by Glen Robins
“Great. My chauffer will take us now,” said Rob, gesturing at Collin, who just shook his head as he shut the door behind Emily after she climbed into the passenger’s seat of Rob’s Mercedes CLS 500.
Collin felt important holding the keys to such a sweet ride. It was silver and shiny and sleek. It was the kind of car that made a statement. The kind of car Collin could never see himself affording, not with his stunning lack of enthusiasm for his crappy job and his kids and his mortgage and the medical bills that were piling up because of sweet Eliza’s prolonged and mysterious illness.
He almost laughed at the thought of himself owning one of these. Ah, well, he had a wonderful family. He wouldn’t trade them for a Mercedes or a boat or the ability to travel the world like Rob did.
Rob had a great life. At least it appeared that way to everyone who only knew him casually. Same with Emily. Same with his old buddy, John Robinson. They were successful, bright, and engaging. They had been the life of the party tonight. Everyone who even slightly remembered them wanted to shake their hands. Collin’s, too, but he figured he was just giving off the right aura by being around these three. He’d lost count of the number of times his and John’s senior pranks were brought up.
Things had changed since his carefree days of high school.
If his other classmates only knew what bad financial shape he was in…
Collin tossed the keys in the air and caught them as he made his way around the hood towards the driver’s door. He looked through the windshield at Rob who was sporting an ear-to-ear grin. He looked happy, acted happy, but Collin wondered if he was running away from something. Collin sensed it but didn’t know how to play shrink and get Rob to fess up to it. Maybe someday, but not tonight. Not with the gang back together. Not in the midst of reliving the good old days and creating some new memories for the ages. Tonight would be a celebration. Getting into Rob’s head and analyzing his life and his inability to find someone to settle down with would have to happen some other time.
Emily shot him a look as he climbed in behind the wheel and started the engine.
“Dang, Collin. This car suits you. You know that?” She slurred just a bit.
Collin chuckled. “Doesn’t suit my pocketbook, that’s for sure. Hell, it takes premium gas, right, Rob?”
“Yep.”
“I couldn’t even afford to fill this sucker up, let alone have it serviced.”
Finding the start button, he pushed it and marveled at the beautiful sound of German engineering. He goosed the throttle and the engine growled like a panther.
“See?” said Emily with a droll smile. “You and this car were meant for each other.”
The way she said it made Collin suddenly uncomfortable. He knew she was tipsy, but he also knew there was more to it than that. There was a familiar, playful tone in her sultry voice that he used to always find irresistible. What was going on in her head, he wondered. It was a line of thinking with a long tail. Best to leave it untapped, he thought.
He reached for the radio but realized it was completely foreign to him. His hand paused halfway to the console while his brain tried to make sense of the panel of lights and buttons. During his momentary paralysis, Emily deftly manipulated the buttons and turned on some music. The tune that blared instantly changed the mood. The display showed the radio was tuned to a satellite radio channel that specialized in hits from the first decade of the 2000’s. The song reminded him of Lukas. It was one of his favorites.
His three passengers were instantaneously carried away with the song coming through the premium sound system, a popular hit from their high school days. As Linkin Park serenaded them, Collin thought about how different his life was from his friends’ lives. They were each wrapped up in careers that they loved. Money was not an issue for any of them, just him. But he had an adoring wife and three precious little souls that called him “Daddy” and ran to the door and squealed when he arrived home. While he struggled with bills and expenses and mediocre pay, he wondered what his high school friends struggled with.
Collin hazarded a glance at Emily who was blissfully swaying in rhythm. He was pretty sure she struggled with loneliness. Same with Rob. John, he had learned earlier in the evening, had a thriving chiropractic practice, but was in the midst of an unraveling marriage and was paying the price of infidelity. There was a faraway look in his eyes during those quiet moments. It was not a longing. It was a reckoning. Collin knew him well enough to know that look. Regret, pain, and resolve.
Rob and Emily had some of that, too. Hence, the three of them remained single. They were successful in a worldly way, but without someone to share the journey.
This evening had shed a spotlight on many things for Collin. He came away, if nothing else, grateful for his set of challenges, difficult as they seemed at times. He thanked God for his loving wife, and his sweet children, and the little house he shared with them in Petaluma. He’d take the struggles he had over the ones his friends faced.
In high school, Emily’s mother had made it clear to Collin that she was off limits to him and so his life had veered down a different path. At this intersection of their two paths, Collin caught a glimpse into what her life was like and couldn’t help but wonder how different things could have been for her if their two paths had interwoven so many years ago.
Again, this was a thought string that would take a long time to unravel. And what was the sense in that? He was committed to his wife and his children and that’s where his focus needed to remain. Life’s choices can be cruel sometimes and Collin’s heart ached for his dear friend, lost in her loneliness.
The four friends sat in the salon of Rob’s boat, reminiscing until the sun came up. After a breakfast of eggs, bacon, and toast cooked up by Rob, Emily made her departure. She had called a cab and it arrived at the marina shortly after 7:00 a.m. The three gentlemen walked her to the waiting taxi, and each gave her a hug and promised to stay in touch. Collin got the longest hug and had the lengthiest whispered conversation. She whispered in his ear as they embraced and the warmth of her breath and the closeness and her scent made it hard for him to concentrate on the words. She said something about really wanting to keep their friendship strong because she really needed someone like him in her life now that her family was all gone. He agreed to the idea of getting together again soon—with Amy, of course—so they could build a new friendship.
As she pulled away and headed for the open door of the taxi, Collin was overcome with a tangible melancholy that seemed to seep out of Emily and into him. He would need to shake that off in the hours prior to his flight back home.
As she turned away from him, he took in every detail. Her head canted toward the ground. Her gait was unsteady. Her frame was stiffened, as if braced for some sort of onslaught. Emily was strong, but she was hurting. She was something special, but she seemed to be unmoored at this stage in her life, longing for something that was missing. The hole in his heart where she used to be had been reopened and now it was being stretched, rekindling waves of pain he had shut down so many years before. He needed to make the familiar throbbing stop, but how?
Six hours later, Collin landed at Oakland International Airport. As he passed into the baggage claim area, he was greeted by squeals of glee. Little Eliza rushed towards him with her arms wide open. Nothing like a three-year-old’s enthusiastic greeting to melt away cares and concerns. She was followed by six-year-old Jane and eight-year-old Max. Amy smiled at the circle of children clinging to their daddy’s neck and arms.
Collin stood as Amy approached. The children snickered as he took her in his arms and twirled her in a circle and locked lips with his dear wife. It was good to be back with the ones he loved.
Emily Burns was getting nudged into the background.
In the months that followed the reunion, Collin and Emily and Amy would meet up several times. Each time, Amy would comment on how impressive Emily was and how nice. Collin would nod and smile and agree, but inside he knew she was
needy, and he knew why. But Emily had chosen years ago to listen to her mother instead of her heart and now there was nothing Collin could do but love this little family of his and be the best father and husband he could be, just like he had always wanted. Their happiness was the object of his every effort, and it would remain that way until the end.
He just didn’t know at the time how quickly that end would come.
Before You Go
Thank you for reading “Off Limits.” I hope you have enjoyed this installation in Collin Cook’s journey. It has been a pleasure for me to write more about this group of characters and their experiences.
I would greatly appreciate it if you would leave a review on Amazon, GoodReads, BookBub, and/or your favorite book/reader website. Reviews are a powerful way to help authors like me establish themselves and build readership. Reviews to authors are like raindrops to budding plants. I hope you will take a moment to help.
This novella was designed to be a companion to my “Off” series, which features Collin Cook and his trials and adventures coping with tragedy and the hopelessness that accompanies loss. I’m no psychologist or counselor, but, like so many, I’ve suffered setbacks in life that have thrown me off. I did some research into the subject of grief as I was writing my first novel, “Off Kilter.” It heightened my awareness and strengthened my understanding of the many types of loss we each experience in life and the processes we go through to cope with those losses.
More than that, I’ve come to have greater empathy for those who struggle with debilitating mental illnesses like anxiety and depression. While this series wasn’t written to be any kind of self-help manual, I hope it shines a little light on the subject and helps raise awareness and sympathy in some small way for those in our lives who find themselves slogging through the tough times or who have been diagnosed with something more serious.
In the end, I’ve come to realize that we all need to lean on each other, help each other, and turn to God for guidance, strength, and courage. Maintaining a support system and a relationship with Deity can pull us through when misfortune strikes unexpectedly, like it did for Collin.
Fortitude and perseverance are hallmarks of Collin Cook in his journey. They are characteristics we all need to help us get through our difficulties, whether short-lived or lifelong. Equally as important are our relationships, whatever they look like, and our spiritual side, whatever that looks like.
To continue with Collin Cook and his friends, check out:
Off Kilter
Off Course
Off Guard
For the best value, you can buy the series as a box set and save.
Off Series Box Set
There are now three companion novellas to the Off Series:
Off Chance
Off Limits
Off Track