Dr. Hawthorne’s face remained calm as he listened. When she stopped, he said, “I appreciate your candor, Lauren. It’s not easy sometimes, being in our position. It’s a delicate balance, the care we have for our patients, and the time we spend with them, while keeping it professional at all times. Important, but difficult.”
Her heart was in her throat and she held her breath, unsure where he was going with this. He swiveled in his chair and pointed to a framed photo on his desk.
“See that woman right there? That’s my wife, Karen. She was the nurse in my clinic when I was a fellow at Memorial Sloan. It wasn’t convenient or appropriate for me to fall in love with her, either, but I was helpless against that woman.” The look in his eye when he spoke about her confirmed his obvious affection for his wife. “I’ve met with several providers who have worked with you, including Emma, Dr. Patel, and Dr. Stanford. None had a single negative thing to say about you. They believe in your integrity, and therefore, so do I.”
Relief flooded her, along with a sliver of jealousy that Dr. Hawthorne’s love story had a happy ending. “I…thank you, sir.”
He stood and held out a hand. “Welcome aboard, Dr. Taylor.”
Lauren went straight to the fourth floor and found Kiara and Emma waiting for her with bated breath.
“Well?” Emma asked.
Lauren made sure her face gave nothing away. “Well…”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, just tell us,” Kiara cried.
Lauren laughed. “He offered me the job!”
Both women jumped up and hugged her, jostling her from one set of arms to the next. “It’s such a relief.” She put a hand on her head. “I can’t believe I get to work with you guys every day forever and ever!”
“We need to sign a pact,” Emma announced. “No one is allowed to quit unless we all vote on it.”
Lauren laughed and Kiara nodded, turning to sit down and pull out a piece of paper. “I’m on it.”
She wrote some ridiculous statement and made each of them sign it and posted it behind her computer for all to see. Lauren’s heart swelled with happiness, but then her smile faded.
She wanted to tell Andrew. She dreaded telling her father, and the three people she knew would celebrate with her were Emma, Kiara, and the man she loved.
But she wouldn’t.
Couldn’t. She was miserable, and it would only make things worse if she called him now.
“Hey, you okay?” Kiara asked, poking her in the ribs.
Lauren pasted on a smile. “I’m great, sorry. Just spaced out for a second. So, who’s up to go out tonight?”
Emma ducked her head and a blush spread across her cheeks. “Can’t. I’ve got a date.”
“Another one?” Kiara asked, appearing in disbelief. “Same guy?”
“Yep,” Emma confirmed. “I think this one’s a keeper.”
“When do we get to meet him?” Lauren asked.
Emma arched a perfectly shaped eyebrow. “When I’m good and ready.”
Lauren gave Kiara the side-eye. “Let’s not hold our breath.”
“Oh please. You kept Andrew a secret from us for months,” Emma shot back.
Lauren’s excitement deflated instantly. Noting her distress, Emma grimaced.
“Damn. I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking,” Emma said gently. Though she hadn’t gone into great detail, Lauren had told them both about the breakup, if that’s what it even was. It felt weird…kind of like they were in limbo. They both wanted to be together, but each had reasons why they thought it best for the other if they weren’t.
It was ridiculous, really, the more Lauren thought about it. But then she remembered the image of him in that hospital bed, and it strengthened her resolve.
“Don’t worry about it,” Lauren said with a wave of her hand. She glanced at the clock. Andrew was probably in the infusion center now, getting his treatment. “Just keep your promise that you’ll take the best care of him, and I’m happy.”
Well, not happy, exactly. Satisfied.
“You sure are putting the pressure on,” Emma grumbled. “But I promise.”
Chapter Twenty
The past two weeks had sucked.
Bad.
After he and Lauren had ended things, Andrew threw himself into work, spending endless hours at the DA’s office, helping with Isla’s case and anything else they’d let him do. He also went to Children’s Hospital last Sunday, when he knew Lauren wouldn’t be there. He asked Jasmine to teach him how to paint, and brushing the colors onto the page had been surprisingly therapeutic.
He went out with Logan and Dan once, but drinking only made him feel worse, and he wasn’t good company. Jeni came over twice and made him dinner, which he barely touched. Valerie threatened to drive down to stay with him, and as of last night, he and Rhonda weren’t on speaking terms. He’d noticed she’d never been particularly friendly toward Lauren, but then again, she wasn’t particularly friendly toward anyone. He hadn’t thought much of it until the night before when she had called him.
“You never call me,” had been his greeting.
“Jeni told Mom you and Lauren broke up, and that you’re in some kind of mix between mania and depression.”
He didn’t quite know what to say to that.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“Not really,” he said honestly. She was the sister he spoke to the least, but strangely, he felt like he could be honest with her.
“It’s better this way, you know.”
“Is it? Doesn’t feel that way. It feels like nothing could be worse than not being with her.”
“She should never have allowed something to start in the first place.”
The hell?
Andrew’s hackles had raised immediately at the disapproving tone in her voice. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. I thought it was a bad idea from the beginning. I saw the way you looked at her that first day in Dr. Patel’s office. You were more focused on her than on what needed to be done for you to get better. At first, I really hoped she’d do the right thing and keep it strictly professional. But when she showed up for Thanksgiving, I knew it was going downhill. It was wrong of her to do that to you, Andrew. You’re in a vulnerable position, and it wasn’t fair that she took things beyond a working relationship.”
Andrew had been so stunned that he’d sat in silence for a few seconds. It hadn’t taken long, though, for anger to flood him, hot and fierce. “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he growled. “We fell in love, and it’s no one’s fault. She’s the most honest, kind, and compassionate person I’ve ever met, and she’s every inch the professional.”
“You’re not in love. You’re in lust, and she took advantage of you, and now you’re left with the consequences.”
“What is wrong with you?” he’d yelled. “You don’t know a thing about her, or us. What’s your problem?”
“My problem is with someone putting your health at risk to get some—”
“Stop. Talking.” His voice had been hard like ice. “We’re done here.”
He’d hung up on her, so pissed off he was shaking. And now, more than twelve hours later, he didn’t feel any better.
Jeni noticed. They were sitting in the waiting room for his chemo appointment when she elbowed him in the ribs.
“Snap out of it,” she said.
“Shut up.”
“What are you, twelve?”
He scowled at her. “You told Mom about Lauren and me.”
“I had to. You hadn’t been answering her calls or texts, which is unlike you, and she was freaking out.”
He sighed. He wasn’t really angry about that. “Did you know Rhonda didn’t like Lauren?”
Jeni shrugged, like it wasn’t a big deal. “Rhonda doesn’t like anybody.”
; Andrew guessed that was true, but he’d never really cared before. “Why not?”
“It’s how she is.” Jeni said it so matter-of-factly, and Andrew wondered if he should let it go. It was hard, though, not to take it personally. Funny how he hadn’t cared when they talked crap about Caroline, but when it was Lauren…that was a different thing entirely.
“Andrew Bishop?” a voice called out, halting their conversation. They walked together to the desk, and an employee Andrew didn’t recognize led them through the now familiar maze of chairs until they reached Mandi’s section. He sat in silence while the assistant took his vitals, and soon Mandi was pushing her cart in his direction.
Her expression was worried. “How are you?”
Andrew tipped his head to the side. Was she asking about him and Lauren?
“I read about the hospital admission in your chart,” Mandi continued. Oh, that. “We’re not giving you any more bleomycin. Just AVD now. But are you feeling okay?”
Andrew nodded. “I feel back to normal.” His lungs did, anyway. The rest of his chest felt empty, probably because his heart was missing.
She looked relieved. “I’m so glad. I keep thinking about it, wondering if there’s something I missed. I didn’t notice a cough or labored breathing last time, but I don’t think I specifically asked…”
“Stop it,” Andrew interrupted. “You’re the best nurse I could ask for. What is it with you people? Blaming yourselves for something like that? Don’t you know these things happen, and it’s no one’s fault?”
Mandi looked between him and Jeni, her expression serious. “It comes with the job. Anytime something goes wrong, I’ll always wonder if I could have done something differently.”
Andrew wasn’t sure he’d be able to carry that burden and thought it was a good thing he wasn’t in health care. But then he considered his job, and how he knew he’d feel at fault when a case didn’t go his way or if it didn’t seem justice was served.
They all needed to realize that sometimes life wasn’t fair, and there was nothing to be done about it.
“I’m perfectly fine, so don’t think about it again, okay?” Andrew said.
Mandi nodded, unconvincingly in Andrew’s opinion, but he wouldn’t push it. Mandi accessed his port and started a saline drip, and disappeared to get his premedications. Andrew’s gaze swept the surrounding area while he waited, hoping to see the person he thought about constantly.
They hadn’t spoken once since that day on the phone. No texts, no phone calls, no cordial Hello at The Grind House. Andrew had gone there nearly every morning for coffee, hoping to see her, but she hadn’t been there.
Jeni pinched his arm and he flinched, moving away from her. “What was that for?”
She angled her head to the left, a meaningful look in her eye. Andrew followed the direction of her gesture, and that’s when he saw her.
Lauren walked down the hallway, wearing a dark green dress underneath her long white coat, both hands tucked into the front pockets. Her hair was in a loose braid, curving over one shoulder, like the first time she’d visited him in the infusion center.
His heart surged to life, like it had been lying dormant and brought back by the beauty before him. He couldn’t take his eyes off her.
She came around the corner, saw him, and stopped. A flush spread up her neck as her eyes drank him in, and he took a small measure of consolation that she seemed as affected as he was—to be in the same room, mere yards apart, though it may as well have been miles. Although he felt the connection deep in his core, he knew nothing would happen.
Not right now.
Their eyes met and held for a long moment. Hers reflected a deep sadness and yearning that made him ache. He didn’t look away and didn’t care if it was awkward or if anyone noticed. He never wanted to take his eyes from her again.
“For the love of Saint Mary,” Jeni’s voice reached his ear. “Get a room.”
He replied to his sister, his attention on Lauren never wavering. “Believe me, I would.”
“Gross,” Jeni said. “You’re my brother.”
“You brought it up.”
He watched Lauren’s shoulders rise and fall with a deep breath, and she broke eye contact. She turned and walked up behind a nurse sitting at a computer and leaned over to speak to her, pointing at the screen.
Mandi returned, blocking his view as she hung the small bags of fluid on the IV pole. “Same premeds as usual,” she said, pushing buttons on the pump. “You know the drill.”
Andrew nodded, trying not to be too obvious as he leaned to the side.
“Looking for someone?” Mandi asked.
Andrew straightened. “No.”
Mandi stood there for a moment with one eyebrow raised. They both knew he was lying.
“Have you talked to Lauren lately, Mandi?” Jeni asked. “How is she?”
Andrew shot his twin a glare that said, Great job. That wasn’t obvious at all.
She shrugged and looked at Mandi expectantly.
“She’s okay, I think. Hasn’t seemed herself lately,” Mandi’s eyes met Andrew’s briefly before she continued, “but she had an important meeting today about her job here. I think she’s been worried about it.”
“Oh, really? Do you know how it went?” Jeni asked.
“No, I don’t. Do you guys need anything else right now?”
“Nope,” Andrew replied. Nothing she could give him, anyway.
The minute Mandi left, he searched for Lauren, but she was nowhere to be found. He unlocked his phone and texted her.
Andrew: I heard you had a meeting about your job today. I hope that’s a good thing, but I can’t help but worry. Was it about what happened between us? Will you tell me what happened?
By the time his premeds finished she still hadn’t responded.
Andrew: Just tell me if it was good or bad. That’s it, that’s all I want to know. I won’t tell you all the things I want to say, like how I can’t stop thinking about you and how I miss you, and how much I love you. Because I still know what we’re doing is best (at least, I hope it is. Because it sucks balls). So pretend I didn’t say any of that. Your happiness means so much to me, and I have to know. Please give me one word: good or bad?
Lauren: Good.
Lauren: And I agree about the balls.
Relief filled him. He wanted to keep talking to her and started another message several times but kept forcing himself to erase them. If she wanted to talk to him, she would, and he needed to give her space.
He sighed and aimlessly looked around the room. The patients surrounding him were of all colors, shapes, and sizes. He thought of Jasmine, and how cancer didn’t discriminate against age, either. Cancer sure was an asshole.
His mind circled back to an idea he’d been mulling over, wanting to give Jasmine the normal day she so desperately desired. Away from the hospital, and like a normal teenager.
If the past few weeks had taught him anything, it was not to waste a single day. He returned his attention to his phone.
He had some calls to make.
…
The following week, Andrew received a call from Todd Griffin, asking him to stop by the office.
“Andrew.” Todd stood and held out a hand. “Thanks for coming in.”
Andrew shook the older man’s hand and sat down across the desk. “Sure. Is something happening with Isla’s case? What can I help with?”
Todd shook his head. “Everything is moving along fine with that. I still expect our first court appearance in early April, like we’d planned.”
“Oh, that’s good.” Andrew propped his ankle across the opposite knee, unsure why Todd had asked to meet with him today.
“Listen, Andrew. You’re almost done with school, and I assume you’re on the lookout for job opportunities.”
“Yes, sir.”
“You’re the best intern I’ve ever had, and I’d love nothing more than to have you working alongside me on cases here in the Kansas City office. But unfortunately, we don’t have any positions at the moment. That could change, but for now, we don’t expect any openings anytime soon.”
Andrew fought the urge to look down and accepted the news with a deep breath. “I understand. Regardless, I’m thankful for the opportunity to learn from you—”
“Hang on, I’m not done,” Todd said with a grin. “I don’t know how committed you are to staying in Kansas City, but I have a friend from law school who works for the DA office in St. Louis. He’s retiring in May, and I told him I had an excellent intern, a real go-getter, who would be a perfect replacement. Barring any complications with graduation and passing the bar exam, they’re very interested in you, Andrew. I’d be happy to set up a conversation between you and one of the lead attorneys, if you’re interested.”
Andrew leaned back and absorbed that information. He’d never seriously considered leaving Kansas City before. He loved the city, loved the area of town where he lived. He had good friends here, and Jeni had just moved here. He’d enjoyed some of the best years of his life in this town.
But…over the last six months, he’d also endured the worst phase of his life.
A cancer diagnosis.
The worst heartbreak he’d ever experienced.
If he stayed, he would constantly be inundated with reminders of what he went through, and of Lauren.
The clothing store just down from his apartment building would always be the place he’d bought a handful of hats to cover his hairless head.
Perfect Distraction Page 23