyone to know that she was there. She didn’t want anyone telling Kristjan that that was where she was. So now she was going the back way to the hospital, slipping in through one of the back doors, using her key pass to get in and a utilities lift to get her up to the staff floor, where she took one of the on-call rooms, locking the door behind her and standing there in the dark.
The room was plain and simple. A bed and a bedside table. A lamp. A phone. In the window was a tinsel star—the only hint that elsewhere people were celebrating.
She didn’t put the light on.
She didn’t care.
All that mattered was that she was warm and dry. She would stay here until the mountain pass cleared and then she would go. She would not stay with another man who thought he was calling all the shots in her life. Who thought he could impose his will upon her life.
God only knew how he would be once their child came along. And to think she’d thought they could do this without love. Because now she knew you couldn’t.
Kristjan! Why did you ruin everything?
Merry lay back on the bed, one hand over her eyes, trying not to cry. She’d thought they had a chance. She really had. They were perfectly matched as friends, as sexual partners, as work colleagues. And she loved him! He’d made her fall in love with him!
The connection they shared was like nothing she had ever felt before. She’d kept looking for his faults and had found none—but perhaps his fault was that he couldn’t truly see what she wanted? What she needed to hear from him? Perhaps she was the one who had made a mistake? Willing, hoping for him to be different, perhaps she had seen things that weren’t there?
All along it had been about the baby. That was what he had said. ‘United in what we want for our child.’
He’d not been proposing because he loved her. He’d not been proposing because he couldn’t live without her!
All along it had been about the baby.
Perhaps he had slept with her because he’d thought that by continuing that pleasure she would be swayed towards staying? Was that it? Had she been used so terribly? Was he like Mark? Acting a certain way to ensnare her and keep her here so he could have what he wanted? Had she made the same terrible mistake as before?
The thought sickened her.
She hoped not.
Because if she had then she really didn’t think she’d want to see him ever again.
No matter how much it broke her heart.
* * *
‘Merry? Merry!’
Kristjan trudged through the snow, calling her name, wondering where the hell she’d gone in such a short amount of time. In this cold. In this snow.
He’d wondered for just a brief moment, terrifyingly, if she’d tried to get down the mountain pass—but he’d dismissed that as being ridiculous. She wouldn’t do that! It was dangerous and she wouldn’t endanger their baby. But in his panic he’d had to check, and so he’d got out the snow sled and raced as fast as he dared to the mountain pass.
There had been no sign of her. No sign of anyone having trudged through the snow there recently.
No. So she had to be somewhere else. Somewhere.
He’d driven back to Snowy Peak, calling in at a couple of B&Bs to see if she’d shown up. He went to the hotels and asked, but no one had seen her, and that had been when he thought of The Elf Foundation. She must have gone there! It was the only place she knew, apart from the hospital.
So he’d motored through the snow, ignoring the cold and the strange looks he’d got from people for wearing only a long-sleeved shirt with no coat, and burst through the doors of the foundation.
The kids had been having their read-along. All sitting in a circle, reading their books, surrounded by chocolate and cake and buttery icing-sugar-covered delights.
They’d all looked up at him and what a sight he must have made! In trousers and a thin shirt with no coat, snow on his shoulders and in his hair and his beard.
‘Has Dr Bell showed up here tonight?’ he’d asked.
‘Dr Bell?’
‘The woman I came with the other day.’
‘Sorry, no. We haven’t seen her.’
‘Oh.’ The disappointment had been overwhelming. ‘I’m sorry. I... I can’t stay. Merry Christmas.’
‘Merry Christmas, Dr Gunnarsson!’
So where was she? The hospital?
Again, he’d leapt onto the snow sled, knowing he had to put this right. Knowing he had to let her know how he truly felt.
The sled had carried him through fine snow and now he was trudging through the thick banks of it that lay up against the shops and doorways. His trousers were soaked, but he didn’t care about any of that. It simply didn’t matter.
When he got to the hospital, he ran up to a porter who stood by the reception desk chewing on a flapjack.
‘Have you seen Dr Bell?’
‘No, sorry.’
He ran over to the lifts, to see if he could find her up in the staffroom. The lift seemed to take an age to get there, and when it finally arrived he stood there as it rose upwards, tapping his feet, the breath huffing from his body impatiently, until finally the doors pinged open and he raced down the corridor, passing Agnes, who called out, ‘Don’t run!’
He slowed to a walking pace and threw open the door to the staffroom, expecting to see Merry, huddled up on the couch, red-eyed, maybe sipping a hot chocolate or something. But she wasn’t there either.
He let out a huge breath.
Where was she?
He checked the on-call rooms, rattling at the door handles, but most were empty, or locked, indicating that someone was asleep in there. None had their lights on. And no one had seen her arrive.
She couldn’t still be out there, could she? All alone? In the freezing cold?
He’d never forgive himself if something happened to either of them!
I’d never forgive myself... I love her. I can’t lose her...
He suddenly realised he might have totally screwed up the one relationship in his life that he did want!
Had he, in his fumbling way, ruined what might have been his one true love? Ruined his future with the mother of his baby? He didn’t want one without the other, and if he found her and she told him that she was moving back to the UK then he would follow her around the world, if it meant being in their lives. He’d let her call all the shots.
He couldn’t do this without her. He couldn’t live without her in his life.
I have to find her. I have to tell her everything.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
‘MERRY?’ THE DOORKNOB rattled slightly, then she heard a curse, and her name repeated at the door of another on-call room farther down the corridor.
Merry huddled underneath the covers, fighting her urge to go to him, praying for sleep to come and steal her away from the turmoil raging in her mind.
She couldn’t quite believe that she was in another country, homeless and with no place to go, on Christmas Day. No one to celebrate with. Alone once again.
It shouldn’t hurt this much. She’d had many Christmases alone—why should this one be any different?
Because I dared to dream, that’s why.
Even though she’d told herself she wouldn’t get involved, she had done it anyway. She’d told herself every day not to get too involved with Kristjan, that he wasn’t the type of man who settled down, and
that even though he might be a good doctor and a good father, it did not mean he would make a good partner for life. He’d not had any practice, had he?
And yet he had somehow got into her heart. Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones—maybe it wasn’t. But he’d sneakily got under her defences and she had allowed him in, telling herself it was just sex, that it was sensible—logical, even—to create a positive relationship with her child’s father.
Perhaps it was a male thing to think you could call all the shots? Take control? Tell other people what to do? Perhaps because Kristjan hadn’t had parents for a long time he was so used to calling the shots in his own life that he thought he could call them in hers?
She thought about that for a moment. It even caused her to sit up in bed.
He’s so used to calling the shots in his own life...
Was that it? Was that the key to all this? What had he really done but ask her to consider staying here? For the baby. For him. For them.
He wouldn’t have asked her to marry him on a whim—he would have considered it. Kristjan wasn’t a man who casually got into relationships.
Have I misjudged him?
But he’d seemed pretty certain she was staying. As if the decision was a done deal. Where would he have got that idea when she hadn’t actually confirmed or denied that...? And then she remembered the newspaper she’d brought home from the café. The properties she’d circled so idly, asking herself that if she was going to stay where would she choose? It had been a game, that was all!
But I left the paper on the table. I didn’t clear it away. What if he saw it and thought...? Oh, no!
He’d thought she was staying because she’d left evidence to make him think that! He wasn’t assuming anything about her at all!
And she’d not given him any time to explain. She’d panicked and run, feeling claustrophobic, feeling the ghosts of Christmases past coming to haunt her, telling her she was about to make the same mistake as she had with Mark.
Merry threw off the blankets and grabbed at her shoes. She had to catch up with him!
The suitcase could stay here. It would be safe. All she needed was her coat.
She shrugged into it and unlocked the on-call room door, dashed out into the corridor. It was empty, save for the fairy lights twinkling along the windowsills and a bare trolley bed that was out of use due to a broken bedrail. She ran down the corridor and hit the lift button. It glowed brightly and on the display above the doors she saw that the lift was on the ground floor, but on its way up.
‘Come on! Come on!’
When it finally arrived, she dashed inside and pressed the button for the ground floor, twisting her hands over and over as the numbers slowly went from four down to three, to two, to one and then to Ground Floor.
The doors slid open and the music of Christmas assailed her as she ran through the entrance foyer, past the carollers, and as she got to the front door she thought she saw him.
‘Kristjan!’
He turned, saw her, and she watched him let out a breath. He looked positively freezing. And soaking wet.
He came running towards her and met her by the huge Christmas tree. He stopped about a metre away.
‘I’ve been looking everywhere for you.’
‘I was here.’
‘I looked for you in the staffroom—’
‘I was in an on-call room.’
‘They were all empty or locked.’
‘I was there all the time.’
He stared back at her. ‘I never meant to assume that you were staying. I never meant to tell you what to do.’
‘I know. I know you didn’t. I got frightened—by everything. Frightened of making the same mistake. Of rushing into a relationship. Worried that we were together for the wrong reasons.’
‘I want you here so that I can be a father, Merry.’
She nodded, knowing she had no right to expect him to love her.
Then he stepped closer, taking both her hands in his.
‘But I also want you here because I’m in love with you and I don’t want to be without you. If you need me to move to England with you then I will, because my home will be wherever you and our baby are. We can have an engagement that lasts years if you need to—if you’re worried about marriage—or we can carry on as we are! When I tried to tell you before I got it wrong. I’m not used to this. I’m not used to wanting someone. So when you came into my life and threw all my rules and beliefs to one side I wasn’t sure what to do.’
She smiled, her heart exploding with happiness. ‘You were going to propose!’
He nodded. ‘Yes. And I know you’ve done this before, but there’s no rush for us to get married. We don’t have to elope...we can wait as long as you want if you don’t want to marry just yet. I just need you to know that that offer is on the table—always. For when you’re ready. For when you decide.’
She hiccupped a laugh. He’d just told her everything she ever needed to hear.
‘I’ve already decided, so ask me again.’
He brought her hands to his lips. Kissed them, then got down on one knee.
All around them people had stopped to watch, their faces full of smiles.
‘Merry Bell. I love you so much and I want to continue to love you for the rest of my life. Would you do me the honour of becoming my wife?’
Happy tears trickled down her cheeks. ‘I will.’
She cupped his face with her hands and brought his lips up to hers, kissing him with great intent. She hoped he could feel just how much she loved him, too! He was her everything!
‘We should wait until after the baby,’ she said. ‘I want to plan a proper wedding this time.’
‘We’ll do anything you want.’
She kissed him again. So happy! So pleased that she had found him here! So pleased that he had come looking for her! So pleased that she’d been wrong!
Around them, the onlookers clapped and cheered.
‘I don’t have a ring for you.’ He looked uncertain. ‘Does that bother you?’
She shook her head. ‘Of course not!’
Suddenly he seemed to have a thought, and he swung his plait round to undo the leather tie at the bottom of it before taking her hand in his and tying the leather around her finger.
‘There. That will have to do until I can find you the perfect ring.’
She beamed at her leather ring. ‘I don’t need the perfect ring. I have the perfect man and that’s what matters.’
EPILOGUE
One year later
THEIR SON’S HAPPY burbling noises came over the baby monitor.
Merry turned to Kristjan and smiled. ‘He’s awake!’
She was so excited. Their first Christmas as a family! Einar was six months old and she’d been looking forward to this day ever since he was born.
They got up, putting on their matching Christmas pyjamas and robes, and headed to their son’s room.
‘Einar! Hello, lovely boy! Merry Christmas! It’s Christmas Day!’
Merry scooped her son up into her arms and kissed him on the cheek. He was a big boy, just like his father, and there was nothing she loved more than going to fetch him from his crib each morning.
Einar grinned at her. Some dribble went down his chin before he nuzzled into her neck for a cuddle and she inhaled the delicious baby scent.
‘Let’s go and see what Santa has brought.’
She had to admit that they might have gone a tad overboard on presents for Einar, and that he was probably going to be more interested in ripping at the wrapping paper rather than in the actual toys, but she didn’t care. She was determined to soak up every happy moment with her family.
Kristjan changed his son’s nappy whilst she got Einar a Christmas onesie that made him look like a gingerbread man, and then they headed into the livi
ng room where the tree awaited, with presents underneath.
It looked like something on a Christmas card. Homely, traditional, festive... There were red and gold twinkling fairy lights, and by the fireplace was a large reindeer made out of sticks and wood, his belly filled with baubles, tinsel hanging from his antlers like icicles.
They all sat down by the fire.
‘Look, Einar! Look at all your presents!’
He was sitting up all by himself. He’d started doing it earlier that week. Because he still had the occasional wobble, they surrounded him with pillows—just in case. He gurgled and chuckled, reaching for a low-hanging bauble.
‘Try this, Einar. Your first Christmas present ever.’
She passed him a small, loosely wrapped present and he held it to him and laughed, his one solitary tooth just beginning to show.
Merry tried to show him how to open it, but of course she had to unwrap the whole thing. She revealed a big, squidgy penguin and Einar hugged it tight, dribbling over its head.
‘Safe to say I think he likes it,’ said Kristjan.
‘Yep. Do you think we should do some more, or just let him get used to one at a time?’
‘He seems happy with the penguin for now.’
She smiled, looking with adoration at her beautiful blue-eyed son. So like his father.
‘I’ve got a gift for you,’ she said to Kristjan, reaching for the gift she’d specially hidden under the tree yesterday.
Kristjan smiled and leaned forward to kiss her. ‘Thank you. What is it?’
She laughed. ‘Open it!’
He slid his finger under the tape and pulled it free to find an envelope inside. He opened that and pulled out a cream card, embossed with silver snowflakes. It was a save the date card. The date was in the middle of June.
He opened the card.
Save the Date!
June 14th
The Icelandic Doc's Baby Surprise Page 16