by Kelli Walker
“Mmmmm, no, I’m pretty you said, ‘We.’”
I pivoted at the hips, looking down and keeping my feet planted. I kept my eyes lowered, hating that I let my hopes be voiced as expectation. “I didn’t mean it. Don’t look at me like that, Ryan. I was just disappointed and misspoke. You can’t tell me you didn’t think this was going to be the perfect place.”
He smirked and turned back to the house. When he finally responded, I thought he was letting me off the hook.
“Yeah… I definitely did. And, you never know. It still might be.”
An inner tantrum kicked inside me as he continued. “I mean, I was going to say that I’d start moving in tomorrow - I think it looks absolutely ideal for me just the way it is. But… apparently, we’re moving in together, so… I suppose you’re right. We’ll just have to take turns sharing the trash cabin with the squirrels and raccoons already squatting in the walls and attic.”
Tears brimmed in my eyes as he made fun of my hopes unraveling in front of me. I stifled a sob, but he heard it anyway. The teasing smile fell from Ryan’s face as he cautiously leaned toward me and parted my curtain of hair covering my expression.
“Oh, shit. I’m sorry, Harley. I went too far.”
“It… It isn’t your fault. I really didn’t mean to suggest… I mean, I did hope, but… Oh, I’m such an idiot. I just need to stop talking.”
I turned away, but he caught my hand. “Harley, it’s okay to say what you want. I might not have said it explicitly, but you have to know that I wasn’t just looking at places thinking only of me.”
His words were sweet, but I still felt embarrassed and disappointed.
“It doesn’t matter anyway. We aren’t going to find anywhere better than this, and there’s just no way this amount of work is what you had in mind.”
“No, not necessarily, but, then again, I didn’t really have much of any expectations. Tell you what, Harley, let me snoop around inside and see what’s what. You stay here where it’s safe. If I find another way in, I’ll come get you. Okay?”
I nodded, thankful for the chance to gather myself alone. I watched, aware that he could get hurt, as Ryan lowered himself into the hole between the beams and disappeared into the house.
When he reappeared from around the other side of the porch, whatever hope I had left fell away. His face showed everything I needed to know.
“I’m sorry, Harley. You’re right. The entire place would have to be reassembled from the inside out. I…”
His phone rang from the convertible. He looked toward the sound but didn’t move. He looked back to me, and I could tell he would’ve kept standing there until it stopped.
“Go ahead. It’s okay, Ryan.”
He thanked me and hurried to catch the call before it went to voicemail.
“What’s up, Joe?”
He listened intently, and I tortured myself with one last look over the beautiful house’s exterior. Maybe someday we’ll be able to find a place like this. Until then, I guess I better start making some room at my place.
“Okay, okay, Joe. I get it. Uh… Give me an hour, and I’ll ring you back.”
I turned with a sense of foreboding. This is it. It’s over. Just like when I looked into the house that I thought could be our home, I felt the floorboards sliding out from beneath my feet.
Ryan took the steps up to the porch two at a time, wincing as they creaked dangerously under his energy. I smiled as best as I could.
“You have to go.”
He sighed, then nodded toward the covered deck boards. “I do. I’ve put it off as long as possible, but they need me there for the official acquisition ceremony. I know it’s stupid, but trust me. If I’m not there, some blogger will notice, and, next thing you know, the evening economic rundown will be leading with confirmed reports that I’m terminally ill, that I’ve been committed to an insane asylum, or… I’m defecting to the Soviet Union or something. You wouldn’t believe what happened to our stock prices when Joe had to get his appendix taken out.”
I nodded, squinting and covering my brow with my hand even though the sun was now safely behind the trees. “I understand. I… I knew this couldn’t last forever. I guess I just didn’t want to admit it.” It was easier than I would’ve expected to hold back the emotions ricocheting within my ribcage, and, from the absence of concern on Ryan’s face, I presumed that I was doing a decent job.
“But, Harley… this doesn’t have to end.”
“What… What do you mean?”
“Well… If you aren’t totally opposed to the idea… How would you like to come with me?”
“Go… with… you? To New York?”
“I know it’s sudden, and I understand if you’re uncomfortable with it. It’ll only be for a week or so at most, I imagine, but it’s okay I…”
“Yes.”
The look of confusion on his face made me wonder if he was just being polite. I quickly backtracked. “I mean, if you’re asking… I’ll come with you. Only if you actually want me there, though.”
“Harley, of course, I want you to. Okay, um… Are you okay with leaving now? The sooner we get there, the quicker we can come back.”
“ … And then we can keep looking at houses?”
“Uh, sure. Yeah. Of course.” He glanced at the house behind me, but his smile made me believe him.
I sighed with decision and settled my composure once again. “Okay. Let’s go.”
Ryan
I kept my hand firmly planted on Harley’s as we began our descent outside the city. Over the past twelve hours, I had drilled the reminder into my own head over and over. Make sure she’s comfortable. Make sure she knows you aren’t going anywhere.
We landed and began taxiing into the company hanger. It was a lease, but it still gave me a source of pride to see the awe on her face as she looked out and saw my logo emblazoned on a giant sliding door that was bigger than our high school.
“Just squeeze my hand at any point if you’re feeling overwhelmed or…”
She squeezed my hand and turned to me with wide eyes. We laughed, but I could tell she was only partially kidding. As Harley turned to keep staring out the plane porthole, I kissed her cheek. “If you ever need a moment, just let me know. Things move a lot faster here. Hey.”
I pulled gently at her chin until she was facing me. “You matter more to me than anything we are going to see out there. Don’t do that thing you do when you just bottle everything up, okay? There’s going to be a lot more noise than you’re used to and a lot of different people vying for my…”
“I’ve been to New York before, Ryan.”
“Oh. You… You have?”
“Mhmm. Granted, I think the closest thing I had to a meal in economy class was a bag of pretzels and three sips of orange juice. I guess they were fresh out of lobster tail bisque and Waggy-you steak.”
I corrected her on reflex, hating myself for it the instant the words came out of my mouth. “It’s Wagyu. Uh, never mind. That isn’t important. When were you here?”
“Oh, Ryan. There’s just so much about me that you don’t know about.” She was teasing me, but she didn’t answer the question. Before I could press her on it, the plane braked to a smooth stop, and my pilot opened the entry hatch and watched the stairs elongate into place. Mr. Fleming. Miss. We have arrived.
I gestured for Harley to lead the way, but she shook her head and refused. “Okay, I take it back. I’m following you.”
I smiled and shook the pilot’s hand. We descended the private jet’s stairs to where my hybrid sports car was waiting. Another vehicle pulled into the hanger before Harley could find words to describe the emerald and black spaceship I would be driving. “Don’t worry, Harley. It’s a thousand times safer than your little car.”
The second automobile, just as sleek, but a more subtle white, throttled down and slowed parallel to my own. My best friend and business partner, Joe Masterson, emerged, looking as clean-cut and stylish as ever. His
smile gleamed even whiter than his ride as he strode over to us with the grace of a runway model.
“Well, howdy there, partner. Nice of y’all kind folks to stop in for the hoedown and a cup’a sugar.” I grimaced at his attempt at a joke.
“Stick to the city-talk, Joe. You wouldn’t survive two nights back home.”
“I certainly would not. Well, this must be the infamous Harley Andrews. I feel like I already know you, Harley, after all those nights Ryan and I shared as roommates in college. You know, I shouldn’t be so happy to finally meet you after all the hours of sleep you cost me. He would go on and on and on…”
I cut in, trying to salvage as much of my pride as possible. “Alright, alright, Joe. You two will have plenty of time to swap embarrassing stories about me. Save it until I’m out of here, okay?”
Harley turned to face me, squeezing my hand involuntarily during the process. “What do you mean? Aren’t I going with you?”
Joe jumped in before I could. That was a hallmark of our relationship. “No, ma'am. Unfortunately, Ryan’s presence, as the face of our company, is required for a very important board meeting. I’m sure he would much prefer to have you along… He can’t stand being around my people… but I’m afraid that it’s a closed-door kind of affair.”
She seemed perturbed, and I wished that I’d been more explicit when I told her what to expect once we landed. “But… I thought you two were partners. You aren’t going?”
I started to answer, but, once again, Joe’s magnetism intervened.
“I would, but your boyfriend here - oops, is it too soon to call you that, Ryan? Oh, never mind, you’ll get used to it, I’m sure. Well, Ryan asked me to keep you company, give you the short tour of the island while he’s putting to use all the hours I spent teaching him how to smile and wave, smile and nod… Isn’t that right, Ryan?”
I nodded and forced my voice over his before Joe could continue with his gift of loquacious charisma. “Harley, I’m sorry. I should’ve told you about this, and we’ll figure out some other way if you want. Joe and I are equal partners, but he’s more on the financial side of things. We created the root program together in school, but his talents… well… one of us needed to deal with the bigwigs and the decimal points on quarterly statements. There was no way that was going to be me. We decided a long time ago that, to the world, my face would be that of the company. So, while I’m stuck smiling at cameras, Joe is free to whisper in the ear of investors and the board. It sounds strange, but by splitting the load on the public side, we are both able to have at least a little time to actually get some work done on the software side of things. We knew if one of us did all the programming and the other person dealt with all of the public image stuff, we wouldn’t last.”
Joe started to jump in again, but I held up my hand, wanting to hear what Harley was thinking. She looked like she was being pummeled by a ghost.
“I’ve overwhelmed you already, haven’t I?”
“No, Ryan. I’m fine. It’s okay. Do your thing. I’m assuming it won’t take terribly long?”
“He’ll be done before you get tired of me rambling on about our humble little city, Harley. I can promise you that. And don’t worry, Ryan. I’ll take good care of your sweetheart.”
I squeezed Harley’s hand, seeing that she was going to be okay. I stepped around and opened my car’s butterfly door, revving the engine and pulling out of the hangar.
I glanced in the rearview mirror, seeing Harley watching me go. I accelerated as I hit the runway, wanting to get back to her as soon as I could. I knew I had to get this done. There was no other way for me to be able to go back home with her.
I drifted out of the airport and merged into the interstate traffic heading into the city. I swerved and throttled, weaving my way through the sea of cabs and cars. It wasn’t long before I had to force myself to slow down, though. I hadn’t been gone for very long, but, as I approached tight spaces between one bumper and the next, places where I would’ve comfortably squeezed past before, I found myself feeling claustrophobic. I clicked my tongue against my teeth as I realized the irony: I had spent so much time worrying about Harley having to deal with the transition from open space into the cramped city streets, I hadn’t even considered that I myself might not feel quite at home here.
It made me want to go back to South Dakota even more now, not just because I wanted to be with her. I shook the thoughts out of my head as the traffic thickened. Give it a few days, and it’ll be as if I never left. In the meantime, I’ll show Harley all of the beautiful things hidden between the towering skyscrapers and narrow alleyways. I pushed the idea of our little vacation away and, as I neared my turnoff for the office, began focusing on my meeting ahead.
Everything in the acquisition ceremony went smoothly and, once the board members saw my signature on the dotted lines, I had no problem excusing myself from their little afterparty of money-grubbing.
I met Harley for dinner, and she started to tell me all about her day struggling to keep up with Joe.
“Your friend Joe is…”
I finished the sentence for her. “ … nothing like me, I know. Don’t worry. You aren’t the only one who wonders how we manage to get along so well.”
Harley nodded, relieved that she didn’t have to risk sounding disapproving or insulting. “Seriously, though, your personalities couldn’t be any more opposing. We talked away half the day on clothes alone - which designers were in right now, who was showing off the hottest brands… I actually got tired of it! But not Joe, he just kept right on talking.”
She stopped and held the tip of her napkin to her mouth, losing her former look of amusement.
“Harley? Are you alright?”
“Y-Yeah… Of course. I’m fine.”
I registered her words, but they didn’t watch her expression. I told her as much, but she insisted.
“It’s okay, Ryan. I think I just might need to turn in a little early tonight. Maybe it was the flight or, I don’t know… Maybe my brain is having more trouble than I thought keeping up with everything being so busy here. Is that okay? I’m sorry if you had anything else planned.”
“No, no. Except for anything that comes up with work, we don’t have any commitments for the rest of our time here. We can leave now if you’d like - they have my card on file.”
The valet hesitantly brought my car around, and I took Harley to my apartment. She took a moment to wander around the big open space, momentarily mesmerized by the balcony’s view. Within ten minutes after taking a hot shower, she was asleep on the bed. When I found her, I smiled sympathetically. I fixed the comforter, pulling it up to cover her shoulders, then fetched a glass of ice water and placed it on her nightstand where she would see it.
I took the time to go through my normal nightly routine living in the big city. Stretching my shoulders loose and exchanging my suit for something more comfortable, I settled down on the balcony with my laptop to get some work out of the way, serenaded by the river of traffic far below.
Harley
I woke up in the middle of the night, wondering where I was. Before I could begin to process my surroundings, I flung myself from beneath the bed covers and rushed to the bathroom, I vaguely remembered from my shower.
I crumpled to the base of the toilet just in time, throwing open the lid right before I became sick.
“Harley? Is that you? Is everything okay?”
I flinched mid-retch and reached back with my leg, shutting the bathroom door with my foot. Only a moment later, Ryan was knocking at the door. “Harley?! What’s wrong?”
“N-Nothing.” I wanted to sound convincing, but my echoing voice trembled feebly back to my own ears. I tried to say more, but my throat was occupied with another series of spasms as my stomach continued its violent rebellion.
“I’m… I’m coming in, okay?”
“N-No… please…”
By the time I comprehended his statement, he was already inside. I couldn’t see his
face, but I eventually recognized that Ryan was soon crouching behind me. He held my hair and placed a cool rag over my neck. It didn’t make the agony from my gut convulse any gentler, but it was definitely comforting to no longer additionally be confused and alone.
As my insides ceased their heaving, Ryan offered me another wet towel. I freshened my face and flushed, leaning back from the smell of bile.
“Can I do anything?”
“No… Thank you, Ryan. I think I’m okay now.”
“Harley, you’re so peaked and pale… You don’t feel like you have a fever, though.”
“I feel… exhausted. I think… I think I’m going to brush my teeth and head back to bed.”
I could tell Ryan was worried, but he waited until the morning before asking if he could get me in to see a doctor.
“Ryan, I swear - I’m fine. I don’t know, it must’ve been something I ate or just stress… I don’t need to see anyone.”
“Please? It won’t take long, and I’ll feel a whole lot better. Otherwise, I can promise you I’m going to be looking at you like this all day.”
She sighed but agreed, admitting that she did still feel a little dizzy and nauseous.
When we arrived, a nurse called me back, and Ryan stayed behind in the reception area. My height and weight were recorded as usual, and I was escorted to a room to wait in silence. When the doctor appeared with a knock, I found him to be much nicer and more professional than any of the medical personnel I’d ever met back home. He asked all kinds of questions, none of which seemed alarming or out of the ordinary.
Before he began any kind of exam, the doctor asked one final question off-handedly, but it rang a bell between my ears.
“And, one last question before I take a look at your ears, nose, and throat, then listen to your lungs and heartbeat: When was your last period?”
I had been answering quickly and efficiently, but now my mouth simply hung open.