by Ellie Hall
“Nikki…” The way Kai says my name, so gently in his deep, raspy tone, says he knows the topic is tender. But he can’t know the tug-of-war that’s happening in my heart. The mixture of joy, pride, and the opposing sting of resentment that nearly ruins it all. Because look at what I lost in all of this. I lost Kai.
“Yoo-hoo, it’s me again!”
I glance over in time to see Colt Findley wobbling on a pair of roller skates. He traded his suit for a waitress’ uniform—a pleated skirt, frilly apron, and the name tag too. A tray of food balances on one splayed hand as his weight darts precariously from front to back.
Somehow, he makes it to the table without incident, which is good since I’m starving. “Diet Coke and a burger and fries for the lady,” he says as he sets the drink and paper-lined basket on the table. “Dr. Pepper and a burger and fries for you with the crazy eyes.” Colt barks out a laugh before taking a double look at Kai. “What happened to your face?”
“Migraine.” Kai points to where his glasses rest on the table. “Can’t wear them anymore.”
“Yikes!” Colt leans into Kai. “Between you and me, you look much better with the glasses.” He squares a look at me and tucks the round tray beneath one arm. “If I were you, I’d ask him to put them back on.” With that, he skates away.
Kai leans over the table. “She’s not getting a tip.”
“I heard that,” Colt hollers.
I grin. “Wonder if I could say that this romper is giving me a migraine.”
Kai dips a fry in his ketchup cup. “Don’t do that. It’s starting to grow on me.”
“That’s because most of it’s hidden under the table.”
He reaches for my drink. “It’s because you make it look good.”
I watch as Kai begins whirling my drink with the straw as if he’s been doing it all along. As if it’s been only days, not years since we’ve eaten at the diner on a date.
Suddenly he stops and looks at me. “You still like it like this, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“Whew.” He stirs some more and then stops to take a sip.
I bite back a smile as he shudders from the taste.
“Can’t believe you like it like that.” He scoots it back across the table.
I try to pretend my heart isn’t spazzing out from the sweet gesture and take a sip. “Perfect. Thanks.”
“These look like Sill’s burgers,” Kai says as he looks at his plate. “Let’s see if they taste like them too.” He lifts his burger toward me ceremoniously. “Here’s to revisiting our past and reshaping our future.”
Reshaping our future? My insides feel like they’re churning butter suddenly. I glance at my Diet Coke. “You don’t want to do cheers with our drinks?”
He shakes his head and points to the extended burger.
“It’s because mine’s flat, isn’t it?”
He laughs. “Don’t leave me hanging.”
I secure my burger with both hands, then lift it toward the center until it taps Kai’s. “Cheers?”
Our eyes meet, and a new dose of hope blooms in my chest.
“Cheers.”
4
Day 2
Kai and I didn’t talk any more about our past last night.
Colt Findley put an end to the date as soon as our food was gone and gave us strict instruction as he did. “You two will interact only when we give you the say-so,” he warned, and then told us to “stay tuned” for more instruction about tomorrow’s date.
Kai walked me to my room then, leaned a hand on the doorframe, and set those big brown eyes on me. In turn, I adjusted the frumpy romper, apologized that he couldn’t attend the bonfire I was hosting to put the thing in flames, and then awkwardly thanked him for the fun night.
It’s day two now. I swish the blush brush over my favorite palette and swirl it along my cheekbones, one after the next. I do a standard rule check as I follow my usual makeup routine by asking myself two simple things.
One: Have I been guarding my heart so far? The answer to that is, not really. Not consciously, anyway. In fact, when we started talking about Nate, I’m pretty sure I was about to pour my heart out before Colt Findley interrupted us.
I admit that I can do better in that area.
The next question follows. Have I been guarding my lips? I’d be cheating if I said yes because it hadn’t been necessary. It probably wouldn’t become necessary either.
That thought is a significant blow to my ego. In fact, it’s more than an ego blow. It feels like Mimi the Clown is tying my intestines into balloon animals.
A pained sigh pushes its way through my chest. The idea that Kai might have zero interest in kissing me is soul-crushing! Which makes me wonder how tightly I’m holding onto these rules of mine. Maybe I only came up with the kissing rule to protect myself in case Kai wasn’t interested.
Ouch. Mimi is reaching for my lungs now, threatening to close them off with one quick tie. I push my thoughts aside and reach for my lip gloss—enough rule checking for now.
I barely get the lip gloss wand to my lips when the bell sounds over the speakers.
“Good morning, bunny bunny boo boos! Colt Findley here. They say that breaking up is hard to do, but do you know what else is hard to do? Waking up. Which is why I recorded this lovely date prompt last night after I got done with my waitressing shift. Can you believe some goofy-eyed jock refused to tip me last night?”
I twist the lid back onto my gloss and hurry to the dresser, determined to wear my own clothes this time.
“Any-who,” Colt continues. “Get ready to dig into your feels today, kids, because you’ve got a crepes and couples counseling date in the library in just five minutes. Oh, and you didn’t think we were going to let you wear your clothes today, did you? Check the locker in your wardrobe to see if our little elf has been naughty or nice. Ciao!”
A groan pulls from my throat. “Are you kidding me?” I resist the urge to glare at the corner camera this time because I don’t feel like giving the culprit any satisfaction.
I close the dresser slowly, giving a longing look to the cut-off shorts I planned to wear and drag myself over to the big dumb wardrobe. I can’t believe that I found the massive oak thing enchanting when I first arrived.
I fling it open, glare at the locker mounted in the back, then creak it open as well. My dread and anger vanish when I catch sight of the PJs hanging inside. A pale pink camisole with matching silk shorts and soft, fuzzy slippers.
I thought Colt was kidding about the whole naughty or nice thing, but it turns out the wardrobe troll knows how to be nice after all.
I waste no time changing into the cute jammies and pulling my hair up into a messy bun on the top of my head. I tug down a few wisps for good measure, spray Kai’s favorite body spray into the air, and walk through it nice and slow before speeding into the hall. The final bell buzzes the moment I step into the library through the double doors.
I’m surveying the room from one end to the next when my attention gets dragged to the far corner by the bean bags. A gorgeous creature—tall, tan, and muscular—leans beside one of the bookcases.
I’m pretty sure my heart tries leaping right out of my body to greet him. I mentally reel it back in. Yes, he looks incredible in a pair of loose flannel pajama pants and a white ribbed tank. And yes, that tank top reveals a series of muscled contours that have me recalling the time he started working out and flexing for me while I squeezed his bulging biceps after the gym.
“Good morning,” Kai says, pulling me out of my daze.
My mouth has fallen open, so I close it before speaking. “Hi.”
Kai pulls away from the wall and runs a slow gaze from my head to my slipper-covered feet, and then back up. He meets my eye with a half-smile, and my face flushes red.
“Nice,” he says. “I like those.”
Holy fireflies in my tummy. I try to cover a grin, but the corners of my mouth turn up as I reply. “Thank you. They were
nice to both of us,” I say, nodding toward him.
Kai lifts a brow. “They?”
“The um, closet trolls.”
Kai chuckles. “The closet trolls,” he repeats with the shake of his head. “Dang, I’ve missed you.” He says it playfully, residual laughter clinging to the words, but as he looks up at me, his face becomes serious.
The fireflies must have invited their buddies because all I can feel is warmth and flutters and…excitement. And longing too. So much longing.
Traitor Me is gunning for the lead.
“Seriously, Nikki. I really have.”
“I’ve missed you too,” I admit. The heat moves to my chest, planting a level of fear around my heart. Reminding me that I’d promised to guard it.
Kai gives me a soft smile and reaches his hand out. “Let’s see what this whole couples counseling thing is all about.”
His long fingers glide through mine, causing a new thrill to pulse through me. We make our way to a floor table resting on a checkered blanket. A large picnic basket rests alongside.
Kai scrunches his face as he sits on the floor and scoots up to the small table. “This must be for the elves.”
I grin. “It’s a Tea Table. I like them because I prefer sitting on the floor while I study or do crafts.” Since I need something to do besides stare at him, I dig into the picnic basket and set the items on the table.
A to-go box for each of us, which I assume holds the crepes. A can of whipped cream, a container of chocolate syrup, and two cups of hot coffee with lids.
Kai peers into the basket. “Do they have cream in there for you?”
I smile at the way he remembers that detail. Unlike Kai, I never could drink coffee black. Even if it had loads of sugar like his did.
He digs inside to secure a small ramekin holding sugar and cream packets. He retrieves a canister of extra coffee next. “I could get used to this.”
There’s only one thing left in the basket. A small wooden box with note cards stacked inside. I retrieve it, noting that two tabs separate the cards—his and hers.
“You know,” Kai says, motioning to it. “I’m kind of disappointed that the network didn’t personalize our room plaques and paper tabs. His and hers is so impersonal.”
“Right, but then they couldn’t use them for the other seasons,” I remind, plucking the instructional note from the envelope attached.
“Feed your belly and your soul,” I read aloud. “Go through at least three of these cards. P.S. don’t wimp out. Your days here are numbered, so make them count.”
A rush of adrenaline pushes through me. Don’t wimp out? It’s as if someone used a pair of x-ray glasses to see right into my soul. Hadn’t I only just accused myself of being a wimp by coming up with a rule that, in essence, protected my fragile little ego?
More adrenaline comes as I consider what in heavens name would be written on those cards that might tempt us to wimp out.
“Do you want to go first, or should I?” Kai asks.
I glance up at him over the card. “I don’t know if I’m ready for this,” I breathe.
Kai reaches over like it’s the simplest thing in the world and pulls a card from his side. His eyes narrow. “Each of you describe what your dating life has been like since you split.”
Kai drops the card onto the table and pries open his carton of food. He proceeds to pull a fork from his folded napkin while he answers. “I’ve dated a few women over the years, but I didn’t get too serious with anyone.” He uses the side of his fork to cut one of the crepes and scoops the bite onto his fork. So much for the chocolate drizzle and whipped cream. “Your turn.”
I mentally digest that tidbit as he takes a bite and reaches for his coffee. He hasn’t gotten serious with anyone. I like that. Perhaps this couples counseling won’t be so hard after all.
“I didn’t do a lot of dating either, as crazy as things were around here. But Jud asked me out a few times once things settled down with my mom.”
Kai’s eyes go wide. He gulps and sets down his coffee. “My friend, Jud? Jud Stevens?”
I nod.
“I told him to watch after you. I didn’t tell him to move in on you.”
He had? “You did?”
“Did he try and kiss you?”
A thrill of heat stirs inside of me as I sense Kai’s jealousy. “No.” But that’s a lie. Not only had Jud tried; he’d succeeded. “Okay, yes. We kissed. But it…the romance just wasn’t there.”
Kai’s nostrils flare. “How many times?”
I flinch back, my chest rising with indignation. “How many women did you kiss?”
“I’m not asking you how many men you kissed. I’m asking how many times my good buddy Jud kissed my girlfriend.”
“I wasn’t yours anymore. You left me.”
“I was coming back!” Kai’s voice turns raspy on that final word. He shakes his head. “I never wanted things to end, Nikki. That was on you.”
A burst of heat flares in my throat.
“That’s not what it felt like when you left. Do you have any idea how alone I felt?” My words are a speeding train—all commotion and reckless speed. “My mom was dangerously close to death, my brother was throwing his life away, and my boyfriend, who happened to also be my best friend, left me to deal with it all by myself.” My chin quivers, but I sniff back the tears. I’ve cried enough over this. “You were everything to me, and you left. Don’t you get that?”
Kai pushes his food away and steeples his fingers, his breath audible while he ponders.
My heart races as I watch his chest puff, then collapse. Puff, then collapse.
“I wish…” He shakes his head, gaze set on a far corner. “I wish you hadn’t given me that ultimatum. You’re stubborn, and I think that’s what kept you from going back on it.”
The heat drops into my chest. “I’m stubborn?”
“California’s not that far. I planned to visit as much as I could. To call you every night. To…to keep things going.” He squares a look at me, a blaze of fire in those brown eyes. “I never wanted to lose you, Nikki.”
The flames from his gaze reach right into me, scorching the edges of my heart.
I can feel the desperate parts of me trying to heal from his words, but I don’t know how. He is the reason he lost me, and I will not apologize for wanting him to stay.
I choke back my frustration, yank out a card of my own, and force my eyes to focus so I can read the stupid prompt aloud.
“Make out for at least sixty seconds.”
My eyes go wide.
Kai’s mouth drops open in shock. He shuts it, then gulps.
My heart is racing. Traitor Me is too. All the way to the finish line. She is a kite on a string, and that card is a gust of powerful wind, promising to take her to new and glorious heights.
I’ve never believed those who say anger is a passion. Anger is hostile and horrible, and right now, it’s making me want to grab Kai by the shirt and shake him. So why do I also want to grab him by the shirt and kiss him until we’re both gasping for air? Oh, how I want that.
And suddenly, that option is presenting itself on a silver platter.
I scramble to find the rational side of me, but it’s gone—sinking into some dark and distant sea. I can’t think. Can’t reason. Can’t do anything but follow the blissful pull of that magnetic breeze.
I scoot away from the table.
Kai does the same.
I move to one side, watching as Kai mirrors each action until we meet on our knees beside the tea table. Already, I can feel his warmth.
I close my eyes to bask in it.
“You’re wearing the body spray I like,” he says with a groan.
I feel him shuffle even closer. His thighs lightly brush mine. The scent of his aftershave lures me even deeper.
My eyes flutter open. Kai leans back slightly, his heated gaze fixed on me. My heart heaves out a heavy beat, ready for takeoff.
Slowly then, he slides on
e strong hand onto my hip. Solid. Warm.
With the other, Kai gently trails his fingertips up the length of my arm. He traces over my collarbone next, ever so lightly, pausing to explore the hollow of my throat.
Goosebumps surface over my skin.
I exhale a shaky breath. Still torn by the conflict in my heart. Still angry from the hurt in my past. Still wanting Kai Kingsley’s kiss more than anything in this world.
As if hearing that thought for himself, Kai moves in and presses a testing kiss to my lips. Soft. Slow. Yummy.
Mmm. Already, I’m flying among the clouds.
I part my lips and move in for more.
Kai tilts his head to deepen the kiss. I can’t help but whimper as the slick heat of his mouth consumes me. Kai.
His velvety tongue meets mine, and the dance begins. Gently at first, we explore one another anew.
A groan sounds from low in his chest. I feel the vibration as I press into him, grasping the broad span of his shoulders. Kai’s fingers squeeze around my waist as he pulls himself impossibly closer, the intensity growing with every beat. His touch—hot through the silk pajamas—is heaven.
Kissing Kai is as blissful as it ever was and somehow more thrilling than it’s ever been. How long would it take us to make up for lost time? And if we somehow managed to do that very thing, would it ever feel like enough?
I suddenly remember that we’re on TV and that we’re only supposed to kiss for sixty seconds—a time span we’ve likely doubled by now. Or maybe tripled.
The realization urges me to bring the kiss to a regretful end. I pull back slowly, lingering in the passion as Kai sandwiches my bottom lip between his.“Mmm…” I can’t stifle the sentiment as his mouth leaves mine.
“Indeed.” Kai clears his throat, releases me, and moves back to his place behind the table where he reaches for his coffee.
Just like that. He’s casual and cool and patting himself on the back for another mission accomplished.
Meanwhile, I’m going into cardiac arrest. My heart thumps so hard it hurts. I might not be in the clouds anymore, but I’m not exactly on solid ground either. My rational side is clawing its way back to the surface, screaming along the way. You should not have done that. A blast of regret hits me.