I watched him climb into the car. He looked through the open window, and his beautiful blue eyes met mine, his lips curved in a heartbreaking smile. I tried to memorize his face and this moment for when I needed it later, but it was already slipping away too soon.
He drove away and disappeared down the path.
I spent a long time staring at the empty drive, wondering if I’d be able to function. We would leave tomorrow, and I had one last day here. I’d promised Ian I wouldn’t waste it mourning for him and would take advantage of my final hours here.
It was a promise I planned on keeping.
Taking a deep breath, I walked back inside. “He’s gone.”
Enzo cleared his throat. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to make a call. I’ll be in my room.”
Mom shot him a grateful glance. I paced the kitchen, already feeling lost. “Are you okay, honey?” Mom asked.
“Sure. I mean, I knew he was going to leave. And, yeah, I really liked him, a lot, but he lives in Ireland and I live in New York, and he’s going to be a priest so it’s not like we can have this long-distance relationship or anything.” My voice kept getting higher, but I couldn’t seem to control it. “But I did promise him not to waste the day moping because I miss him, so tell me what the plan is. Maybe drive to Pisa—Enzo said it was close and we only got half a day there. I didn’t get to climb to the top of the tower. Or maybe we can go for a hike and get some exercise. It’s not that hot, so Nonni should be fine. What do you think?”
Nonni stayed silent, her arms clasped tight to her chest. It was Mom who finally did it. She closed the distance between us and stroked back my hair, the gesture a comfort I rarely experienced with her. “It’s okay to feel the hurt, sweetheart,” she said gently. “A good cry is the best way to cleanse.”
“I’m fine.” My lower lip trembled. “It’s just—I mean, I think I fell in love with him. Silly, huh?”
I waited for her to dismiss the whole thing as a crush or puppy love and not worthy of me. Instead, she shook her head. “Not silly at all. Ian was special.”
“Mom?”
“Yeah, honey?”
“I don’t know if I can do this.”
And then suddenly she moved and yanked me hard into her arms, and I broke and began to cry. She held me tight and I cried my heart out, and she murmured soothing phrases and promised me I was strong and it would all be okay.
For the first time in a long, long time, I believed her.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Francesca
I couldn’t stop thinking about my daughter.
I sat outside with Enzo on our last night together. We’d spent the day keeping Allegra busy with as much sightseeing as we could handle, distracting her with chatter and pointing out moments of Tuscan beauty. After dinner, she excused herself to go to her room, and I caught the sheer exhaustion and sadness in her eyes.
She’d had her first heartbreak and there was nothing I could do. I felt helpless, but I also sensed this was a turning point for us. She’d opened up and cried in my arms. She’d allowed me to comfort her and try to soothe her pain. For the first time in too long, I was there when she needed me.
“First love is hard,” Enzo said, his fingers entwined with mine.
I gave a small sigh. “It is. I can’t even rage or be mad at him. He’s a wonderful man who made my daughter a better person. He’s just not meant to be with her outside of this.”
He stared into the night, a thoughtful look on his face. “Some love stories are meant to be temporary,” he said, his voice light.
I couldn’t help but stiffen at his comment. He seemed so casual, as if he was speaking about us. We hadn’t discussed any future or plans after our time in Tuscany. It was too special and precious to ruin with empty promises. But right now, it’d be nice to hear some. “Absolutely,” I said. “Nothing wrong with enjoying what it is for the moment. Then you forget.”
He quirked a brow and gave me a look. “You never forget, cara. Not if it’s the right love story.”
I gave a sniff. “Whatever.”
“Hmm, you seem cranky tonight. Do you have something on your mind?”
I bristled. “No! Just thinking about how badly Allegra is hurting and wishing I could help. After all, I’m leaving tomorrow and so are you. The same thing is going to happen to us. Será será, right?”
“You mean, quel che sarà sarà?”
“Yeah, that.”
Amusement and something else, something deeper, sparked in his dark eyes. “So I guess that means you won’t think about me once we leave each other, no?”
“Well, I won’t be thinking of you if you’re not thinking of me.” Oh my God, did I really just utter those childish words? I almost groaned, but I was too far gone to admit defeat. “I mean, we had a great time and all, but now we’re moving on. Right?”
“You are going home to New York to run your business. I’m staying in Italy. Unless . . .”
My breath caught. There was nothing logically that could be done, but still I was dying to hear his suggestion. “Unless?”
He seemed to pick his words carefully. “Unless you would like to see me again? I have much vacation. I’ve been wanting to take a trip to New York.”
My heart began to slam against my chest, but this time it was no panic attack. It was hope. “You’d want to come see me?”
“Yes, cara. I know it will be hard, and there are many obstacles between us. But the idea of not being with you rips me apart. I’d like to try.”
“Do you think we’d even have a chance?” The reality of the situation struck full force. It was crazy. He was an Italian tour guide I’d known for a month. How could we possibly be thinking about dating? “Or will we just be postponing a necessary heartbreak?”
He leaned in, his hands cupping my cheeks. I fell into that dark, penetrating gaze that was warm and joyous. “I want to try,” he said again. “I think you are worth fighting for.”
I blinked. How had this man broken through my walls and captured my heart? And did I really want to see what could happen between us? Was it easier to just be strong and break it off now? “Enzo, I need to think about it,” I said slowly. “This is hard for me. I have so much to contend with when I get back home. I want to be sure if we do this, we’re both all in.”
He nodded. “I understand.” He kissed me, and I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back. “Will you do one thing for me tonight?”
I laughed. “What?”
“Go skinny-dipping with me.”
I blinked. “Excuse me?”
“When we were talking at dinner, Allegra teased you that it’s on your bucket list. The lake is beautiful at night. Come with me. Now.”
“Skinny-dipping? Me? Right now?”
“Yes, cara. The night is still ours. Let’s not waste it.”
I stared at him for a while before finally making my decision. “I’ll do it.”
Giggling like teenagers, we hurried outside and down to the lake. It took me a while to work up the courage to strip and dive into the water, but once I did, it was pure heaven. The water was silky smooth against my naked skin, and the crescent moon winked above me amid the stars.
We splashed and swam and floated. Then we climbed back into our clothes, dripping wet, running back to the house and collapsing into bed together to make love all night, feeling like morning might never come.
Eventually, it did.
He left me with a kiss on the lips and a promise lingering in the air. And for the first time, I realized the very controlled, orderly life I’d been so proud of had shattered around me in pieces.
And I’d never felt so alive or hopeful about the future.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Sophia
My girls were hurting.
We sat at the table for our fi
nal breakfast. The luggage was packed and loaded. We’d take the rental car to the airport and make the flight back home. Ian had gone yesterday, and Enzo left in the early morning while we still slept. It was just us again.
Usually, the morning started with excited chatter, lots of coffee, and planning for the day. This morning, there was a deep silence, and Frannie and Allegra seemed lost in their thoughts. The weight of their pain and my unspoken secret lay heavily on my chest.
I’d gotten my wish and experienced the trip of a lifetime. My daughter and granddaughter had fought their way back to each other. There was no cliché happy ending, but they’d laid the groundwork for something better, if they both kept working on it. I’d have to help. But first, I needed to fight my own battle.
There’d been more blood today. The ache and pressure in my stomach had become insistently more painful. I’d been stubborn and wanted to keep this trip on schedule, knowing how important it was to all of us, and not wanting an illness to distract anyone. But it was time to tell them. The moment we got back home, I’d schedule the doctor’s appointment and share everything.
I wondered if Frannie would try to keep seeing Enzo. I wondered if Allegra would keep in touch with Ian or if Ian would go through with his plan to enter the seminary. Love did strange things to a person’s plan, as did God. Whatever happened, both men had served their purpose well here.
They’d shown my girls they were worthy of love exactly the way they were.
“Are you sad to leave?” I asked them both, needing to disrupt the heartbreaking silence.
Allegra shrugged. “It’s time to go home.”
Frannie sighed. “I’m sad. I’m a bit reluctant to let real life intrude again. I’ve enjoyed our trip together.”
I noticed Allegra’s face soften at her answer. “Yeah, me too,” she admitted. “Are you going to see Enzo again, Mom?”
I cocked my head to better listen to her answer. We hadn’t had time alone to really discuss her relationship. I just knew Enzo had brought out the best in my daughter. “I don’t know. He talked about trying to do the long-distance thing, but it seems crazy. Of course it wouldn’t work.”
“It could,” Allegra said. “If you both wanted it and committed.”
“I don’t know, sweetheart. I’m sure once I’m out of sight, he’ll get on with his life, I’ll go back to work, and it’ll be just a beautiful memory.”
Allegra slammed down her juice cup and glared. “Why does it have to be like that? Because it’s easy or reasonable? Or because you want to go back and bury your head in work again, so you don’t have to deal with real shit?”
Frannie’s mouth fell open. I held my tongue, sensing they needed to sort this out on their own. “Don’t talk to me like that! A long-distance relationship is complicated. We’re not young kids with big dreams. We already have our lives settled and it’s hard to change.”
“But you can if you want it bad enough. God, Mom, don’t you ever want something for yourself besides a company? I liked the way you were around Enzo. You laughed and got silly, and not once did you pick up your stupid phone. I know you didn’t want me to have a father so you could have this uncomplicated, perfect life, but maybe it’s time to get a little messy.”
Frannie’s face flushed and she practically snarled. “You know nothing about my choices or what I want from my life,” she shot back. “I’m the mother and you don’t get to ask questions!”
“Why not? That’s stupid! I told you about Ian—you can tell me how you really feel about Enzo leaving instead of pretending everything’s cool.”
Frannie grabbed for her coffee, her fingers shaking. “This is a ridiculous conversation. Let’s get ready to go.”
I spoke up. “Actually, I think this is a very important conversation for you two. I think Allegra has something important to say, and you should listen.”
I held my breath, wondering if she’d shut down, but she kept still and stared at Allegra, waiting.
Allegra tipped her chin up. “I hate that I don’t have a real father. I hate that I was some type of biology experiment, neatly planned, with no love or passion or romance. Didn’t you ever want a relationship? Did you have to control every aspect of your life—even falling in love? Did I just check off one of your boxes along the way to have a kid with no thought as to how I’d feel about your choices?”
Pain for both of them rose up and choked me. I watched my daughter flinch at the words, but I knew it was a wound in Allegra that needed to bleed free in order to heal.
“How could you think that?” Frannie whispered in anguish. “I chose to have you by a donor because I was thirty and had never once been in love. I was terrified to wait for a magical romance that might or might not happen. How could I believe in something I’ve never experienced? I wanted you so badly, I’d stare up at the ceiling and dream of you. And when I found out I was pregnant, you became my entire world. It was the craziest, most beautiful experience in my life, deciding to have you. You think there wasn’t love? Dear God, I was full of love. Every moment from your birth to now is the only perfect thing in my life—don’t you understand that? And if you ever doubted you were always wanted, and loved, and worshipped, then I need to beg your forgiveness, sweetheart. You’re . . . everything.”
They stared at each other for a few earth-shattering moments, and then Allegra swiped at her cheeks, nodding jerkily. “I didn’t realize. You never talked about it, and the process seemed so cold.”
Frannie rose from the chair and grabbed her, hugging tight. “Never,” she said fiercely. “Ask Nonni. I was nuts about you, and every moment of my pregnancy was full of joy and anticipation. I have nothing without you, Allegra. You need to know that, okay?”
“Okay.”
“I know I’ve said it before, but I’m going to make some changes. It’s time I give Kate and Layla more accounts and let my team do the heavy lifting. I’ll always be passionate about my work, but I don’t want this type of overwhelming schedule anymore.”
Allegra looked at her warily. “But I thought you loved it. Mom, I don’t want you to have these panic attacks anymore, but I want you to be happy.”
“Thanks, sweetheart. I think it’s way past time I find some other things to make me happy. Just like you and Nonni have been telling me.”
“Mother’s always right,” I chirped, smiling.
Frannie groaned and Allegra laughed. I watched them hug each other tight and swallowed down the lump in my throat.
Now they had a real chance.
Hours later, we boarded the plane and headed back to New York.
And when we got home, I finally told them everything.
I made the appointment immediately, and after the tests, I learned the thing inside me had grown and morphed into the diagnosis I’d dreaded.
Cancer.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Francesca
I walked into the hospital and headed to her room, carrying a bouquet of wildflowers in a mixture of vivid colors, which was her favorite. The door was half open, and I knocked quickly and stepped inside.
“How’s our patient this morning?” I asked, smiling as I walked to the bed. I noticed her tray held half of her lunch, so she’d finally eaten. Her color was definitely back, even though the hospital gown and tubes sticking out of her arms made me a bit queasy.
“Better,” she said. “But I’ll never heal properly without some real food. Can you sneak in some of Allegra’s ravioli? Please?”
I laughed, tucking the flowers into one of the extra vases at her bedside table. “No. Besides, you’ll be out of here soon. The nurses say you’re looking good and they can release you once you poop.”
She groaned. “Lord save me from this humiliation.”
But I noticed her eyes sparkling again, so she was definitely improving. When we got home, she’d sat Allegra and me down and to
ld us the truth about how she’d been feeling. On the edge of a brand-new panic attack, I’d made myself calm with some deep breathing and quickly got on the case. I got her an appointment with a well-known doctor, who referred her to a gynecologist, who did some tests, then a biopsy.
She had uterine cancer.
The last few weeks of summer passed in a blur as the doctors came up with a plan. We’d all felt lucky to hear it hadn’t advanced too far or spread, so she was scheduled for surgery and had a complete hysterectomy. At this point, it looked like they’d caught it all, and she didn’t even need radiation.
She’d gotten lucky.
We’d gotten a miracle.
Allegra and I urged her to move in with us, but she was still stubborn, wanting to stay in her home. I hired a nurse and a cleaner, but she’d already thrown a few tantrums, insisting she’d be fine on her own. Allegra mentioned she’d stay at her house for the first week to help out, and we’d made a plan to switch on and off to be with her.
“Shouldn’t you be at work?” she asked.
“I’m the boss—I can take a lunch hour,” I teased.
“How did you do with the Ackerman account?”
“Still working on him.” I smiled, loving her new effort to learn more about my business. She liked to ask pointed questions now about what ads I worked on and occasionally tried to help by jotting down ideas for me. She was actually pretty good and had a creative flair for marketing. Maybe she would’ve been drawn to the career I’d chosen.
Maybe we were much more alike than I’d originally thought.
I’d made good on my vow. I gave Kate and Layla full partnerships, restructured the team, and gave them more responsibility, announcing my intention to pull back. I was still involved in the bigger accounts and took the lead when I felt it was important, but I was getting better at not needing to run the entire show. I had even tried to get Anthony’s account back, but he’d informed me it was too late.
By now I didn’t even care. I had things in my life that were more important.
Our Italian Summer Page 33