by L. P. Maxa
My Nate was gone.
I didn’t plead with him to let me go. I knew he wouldn’t. I stayed as calm as possible, waiting to see what his plan was, waiting to see how far he’d take this.
He moved both my wrist to one strong grip, using his other hand to caress my face. “I loved you.”
Tears silently streamed down my face. “I love you too Nate. I do. I swear.” I’d spent my whole life living for him, trying to be who he needed.
“Not like you love Jeremy,” he stated. It didn’t warrant an answer. He sure as hell wouldn’t like what I was going to say. “You don’t know how good we could be together, Sav.” His hand trailed farther down, gripping my throat briefly before moved to my breast. “Let me show you. Let me show you how happy I can make you.”
I closed my eyes, more tears leaking out the sides. My parents weren’t home, Jeremy was still in the hospital, and my cell phone was on the dresser, covered in tiny shards of sharp glass. After I’d vowed to save myself, I needed someone to save me from what I knew was going to happen. “Please don’t do this, Nate. Please.”
He shook his head, like he was sad. “You’ve left me no choice. Don’t you see that?” He moved his attention to my other breast, rubbing his thumb over my nipple. “You’ll see, Sav. You’ll see how good I can make you feel. Then you’ll love me more than you love him.” He placed a kiss to my lips, making me whimper. “I’m all you’ll ever need. I’m all you’ve ever needed. You’ll see.”
I turned my head to the side, searching my room for anything that might help me. A fork. There was a fork from the last time Jeremy ate in here. I silently thanked him for being such a slob. Nate was distracted, both his hands roaming over my body, his lips at my neck. I stretched my arms out, coming up a few inches short. I shifted underneath him, trying to close the distance to the only weapon I could see.
He took that as an invitation. He ripped my yoga pants, then my panties. It hurt, my flesh burned where the material had pulled. But it’d given me another inch. I was crying hard. There would be no coming back from this. I couldn’t explain this away. I couldn’t give him yet another free pass. Nate was about to cross a line I never in a million years imagined that he’d cross.
I was losing a piece of myself, and I was losing my best friend.
His fingers trailed over my hip, skating across my stomach and between my legs. I wasn’t ready for him, so he licked his hand, making bile rise up my throat. “Don’t cry, Sav, everything is going to be okay.” He rested his forehead against mine, his breaths coming out in ragged pants as he ruined us. “See Sav, see? I can be what you need too.”
I clenched my teeth, trying not to throw up on us both. I stretched my arm out, flexing my fingers and doing everything I could to ignore the way he was touching me, violating me. His lips met mine, his kiss hard and painful. I clamped my mouth shut, refusing to give him that when he was already taking too much. He didn’t seem to mind, instead he placed kisses along my neck, across my breasts, down my stomach. I let my head fall back, allowing myself a moment to cry and silently beg for all of this to stop. When his mouth closed over my clit, I took my opening and jack knifed up, grabbing the fork and slamming it into his side with a shout.
He jerked back, shocked, and reached for it.
I scrambled to my feet, tripping over my pants in a mad dash to the bedroom door. I could hear him behind me, calling my name, his footfall pounding so close. I raced down the stairs, throwing open the front door. Before I could take a step into the sunshine, I was hauled backward by my hair. My scalp screamed, a sob escaping from my throat.
“Why did you do that? I’m trying to help you. Why won’t you let me love you?” He slammed me against the wall, yelling in my face. His eyes were black, the way they were when he’d attacked Jeremy.
Jeremy. He forgave his brother, even after he tried to kill him. Now, he would lose him to the instability that’d plagued Nate his whole life.
Nate’s hand was once again wrapped around my throat, his lips at my ear, whispering how much he wanted me, how much he loved me, how happy we’d be forever.
I threw my arms out, once again searching for anything within my reach to stop him. He was undoing his pants button, trying to push them down with his free hand. A vase. There was an ugly vase on the small table by the door, it was full of fake flowers that my dad hated. I could feel it with my fingertips, it was so close. Nate was rubbing himself against my center, trying to gain entry. My body didn’t want him. He growled, hiking up my thigh, giving me the purchase I needed. I grabbed the vase, slamming it into his head, throwing him off balance.
I clawed at the door handle, fumbling with the lock and throwing it open once again. I stumbled outside, crossing the lawn, screaming for help as tears streamed down my cheeks. I didn’t have my phone, Jeremy’s keys were on my bedside table. Nate was yelling my name, blood dripping down his ear and onto my dad’s perfect green lawn. I’d hurt him, he was moving slow. I had nowhere to go, no one to run to. He was stronger than me, even injured, he’d overpower me. I fell to the ground when he hooked my ankle, landing so hard I lost my breath. He flipped me over, hovering above me.
“When will you learn, Sav? I’m the only person you’ll ever need.” He slapped me, my cheek stinging. He wasn’t using his full strength though, if he had, I’d be out cold. In his mind, he wasn’t hurting me, he never wanted to hurt me. Nate loved me, the only way he knew how.
Wait. That was it. He loved me the way he knew how, and I needed to meet him there.
“You’re right.” I took a deep inhale, trying to make my tone soothing, the way I’d called him back from the edge a hundred times before. “You’re the only one for me, you’re all I’ll ever need Nate.” I reached up, cupping his cheek. “But it can’t be like this, out in the open, in the front yard? You want better for me, for us, right? I deserve better.”
His gaze softened. “Of course you do, Sav.” He stood, pulling me to my feet, his knuckles grazing the bruise I was sure was forming on my face. “You deserve the world, but you keep fighting me.”
I nodded, like I was agreeing with him. “I’ve been crying, and you’re mad.” I dropped my eyes to my feet, like I was feeling shy. “I want a do over. I want to look nice for you. I want it to be special, don’t you?”
He smiled, so tragically beautiful. “Yes.”
I took another deep breath, trying to keep the hope blooming in my chest at bay. “I’m going to shower, put on something nice.” I gestured to his house. “You too. Wear that blue shirt I got you last year for your birthday, okay?”
His eyes narrowed, a frown on his lips. “No.” He shook his head, manically. “I love you Sav, but I don’t trust you. Not after what you did with my brother.” I forced my molars together, trying to keep from sobbing. “I’ll wait for you, in your room. Then we’ll try over again, okay?”
I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “Okay, sure.” I had to take what I could get. I headed back into my house, praying like hell that my parents would come home. That Nate’s mom would come home. I needed a parent. I needed someone to finally step up and check on me. To make sure I was okay. I’d bought myself time, but not space.
He followed me inside, his hand on my shoulder stopping me before I could go upstairs. “How about some tea?” I turned to study him, almost afraid he was joking. He had blood on his head, his shirt was soaked deep red where I’d stabbed him with a fork.
Nate looked like he’d been in a battle. “Sure. That’d be great.” I smiled, small and thankful. “Bring it up to me? I’ll leave the bathroom door unlocked.”
He grinned at that, like I’d granted his wish. I was trusting him, I was leaving a door unlocked, I was asking him to take care of me. He thought he was winning. When really I was deceiving him one final time. I moved up the stairs, slowly, refusing to rush and alert him to the mistake he’d made. I didn’t even close my bedroom door. I plucked my cell off the table, heading into the bathroom and turning on the shower b
efore dialing 9-1-1.
What was my emergency the operator asked. Where did I start? I relayed my address, I let them know that there was someone inside with me, attacking me. I told them the front door was unlocked, I told them where my room was. Then I hung up, hiding my cell phone in a drawer. I climbed into the shower, curling into a ball and letting the hot water scald my skin. When I heard sirens in the background, I closed my eyes, sobbing over all that was about to happen.
Chapter Thirty
Jeremy
My mom had dinner with Savy’s parents, and then they dropped her off at the hospital to visit with me. I was ready to tell her what really happened, tell her that Nathan needed to go away for a while, but before I got my chance, her phone rang. Her face went pale while she listened to whoever was on the other end of the line. My stomach sank to the floor, knowing that something terrible had happened. Her face, that was the way she’d reacted when she got the news my father had died. Someone was dead. Her phone fell from her hand, crashing to the linoleum.
“Mom?” I was too afraid to ask her what happened, too afraid of what her answer might be.
She closed her eyes, her hand going to her heart. “It’s your brother. He’s been arrested.”
He finally snapped. After all this time because Savy wasn’t there to keep him stable. I knew that would happen eventually, which was why I’d been planning on speaking with my mother tonight about getting him some real inpatient help. “Mom, this has been—”
“He attacked Savy.”
Time stopped. I could feel every beat of my heart, hear every drip of my IV. I’d hurt my brother and he’d taken it out on the one person I never thought he would.
I threw my legs over the side of the bed, ripping out my IV with a wince. “Is she okay? Is she hurt? Where is she? Mom.” Her gaze jerked to mine, she seemed to be in shock. “Mom.”
“She’s here. She’s at the hospital getting checked out.”
I scrambled around the room, pulling clothes from the bag my mom had brought for my discharge tomorrow. Blood was dripping from my arm and my head was pounding, but the only thing that mattered was getting to Savy.
“Jeremy. Where are you going? We need to go get your brother, we need to get him out of jail he doesn’t belong there, he isn’t a crim—”
“Yes, he is.” I yelled and she flinched. “He attacked the one person on this planet that he actually fucking loves. He’s dangerous. He’s unstable. He’s uncontrollable.” I tugged on my shoes. “You go get him, but I’m going to Savy.”
“You did this, you and her.” My mom’s whispered words stopped me in my tracks. “You think I didn’t notice? Sneaking out and running across the yard. Coming home late. I saw you with her.” She sounded disgusted. “I can’t believe that you two would do that to Nathan, would push him like that.”
“Push him?” My mother was either delusional or in denial, but either way it was time she was set straight. I’d planned to sit her down, have a rational and calm conversation. Unfortunately, like what happened with Nathan a few mornings ago, I was too late. “It is not my job to make life livable for my brother. It’s not Savy’s job to smooth every bump in his road. We are not his parents. We are not responsible for him. You are,” I told her through gritted teeth as on my way out the door. “The day Dad died, you handed Nathan over to Savy. That was wrong. You and Savy’s parents were wrong. You rested the weight of the world on a little girl’s shoulders. Everything that’s happened since, everything that’s happening now, is your fault.”
I didn’t wait to hear her reply, and it didn’t matter. She’d step up or she wouldn’t, but either way Nathan was in police custody and he was staying there until our mother went to get him out. I wasn’t running to his rescue. I forgave him for hurting me, putting me in the hospital. I couldn’t forgive him for harming Savy. Never.
I went down to the main lobby, asking for Savannah Nightingale and lying to the nurses, telling them I was her brother. When I got to her room, her mom was outside the door crying, her dad was pacing up and down the hallway. When they saw me they rushed forward, both talking at once.
“Why would Nathan do this?”
“Do you know what happened?”
I held up my hands, trying my best to calm them down enough so that I could answer their questions when all I really wanted to do was shove past them and go to Savy. “I don’t know what happened after Nathan took her home this afternoon, I haven’t spoken to her or my brother.”
“Why did he do this? He loves her.” Her mom was wiping at her cheeks, almost like she was bewildered that her tears continued to flow. “Why Jeremy? Why?”
Should I tell them it was because he loved her too much? Should I tell them it was because of me, because I fell for her? Or should I tell them this happened because they never thought to ask their daughter how she felt or what she wanted? None of those answers would help them right now. I knew that. So instead I left them standing in the hallway with their questions and then locked Savy’s hospital room door after I slipped inside.
She was sitting up in bed, a gown on her small frame and a bruise on her cheek. Her hair was a tangle of blonde silk and her lips were puffy and red. “Baby.” I crossed the room and wrapped her in my arms, holding her as she sobbed against my chest. “Are you okay? Did he…? Tell me what happened.”
“He followed me up to my room.” Her voice was soft, her grip on my arms tight. “He told me that he could give me the same things you could, that he could make me feel good too.”
I clenched my jaw, trying to control my rapid heartrate. She didn’t need another man in her life to lose it. She needed me to hold her and listen, so I would. Even though every fiber in my being wanted to go find my brother and kick his ass.
“He t-t-touched me, but I stabbed him with a fork and he chased me when I ran. He had me up against the door, but then I hit him with a vase.” She stopped, taking a deep breath. “He tackled me in the yard and told me he loved me. That’s when I got him to calm down a bit, he let me go inside to shower and I called the police.”
“Baby, my god, I’m so—”
“I hid in the shower, but I could hear everything. I heard the cops come in. I heard how shocked he was, then how angry. Then he was scared and he was calling my name, begging me to come tell them that we were in love.” She broke down, sobs wracking her body.
I stroked her back, and held her. I told her over and over again how much I loved her, how I would never leave her again.
I told her how strong she was, how smart.
I rocked her long after she fell asleep in my arms.
Chapter Thirty-One
Savy
I woke up in yet another hospital room, but this time I was in the bed and Jeremy was sitting in an uncomfortable chair beside me. He was asleep, his arms folded across his chest and the bruising still around his neck from where Nate had choked him. The past few days felt like a nightmare, like a bad dream rolling on repeat. I’d hurt my best friend. Then he’d retaliated by almost killing his brother. He snapped when he realized I wasn’t his the way he wanted me to be, and he violated me, and nearly raped me.
All because I wanted to be free, and in the process I fell in love.
“Savannah, darling, you’re awake.” My mom rushed over to my side, brushing the hair off my forehead. “Do you need me to call the nurse?”
“No.” I shook my head while reaching for the cup of water she held out. My mouth was dry, and my throat was scratchy. I took inventory of my body, noticing that my joints were sore and everything felt stiff like I’d been asleep for days instead of hours. “Where is Dad?” I knew both my parents were in the hallway when Jeremy came in, I saw them when he opened the door.
“He went home to get you a change of clothes.” She fussed with my blankets. “They said the clothes you came in wearing were torn and wet.” Her gaze slowly met mine, a frown on her lips. “Did Nathan, um, what happened?” She glanced at Jeremy who was still asleep or was pretendi
ng to be to give my mother a moment. “Jeremy wouldn’t tell us anything, he said it was a long story and all that mattered was letting you rest.”
“Jeremy and I, we started hanging out this summer, and we fell in love.” I couldn’t help but smile as I said those words, even though the chain of events since Nate discovered us together were disastrous. “Nate found out, and he attacked Jeremy. That was the real reason he was in the hospital. Then, when I told Nate I didn’t want a physical relationship with him, he tried to force one.” I wasn’t sure why I was speaking so calmly about something so horrifying, maybe all my emotions were spent. More likely, I was in shock.
“Nathan has never hurt you before, right? This isn’t something that’s been happening behind our backs for years?”
“No, Nate has never touched me out of anger before, not like that.” I licked my lips, they felt bruised and cracked which gave me flashbacks of how roughly he’d kissed me. “Nate wanted more from me, he thought we were more than best friends.”
“But you’re in love with Jeremy?”
“I am.” I glanced over to him, but he seemed relaxed and asleep. “Even if I wasn’t, I still wouldn’t want to be with Nate, not like that.” This was the moment I came clean and spoke my truth, and it was long overdue. “When Nate and I met, we were kids, happy to be playing together, but after Mr. Deacon passed everything changed.”
“Well of course it did sweetheart, he lost his father.”
I scoffed. “No, that’s not what’s going to happen anymore. No one is going to justify Nate’s behavior. No one is going to justify making a young girl responsible for a mentally unstable boy. There is no reason good enough for Nate becoming mine to look after, mine to soothe. Don’t you see that?” I shook my head, irritated. “His father was gone, but his mother wasn’t. She put me in an impossible position, and you and Dad let her.”