by Aurora Rey
He laughed. Mat did, too. She offered him a wry smile. “It’s how he displays affection. Very macho.”
Graham gave a weak chuckle, but her face remained tense. “Right.”
Suddenly self-conscious about Graham being there in the first place, Mat made eye contact. “I’m sorry you got pulled into this, and that you worried.”
Mat realized she had no idea why Graham was there. She wasn’t in her Dolphin Fleet polo, so she couldn’t have happened upon Dom coming or going from work. He must have called her, told her. A certain discomfort joined the embarrassment. Combined with the exhaustion and, to be honest, genuine fear stirred up in the last few hours, she found herself overwhelmed by what it might all mean.
Graham closed her eyes and shook her head. “I love you, you stubborn woman. There’s nowhere else I’d be.”
The words sank in. Even more than the words was Graham’s matter-of-fact tone. Like she really did want to be there. Like she hated being there, but understood it came with the territory and was okay with that. Less like a girlfriend and more like a partner.
Suddenly dizzy, Mat closed her eyes and tried to keep the ground from shifting under her feet.
“You look like shit,” Dom said. “How about we get you home?”
“I won’t argue.” Mat wanted nothing more than to sit down. Well, maybe a hot shower, then sit down.
Dom looked at Graham. “Can you stay with her? I’ll go get my truck.”
“We’ll wait right here.”
Dom left and Mat, now alone with Graham, found herself at a loss for words. “Graham, I—”
“Shh.” Graham slid an arm around her waist. “We have plenty of time for talking. It’ll keep.”
The permission not to talk it out felt like such a gift. Mat offered her a smile. “Thanks.”
Dom pulled around and they climbed in, sitting three across on the old bench seat. The drive home took no more than ten minutes, but Mat grew fidgety. Now that she wasn’t worried about her life or being a laughingstock, her mind could fixate on how wet and uncomfortable she was.
They got out of the truck. Graham didn’t ask if she should stay or look at her questioningly. She simply took Mat’s hand and led her to the door. Mat pulled keys from her sodden pocket, then realized with embarrassment that her hands were trembling. Again, without saying anything, Graham took them from her and let them in. Mat turned to her cousin. “Thanks for, well, thanks.”
He nodded and she could see the toll the day had taken on him. A wave of guilt washed over her, colder and lousier than the actual waves that had pummeled her just hours before. But then he offered her a smile, the kind that told her he wasn’t done giving her a hard time, but that everything would be okay. “Get some rest. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Mat gave in to the urge to hug him. “Tell Renata I’m sorry I pulled you away.”
“She’s spending the day with her sisters. I think they’re looking at dresses.” He shrugged, but there was a sparkle in his eyes that told her he didn’t mind the idea one bit. “Call if you need anything.”
“Will do.” Inside, Mat had a sudden urge to gather Graham into her arms and kiss her senseless. The urge to get out of her wet clothes won out, though. She started peeling them off. “I desperately need—”
“A shower.” Graham smiled. “You get in and I’ll throw your wet things in the washer.”
“Thanks.” She wanted to say a thousand other things. You don’t have to stay. Please stay. I’ve missed you. I need you and it terrifies me. Not sure any of them were right, she headed into the bathroom.
She left her clothes in a heap on the floor and turned the water on extra hot. Her skin was so cold, though, she had to ease it down a bit to be able to stand it. She stood under the spray for a long while, then scrubbed her skin and scalp. She turned off the shower and she reached for her towel, but it wasn’t there. A second later, the bathroom door opened about a foot and it appeared, held out by Graham’s arm. “I threw it in the dryer to warm it up,” she said from the other side.
“Um, thanks.” It seemed like a weird thing to do, but as Mat dried off and wrapped herself in it, she understood the appeal. Had she really never had a warm towel before?
“Do you want me to bring you some clothes?”
“I’ll get them.”
The arm disappeared and the door closed. Mat took a moment to study her reflection in the mirror. It was the same face that had stared back at her this morning, but it felt different. Like she’d aged several years in the course of a day.
She shook off the feeling and padded to her bedroom. She found her favorite sweatpants and pulled them on, along with a thermal shirt and a hoodie. Since she clearly had given up any notion of looking good, she added wool socks and her beat-up slippers.
Mat found Graham puttering in the kitchen. At the sound of Mat’s footsteps, she turned. “I’m warming soup. It’s nothing fancy, but your fridge is in pretty dire straits.”
Mat chuckled. She’d been living on frozen junk and takeout. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”
“I boiled water for tea, but could put on coffee if you’d prefer.”
“Tea is good. Caffeine is the last thing I want right now.”
Graham smiled. “I thought maybe. Sit. I’ll get it for you.”
Mat did as she was told and watched Graham put tea bags into a pair of mugs, add water from the kettle. She brought them both to the table before returning her attention to the stove. “You really didn’t have to—”
Graham turned. Something resembling impatience flashed in her eyes. “I want to. Please don’t argue with me tonight. We can argue tomorrow if you want.”
The sternness caught Mat off guard. It was weird, but she liked it. Well, maybe like wasn’t the right word. She got it. And for some reason, it made her feel better, cared for. “Okay.”
Graham ladled up soup and carried bowls to the table. Spoons and napkins followed. Mat hadn’t been coddled like this since she was a child. Even then, she only got this level of attention if she was sick. Graham sat across from her, lifted her mug in a silent toast. Mat mirrored the gesture before bringing the steaming liquid to her lips.
Graham didn’t force additional conversation. Mat appreciated that, especially since she probably had a dozen questions about what had transpired. They fell into a comfortable silence. As Mat ate, she felt the remaining chill leave her body. Along with it, the tension in her back and shoulders, in her legs, in muscles she didn’t even know she had, dissolved.
About halfway through, Graham got up to add hot water to their mugs. It was a casual thing; she didn’t even speak. It felt easy, relaxed, domestic. Mat let that last word sit in her mind. She would have expected it to give her a ripple of panic, but it didn’t. Not that she’d want this level of attention every day, but at the moment, it didn’t feel smothering. It felt good. Really good.
She was just processing that as Graham stood and began to clear the table. “I hope it’s not too forward, but I’d rather not let you out of my sight for at least the next twelve hours. How do you feel about that?”
Mat didn’t hesitate. “Fine. Good.”
“Good. Are you ready to pile into bed? Watch a movie?”
It was nearly dark out, but even in her current state of exhaustion, Mat couldn’t imagine going to sleep just yet. “Movie. You pick.” She thought for a moment, then added, “Anything but The Perfect Storm.”
Graham laughed and Mat realized how much she’d missed that sound. They moved to the couch and Graham grabbed the blanket from the back and tossed it over both of them. She picked up the remote. “I know you like action, but I’m thinking tonight might call for a comedy.”
After confirming that they’d both seen The Princess Bride at least a dozen times, Graham queued it up. The jokes were as cheesy as she remembered and the familiarity proved soothing. Mat’s eyes started to droop shortly after Buttercup was rescued the first time and she didn’t even bother trying to fight it. She ha
d a vague sensation of Graham’s fingers in her hair, of shuffling into the bedroom. Everything else was a blur—a warm, dry, safe blur.
Chapter Thirty
Graham woke with a start. She’d lain awake for a long time after Mat fell asleep. Part of her simply wallowed in having Mat next to her. After so many nights alone, it felt like being home. And after being scared out of her mind yesterday—fearing every horrible, tragic scenario imaginable—having Mat curled against her felt like a gift. Not knowing how long it might last made her not want to miss even a minute.
But her own fatigue had eventually won out. And now here she was, snuggled under the covers in a state resembling bliss. Despite telling herself to simply enjoy it, her mind began turning. What did it mean? What next?
As if sensing her wakefulness, Mat stirred. Her arm, slung around Graham’s middle, squeezed and pulled her closer. In spite of her internal monologue, Graham’s body responded. The press of Mat’s nipples against her back made her own ache to be touched.
Mat’s hand slid up, caressed the underside of Graham’s breast. Graham bit her lip, wanting more, but afraid of waking Mat completely. She shifted slightly, moving her backside against Mat’s abdomen. Mat mumbled something, pushed against Graham.
When Mat’s fingers found her nipple, Graham arched, unable to stop herself. Mat eased away and Graham rolled onto her back. She would not cry. She wouldn’t.
But instead of rolling away, Mat used the change of positions to roll until she was half on top of Graham. Eyes still closed, she nuzzled into Graham’s neck, kissing her way up to Graham’s ear. “I missed you.”
Graham’s mind raced. Joy and hope and a chaser of anxiety coursed through her. “Yeah,” she whispered.
Mat slid a hand across Graham’s hip to the apex of her thighs. “Is this okay?”
“Yes. Please.”
Mat eased into her and Graham sighed. She’d been wrong before. This felt like home. Mat sucked in a breath. “How are you this wet?”
Graham let out a ragged laugh. “I want you. I’m in a constant state of wanting you.”
She feared Mat might say something funny or self-deprecating, but instead she pulled Graham into a kiss that felt like it might melt her bones. Slow, but hungry. Passionate, yet gentle. When Mat pulled away, Graham opened her eyes. Mat’s stare held an intensity she’d never seen before. “I feel the same way about you.”
They made love slowly. It had only been a week, but it seemed like they were getting to know one another all over again. Graham opened to Mat’s touch, welcoming her back in. Mat caressed and coaxed, making promises and keeping them at the same time.
Graham came quietly, with a sigh instead of a scream. Mat kissed her forehead, her cheeks. “Please don’t cry.”
She’d not even realized she was crying. She lifted her hands to cup Mat’s face. “It’s okay. I’m okay.”
Again, Mat’s eyes were on her, searching her face. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
The apprehension, the sadness in Mat’s voice, broke her heart. This woman, the woman she loved, could be confident to the point of cocky when it came to every aspect of her life. Except love. When it came to love, she was terrified. Graham felt a peace settle inside her, along with the smallest swell of her own confidence. “Then stop running away from me.”
Mat nodded, her expression solemn. “It’s the only thing I know how to do.”
“That’s not true. You’ve just let yourself get really good at it.” Graham held Mat’s gaze, waiting for her eyes to cool, for the distance to return. It didn’t.
“No one has ever minded before.”
Graham didn’t know if that was true, but it didn’t matter at this point. The only thing that mattered was the two of them, and where they went from here. “Well, I do.”
Mat offered a small smile. “I know. I didn’t know what to do with that at first.”
“And now?”
“And now I realize that it wasn’t love or commitment or even a person I’ve been running from all this time. It’s me. I’ve been trying to escape the parts of myself that threatened to take over, to consume everything else.”
“I love those parts. All of them.” Graham’s heart beat erratically. She thought she understood where Mat was going, but held herself in check. She needed Mat to say it.
“You’re the first person who has. I’m sorry I didn’t handle that well. I’m sorry I pushed you away.” Mat paused for a moment and Graham wondered if that was it. But then she took a deep breath and continued. “I love you.”
Graham closed her eyes for a second, let the words wash over her. When she opened them, she found Mat searching her face, a look of worry in her eyes. For all that Graham had been wearing her heart on her sleeve, had said the same words the day before, Mat seemed terrified her feelings might not be returned. “I love you, too.”
Mat nodded. Graham had the feeling it was the first time Mat truly believed it. “I promise I won’t run away again.”
The lightness Graham had been holding back took over, happiness radiating from her core. She wrapped her arms around Mat. “You damn well better not.”
Mat laughed then, such a magical sound. Graham hadn’t realized how long she’d gone without hearing it. And then Mat leaned in and kissed her. Soft, but sure. It held none of the questions, none of the uncertainty that had come to feel omnipresent in their relationship. The familiar edge of heat soon followed. Hands and mouths roamed. Without words, they explored and pleased. Like so many times before and yet so completely different.
* * *
Dom checked in around noon. The exchange was brief. Knowing Graham was still there seemed to be enough to satisfy him, at least for the moment. Even if Dom was happy to forgive and forget, Mat knew they needed to talk, knew she needed to apologize. And, in the grand scheme of things, thank him. It was his patience, his stubbornness, that kept things from slipping past the point of no return.
She’d have to talk to her parents, too. The prospect of that didn’t give Mat the anxiety it once had. Ironically, the conversation she’d had with them, as wretched as it was, gave her hope. She knew she wouldn’t be disowned. If anything, standing up for herself, for the woman she loved, would probably help matters.
“What are you smiling about?” Graham, who’d gotten up to make coffee and rustle up some food, returned to the bedroom. She wore Mat’s ratty robe and managed to make it look sexy.
“You.”
Graham set down the mugs on the bedside table. She didn’t believe for a second that’s what Mat was actually smiling about, but the very fact she’d say so made Graham feel warm and fluttery. “Stop.”
“I mean it. Given how much I tried to ruin things, they’re going to turn out okay.”
Graham swallowed. “You didn’t try to ruin them.”
“I did. It wasn’t you specifically, but I was pretty hell-bent on not falling in love.”
Even now, after everything, part of Graham worried that it might not be real. She worried Mat might be riding the emotional high of the last twenty-four hours and would eventually come down. If that happened, Graham didn’t know where it would leave them. “And all that’s changed with your near-death experience?”
“I didn’t almost die.”
The lack of conviction told Graham things had been scarier than Mat initially let on. “I’m just saying you’ve had an intense couple of days. Hell, it’s been a crazy couple of weeks. I don’t want you to say what you think you’re supposed to say.”
Graham sat on the bed. Mat sat up and scooted closer to her. “I get why you might be worried about that. But I’m sure about how I feel. I’ve never been more sure of anything.”
Graham wanted to believe her. She wanted it so badly. “Okay.”
“I need to tell you something.”
And there it was. Graham bit her lip and held her breath.
“The day I found you and Dom at the trap yard, I’d been talking to my parents.”
Not w
here she thought this was going. Graham forced herself to exhale. “Okay.”
“I’d decided to tell them about us.”
Holy crap.
“And it went badly, but not in the way I expected. Then I find the two of you, joking behind my back.”
Graham smiled, although it felt bittersweet. “I asked Dom to talk because I wasn’t sure if we were going anywhere. He was trying to convince me that we were.”
Mat shook her head. “I’m sorry I overreacted and was a total ass.”
“Wait.” Graham narrowed her eyes. “What exactly are you apologizing for?”
Mat looked up at the ceiling and Graham worried for a second she didn’t have an answer. But after a beat, she took a deep breath and launched in. “I’m sorry I was dismissive at first and wouldn’t even consider a relationship. I’m sorry I freaked out when you met my family. I’m sorry I shut you out when I didn’t know what to do with my feelings. I’m sorry I wrestled Dom to the ground in front of you. I’m sorry I got myself stranded in a storm and made you worry. And, maybe most of all, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was in love with you the second I realized it.”
Graham blinked, trying to take it all in. “Wow.”
“There’s probably more, but those are the highlights.”
“That’s a lot.”
Mat smiled ruefully. “Did you forget just how much of an ass I’ve been? Maybe I shouldn’t have reminded you.”
Laughter bubbled up Graham’s chest. Rather than hold it in, she let it out. A little titter turned into a rolling giggle. That gave way to the kind of laughter that made her snort. Eventually, she was laughing so hard, no sound came out at all. It was like all the emotions she’d been trying to keep under control finally found their escape. And rather than swallow her up, releasing them made her whole.
When she finally stopped, Mat looked at her with a kind of quiet alarm. It was so genuine, so real, Graham couldn’t help but lean in and kiss her. It was a language Mat seemed to understand. When Graham eased away and looked at her, the worry was gone and Mat wore a hopeful smile. “So, we’re okay?” she asked.