“Frannie, listen to me. I know you said it was impossible, but I think an Italy trip is exactly what this family needs. You can get Allegra away from those kids for the summer. You can get a well-needed rest. And I’ll get to spend time with you—quality time, in a beautiful place that’s your heritage.”
“I don’t know. I have to call the office ASAP, Mom.”
My mouth fell open. “You’re worried about the office after this? Do you see how out of control things are getting? For God’s sakes, go home and rest. Talk to Allegra.”
“I will. I have to get going.”
I was losing her again. Already, her mind had shifted as she analyzed how she could force her body to behave, ignoring all the warning signs around her. Jack hadn’t listened either. “Frannie, please,” I begged. “Think about Italy. Do you want me to talk to Allegra?”
She shook her head, bopping around the room to gather her things. “No, I’ll talk to her, Mom.”
I opened my mouth, determined to make her listen, frightened that if I didn’t get her to take a break from rushing through life toward the next goalpost, I could lose her. But it was already too late.
She’d rushed out of the room and left me behind.
She wasn’t listening anyway.
CHAPTER NINE
Francesca
“What do you mean they want me off the account? It’s my company.”
I stared in growing disbelief at Kate and Layla, who, after a long, drawn-out reunion consisting of me telling them the details of my panic attack and reassuring them I was fine, had reluctantly launched into an explanation of the status of the Lexi’s Lemonade account. The chill began deep in my gut and spread outward, and the sick feeling of betrayal began to flicker.
It couldn’t be. I trusted them. What were they talking about?
They shared a pointed glance, but it was Layla who took the lead. “Fran, please listen to me. It was an extremely stressful experience for everyone in the conference room. We were all terrified something serious had happened to you. When you called to let us know things were fine, we took them to lunch. Both Lexi and Alan agreed they loved the pitch, including the proposed commercial and social media launch. But they were also insistent they preferred us to be the leads.”
“Why? Because I collapsed? It was one incident. Listen, I left a message with Lexi, and I’m sure I can make things right. I’ll explain it was a fluke, tell them what the doctor said—I’ll handle it.”
Kate nibbled her bottom lip in her telltale sign of discomfort. “I’m sure you will. But I will say there’s been a lot of gossip in the office. Talk about another incident during the launch meeting with the bakery bread account.”
Dammit. I’d excused myself early, locking myself in my office until I’d calmed down. I didn’t think anyone had noticed after I’d cited an emergency call that trumped the meeting. I should have known eyes were on me at all times.
My voice turned cold. “I guess people aren’t working hard enough if they’re gossiping over such ridiculousness. Nothing was wrong with me.”
Layla nodded. “Okay, we believe you. We’re on your side, Fran. We never promised them anything—when you talk to Lexi and Alan, you’ll see we backed you up and cited our complete confidence in you. But it’s more than work. We’re both really worried about you.”
“You’re not the same,” Kate said slowly. “Distracted, making silly errors in meetings. But watching you today, thinking you were going to die, we just think you need a break.”
I gave a humorless laugh. “You want me to take a vacation, right? That way I can come back and find you tried to take over my company.”
Kate’s lips pressed into a thin line. “That was low,” she said. “If you’re even considering us for partners, there should be trust. We’re not out to take anything away from you, Fran. We’re here to bring you more success, but if you don’t believe it, maybe I need to rethink my position here.”
She stood up and walked out.
Layla gazed at me with a touch of sympathy. “I’m sure you’ll fix it with Lexi. I just wanted to be clear about what was said. We’re a team, Fran. You don’t have to do everything alone all the time, you know.”
She waited for me to answer, but I had nothing to say. She ducked her head, then followed Kate out, shutting the door softly behind her.
My hands began to shake. I was losing control, and I didn’t know what to do about it. Already, just thinking of Lexi yanking the account made my entire body clench and my heart beat faster. I thought of Allegra and how I should be calling to make sure she was at track practice and not with her new criminal friends. I thought of my mother, with her worried gaze and admonishments and the guilt I always felt in her presence. And I even thought of that doctor, who’d looked at me with kind eyes and a sexy smile, and I wondered what that strange flicker of recognition was, because it had been so long since I experienced any type of sexual spark, I didn’t know how to deal with it, let alone flirt. And then all the thoughts jumbled up into one big roaring mess, making me want to lower my head in my hands and cry.
But I didn’t.
I pulled myself together, sipped some water, took some breaths, and called Lexi again.
Hours later, I sat behind my desk and brought up the site for Italy tours.
Seemed as if I had no choice after all. We were going to Italy.
CHAPTER TEN
Allegra
I stepped out of the cab and stood on the curb, blinking away the fatigue that made me feel like I’d had too much to drink. The flight had seemed endless, starting with a delay, then long lines at customs. Our pickup never showed, so Mom had gone into her bitchy business mode, calling the tour director and complaining. I’d exchanged suffering glances with Nonni, but we’d just kept quiet and let her do her thing.
The driver unloaded the luggage and I studied the Hotel Artemide, which seemed more modern than I’d imagined. The multitiered building was squeezed on both sides by storefronts, lined up in a neat row on a narrow street. The road was packed with tiny cars touching one another’s bumpers, and it was loud, like NYC. Lots of voices and beeping attacked my ears. Then again, Rome was a big city, and not rural like Tuscany, so I figured it’d be a different experience. Right now, all I wanted was something to eat, a bed, and a long nap.
I also didn’t want to be here.
Bonnie and Claire thought I was nuts. I’d been busted for pot and rewarded with a trip to Italy. They didn’t understand the real punishment was taking me away for the entire summer so Mom could act as my jailer, able to watch and examine my every move. Connor had gotten off with probation, and Freda and David ended up being released. Seemed like the judge didn’t feel like putting a bunch of teenagers in jail for being stupid. Of course, Mom had to show up with a fancy-ass lawyer she didn’t even need to argue my case, which got some eye rolls from Freda, and after a public scolding, I was mercifully let go.
The last two months had been hell. Mom almost lost that big account she’d been working on, and when I came home, she announced we were going to Italy with Nonni. No discussion. I flipped out, refusing to go, but she’d just looked at me with cold eyes, and I broke a bit inside. It seemed harder and harder to connect with her. It was as if she felt nothing and didn’t care. I could have dealt with a temper tantrum, where she yelled and screamed at me—anything but that flat stare. She shrugged, said I had no choice, and went to bed. After that she checked up on me wherever I went, called my guidance counselor to make sure I skipped no classes, and contacted Bonnie’s and Claire’s parents when I spent the night at one of their houses. By the time I got on the plane for this supposed family-bonding trip, I already felt battered and pissed off.
God, I was tired of feeling like such a mess. But I didn’t know how to feel any different.
We went into the lobby, decorated with shiny white floors, sparkly chandelie
rs, and wine-colored couches. A red-and-black painting of a woman in a fashionable hat took up one whole wall. There were a lot of mirrors and fancy gold accents everywhere. I was about to head over to the couch to wait while we got checked in, but a man dressed in a sleek black suit came right over.
“Buongiorno. Ferrari?”
I nodded. Mom stepped forward. “Sì. Do you know where our tour guide is?”
The man gave a smile that immediately made his face grow from okay to handsome. “I am your tour guide, signora. My name is Enzo, and I’ll be your main contact these next three weeks. I’m very sorry about the mix-up at the airport and hope you can forgive me. I have your rooms all ready, and if you’d like to take a seat, I can explain the schedule.”
I was impressed with his English and the way he apologized so nicely. It also seemed to take away Mom’s anger at being forgotten, ’cause she nodded and he led us over to the cozy sitting area. He handed us each a bottle of water and I immediately guzzled mine down. I felt like a dried-out raisin.
“Now, we have Francesca, Sophia, and Allegra.” His dark eyes filled with amusement. “Are you all Irish?”
I smiled, liking him immediately. I hated the idea of getting stuck with a tour guide who spouted off dry information and made me want to stab myself in the eyeball from boredom. Mom answered. “My grandparents are from Naples. This is my mother, Sophia, and my daughter, Allegra. I’m Francesca.”
He directed his next question at me. “Are you excited about this trip, signorina? Not many get to experience visiting their family’s roots.”
I felt the pressure of my mother’s gaze, as if mocking me. I ignored the twinge inside that I was getting used to burying, wondering about my genetic father and his family. “Yes. How many people will be on this tour with us?”
“Fifteen, including your family,” he said. “We’ll be having a welcome dinner right here at the hotel at six p.m. You can meet everyone and get to know one another. The rest of the day is free, so you can get something to eat, or rest. I’m here for anything you need. I’ll get you folders that explain every detail of our itinerary. Tomorrow morning we’ll meet in the lobby at nine a.m. to board the bus for our first site. There will be a simple breakfast of cappuccino and pastries provided in the restaurant. Do you have any questions for me before I get your room keys?”
“Is the restaurant open for lunch now? Or can we get room delivery?” Mom asked.
“Yes, either one. Let me get your keys.”
He walked away and Mom leaned over. Her face still held a crease from the line of the pillow she’d laid her cheek on during the flight. “What do you want to do? Room service or grab something now?”
“Room service,” Nonni and I said together.
“Okay. I think we all need a nap and a shower to feel human again. Mom, how are you feeling?”
Nonni smiled. “Good. Tired, but excited.”
Enzo came back with two cards and handed them to my mother. “You have two rooms. One has two doubles and one has a queen.”
“I’ll stay with Nonni,” I said.
A short silence settled. Everyone stared at me, but I pressed my lips together and didn’t back down or say it didn’t matter. Right now, I didn’t want to be in the same room as my mother. If I stayed with Nonni, at least I’d get some breathing room. “That’s not necessary,” Nonni said, glancing back and forth between us. “Stay with your mother, honey.”
“No, that’s okay.” Mom’s voice was polite but cold. “You can look after your grandmother. Just remember she snores.”
Enzo laughed, not seeming to sense the tension. “Go down this hall, take the elevators to the fourth floor. Your luggage was already brought up. I also included my cell phone number in case you need me.”
“Grazie,” I said, liking the way the word sounded on my tongue, especially in Italy and not Italian class.
“Prego.”
He winked and walked away. We headed to the elevators, remaining quiet, and when we got to the rooms, Mom turned her back and began fiddling with the key card. “I’ll check on you in a few hours. Let me know if you have any trouble with room service.”
Guilt threatened, but I pushed it down. I had the right not to want to be in her room. The idea of strained conversation or fighting right now made my stomach hurt. So I nodded and went inside with Nonni.
“Nice room,” I said, shutting the door. The two double beds held piles of pillows and I had an urge to crawl up on the mattress and fall dead asleep. There was a basic couch and a table with a small TV, but when I went to the window and pulled back the curtain, I gasped. “Nonni, come look.”
She stood beside me. “How beautiful.” She sighed and leaned against me so our shoulders were touching. The city spread out before us, all rough stone and jagged edges and dozens of shades of brown edged with green. I spotted the faint outline of the Duomo, and endless streets crisscrossing in an elaborate puzzle. Wrought-iron balconies filled with brightly colored flowers seemed to spring from every building. “It’s like we stepped into a different world.”
We enjoyed the view for a while, then decided to order. “I want the pizza,” my grandmother declared. Her eyes glinted, and even though I knew she was tired from the trip, she seemed more excited than I’ve ever seen her before. “How different do you think it is from America?”
“I don’t know, but I’m getting one too.” I made the call and was relieved the person who answered spoke English, and they promised to have it up within thirty minutes.
“Allegra, you should have stayed with your mother.”
I stiffened. “I will at the next hotel, okay? Right now, I just don’t want to.”
She gave a long sigh. “She has every right to be mad. It only takes one horrible mistake to ruin your life. Give your mom a break. She’s going through a hard time too.”
“Because she lost the lead on an account.” I wondered if this Italy trip was because of her job or me. Not that it mattered. She’d made it clear it wasn’t for Nonni.
“I want to look at this trip as a fresh start, for all of us. Is it silly to want the two people I love most to get along? Have some fun for a change?”
“No.” I knew how important this was for my grandmother, and I swore I wouldn’t act like a bitch. I’d try to take the opportunity and enjoy it with her. Maybe I’d even try harder with my mother. God knows, we were stuck with each other now for most of the summer. “But I don’t trust you.”
She frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I’m afraid you’ll drink too much wine and end up dancing in the Trevi Fountain.”
I loved her laugh and the way she hugged me, never afraid to show affection. “Or maybe I’ll meet a handsome Rossano Brazzi and fall madly in love and never return home.”
“Who’s that?”
Her look of horror made me laugh. “You’ve never seen the movie Summertime? It was a love story with this handsome Italian actor and Katharine Hepburn set in Italy. Oh, I need to fix this. You poor thing—believing that men with oversize pants that sag are sexy. You have no idea of the sheer class and sexiness of my generation.”
I thought of David, and his kiss, and the pot, and wondered if my grandmother was right.
Once the pizza was delivered, we ate it at the table. It was hot and cheesy with the perfect thin-type crust I loved, and after I finished the whole thing, my belly bulged and I crawled into the bed. “Nonni, I have to sleep.”
I heard plates clink and clothes rustle, and smelled the soothing scent of lavender. She smoothed my hair back and placed a kiss on my forehead.
I drifted off, finally content.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Francesca
The dinner was held at a restaurant on the rooftop of our hotel. The elegant display of crisp white linens, sparkly china, and the stunning view of Rome spread out like a gift made me thank
ful I’d insisted on upgrading our tour. Mom had wanted to settle for a larger group and lower-class hotels, but I’d finally found a more boutique tour that catered to clients with top-rate lodging, meals, and experiences. A large rectangular table was set up and already a few of the tour members were sipping water and chatting. Immediately I cringed, since I’d hoped to snag a table alone with Mom and Allegra so we didn’t have to socialize the first night. I knew it was a mixer, but we’d had a long travel day, and I was in the mood to enjoy a good meal without trying to get to know strangers.
Anxiety started to seize me, and I gritted my teeth, determined to ward off any type of attack. The plane ride had spiked the same type of panic, reminding me of that slow, torturous downfall at my office; reminding me of being out of control and helpless under the flighty impulses of my body. I shuddered out a breath and tried to focus on a relaxing dinner.
“Should we sit there?” my mother asked, pointing to the end where we’d only have to deal with people on one side. I nodded, quickly motioning for them to grab the seats before anyone else could. Allegra shot me a strange look but was thankfully silent as she plopped down.
The stout Italian waiter brought over a tray with bottles of red and white wine. “Mom, can I have a glass of wine?” Allegra asked.
“No,” I said, still shaky over the pot incident. Didn’t they say weed was a gateway drug? Had she also been getting drunk on school nights or weekends and I’d never even suspected?
My mother smiled with indulgence. “Oh, let her have just a few sips. We’re in Italy and it’s with dinner. Most families give their children wine young so they learn to drink it with meals as an accompaniment. Maybe if we didn’t make it such a mystery, fewer kids would want to get drunk.”
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