by Sarah Sutton
I threw my hands up. “I need my space! I don’t need kisses on my forehead or you coddling me. I don’t need you knocking on my door and in my business. Gosh, sometimes I wish I wasn’t the only person in your life so I wouldn’t be smothered so much!”
Mom’s face fell from the guarded, slightly angry expression she’d been wearing to something more…pained, as if I’d stuck a pin in her side. But it only lasted for a second before she quickly composed a bland expression. “An adult, huh?” She let out a harsh breath. “You’re right. Maybe I need to find someone else to coddle.” And she stomped from the room, leaving her half-eaten salad on the table.
I wanted to scream and scream at the top of my lungs. Did everyone have to be so infuriating at the same time? Why did they all have to choose now to be so selfish?
Just like that, I’d managed to push away two of the most important people in my life. Fantastic.
I arrived at school thirty minutes late and with a body heat of probably negative forty.
Okay, well, not really. But despite the fact that this morning had held the promises of snow/sleet/freezing temperatures, Greenville High still decided to have school, and the stupid school bus had come and gone without taking me with it. That could’ve been because I had overslept—Mom didn’t poke her head in to make sure I woke up like she normally did—and it took an extra fifteen minutes for my sleep-ridden ears to make sense of the alarm blaring at my bedside.
My last hope was Elijah—even though we were fighting, I hoped that whatever happened last night could blow over. But I’d looked out my window to find his truck gone from its driveway.
So now I was frozen and pissed. Not a cool combination.
My teeth chattered as my boots slipped across the school’s linoleum floor, my stiff fingers clutching an ugly yellow excuse slip. Technically, it should’ve been a tardy slip, but I told the secretary that I’d had an early doctor’s appointment and forgot my doctor’s note in my mom’s car. The lie came out so smoothly that it startled me, but she didn’t bat an eye.
There weren’t many people wandering the halls since first period was still in session, though it was almost over. I took my time getting to my locker, stewing with each step. My frozen fingers were starting to thaw with the temperature of my frustration, and I could even feel my features screw up. Once in front of the metal locker, I tugged my scarf from my neck, shoving it inside.
“Whoa, what’s got your panties in a twist?” Eloise came alongside the open door of my locker, peering at me around it. She’d pulled her hair into two buns on top of her head with sparkly ties keeping them in place. “It’s rare that I see you this angry, except when they run out of those good cookies in the vending machine.”
“Don’t ask,” I said through gritted teeth, hooking up my coat, “because I am so not in the mood. What are you doing out of class, anyway?”
Eloise lifted a wooden square with a piece of red ribbon slipped through a notch at the top, the letters BP engraved on the surface. She waved it back and forth. “Bathroom pass. I saw you walk past Mrs. Galvery’s door with your coat on. I thought you were more interesting than sonnets.”
“I overslept.” My mom didn’t wake me because I’m apparently a horrible daughter; Elijah hates me because I’m apparently a horrible friend. “I had to walk. In the freaking snow.”
“That’s why your nose is so red. I wondered why you were going for a weird Rudolph look.” I turned my eyes to her, and she took a large step back, raising her palms. “Sorry.”
“Have you seen Elijah this morning?”
Honestly, I didn’t know why I asked. Maybe because I hoped he looked miserable this morning, his outsides matching my insides.
“I haven’t looked. How did your date go last night?”
It was a perfectly reasonable question, but it only intensified my annoyance. “What are you doing after school today? Let’s go shopping and I’ll tell you then.”
Eloise tapped her nails against the bathroom pass. “You know, I did need to get some new bras. My sister keeps stealing mine, even though we are so not the same size.” She shoved her chest out. “I should get back before Mrs. Galvery decides to come find me, though.”
“I’ve got to get to history before the ladies in the office call down,” I said as she backed away, and shut my locker door. A part of me didn’t even want to go to the last bit of first hour because I knew Elijah would be there. I’d have to sit right next to him. At least we were still working through our documentary, so it gave us a reason to be quiet.
As I made my way to my class, I tried to school my features into a mask of blankness, along with an icy touch of indifference. Whether the mask would stay in place once I saw him, though, was a whole other story. Drawing in a deep breath, I cracked the door open, entering the dark room.
It took my eyes a minute to adjust, but when I saw our assigned seats, I found two empty spaces, both mine and his.
Elijah never showed to homeroom, leaving me fuming the rest of the time. He didn’t have the audacity to call in sick, either, because when I asked Mrs. Maples if there were any notes I could drop off to Elijah, she told me, “Oh, he was down in the art room this period, not home sick.”
How exactly he’d gotten out of history to go to art was beyond me—did all the teachers seriously have a sweet spot for him?—but it only made me angrier. However he’d done it, he’d skipped history so he wouldn’t have to see me.
By lunch, I was out for blood.
In my rush to get to school, I’d had no time to pack my lunch, so I made my way to the lunch line. The lunch trays were set out just before the line started, and I swiped one up as I passed.
“Hey.”
I looked up at the figure behind me and met a set of hazel eyes. “Hey, yourself.”
Jeremy grabbed a lunch tray and twirled it between his fingers, nudging me with his elbow. “You didn’t text me last night.”
I opened my mouth before I found out a good defense but realized there really wasn’t one. “You’re right, I didn’t.” Not like he texted me either.
“I’m sorry I brought up Terry,” he said under his breath, glancing at the kids who were standing in front of us. At least he was trying to be discreet now. “That was kind of messed up to do.”
“You don’t need to apologize to me,” I said, catching his eye. “Elijah, though, would probably appreciate it.” And maybe that would fix whatever happened between us last night. Although even I knew that an apology from Jeremy wasn’t going to erase what had been said. Was Elijah right? I mean, sure, I asked him to go shopping with me and encouraged him to go to the party with me, but wasn’t that what friends did? Live life together?
The idea of us fighting had my insides bound in a knot so tight that I could hardly stand upright. We never fought, at least not over things as serious as this. It left me feeling off-kilter. Lately, things between us were not what they should’ve been. I couldn’t stop thinking about him; he was angry with me. Everything felt like it was unraveling.
Jeremy shrugged. “I tried to, but he didn’t seem to buy into it. He said some stuff, actually.”
I stepped forward in the moving lunch line. “You talked to him? What did he say?”
“He said that you weren’t into me, that last night showed you that. It doesn’t matter.” He shook his head. “That’s why I wanted to apologize and talk to you. I didn’t know where you stood. Where we stood.”
The line moved forward again, but I didn’t; I stared at Jeremy, my thoughts whirring at a fast pace. He was still talking, his mouth moving, but my brain couldn’t process all the words. “What do you think?” he finished, and I nodded fast.
“Good, yeah. Excuse me.” I pressed my tray into Jeremy’s chest and moved out of line, heading straight for our usual table. I heard him call after me, but I didn’t stop. Apparently, things hadn’t cooled off after last night, but I wasn’t going to let it fester any further. “Never minds” and “forget its” weren’t goi
ng to fly. We were going to talk this out. Right now.
I found the lunch table, but Elijah was missing from it. Savannah and Eloise were there, but no green backpack and no blond boy.
“Where is he?” I demanded as I got close, interrupting the silence of the table, trying to keep my voice even and low. Both of their heads swiveled toward me, along with some from nearby tables. “Where’s Elijah?”
“I’m not supposed to tell you,” Savannah said, nose upturned, the words spoken to her packed lunchbox. “I don’t know what happened between you two yesterday, but he told me not to ask.”
“Screw that,” I said, wanting to throttle her, to evoke some sort of emotion from her. It seemed like she was more concerned with not stepping on anyone’s toes, and right now, that was the only thing I wanted to do. “Where is he?”
“When third period ended,” Eloise said, a little wide-eyed from the severity of my tone, “he didn’t pack his stuff or clean up his station.”
She’d barely gotten her words out before I turned on my heel and stalked toward the doors of the cafeteria, pushing them wide and slipping out into the hall. Our cafeteria monitor called after me, but I didn’t stop or slow. I knew Elijah’s class schedule by heart, and I knew exactly where to find him.
He wasn’t at the pottery wheel when I got to the art room but washing his hands at the sink. The sound of running water threatened to soothe my mood, but I clenched my fists tightly, giving over to my anger.
“What is your problem?” I demanded as I stepped over the threshold, striding up to him. I forced all those feelings of affection down, channeling the anger needed for confrontation. “You can be pissed at me all you want, but don’t take it out on Jeremy.”
“Don’t take it out on Jeremy,” he muttered to himself, and then louder, “because Jeremy is so undeserving of what I said.”
“He told me that you said I didn’t like him.”
“You don’t.”
I flinched. “What?”
Elijah grabbed a paper towel from the dispenser and mopped off the water before heading to where his backpack lay on one of the tables. “You don’t like him. Don’t give me angry eyes, because I’m right.”
“Y-You’re not right!” I sputtered after him, my cheeks heating up. “I do like him. A lot, in fact.”
He didn’t look at me as he started to pack his bag. “Is that why you dodged his kiss last night as if his lips were on fire?” he asked, voice condescending. “And yesterday, at the lunch table?”
“I was unprepared for it!” I drew in a shaky breath. “You know what, you have no right. No right to yell at me and then stick your nose in my business.”
Elijah didn’t say anything to that, but it wasn’t because he lacked words. The bored expression on his face was a sure sign of his annoyance.
Elijah moved to brush past me, pulling his backpack up over his shoulder. I shot my hand out and grabbed his upper arm, dragging him to a halt.
“What is your problem?” I asked again, staring into his eyes as if my gaze alone would break the wall he’d built between us. “Is this seriously all about Jeremy asking about Terry last night?”
“Jeremy’s not good enough for you,” he said, glaring past me.
Okay, not what I’d been expecting him to say. “Are you doubting your matchmaking abilities?”
Elijah’s gaze grew stonier. “Move, Remi.”
Remi. Not Beanie. That was how I knew something truly was up. “Make me.” I scanned his eyes again. “Answer me. Is this about Terry?”
“Just forget it.”
I’m going to smack him. “How can I forget that you said I was a bad influence?”
I hadn’t spoken with savagery, but my words made him wince, and whatever satisfaction I thought I’d feel at seeing him hurt was absent. The darkness in his eyes seemed to grow exponentially. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Yeah, no kidding. I never made you do anything, Eli. I would never make you do anything. Those were your choices.” I squeezed his arm, pressing closer. I could feel his body heat, and wondered if he could feel mine; our breath mixed. “What did I do that made you so angry? You skipped first hour to avoid me, didn’t you?”
“Mrs. Keller asked me to help her class of freshmen with their sculpting technique.” He still wouldn’t look at me.
Yeah, I sincerely doubted that Mrs. Keller had asked him; he probably jumped to volunteer. “Tell me what’s going on between us so I can fix it,” I told him, my voice dropping to a whisper. “It’s me. It’s just me. You can talk to me.”
I had never wanted so badly to go back to the way things were before our kiss. Sure, he hadn’t realized it was me, but he still felt its effects. Everything jumbled now. Before the kiss, Elijah and I had never fought, never even dreamed of it. Our communication had been near flawless. But now here we were, fighting, neither of us able to read the other’s mind.
Something between us cracked at that moment, like a window taking one too many stones, a fine fissure spreading from the bottom to the top. It didn’t shatter, but it was close. Elijah’s chest moved up and down, his sweater pressed against my hoodie, and those brown eyes just locked to mine as if compelled.
Neither of us moved for what felt like forever, and my heart started to realize that the distance between us was minimal. A haze blanketed my thoughts, and I couldn’t do anything but stare.
And then— “That’s just it,” he said with a soft sigh, a resigned sound. “It’s you.”
Elijah pulled his arm from mine, not rough enough to be jarring but firmly enough that I released him.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I demanded as he strode past. My anger rose to a crescendo with a brilliant, vicious clang. “Elijah!”
But he didn’t answer, and he didn’t turn around.
I moved to storm after him into the hallway, ready to dig my demon claws into his back and keep him from walking away.
Just as I exited the art room, someone stepped in front of me, blocking my path. Taking a startled step back, I looked up, locking eyes with Principal Martinez. The glare she gave me was sharp and piercing.
At first, I didn’t realize why she’d be glaring at me—was she just mad that I was yelling in the halls?—until I saw the secretary I’d signed in with this morning at her side. And she didn’t look happy either.
Crap.
Chapter Fifteen
Detention.
Two weeks’ worth. Turned out Mrs. Secretary hadn’t signed my excused pass as blindly as I’d thought. She called Mom after I left the office, who told her that I did not, in fact, have a doctor’s appointment that morning. Lying and receiving my fifth tardy equaled two weeks’ worth of detention.
It wasn’t as horrible as it sounded. Two weeks of detention was only four days—two Tuesdays and two Thursdays—but still enough to be a drag. I had to sit through an hour of it before I could meet up with Eloise and go shopping.
Eloise now watched me over the rack of clothing, her dark eyes tracking mine. She hadn’t said much since we got to the mall, her attention divided between the clothes and her shoes. She only watched me when she thought I wasn’t looking. But I noticed. And it was hard to ignore. “What?” I asked.
“Nothing.”
“You’re staring.”
“I’m not.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Eloise.”
“You never mentioned how your date went,” she said, sifting through the hangers on the clearance rack. She kept moving the pieces aside, but she didn’t look at the clothing, not really. “You doubled with Elijah, right?”
I fought the urge to roll my eyes, the mere mention of it all setting me on edge. “It sucked. Seriously. I got in a huge fight for Eli.” I angrily pushed a white sweater aside to reveal a lime green t-shirt. It was the same color as Elijah’s backpack. Ugh. “I don’t know what his problem is. He called me a bad influence, Eloise. Me! A bad influence on him. As if he’s three and can’t make choices for himself. I never
made him do anything. And really? Me taking him shopping and to parties isn’t that big of a deal.” I rounded another rack of clothing, delving deeper into the store, closer to the underwear section. “I mean, if it’s about Terry, I don’t get why he won’t just tell me, you know? Talk to me. I’m his best friend. Why can’t we talk to each other anymore?”
Eloise trailed after me. “What about Jeremy?”
“Jeremy was the one who set this all into motion!” My frown intensified. “At least, I think. No, Eli was weird even before that. When they picked me up, he seemed…off.”
“I mean, was the date bad because of Jeremy?”
A tangled noise came from my throat, my frustration reaching its peak. “Gosh, Eloise, no. It wasn’t bad because Jeremy—I don’t care about Jeremy. I care about Elijah.”
Eloise’s eyes widened as she looked at me. I hadn’t meant to snap at her—everything just boiled over. Could that have been how it was for Elijah last night—everything had reached a tipping point, and I was just there to take the fire?
It only took a few more beats of Eloise’s silence for me to realize what I’d said. I briefly shut my eyes, blindly picking up a pair of underwear from the tier of cloth. “I mean, I do care about Jeremy. I didn’t mean it like that.”
Gosh, everything was so freaking screwed up. I’d gotten detention again, and Mom was going to kill me. That is, if she would speak to me. I was sure she’d been brewing and stewing all afternoon since the secretary’s call about my doctor’s appointment. Just waiting for me to get home so she could yell at me. “You don’t want me to coddle you?” she’d demand. “Well, fine! You’re grounded! Give me your phone.”
And that was why I was here, stressing out and draining my bank account.
I looked down at the cloth in my hand, rubbing it between my fingers. It was an ugly print—pineapples and donuts dotted on a yellow background—but as I stared, my mind took me back to a different time in this same store. If Elijah were here now, would I still feel so nonchalant about buying underwear with him? Or would I hold the garments close to my chest, embarrassed?