by Ali Parker
Laughing, we both rushed off stage to make our way to my dressing room.
* * *
The show went amazingly.
Every chair was full, and every song went off without a hitch. The crowd was a wild one, alive and passionate and loud. That always made for a great evening of fun.
On top of that, the sound quality was perfect. The band was perfectly in sync.
And little old me?
Well.
I played the entire thing sober.
When I left the stage after our three-song encore, Piper threw her arms around my shoulders and planted a kiss on my lips. She raked her fingers through my sweat-soaked hair. “You sounded incredible.”
I kissed her fiercely, and the two of us were oblivious to the many eyes all around us. “I think you might have to come to all my shows now. You’re like a good luck charm.”
Her eyes glittered. “You and I both know your performance had nothing to do with luck.”
Five minutes before I took to the stage at the beginning of the night, I’d been gripped with a paralyzing fear that I was going to perform like trash without any drugs in my system. I figured it would be a lackluster performance by a lackluster musician.
But that wasn’t the case at all.
I sounded as good as I always did. And I played effortlessly. My brain wasn’t addled by dizziness or confusion or a fixation on my next hit. I was one with the music, like when I was just a boy playing in my best friend’s garage on warm summer evenings.
Piper ran a hand down my chest. “I’m proud of you.”
I closed a hand over hers. There were no other words to say, so I stole the quiet moment with her before lifting her hand to my lips and kissing her knuckles. “Sit tight. I’m going to change. Then we’ll get out of here.”
“Where do you want to go?”
“Home.”
Piper bit her bottom lip and nodded. “Okay. Hurry up.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Piper’s giggle followed me down the hall as I hurried to my dressing room. I didn’t want to waste any time with my beautiful girl tonight. She was waiting on me. I was nearly to my dressing room at the end of the hall when someone called my name.
I turned to find my brother jogging after me.
When he caught up, he put a hand on my shoulder. “Good show, man. I got off work early and was able to swing by.” He held up a VIP pass hanging around his neck. “Thanks for this. Saved my ass. I thought they weren’t going to let me in.”
“No problem,” I said, putting a hand on the doorknob to my dressing room to try to signal to Jake that I was in a hurry.
His eyes narrowed.
Here we go. A lecture.
I braced myself.
“Are you sober?” Jake asked. His eyes widened a little bit as he asked the question, like he couldn’t believe the words were coming out of his mouth.
“Don’t sound so surprised, little brother.”
“Holy shit. Seriously?”
“Seriously. Well, sober enough at least.”
“What does that mean?” Jake cocked his head to the side.
It meant I was high on Piper. It meant she was the only drug I needed. It meant nothing else mattered besides her.
Jake nodded with understanding without me even having to speak the words. “It’s the girl, isn’t it?”
“Piper.”
Jake nodded. “She’s a good one, man. Real good. All the way through.”
“I know,” I said. My whole body felt warm. This was the first conversation I’d had with Jake in what felt like ages that wasn’t centered around my drinking problem. Or drug problem. Or any problem for that matter.
Then Jake frowned.
I sighed. “What is it?”
His eyes searched mine. “What are you going to do when she leaves?”
The warmth spreading through me instantly turned to ice, my soul shriveled into a little ball in my chest, and my heart fluttered with panic.
CHAPTER 18
PIPER
I blew strands of hair away from my face as I leaned against the wall where Levi had left me about half an hour ago.
When he told me we’d head home after this, I’d had the impression he was in a rush. As in, when we got home, there was important business the two of us had to attend to.
Naturally, I was all hot and bothered and anxiously anticipating his return so that we could get home and attend to said business.
Now I was beginning to doubt myself. What if he hadn’t been implying anything? Maybe all he meant was he was looking forward to going home and relaxing after a three-hour-long, completely sold-out rock show. I wouldn’t blame him if that was the case.
Hell, he could sit back and relax, and I could take care of him.
Thoughts like that didn’t make the waiting any shorter.
To preoccupy my mind, I wandered the hall and looked at the posters of other musicians. It was surreal to think that I was walking the same halls as these famous people. There was a heavy feeling inside me that I was an imposter, that I did not belong here or had not earned my place.
I checked my phone after even more time had passed. We were closing in on the forty-five-minute mark.
I doubted Levi would intentionally leave me to wait this long. He must have gotten tied up or run into someone who needed his attention. Maybe his band or his agent or something.
Maybe he’d been bombarded by fans and was signing autographs.
Either way, I was beginning to grow concerned.
I set off toward his dressing room to find him.
The halls were full of people talking about the show. I passed two of his band members, who were leaning on each other for support and sipping from water bottles that I suspected did not have water in them.
Jake was there too.
He caught my eye, gave me a wave, and then hurried toward me. “Hey, Piper. Looking for Levi?”
I nodded and clasped my hands together. “Yes. Have you seen him? I lost track of him about forty-five minutes ago.”
Jake rubbed the back of his neck and nodded down the hall. “Last I saw him, he was heading toward his dressing room.”
That didn’t help me. He had the same information I had. “Okay. I’m going to go check on him.”
“Hey, Piper?” Jake reached out and tapped my elbow as I made to go past him.
I stopped. “Yes?”
He seemed nervous. He was fidgeting, and he looked everywhere but at me. “Look. Levi and I don’t have the most solid relationship. But I have to say. Thank you.”
“Thank you?” My brow furrowed.
“Yeah. For, you know, talking some sense into him. I don’t know what you did or what you said, but it’s working. I haven’t seen him sober in years.”
“Oh.”
Jake laughed nervously. “It was kind of surreal. I mean, I was looking at him, and he was looking at me, and for the first time in ages, it felt like he was actually seeing me. Does that make any sense?” He laughed nervously again and shook his head at himself. “Never mind. I’m probably not making any sense. I’m just… I’m grateful to you.”
“Um. You’re welcome?” I didn’t know what else to say. What was the appropriate response to comments like that? Especially since my helping Levi hadn’t been for Jake’s sake. Or my own. It had been for Levi’s. Truth be told, it had all been a hell of a lot easier than I expected.
“You’re a real gem, Piper. Can I ask how you did it? What did you say to him? How did you get him to listen to you? I’ve tried to talk to him a hundred times over, and nothing sticks. It just makes him angry, which makes him drink more, which makes him do lines to sober up so he can write songs. It’s a fucking vicious cycle.”
This wasn’t a comfortable conversation.
I’d grown too close to Levi to talk so openly about his personal affairs—even if it was just with his brother.
I raked my fingers through my hair. “I’m sorry, Jake. I don’t think t
his conversation is appropriate for us to have anymore. But I can tell you one thing. I didn’t just talk at him. Or tell him how disappointing he was.”
Jake blinked.
I sighed. “I know you had the best intentions. But you weren’t changing how you approached things, and you weren’t getting the results you wanted. Which is insanity. Literally.”
“I—wait, what?”
I put a hand on his shoulder. “Levi knows you love him. That’s all that matters. Okay?”
Jake nodded. “Okay.”
I took my hand away and turned toward the dressing room. “We’ll see you around, all right? Maybe we can have you over for dinner before I go home or something.”
Jake was already walking down the hall when I put my ear to the dressing-room door and knocked. “Levi? Are you in there?”
Nobody answered. But something kept me there with my ear against the door. I strained to listen, and then I heard it, the telltale sound of someone shifting on a sofa. And then the sound of glass bumping against glass.
Like liquor bottles.
“Levi, open the door.”
The sound of shuffling footsteps reached my ear. Then a grunt as Levi most likely bumped into something in there. Worry fluttered in my stomach as the door unlocked and the handle twisted.
What was I about to see? How fucked up was he going to be?
Would I be able to handle this, or would I need back up?
The door opened inward, exposing Levi in his open button-up shirt and the same jeans he’d performed in. He hadn’t even gotten around to getting changed before he hit the liquor. There was a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand and a joint in the other. His eyes were red, and he swayed on the spot as he stared at me.
“Where you been, baby?” he slurred.
“I was waiting for you.”
“Oh. You were? Wait… really?”
Jesus. He was shit faced.
I reached out and took his hand. His grip was loose. Then I guided him out of the dressing room into the hall. “Come on. The limo is waiting for us. You said you wanted to take me home, remember?”
Levi nodded, but I doubted he was comprehending what I was saying. Determined to get him the hell out of this place and away from prying eyes, I slid my shoulder under his arm and wrapped an arm around his waist. He leaned on me, but not too heavily, and he matched my steps as I put one foot in front of the other and made my way through the winding maze of hallways, desperately trying to find the way we’d come in.
Our limo would be waiting for us. Once I got him inside, I could figure out what this was all about. Something must have happened because right before we parted ways, things were good.
Great, even.
Relief washed over me when we pushed through a back door and found a pearl-white limo parked at the curb. Our driver for the evening, a gentleman in his mid-fifties with shocking white hair, a British accent, and an incredible mustache got out of the driver’s seat to come around and open the back door for me.
His forehead creased with concern when he saw Levi. “Are you all right, Mr. Morgan?”
Levi held up his vodka bottle like he was about to give a toast. “Never better, Alfred. Never better.”
“His name is Lenny,” I muttered under my breath.
“Lenny!” Levi cried. “Sorry, man. Got you confused with Alfred. Wait. Who’s Alfred?”
Lenny smiled pleasantly. “The butler in Batman. Don’t worry, sir. It happens to me all the time.”
I winced in apology as I helped Levi into the back of the limo. “Sorry. He’s had a bit to drink.”
“Not a problem, miss. This is pretty standard in my line of work. He’s signed a contract so if there is vomit in my car when I drop you off, he pays a hefty bill. Maybe remind him of that, will you?”
“Yes, of course,” I said.
“Where to, miss?”
“Home,” I said before sliding into the backseat. Lenny closed the door behind me, and I turned to find Levi polishing off the last few mouthfuls of vodka from his bottle. Then, like a man possessed by the drink, he set his sights on the liquor in the car.
“Levi,” I said slowly, watching as he poured himself a glass of whiskey. It sloshed over the rim of the glass and spilled on the carpet.
“Mm?” he asked, arching an eyebrow. His eyelids were heavy, and whiskey dribbled out the corners of his mouth when he tipped his head back and took a sip.
“Did something happen in there?”
“In where?”
“We were in the hallway. You told me you wanted to take me home. And then you said you wanted to go get changed, and you went to your dressing room. Did something happen when you went to your dressing room?” I knew I had to keep things simple, and I had to jog his memory.
Levi frowned. “I saw Jake.”
Okay. This added up. I’d seen Jake too. “Did you two talk?”
Levi nodded.
“About what?” I pressed.
Levi’s stare darkened. He stared down into the darkness of his whiskey glass before finishing it off. “You.”
“Me?” I asked.
He nodded.
“What about me?”
His hands shook as he reached for the bar again. I slid off my seat and went to my knees in front of him on the floor, blocking his view of the alcohol and, hopefully, his temptation. I cupped his face in both hands and forced him to look at me. “What did you say about me?”
Levi’s eyes searched mine. I could see the wheels spinning. Then his features contorted in a grimace of anguish. “I’m terrified that I’m going to lose you in two weeks.”
“Why?”
Levi shook his head.
I held on and made him look me in the eyes. “Why, Levi? Tell me. Please.”
He hesitated.
And then the words came out of him in a steady stream.
“Everything will fall apart again. I’ll be him again. That asshole I was before you showed up. And I’ll let everyone down. I’ll let Jake down. I’m a fucking mess, and that’s what the world has come to expect of me. Fucking bullshit and empty promises and more bullshit. I’m a joke.”
“Listen to me.”
His eyes focused on me.
“You’re not a joke, Levi. Fuck the rest of the world and their expectations. I expect better from you because I know you can. I’ve seen it. Felt it. And so have you.”
He dropped his head and closed his eyes. “I’m sorry, Piper.”
His complexion had turned a pale shade of yellow. His skin was clammy and cool, and his words were slurred.
“Don’t be sorry,” I whispered. “Hang on.”
I moved to the front of the limo and knocked on the blacked-out glass partition between us and Lenny. It rolled down, and Lenny glanced over his shoulder at me. “Did he vomit?”
“No,” I said, looking over my shoulder at Levi, who was leaned forward with his head in his hands. “But change of plans. We can’t go home. Take us to the hospital.”
CHAPTER 19
LEVI
I opened my eyes.
Everything was blurry at first. The paneled ceiling came into focus once my eyes adjusted to the brightness of the morning or afternoon—I couldn’t tell which—and when my vision was good enough, I turned my head to look around and figure out where I was.
It was a bad idea.
The room spun. My gut rolled with nausea, and I bit down on my tongue to stop myself from being sick. Slowly, I lifted my right hand to cover my eyes and shield them from the brightness as the room stopped spinning.
Upon moving, I discovered my hand was skewered in the back with an IV needle. The inside of my elbow was bruised from shots or blood tests or both, and that whole arm felt heavy and weak.
From there, it wasn’t hard to piece together that I was in the hospital.
It wasn’t my first time, either. I could feel all the tell-tale signs of having had my stomach pumped sometime the night before. My throat ached horribly, and my
tongue tasted like bile. The nausea coupled with the intense hunger pangs was a wicked combination, but if my previous visits to the hospital had taught me one thing, it was that I wouldn’t be eating solids again for at least twenty-four hours.
Probably more.
I kept my hand over my eyes and tried to piece together what happened last night.
The show went well. I remembered that much.
I also recalled telling Piper I was going to take her home. I remembered holding her hand in the hallway. I remembered standing on stage and sharing a kiss.
I remembered feeling accomplished after having played one of the best shows of my career while sober.
And then it all got muddy after that. Bits and pieces of memories wandered around in my brain, like seeing my brother and opening a bottle of vodka in my dressing room. I remembered Piper knocking on the door and how badly I didn’t want to answer it.
How badly I didn’t want her to see the state I was in.
Apparently, my will to hide from her hadn’t been strong enough because here I was, on my back, staring up at a God-forsaken hospital ceiling, knowing full well Piper had likely been the one to bring my ass here in the first place.
How much of a mess had I been? How much did I drink in such a short amount of time to land myself here?
I sighed wearily and forced myself to open my eyes again and adjust to the brightness.
There was only one question that mattered in all of this. The rest of it was background noise.
Had Piper gone home?
Or was she still with me?
I knew for certain I didn’t deserve for her to stick around. I deserved to be abandoned here to suffer at the hands of my brother, who no doubt would be furious and disappointed at my sudden slide after a glimmer of hope that things might have been getting better.
Ah. Yes. Jake.
I’d run into him in the hallway. He’d noticed I was sober.
And then he’d asked what I would do when Piper left.
That was what did it, what led me straight to the mini-fridge in my dressing room. The vodka called to me like a siren, and I was powerless against her song.