Amish Generations

by Kathleen Fuller

  She’d been surprised he’d joined her, even though she had to admit she was glad for the company. Jerald was an easy man to talk to, the opposite of Henry. She hoped Jerald didn’t get the wrong impression of her when she said she didn’t hurt when she thought about Henry. His response had been kind, and for some reason she’d felt a spark of warmth in her heart, something she hadn’t felt in a long, long time. Or maybe she was overreacting to a listening ear. But being on the receiving end of such kindness from a man was foreign to her—and a fact she didn’t want anyone else to know. She hadn’t even admitted how empty her marriage had been to Regina.

  Nelson pulled into a driveway Elva assumed was Wilma Jean’s. Regina picked up her bag of sewing notions and turned around to look at Elva. “Nelson will pick us up in an hour and a half,” she said, then gave a pointed look to her husband.

  “Right,” he said. “An hour and a half or so.”

  “An hour and a half on the dot.” Regina climbed out of the buggy, and Elva followed. Regina waved at Nelson, who backed out the buggy and headed for Jerald’s. “You’d think those two hadn’t seen each other in years. But they’re like this every time they get together. I didn’t think Jerald would ever leave last night. I finally told Nelson I was going to bed, and the two of them kept right on talking. I was asleep by the time he turned in for the night.”

  Elva had turned in early, too, leaving the two men in the kitchen to their second helpings of strudel. “I think it’s nice they have such a close friendship.”

  “They’re like bruders. I think it’s because Nelson never had a bruder, only schwesters. The other reason is Nelson always included Jerald in everything, even after we were married. Well, almost everything,” she said, laughing. “That’s what cemented their relationship.”

  Elva nodded. Since Henry’s death, she was experiencing what Jerald and other single Amish people experienced—being on the outside looking in when it came to couples and families. But it didn’t bother her as much as she’d expected it would. She liked being single, something she hadn’t meant to reveal to Jerald, even in a roundabout way. But he’d understood that too. How you feel is how you feel. No one had ever told her that, and it sparked something positive and hopeful inside her.

  Regina looked at her. “Before we geh inside, I have a question for you. Since Nelson was hanging around all day, I didn’t get a chance to ask you. What did you and Jerald talk about last night?”

  “Nix important.”

  “I hope you don’t think I’m being nosy—”

  “Regina, you’re always nosy.”

  Regina sniffed. “I suppose you’re right. But in this case, I have a reason to ask. Jerald has never, to mei knowledge, sat with a single woman and talked.”

  “That can’t be true.” Elva frowned. “Surely he’s been on dates before.”

  “When he was younger, ya. But he’s been firmly single for the last thirty years. And although right now we don’t, in the past we’ve had some widows in our community. Yet he’s never taken any kind of interest. Both Nelson and I were surprised that he went out and sat with you for so long.”

  “We were watching the sunset. And just making small talk.” She looked at Regina. “Oh nee. I recognize that look.”

  “What look?”

  “You know what I’m talking about.” Elva waved her hand. “Don’t even think about it. I’m serious.”

  “What? You and Jerald?” Regina laughed. “That never entered mei mind. Jerald would be the last person I’d ever think of setting you up with—or any other woman. That man is never getting married.” She paused. “Are you thinking about remarrying?”

  She shook her head. “Nee.”

  “Why not?”

  “Being married to Henry was enough.” More than enough. She squirmed, not wanting to delve further into the topic, even with one of her closest friends. “We should probably get inside, or the ladies will wonder what’s keeping us.”

  “They don’t know we’re here. Wilma Jean has the tables set up in the basement. But you’re right. Time is ticking.” She put her hand on Elva’s arm. “If you ever decide you’re open to remarrying, let me know. I’m sure I can find just the right man for you.”

  “Danki.” But Elva knew she would never take advantage of her friend’s offer. Just like Jerald, she was also firmly single. Nothing was going to change that.

  * * *

  “I see you’ve taken a shine to Elva.”

  Jerald rolled his eyes as he and Nelson sat on his front porch and watched the Mast children play across the street. The family had moved in two years ago, and they were gut people. They had six kids ages ten to two, and they loved to play catch and chase one another around the front yard, which was expansive. Jerald always enjoyed watching the kids’ antics. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said, taking a sip of lemonade. Loretta Mast had brought over two pitchers of it yesterday to thank him for helping her husband, Maynard, pick corn the week before.

  “You and her on the patio last night. You were out there a long time.”

  “I couldn’t bear to listen to Regina giving you another lecture, that’s all.” He turned to Nelson and smirked. “You’re a saint, you know that?”

  “Don’t act like you don’t think the world of her.” He pointed his finger at him. “I know you better than that. Although sometimes I think you’re right.”

  The men laughed as a buggy made its way down the road, the horse’s hooves clip-clopping against the asphalt. How many times had he sat out on his porch over the years, taking in the peace of the area as he wound down the day? He could name only a handful of times when he’d wished he’d had a companion to share those times with, other than when Nelson and other friends dropped by. He was mostly content with himself. Yet for some reason, last night he couldn’t stop thinking about watching the sunset with Elva.

  Still, that didn’t mean he’d taken a shine to her. They barely knew each other, for one thing. “How long is she planning to stay in Millersburg?”

  “Why? You going to court her?” Nelson chuckled, the skin around his brown eyes wrinkling at the corners.

  “Nee.” He pushed back his hat. “I’m just curious, that’s all.”

  Nelson nodded. “I’m not sure. I thought it was going to be only a week, but it’s been longer. Not that I mind. I know Regina has enjoyed her visit. I think Elva has too.”

  “You think? Does that mean you’re not sure?” That concerned him—and made him think about how concerned Elva was about her reaction to her husband’s death.

  “She’s a lot different from Regina.” Nelson looked at the lemonade in the mason jar glass he was holding. “Quiet and reserved. I can’t really tell what she’s thinking or feeling. Regina’s an open book.”

  Jerald nodded. Normally he would crack a joke about Regina, but he wasn’t in a joking mood. “Elva does keep things close to herself.”

  “You noticed too.”

  “Ya. But I also think she’s a fine lady. It’s got to be hard to lose a lifelong partner.”

  “Ya, I’m sure. I don’t know what I’d do without Regina.”

  Jerald knew what would happen to Nelson if Regina passed before he did—he would be lost for a long time. That was one other benefit to singlehood. He didn’t have to worry about grieving a spouse. “Enough of this depressing talk. What are you thinking about donating to the auction?”

  “Probably a cord of firewood, like I usually do. Those seem to geh fast. I thought I’d offer some carpentry services too.” He stretched out his hands and bent his fingers back and forth. “Since I partly retired, I haven’t had too many jobs lately.”

  “Which is gut, considering yer arthritis.”

  “Ya, but I can still donate some work.” He looked at Jerald. “What about you? Other than a casket, obviously.”

  Jerald chuckled. He’d been making caskets for most of his adult life, and unfortunately, he’d had enough work that he’d never had to branch out into anyt
hing else. “I’ve got a few breadboxes I made when I had some free time. I’m going to donate those.”

  “They should geh quick and catch a gut price from the English visitors.”

  “That’s what I thought.”

  The men talked for a little while longer, but like many of their visits, they also sat in silence, enjoying the peace of the evening. When they were younger and spent time together, they would usually be doing something in their workshops. But now, more often than not, they passed the time just sitting and enjoying nature. It was a relaxing way to end the day.

  As dusk descended, Nelson got up from the hickory rocking chair. Jerald had two of them, both of which had belonged to his parents. They were old and worn from time and elements, but they were still sturdy. “Guess I better get the women,” he said. “Lord knows I’ll have to listen to Regina gripe if I’m more than a minute late.”

  Jerald took Nelson’s glass and nodded. “You better hurry, then. Surprise her with being early.”

  “She’ll probably fuss at me about that too.” Nelson grinned, then waved good-bye and made his way down the steps to his horse and buggy.

  Jerald watched him leave. The Mast children had already gone inside, probably to get ready for bed since they had school in the morning. After caring for his horse, Jerald went into the house, then washed the mason jars before settling in his favorite living room chair. He turned on the gas lamp next to it, then slipped on his reading glasses and opened his Bible, preparing to read a few chapters before turning in for the night. This was a habit he’d had since he was a child.

  He suddenly looked at the empty chair opposite from his. He had that chair and a couch just so his visitors had a place to sit. All he needed was his own well-worn recliner. But a shiver came over him as he looked at that empty spot, as if someone was supposed to be sitting in it. He glanced down at the Bible open on his lap. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

  Jerald frowned. His parents had died thirteen years ago, and this verse had never applied to him. But his gaze went back to the chair. He’d had it for over three decades, but it was practically new since only visitors sat in it. He stilled. Was God trying to tell him something? Jerald suspected he was, but it couldn’t possibly be what Jerald was thinking. Because what he was thinking was 100 percent ab im kopp.

  He turned to the book of James, where he found no verses about marriage or anything like that. After a few minutes of reading, he felt more at ease. The nonsense that had popped into his head was gone, thank the Lord for that. He didn’t need to be thinking about marrying Elva—ever.

  Chapter 4

  “Are you sure I’m not overstaying mei welcome?” Elva asked the following week.

  She’d asked Regina if she could stay a little longer, because she’d been thinking about the auction the community was having to raise money to help the people of Haiti. The more she thought about it, the more she wanted to be a part of it. Her own community had fund-raisers for missions, and she was very involved in them. Henry had thought they were a waste of time, although he always showed up to eat and visit. He put on a good front in public. In private, however . . . Elva fought off a shiver.

  “Of course not.”

  “But I’ve been here so long already.”

  Regina flipped over the pancakes bubbling in a cast-iron pan. “Nelson and I would love for you to stay as long as you want, whether that’s a month or six.” She turned and smirked. “I’m surprised our bickering hasn’t run you off yet.”

  Elva shook her head. “I can tell it’s all good-natured.” During her time here, she’d seen the loving way the two of them looked at each other when they didn’t think anyone else was watching. And when their children and grandchildren came for supper last Saturday, even she had felt the love the whole family shared. Pain had pricked her heart, though. This was the way married life was supposed to be. But it wasn’t for me.

  Elva set all that aside and hugged her friend. “Danki,” she said.

  Regina nodded. “You’re welcome.” She frowned a little. “Are you all right? You’re usually not this demonstrative.”

  “I’m just happy to be here.” She stepped to the pantry and pulled out the syrups, then placed them on the table. Raspberry for Nelson and maple for Regina. Elva liked a little of both.

  “I’m glad.” Regina turned down the gas burner under the pancakes. “I was a little worried about you when you first got here.”

  “Oh?” She put the glass-covered butter dish on the table.

  “Pardon me for saying so, but you still look a little . . . haggard.” Regina took a plate out of the cabinet and set it next to the stove. “But I shouldn’t have been surprised. Grief can do that to a person.”

  What if it isn’t grief? What if it’s just the way I’ve looked for years and years, but mei other friends just assumed I worked too hard?

  Elva shook off the thought and nodded. “It can. But I’m glad I had a chance to get away and visit.”

  “You’re not in any hurry to get home, then?”

  She paused and shook her head. “There’s not much for me there, other than mei friends. They mean a lot to me, but so do you.”

  Regina gave her another hug. “I’m sorry things have been so hard for you.”

  “It’s all right. Hard times come on everyone, don’t they?” But when her friend nodded, Elva understood she was referring to something that didn’t happen for all couples.

  She and Regina had never discussed her and Henry being childless. As they finished preparing breakfast, she thought about the emptiness that had always been there because of it. She had wanted children, and so had Henry. They’d tried for years, but she’d never become pregnant. Henry had blamed her, and she had blamed herself—until she saw a doctor when she was thirty.

  “There’s no reason why you can’t have children,” the doctor had said before going over her test records and results.

  Elva had saved money without Henry’s knowledge to pay for the expensive ultrasound in cash. She had felt guilty about that, but she had to know for sure. “There isn’t?” A ray of hope dawned.

  “You’re perfectly healthy. Very healthy, I might add.” The doctor took off her reading glasses. “What about your husband?”

  “Henry? You think there’s something wrong with him?”

  “There could be. We would have to run some tests like we did with you to know for sure.”

  Elva shook her head. “He would never agree to tests.”

  The doctor nodded. “I understand. But sometimes even patients who are healthy and normal have trouble conceiving. Thirty is still young. You can keep trying.”

  She pretended to agree with the doctor, but she knew there was no point. And she would never tell Henry what she’d learned. He was convinced she was barren, so telling him about the doctor’s appointment would anger him. And when Henry was angry, she was the one who suffered.

  Nelson walked into the kitchen, sniffing the air. “Those pancakes smell gut. Can I get them to geh?”

  “What do you mean?” Regina asked, looking confused.

  “Last night Jerald gave me an idea for the auction. He’s made a few breadboxes, and I thought I’d make a couple of those lazy Susans I used to build years ago.”

  “You haven’t done that in a while.” Regina smiled. “I think that’s a great idea. You’ve been missing working out in the shop.”

  “Ya, but I don’t have much time to make them before the auction.” He looked at the plate of pancakes on the table, then grabbed two plus a cup of coffee. “I’ll be in the shop if you need me.”

  Elva had expected Regina to scold him for rushing off, but when she looked at her friend, she saw she was still smiling.

  “He hasn’t been excited to work in the shop in months,” she said. “I know it hurts for him to build cabinets, especially if they’re detailed. But the jobs he’s been getting have been too easy, which is gu
t for his pain but not so much for his creativity. His arthritis has been hard on him.”

  Elva looked out the window of the kitchen’s back door and saw Nelson taking big strides toward the shop. “He does seem excited.”

  “Which means he’ll also be busy all day, praise the Lord.” She chuckled. “I love mei husband, but sometimes he does get underfoot.” She paused, her mouth forming an O shape. “Oh, Elva, I’m sorry. We can’t seem to keep our feet out of our mouths.”

  “It’s all right.”

  “But we’re being insensitive.” Regina pressed her lips together. “Henry hasn’t been gone that long.”

  “Regina, I’m fine. I really am.” And she was, now that she was in Millersburg with her friend. And Nelson. And she had to include Jerald in that, even though they didn’t know each other well. She’d also gotten to know the women in the community better. It amazed her how easily she fit in here compared to back home. But she wasn’t trying to hide a broken marriage now—only the fact that it had been broken. “You don’t have to watch everything you say.”

  “All right.” Regina’s eyes pleaded with her. “But you make sure to tell Nelson and me if either of us says something that hurts yer feelings. Promise?”

  “I promise.” Elva smiled, her heart filling. It was so good to be around people who cared.

  After breakfast, Elva and Regina baked three loaves of bread for the week. “How about making another blueberry pie?” Regina asked as they worked.

  “I’d love to.”

  “I bet Henry asked you to make them all the time.”

  Elva shook her head, focusing on punching the bread dough. “He preferred cake.”

  “Oh. Then I bet you make an excellent cake.”